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Nearly had a casual encounter this week - is it the way to go the 1st time??

ThaWholigan

By ThaWholigan
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ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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You passed up a golden opportunity. If you can't beat the computer game on easy mode, what makes you think that you can beat the game on hard mode. That indian girl was throwing herself at you and was leading the interaction. Then you changed your mind at the last second.

 

There is a big difference between not having sex with a girl because of your moral beliefs. You believe in sexual purity. In your situation, you changed your mind because it's a little too "swift". That sounds like lack of comfort in a sexual situation.

 

Based on your picture and your posts, I'm assuming that you're an attractive guy who has problems moving the interaction forward. Because you have problems moving the interaction forward, women lose interest and you assume you were never interested in that way. Because of your background, I think that you should have taken advantage of the opportunity.

 

What are you going to do when your dream girl sets the game in hard mode. I can see you in a party. You dream is talking to a couple of big guys. She glances and smiles at you before she returns talking to her male friends. The girl likes it when the guy pursues her. Do you think that you are ready. If you can't get the girl when the Indian girl sets the game on easy mode, what makes you think you can get that girl on hard mode.

 

A girl can get in a relationship by attracting a guy. A guy has to get in a relationship by attracting a girl and pursuing her. All the confidence won't help you on the dance floor if you are unable to lead the interaction and make the right moves.

I always play the game on hard mode :lmao:.

 

It's true that I'm awkward in sexual situations, that has never been debated really. I am slightly more comfortable now than I ever was before, but you live and learn. I'm confident more opportunities will come my way, and I can still get this girl anyway.....

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Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

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Actually we IM'd earlier, she wants to stay in contact but not interested in anything right at this moment she says. She said I can call her anytime later this summer as she'll "always be available". Says she likes my style :laugh:.

 

So basically if I need a f*ck, I can call her......

I disagree with the guys who are saying you blew it.

 

She's easy and you can have her whenever you want her. Woop de doo, what a prize.

 

I admire and respect that you are holding out because you know you can do better than that. I know you can, too. You're not easy. :love:

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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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Actually we IM'd earlier, she wants to stay in contact but not interested in anything right at this moment she says. She said I can call her anytime later this summer as she'll "always be available". Says she likes my style :laugh:.

 

So basically if I need a f*ck, I can call her......

Cool, just stay in touch with her.

I disagree with the guys who are saying you blew it.

 

She's easy and you can have her whenever you want her. Woop de doo, what a prize.

Uh, it's not exactly easy to find an easy girl.

 

If it were, I would have found one a very long time ago and my situation would be very differing then it is now.

 

All your post does is so the different mindset that women have on sex then men do. You need to realize that you are speaking from a place of power.

carhill Established Member

carhill

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OP, apologies for skimming but I presume, since you declined this offer, your style is more relationship oriented. If so, stick with that style.

 

Your anecdote, while perhaps somewhat of an anomaly here for a virginal male, is actually pretty typical of what many women offer up, meaning that they are often approached for sex by men. Do they agree to every approach? Not from what I've read and definitely not from what I've experienced in real life. So, rather than 'missing out', you could view this experience as one where things didn't line up for you. Maybe, in the future, they might, with such a casual encounter or in a relationship encounter.

 

Is it (casual sex) the way to go for the 'first time'? I think, if the answer was yes for you, this thread wouldn't have been posted; instead, the thread title might have read 'Got laid!' :) Good luck.

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Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

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There's no such thing as purely casual sex. A condom isn't 100% effective at preventing pregnancies. Also, you don't really know this girl. She could have made your life VERY difficult.

 

Part of the fun of sex is in the making it happen, the in-person seduction. Most guys on here don't get this but it's true. Anyway, if you and she had sex than and there you wouldn't have gotten that.

 

So to answer your question: No.

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ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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OP, apologies for skimming but I presume, since you declined this offer, your style is more relationship oriented. If so, stick with that style.

 

Your anecdote, while perhaps somewhat of an anomaly here for a virginal male, is actually pretty typical of what many women offer up, meaning that they are often approached for sex by men. Do they agree to every approach? Not from what I've read and definitely not from what I've experienced in real life. So, rather than 'missing out', you could view this experience as one where things didn't line up for you. Maybe, in the future, they might, with such a casual encounter or in a relationship encounter.

 

Is it (casual sex) the way to go for the 'first time'? I think, if the answer was yes for you, this thread wouldn't have been posted; instead, the thread title might have read 'Got laid!' :) Good luck.

Thanks Carhill.....not sure quite yet what my style is though. I think part of me wanted more of a challenge to be honest. I know that sounds crazy and will to all the other dudes here, but I think that might be what it is. So maybe it didn't have anything to do with wanting a relationship or something casual, or sexual purity or anything like that. My sexuality is quite separate from my morals actually :laugh:. I actually think deep down I wanted more of a challenge. At least I think it might be that.....

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Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

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You need to realize that you are speaking from a place of power.

ThaWholigan liked my post, but you're bickering.

 

That's because he also speaks and operates from a mentality of having power, whereas you speak from the the mentality of being a powerless victim.

 

Change your attitude, change your life ;)

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ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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Part of the fun of sex is in the making it happen, the in-person seduction.

 

Yes. How accurate......basically another way of saying that I needed more of a challenge......for the chasers, it's the fun of the chase, for the chooser it's a thoroughly enjoyable dance.

 

Hmmm, I'm starting to think that this may have been the case for me......:confused:

carhill Established Member

carhill

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I think part of me wanted more of a challenge to be honest.

 

Why?

 

Then, humanize the dynamic. What is the human relevance? How does that relevance integrate into a potential style of interaction?

 

What I'm hearing from you, mostly, is that you declined to take. Where's the balance? I don't mean in actual action, as none other than casual petting occurred, but rather in feeling?

 

Why do you feel your sexuality and your morals are separate?

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ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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Why?

 

Then, humanize the dynamic. What is the human relevance? How does that relevance integrate into a potential style of interaction?

 

What I'm hearing from you, mostly, is that you declined to take. Where's the balance? I don't mean in actual action, as none other than casual petting occurred, but rather in feeling?

 

Why do you feel your sexuality and your morals are separate?

 

I don't know. Most things in my life have been something of a challenge for me, but once it becomes too easy I tend to take it for granted, even my own hard-gotten abilities. My mother says I have a tendency to take on too much and finish little.

 

I would say the relevance is simply that I always expect a level of.......for lack of a better word, resistance. As a result, much of my interactions can be direct yet stylish in it's manner, and I expect the same back. I didn't really get much back in this, I got the pussy straight away :laugh:. It was very tempting at first, especially as I've never had pussy before. But inexplicably it just didn't happen. I think it would have been sexier for me if she was less......well, easy.

 

Might sound counter-productive, but seeing as I'm not desperate for sex, nor am I so weak as to not turn down pussy if deep down I may not be fully on it, it makes perfect sense to me.

 

I don't know if that answers your questions adequately, I was surprised at the sheer incisive nature of them ;).

 

Cool, just stay in touch with her.

 

I will - she ain't exactly going anywhere :D.

 

Uh, it's not exactly easy to find an easy girl.

 

It's not especially hard either actually. Talk to a few more girls in your life and you will definitely encounter a few of them :laugh:. This girl isn't the first easy girl I've met, it's just the only one so far who offered it to me.

 

You need to realize that you are speaking from a place of power.

 

You give them power over you. If I gave that girl my personal power, I wouldn't have even been able to get to meet her, she would have been turned off - and she's easy!!

carhill Established Member

carhill

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I'm going to offer some advice, take it or leave it. The next time such an opportunity arises, protect yourself, both physically and through minimal expectations, and let it happen. Push through that 'lack of challenge' stuff. The more I read from you, the more I think this could be very beneficial in helping you with both your relationship style as well as with your integration or disintegration of sex and morality. I think it could help provide clarity. That's my opinion.

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ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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I'm going to offer some advice, take it or leave it. The next time such an opportunity arises, protect yourself, both physically and through minimal expectations, and let it happen. Push through that 'lack of challenge' stuff. The more I read from you, the more I think this could be very beneficial in helping you with both your relationship style as well as with your integration or disintegration of sex and morality. I think it could help provide clarity. That's my opinion.

Noted. Definitely something to consider. Thanks again :)

somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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ThaWholigan liked my post, but you're bickering.

 

That's because he also speaks and operates from a mentality of having power, whereas you speak from the the mentality of being a powerless victim.

 

Change your attitude, change your life ;)

One of us recently had an attractive girl offer us sex. Can you tell which one?

Badsingularity Established Member

Badsingularity

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One of us recently had an attractive girl offer us sex. Can you tell which one?

 

 

He had that mentality before he was offered sex.

Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

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He had that mentality before he was offered sex.

And like he said, she probably wouldn't have offered herself up on a platter if he'd approached her on chat with a loser's mentality.

 

I have met, chatted, and e-mailed with dozens of guys over the past few months. Regardless of appearance, money, job, or any other factors, there is one factor that always sends a guy soaring to the top: a winner's mentality. Not a cocky, arrogant attitude - that's transparent and unattractive. A calm, confident, patient winner's attitude.

 

ThaWholigan has this, and it's a very big part of what makes him appealing, I'm sure.

  • Like 2
somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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And what is a losers mentality and how would a guy approach with it?

 

As for the winner's attitude, how is it possible to get?

 

From what I've seen, Who doesn't have any issues with depression and it actually seems odd that he's managed to even hit 23 without losing his virginity. I see no reason for him not to have a positive attitude. BTW when I was his age, I was hardly as cynical as I am now.

Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

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And what is a losers mentality and how would a guy approach with it?

 

As for the winner's attitude, how is it possible to get?

These are huge questions that no one could possibly answer in one post.

 

But basically, someone with a loser's mentality finds and focuses on the factors that may defeat him/her. Someone with a winner's mentality finds and focuses on the factors that will help him achieve success.

 

From what I've seen, Who doesn't have any issues with depression and it actually seems odd that he's managed to even hit 23 without losing his virginity. I see no reason for him not to have a positive attitude.

I don't know ThaWholigan that well, but I have gathered that he's autistic. Many people would see that as a factor that could make it much harder to get dates and relationships. He accepts himself, and instead of fighting who he is, he works with what he has. This will contribute enormously to his chances for success.

 

BTW when I was his age, I was hardly as cynical as I am now.

Age is a poor excuse and has nothing to do with it. We all go through peaks and valleys throughout life. I know crusty cynical teenagers and ray of sunshine 60-somethings.

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Badsingularity Established Member

Badsingularity

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And what is a losers mentality and how would a guy approach with it?

 

As for the winner's attitude, how is it possible to get?

 

A losers mentality is approaching someone thinking " I don't know why I am approaching this woman. I know she is going to reject me and then I will LET that destroy my confidence in myself to the point where I will decide not to approach anymore women or at least not very often."

 

You can develope a winners mentality by doing all the things I recommended in several of my posts over the last few days.

 

or by looking in the mirror and telling yourself what a badass you are:D

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gaius Established Member

gaius

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My mum is too maternal for her own good sometimes, she makes me feel like a child sometimes :o. Her ringing my line didn't help my cause at the time :laugh:.

Sounds more sabotaging than maternal. You leave her a note and she still rings your phone off the hook because you've been gone a little while? Like a jealous girlfriend.

 

Surprised you don't get more casual offers. You know how to talk to women based on your posts here.

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Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

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A losers mentality is approaching someone thinking " I don't know why I am approaching this woman. I know she is going to reject me and then I will LET that destroy my confidence in myself to the point where I will decide not to approach anymore women or at least not very often."

Yes. The equivalent for me is that I used to smile then get shy and look down if I saw a guy I thought was cute or who intrigued me. I was afraid he would not smile back, or would look away = rejection/disinterest = my hurt feelings.

 

Now, I don't care if he doesn't like me back. I look right into his eyes and smile. 90% of them smile back and look flattered. The other 10%, whatever they're thinking, are harmless and don't matter.

 

A guy's approach percentages may be quite different, but it doesn't matter. The point is you have to get comfortable with rejection in all its forms, and not let it get you down. Keep looking for the people who like you back. But realize that if you don't like yourself, you're making it very hard for other people to like you.

 

or by looking in the mirror and telling yourself what a badass you are:D

Exactly. I'm now thinking that the only reason I had a brief fling with this bouncer recently is that he is a total badass, and I wanted to learn from him how to be that way. He was an excellent model of confidence, and I learned a lot.

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Badsingularity Established Member

Badsingularity

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90% of them smile back and look flattered.

 

Yes, because that is awesome.

 

Although I like the smile and look away shy thing too.

 

I guess i just like smiley women.:love:

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MrNate 2.0 Established Member

MrNate 2.0

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Ah, got the ass on tap now.

 

Good work, my friend. :cool:

SmileFace Established Member

SmileFace

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Ah, got the ass on tap now.

 

Good work, my friend. :cool:

 

Wait did it happen? What did I miss?

I feel like a proud older cousin or something...hehe

somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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Wait did it happen? What did I miss?

I feel like a proud older cousin or something...hehe

Way to go Who, hi fives all around.

 

---------

 

Of course Who never said it happened, but this is exactly how rumors start :p

 

All it takes is one person to say something unclear and another to misinterpret it.

cerridwen Established Member

cerridwen

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Way to go Who, hi fives all around.

 

---------

 

Of course Who never said it happened, but this is exactly how rumors start :p

All it takes is one person to say something unclear and another to misinterpret it.

 

Okay, what?

In the scenario above, you're the first thing and I'm the second.

Is our Wholigan all growed up??!!

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