Cassadra_87 Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Hi, First let me put my relationship into perspective before I share my problem... I have been with my fiancé for nearly 10. We got to together when we werevery young (15 years old) and have lived together for 8 years. He is my firstand only sexual partner. We have been engaged for 1 year. I love him verydearly and he has heavily influenced my life. Being together for so long fromsuch an early age means I can't imagine my life without him. However, I amexperiencing a major problem and I don't know what to do... As he is my only sexual partner and we have both been totally faithful I'mstarting to regret that I never had an opportunity to be with other men. WhilstI love my partner it also saddens me that I'll never sleep with another man. Idon't know why I feel like this and I want it to stop! As a result I have foundthat other men have been capturing my attention and I've started to think whatif I can just sleep with someone else to get this out of my system. I know thisis terrible but I don't know what to do. I have found myself feeling lessattracted to my partner but still very much love him (more in a caring love wayI suppose). And it gets worse - recently I went to a restaurant and I found myselfuncontrollably attracted to the waiter! I'm sure he felt the same way as wegave each other the eye quite a lot. I have since been back twice and I havefelt the same overwhelming sense of attraction to him! Random. Now I'mimagining all types of scenarios on how I could embark on an affair with him Please help - I don't know what to do!
YellowShark Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 What you are feeling is normal. Why? Most people have many partners before they settle on just one. It's called sowing your oats. You on the other hand have one had one sexual partner in your life. So now you are craving something different. A desire to explore. Which is a normal desire, since you never "sowed your oats.." I can't tell ya what to do, I can only tell ya why different guys are interresting you now.
Furious Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 The fact that you've only had one sexual partner is not a valid excuse for cheating. To use that analogy would be like saying if someone had sown their wild oats that would deter them from ever cheating. Before you cross that line, think about how much you would be hurting you fiancé if he were to find out. If you have found a wonderful man that loves you and cares for you, you are very lucky. If you want to be with other men, break off the engagement, set your fiancé free, he deserves the truth. I don't think it would take him long to find someone who will love him. 2
Author Cassadra_87 Posted June 9, 2012 Author Posted June 9, 2012 YellowShark - Thanks for saying that I'm normal. It's driving me mad though! Furious - I agree that my situation is no excuse for cheating. I've considered explaing to my partner how I feel but I know it will destroy him and I simply couldn't do that. In our whole 10 year relationship I've never felt like this. Maybe the feeling will go away. I don't know what I'll do otherwise.
Furious Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 YellowShark - Thanks for saying that I'm normal. It's driving me mad though! Furious - I agree that my situation is no excuse for cheating. I've considered explaing to my partner how I feel but I know it will destroy him and I simply couldn't do that. In our whole 10 year relationship I've never felt like this. Maybe the feeling will go away. I don't know what I'll do otherwise. Things may have become predictable after being together this long. Look into spicing things up together. Give that a chance before you do something you regret. Imagine giving up a wonderful person for sex with someone else that may not give a damn about you. 2
YellowShark Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 YellowShark - Thanks for saying that I'm normal. It's driving me mad though! Furious - I agree that my situation is no excuse for cheating. I've considered explaing to my partner how I feel but I know it will destroy him and I simply couldn't do that. In our whole 10 year relationship I've never felt like this. Maybe the feeling will go away. I don't know what I'll do otherwise. Oh I don't condone cheating at all. That's basically dropping a nuclear bomb on you and your fiance, and the damage would last years. But what you are feeling is normal. So you have to decide which path you want. Marriage to the love of your life. Or walk away and explore other men and adventures. Can't do both. 1
whichwayisup Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 I think you should tell your husband how you feel. Maybe he feels the same way? Not saying you two can or should have an open marriage or even give the OK to go sleep with someone else but I DO think it's good to communicate how you feel inside. Spicing up your sex life could help. Watch porn together, do roll playing. Play a fun game. Dress up nicely, go out to a bar and get him to 'pick you up' and flirt with you, act like strangers. Make out likes teens.. Don't wear any underwear under your skirt/dress.. Make sure he knows this too once he starts hitting on you. That could just be a fun thing to do and bring back some excitement into your sex life.
whichwayisup Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 YellowShark - Thanks for saying that I'm normal. It's driving me mad though! Furious - I agree that my situation is no excuse for cheating. I've considered explaing to my partner how I feel but I know it will destroy him and I simply couldn't do that. In our whole 10 year relationship I've never felt like this. Maybe the feeling will go away. I don't know what I'll do otherwise. Look at it from a different angle. You never EVER have to worry about STD's. You have someone who can love you, please you, experiement with, have fun with and know he will always be there for you.. I mentioned in post above, spice up yourself sex life and have fun. It is normal to have attractions to other people .. Just don't ever act upon it! Don't go there! Use that energy and focus it into your husband. 1
HHC Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 What does sex with another man give you that you don't have now? What do you think sex with another man will do to you? Follow the fantasy and follow your reasons.
standtall Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 IMHO, this isn't about sex. The OP sounds like she is looking for something emotional that she is not getting for her fiancee.
Darren Steez Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 I don't understand how people can say they don't want to to be truthful with their partners because it will "destroy them" yet still go ahead and pursue their path towards cheating. So you'd rather escalate this attraction, eventually fulfil this fantasy (hey, it might even be the best sex you ever had) then what? what if your partner finds out then, will it be less painful then the confession in the beginning? Or will your gratification soften it? Love means commitment, honour and the truth. Anything else is nonsense 3
KathyM Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 I think you either come to your senses and realize how much you love your fiance and would not want to lose him or hurt him, and you put those thoughts of other men out of your mind, or you tell your fiance that, as much as you love him, you are not ready to get married yet and need time apart and to be free to figure out what you want in life. Cheating on him would be the worse thing you could do to a relationship. That's not a secret you want to live with for the rest of your life and is extremely unfair to your fiance, who will be in love with someone that is really not you. Just a facade. Don't do this to your fiance. You don't betray someone you love like that. 1
evansdale Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 You are both young enough to move on from each other. Do the SMART thing and break of the engagement and tell him why. Ya, it will hurt him but maybe he will agree and move on as well. If you are straight up with him he will understand and get past it MUCH easier instead of breaking his heart. Use that thing between your ears
irin Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 okay if you really want to stay with him. then turn your thoughts around, instead of feeling unhappy about only having only partner, you can look at it that with pride, that fact you managed keep a such long relationship while so young, many people are not mature enough, have bad luck finding such thing, you have a great relationship, dont throw it away. there are lot of people looking for someone they love enough to stay so long with.
nofool4u Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 As he is my only sexual partner and we have both been totally faithful I'mstarting to regret that I never had an opportunity to be with other men. WhilstI love my partner it also saddens me that I'll never sleep with another man. Nuff, said, the rest of your post is irrelevant. Break off the engagement. You are a cheater waiting to happen. For a man to be faithful to a woman, that man deserves better than someone that wants to sleep with other men. Do him the favor of breaking off the engagement and tell him why, otherwise he won't understand what it is all about. But really, I don't believe you'll take that advice, so I guess he will just have to be the unsuspecting husband of an unfaithful woman, whether emotionally now, or physically later. I feel for this guy.
nofool4u Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 Maybe the feeling will go away. No, it won't I don't know what I'll do otherwise. You will cheat
Radu Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 (edited) Oh I don't condone cheating at all. That's basically dropping a nuclear bomb on you and your fiance, and the damage would last years. But what you are feeling is normal. So you have to decide which path you want. Marriage to the love of your life. Or walk away and explore other men and adventures. Can't do both. What about open relationships ? Granted, it wouldn't work in this case because in those kind of relationships you have good communication between partners, and you would have told him by now ... but there is that 3rd option. The feeling you have will not go away, look up GIGS [grass is greener syndrome], and start talking with him fast. GIGS puts you into an altered state of mind and you will get there pretty soon. Edited June 11, 2012 by Radu
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