onthefence210 Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I am in the process of going through a divorce, have made many mistakes and trying to better myself. Looking for advice on whether the lack of boundaries in a long term marriage has led to problems in your marriage and what you are doing to change and grow as a person?
Author onthefence210 Posted June 10, 2012 Author Posted June 10, 2012 You're speaking of personal boundaries? Yes, personal boundaries. Ones that you've crossed or set and let people cross with no consequences. I have been married 18 yrs, was codependent in some way for the entire marriage. Even now I find fear as an obstacle to proceeding with divorce. My husband and I have had a very rough marriage with some good times thrown in there when it involved our kids mostly. I have had to take a hard look at myself and my contribution to the break down. I was firm in what my boundaries were but never followed thru with a consequence. ****, I didn't even really provide a consequence so I guess instead of using my boundaries to provoke change I used them to justify my detachment from the situation. I just stopped voicing my opinions, feelings etc because they really didn't matter. Or I'd get some type of "gift" to smooth things over until the next time. I can't tell u how many times we have had the same argument over the last 12 yrs regarding his children and how they still are so dependent on us, financially putting us into debt because my H co signs, "loans" money, pays their bills etc. So yes, personal boundaries with no follow thru has gotten me to a point where I can't live in the constant state of waiting for the next crisis. And I no longer feel that I want to fix my marriage as long as my H can't understand my personal boundaries with him, my kids and with people in general. It's taken me my entire life to finally see what my problems were and I can only change me. 1
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