A list about my Ex

[Cyberpunk]

My thoughts have been so convoluted lately that I decided to compile a list of what I dislike about her and what I miss about her. Hopefully, this will help me get over her a lot quicker. It's been almost three months and I still think about her every waking moment of the day, which is unusual because it's never taken me this long to get over someone. Anyway, I figured I'd post the list here to see if I'm better off without her, or if I should beg at my knees on her doorstep.

 

What I hate about my Ex

 

1. Her politics. Though I can get along and have healthy debates with anyone with a different view, the things that came out of her mouth were almost impossible to believe that she actually believed. The things she said pointed at a selfish, egotistical, closed-minded human being.

 

2. She never took an interest in my life or anything that I did. Every conversation was about her life, her job, her friends, her dreams, her desires, and any time I would try to chime in with something about myself she would brush it off and then continue talking about herself. When we broke up, she said she could never connect with me, and I told her that's because she only ever talked about herself. Of course, she rejected this notion, but it's one of the reasons that I never attempted to have a serious discussion with her.

 

3. Arguments. We fought all the time. Every little thing I did, said, or didn't say set her off completely, and to ridiculous proportions. Little things I liked would infuriate her which made little sense whatsoever. We hated one another's music, hobbies, and interests. Our personalities were completely conflicting and I don't think there was any intimacy to our relationship outside of the physical. There was no mental connection on her part because she didn't make any effort to care about my life.

 

4. She hated my friends, and for no good reason. My friends are nice and welcoming, and we spent a summer together in a shore house and she made no effort to socialize with them. Instead, she hung around in the room all day and I had to neglect my friends to see to her needs. Then she tried to tell me that my friends didn't like her, when she was the snobby one avoiding all contact. However, she would always get mad at me because I would never hang out with her friends. For one, I always liked to give her space, and two, her friends were cold toward me, except for one. We do have some mutual friends I've known before I met her whose company I enjoyed however, but she never hung out with them.

 

5. She was ridiculously insecure and jealous. She thought that she was the hottest woman in the world, yet she would always question every little thing that I did, especially when it involved any girl posting on my Facebook wall. She would always make comments like, "Oh, I know you like THOSE types of girls," and would never believe that I was into her.

 

6. Her values were completely different than my own. She valued superficial things like wealth, cars, and social status. I value education, art, and passion.

 

7. Before we started dating, she was in a relationship with a 45 year old man (she is 23) now, who was also MARRIED and her friend's father. I was really put off by her being a homewrecker, but she admitted no fault, felt she did nothing wrong, and played no part in his infidelity. I found out that she was still talking to this guy every day while we were together.

 

8. When she was drunk, which was often, she became very belligerent, extremely cocky, and rude to everyone around her. She especially started huge fights with me for no reason when she was drunk.

 

9. We stopped having sex halfway into the relationship and she only wanted to have sex with me when she was drunk. This got tired fast, and there was no real intimacy.

 

10. She is petty, immature, and vain. I lended my mother money in order to help her pay the rent and this set her off and changed her "opinion" of me in her eyes.

 

11. She was completely boring. She didn't like to do anything other than go to the bar and drink or stay at home and play board games. She was never into my interests, like movies, outdoor activities, bowling, concerts, etc...

 

12. She didn't consider her sleeping with other women cheating since they aren't men. She even hooked-up with a girl in front of me before. A month into dating, I found out she also had a "girlfriend" on the side she never told me about, which she didn't think was a big deal.

 

What I miss about my Ex

 

1. Beauty. She is gorgeous. On the outside. But not as great as she thinks she is. I loved her regardless.

2. Sex.

3. Being the only person she was intimate with, or wanted to spend a bulk of her time with, text, or call; the person she said "I love you," too.

4. Sometimes she was fun to hang around with, but only when we were doing buddy-buddy things and nothing passionate.

 

Well, the "miss her" list isn't as long as I'd hoped. I feel a little better after writing this. Judging by this, do you think I'm better off without her, or should I grovel at her doorstep, kiss her feet, and beg for her back?

[d'Arthez]

Dude so many red flags in the things you do not miss about her: Why were you even involved with her? (Some of the things you'll only find out while in the relationship, but you get my point)

[Cyberpunk]

I kept asking myself the same thing. I've been with my share of bad women, and I KNEW she was wrong for me. I even told her I didn't want anything serious with her and she called me crying every day begging for me to go out with her. Finally, I decided to give her a chance because I'm an idiot. I tried to see the good in her, but it never bloomed.

 

I really am mostly angry with myself for getting involved with her in the first place, but sadly, I think I had let my heart get ahead of my head and I was captivated by the physical-aspect of it. I enjoy having beautiful women on my arm, even though I know how rotten they can be. This is my fault that I am ashamed of. I don't even value beauty over other things like intelligence, passion, determination, sincerity, etc... but I still fall for it every time.

Edited June 9, 2012 by Cyberpunk

[d'Arthez]

Consider it a lesson learned. People make mistakes. But the key is to learn from them, and put what we have learned into practice.

[Cyberpunk]

Yeah, I think so too. Next time if there are that many red flags that I know about I'm not going to get involved with them. I say this now, of course.

[d'Arthez]

I say this now, of course.

Just don't rush into anything. Give yourself some time to reflect on the qualities of your next romantic partner before you take the plunge.

 

Your initial judgment of your ex was sound. As painful as it is to realize a relationship did not work out, don't forget to appreciate how you looked at her in the beginning.

 

You still let yourself be manipulated into a relationship. Hopefully that is something you won't allow to happen ever again.

[Cyberpunk]

You're right. I think it was also a weakness on my part. To be honest, I was also dating someone else before I comitted to my Ex, and things didn't work out with that, so I was feeling insecure and rejected and that's one reason I decided to settle down with her. This was doomed from the start, and I regret it.

 

Thanks for the solid advice.

[Coffee20]

wow your ex and my ex should definitely be a bf and a gf, if I made a list, it would be the same in 8 points

and you see I am interested in music, books, walking, concerts, piano, literature, my ex called that boring and the activities your ex likes and you find boring he finds funny and amusing ......

you are better without her, there is a big difference between you and her, different personalities, different values, you deserve better

[Cyberpunk]

Thanks Coffee. I agree. We had very few things in common, which usually I take the approach of opposites attract and I'm always up for experiencing new things. The problem was that she had zero interest in partaking in my hobbies with me. I was tired of going out to the bar all the time or going to her house to drink. I wanted to do things like go to museums, parks, various outdoor activities like camping and such that she couldn't be bothered with. The girl couldn't even bothered to see a movie with me. I was more than willing to go for a typical "chick flick," but she wasn't even interested in that. I've never been with a girl who didn't even like going to movies or concerts. You know, at least SOMETHING that didn't involve alcohol. There's more to life than that.

 

I don't know why I hung on as long as I did.

[Coffee20]

for some people alcohol is the best, shallow things and money, I know a lot of people like that......

 

I don't know why I hung on as long as I did.

 

same sentence I ask myself every day

[Cyberpunk]

I'm not against going to bars or anything or drinking, but if that's the only thing a couple does it gets boring real quick.

[Coffee20]

I'm not against going to bars or anything or drinking, but if that's the only thing a couple does it gets boring real quick.

 

me either not, I go there sometimes too, but not that much

at least your ex gf took you there, my ex didn't want me there at all, when I asked why, answer - next time (and next time didn't come)

[Cyberpunk]

Some people just aren't meant to be in relationships.

[Balzac]

Now I'm curious. Was this ex a student? Young professional? Did you fund her good timing fun? Sex ended~why were you still hanging around?

[Cyberpunk]

Yes, she was a student and she wasn't working and I did take her out for drinks and buy her food all of the time. Went unappreciated, it seems.

[edelveis]

i have only a question for you..even all these negative things in your relationship and the few positive right now you feel like missing her or feel ready to move on ?even if common logic says the second.answer me from the bottom of your heart

[Cyberpunk]

Despite all the negatives, I still love her and my heart tells me to work things out with her while my brain tells me to move on. That's the reason I made this list. I keep reading it over and over to convince myself to not even waste another day thinking about her.

[geegirl]

Listen to your brain. There's a reason why you stayed with the negatives and you're in this position today.

[Tiera D]

well the "Good things" about her are rather common qualities which arent that special really,please i dated these type girls in the past they are NOT relationship materials,their lives are made with,one night stands,party,getting high and all that nonsense.Dump her and start NC

 

Tip : Paint her image in your mind black remember her bad qualities,she is a bad drug and drugs are BAD! Go NC and continue your hobbies,she isnt worth your time

 

TD

[Cyberpunk]

We've been no contact for three weeks now. The last time I saw her I was rather cold toward her and she got upset with me. I told her that she didn't deserve my kindness and I told her that she can have a nice life. The only contact I've had with her was a few days ago where she texted to me ask if i'd been at her house because she thought she saw me, which I wasn't.

 

I made the ground rules of NC, and it definitely feels better than actually talking to her and seeing her, but I still find myself thinking about her a lot more because I don't know what she is up to, if she is seeing anybody, and everything inbetween. NC is making my mind race even more with all of these anxieties, fears, and scenarios.

 

Is this normal to feel during NC? For the life of me I can't even remember how I've handeled every other break-up in my life for some reason. She's denied me even the satisfaction of knowing that I'll get over her one day.

Edited June 11, 2012 by Cyberpunk

[d'Arthez]

I think that despite all the warning signs you saw, and ignored you made a big emotional investment. Perhaps more than in previous relationships.

 

If you have made a big investment it is quite normal to wonder about your ex. Things will get better with time.

[Radu]

My thoughts have been so convoluted lately that I decided to compile a list of what I dislike about her and what I miss about her. Hopefully, this will help me get over her a lot quicker. It's been almost three months and I still think about her every waking moment of the day, which is unusual because it's never taken me this long to get over someone. Anyway, I figured I'd post the list here to see if I'm better off without her, or if I should beg at my knees on her doorstep.

 

What I hate about my Ex

 

1. Her politics. Though I can get along and have healthy debates with anyone with a different view, the things that came out of her mouth were almost impossible to believe that she actually believed. The things she said pointed at a selfish, egotistical, closed-minded human being.

 

2. She never took an interest in my life or anything that I did. Every conversation was about her life, her job, her friends, her dreams, her desires, and any time I would try to chime in with something about myself she would brush it off and then continue talking about herself. When we broke up, she said she could never connect with me, and I told her that's because she only ever talked about herself. Of course, she rejected this notion, but it's one of the reasons that I never attempted to have a serious discussion with her.

 

3. Arguments. We fought all the time. Every little thing I did, said, or didn't say set her off completely, and to ridiculous proportions. Little things I liked would infuriate her which made little sense whatsoever. We hated one another's music, hobbies, and interests. Our personalities were completely conflicting and I don't think there was any intimacy to our relationship outside of the physical. There was no mental connection on her part because she didn't make any effort to care about my life.

 

4. She hated my friends, and for no good reason. My friends are nice and welcoming, and we spent a summer together in a shore house and she made no effort to socialize with them. Instead, she hung around in the room all day and I had to neglect my friends to see to her needs. Then she tried to tell me that my friends didn't like her, when she was the snobby one avoiding all contact. However, she would always get mad at me because I would never hang out with her friends. For one, I always liked to give her space, and two, her friends were cold toward me, except for one. We do have some mutual friends I've known before I met her whose company I enjoyed however, but she never hung out with them.

 

5. She was ridiculously insecure and jealous. She thought that she was the hottest woman in the world, yet she would always question every little thing that I did, especially when it involved any girl posting on my Facebook wall. She would always make comments like, "Oh, I know you like THOSE types of girls," and would never believe that I was into her.

 

6. Her values were completely different than my own. She valued superficial things like wealth, cars, and social status. I value education, art, and passion.

 

7. Before we started dating, she was in a relationship with a 45 year old man (she is 23) now, who was also MARRIED and her friend's father. I was really put off by her being a homewrecker, but she admitted no fault, felt she did nothing wrong, and played no part in his infidelity. I found out that she was still talking to this guy every day while we were together.

 

8. When she was drunk, which was often, she became very belligerent, extremely cocky, and rude to everyone around her. She especially started huge fights with me for no reason when she was drunk.

 

9. We stopped having sex halfway into the relationship and she only wanted to have sex with me when she was drunk. This got tired fast, and there was no real intimacy.

 

10. She is petty, immature, and vain. I lended my mother money in order to help her pay the rent and this set her off and changed her "opinion" of me in her eyes.

 

11. She was completely boring. She didn't like to do anything other than go to the bar and drink or stay at home and play board games. She was never into my interests, like movies, outdoor activities, bowling, concerts, etc...

 

12. She didn't consider her sleeping with other women cheating since they aren't men. She even hooked-up with a girl in front of me before. A month into dating, I found out she also had a "girlfriend" on the side she never told me about, which she didn't think was a big deal.

 

What I miss about my Ex

 

1. Beauty. She is gorgeous. On the outside. But not as great as she thinks she is. I loved her regardless.

2. Sex.

3. Being the only person she was intimate with, or wanted to spend a bulk of her time with, text, or call; the person she said "I love you," too.

4. Sometimes she was fun to hang around with, but only when we were doing buddy-buddy things and nothing passionate.

 

Well, the "miss her" list isn't as long as I'd hoped. I feel a little better after writing this. Judging by this, do you think I'm better off without her, or should I grovel at her doorstep, kiss her feet, and beg for her back?

 

All the bad things you said about her stem from #6, her insecurity ... everything.

I hope you learned a lesson about this.

When a woman arranges her appearance or is fishing for compliments way too often, move on.

These ppl are like blackholes, they suck all the light into them and it's never enough.

They will alienate you from your friends/family, and they absolutely abhore the ones who care about you.

Another term for them is social vampires, look it up.

 

I might get some flak on these forums, but if you meet such a woman, only keep her for sex and be carefull about protection [sTD's and they might get themselves knocked up for a relationship] because their need for validation is so great they will do anything to get it.

They are truly broken little toys.

Edited June 11, 2012 by Radu

[Cyberpunk]

I just found out that she told my mother she had a habit of dating significantly older guys because they used to give her money to go to the casino with.

 

Now, I make decent money, but not much, because I'm in graduate school right now and am a part-time instructor at a local college. Whatever money I had I used it to support her because she had no job and was working on school and I was 100% into supporting her and helping her reach her goals.

 

What set her off, I think, was that my mother needed money to pay the rent and get her car fixed. Because I don't want my mother out on the street or unable to work, I lent my mother over $1,000. This INFURIATED her, even though it wasn't her business whatsoever.

 

I just feel betrayed and so damn angry.

Edited June 12, 2012 by Cyberpunk

[Cyberpunk]

I want to call her and tell her everything I feel about her, but I put her on NC three weeks ago and I don't want to break it.

 

Should I try to get some closure out of this or just leave things be?

[Tiera D]

closure comes from within no one else can provide,and yes you did the right thing by helping your mother,only your mother will never abandon you,besides a woman who does not respect your parents is not relationship material trust me.Do not break NC your ex is an abusive manipulator read your original post again and again go

 

TD