Nearly had a casual encounter this week - is it the way to go the 1st time??

June 9, 2012

So now you have no interest in sex?

Fondue is right that opportunities like this are rare. Frankly it seems stupid to pass up.

ThaWholigan, what is it that you actually want now?

I don't quite know exactly what it is I want yet to be honest. I would like to have sex, I just had second thoughts about having sex with this particular girl. My lack of urgency on the matter is because I may want to have sex (trust me, I do), but I don't absolutely NEED to have it, and also because the opportunity hasn't exactly gone. I still have this girl's contact details, and she also has mine. I haven't ruled out changing my mind again. The way she spoke, it seems she'll always be available . I am her ultimate fetish fantasy, a tall black dude with a bigger than average penis .

Still, I'm not gonna fawn over myself just to have sex with this girl. If I want to contact her, I will. Or she will contact me as she did last time and we'll take it from there.

June 9, 2012

I don't quite know exactly what it is I want yet to be honest. I would like to have sex, I just had second thoughts about having sex with this particular girl. My lack of urgency on the matter is because I may want to have sex (trust me, I do), but I don't absolutely NEED to have it, and also because the opportunity hasn't exactly gone. I still have this girl's contact details, and she also has mine. I haven't ruled out changing my mind again. The way she spoke, it seems she'll always be available . I am her ultimate fetish fantasy, a tall black dude with a bigger than average penis .

Still, I'm not gonna fawn over myself just to have sex with this girl. If I want to contact her, I will. Or she will contact me as she did last time and we'll take it from there.

Then what you need to focus on is what is it that you want. Do you want to have sex? Do you care who it is you have sex with? Do you want to be in a relationship with her? Would you want to see her again? Do you care what kind of person she is?

If you strongly prefer to only have sex with a girl your in a relationship with, then having sex with this girl wouldn't be the right move for you. But if you just want to have casual sex with a girl you're very attracted to, then here is that opportunity.

June 9, 2012

Woah, I didn't expect you were a virgin. She has a strong fetish there. Wow

June 9, 2012

Then what you need to focus on is what is it that you want. Do you want to have sex? Do you care who it is you have sex with? Do you want to be in a relationship with her? Would you want to see her again? Do you care what kind of person she is?

If you strongly prefer to only have sex with a girl your in a relationship with, then having sex with this girl wouldn't be the right move for you. But if you just want to have casual sex with a girl you're very attracted to, then here is that opportunity.

All questions I've been asking myself admittedly.

I'll have my answer soon enough. I am attracted to this girl. She's not necessarily my type, but she's hot so I could possibly overlook that. There aren't any glaring cons to having sex with her. There aren't really any pros that I can think of though, except I wouldn't be a virgin anymore. But I was never too uncomfortable with that either.

I'm in two minds admittedly, because I could have sex with her and on a primal level I would because she's hot, but on the other hand, something inside is telling me that it's not a good idea.

I'll maybe call her next week.

June 9, 2012

Woah, I didn't expect you were a virgin. She has a strong fetish there. Wow

I don't know if she even cared if I was a virgin, it's on my OKCupid profile (if you look at the questions, I forgot to make my answers private, although I may do so) so she must have seen it. It also says I'm autistic too, so obviously she didn't care much about that either. She said nothing about either.

June 9, 2012

I don't know if she even cared if I was a virgin, it's on my OKCupid profile (if you look at the questions, I forgot to make my answers private, although I may do so) so she must have seen it. It also says I'm autistic too, so obviously she didn't care much about that either. She said nothing about either.

Well I don't think she should care either way. However I am pretty sure she wouldn't anyway. Just don't go in the bare at all!!

June 9, 2012

All questions I've been asking myself admittedly.

That's good.

I'll have my answer soon enough. I am attracted to this girl. She's not necessarily my type, but she's hot so I could possibly overlook that. There aren't any glaring cons to having sex with her. There aren't really any pros that I can think of though, except I wouldn't be a virgin anymore. But I was never too uncomfortable with that either.

While you may not see the pros now, you will definitely understand them after having sex.

I'm in two minds admittedly, because I could have sex with her and on a primal level I would because she's hot, but on the other hand, something inside is telling me that it's not a good idea.

What makes you think that it's not a good idea? You said that that there aren't any cons, and also that there isn't anything you are afraid of.

But still you need to answer the previous questions first. Until then, going with her could be a mistake. Though if it does happen with her, know that your first time was a hell of a lot better than mine.

June 9, 2012

My lack of urgency on the matter is because I may want to have sex (trust me, I do), but I don't absolutely NEED to have it

And that is why you'd be fine either way.

I've never had sex with anyone I wasn't in a committed R with, because that's MY style, but I really don't see any issue with casual encounters as long as you're straight up and know straight up what they are, even if it's for your V-card.

I don't think the 1st time is any more 'special' than any other time, and sex is always as special as you make it, based on how you feel about the person. That's my 2 cents. Sex, to me, isn't a quantity control game or a numbers game --- it can be special even if it's your 1,000,000th time (with the same person or different people) or utterly ordinary even if it's your 1st, though we do tend to remember our 1sts, I suppose. TBH, I remember the 1st BF I had sex with but not the 1st time we had sex --- if it'd been a one-off, I'm not sure I WOULD remember much!

The notion of 'sacred' sex is wrong, IME, as someone wrote above, not because sex CANNOT be sacred, but because what makes it sacred are the people involved believing it so. Whether you want it to be totally serious or totally casual is up to you, and I don't believe there's any better or worse. Just different.

However, if the gal gets around as you say, and honestly whenever you don't know the person, do use extremely good protection!

June 9, 2012

Damn Fondue makes sex sound like the most boring thing in the world!

I for one def think sex is "super duper"!!!!! :bunny:

Who, I am glad you didn't do it. That story is, no offense, really squicky sounding. I'd be scared of that chick, someone offering that up within an hour has issues! She coulda had a dude waiting there to tie you up and rape your as$ or something while she filmed it! I am on Team Mum, that's unsafe, don't scare us like that again!

I don't think losing your V card needs to be a big deal, but I mean....I don't know, lose it to someone that doesn't come across as mentally unstable.

June 9, 2012

someone offering that up within an hour has issues! She coulda had a dude waiting there to tie you up and rape your as$ or something while she filmed it!

Just because it's how your spend your Friday nights doesn't mean other people do it too

June 9, 2012

Damn Fondue makes sex sound like the most boring thing in the world!

I for one def think sex is "super duper"!!!!! :bunny:

Who, I am glad you didn't do it. That story is, no offense, really squicky sounding. I'd be scared of that chick, someone offering that up within an hour has issues! She coulda had a dude waiting there to tie you up and rape your as$ or something while she filmed it! I am on Team Mum, that's unsafe, don't scare us like that again!

I don't think losing your V card needs to be a big deal, but I mean....I don't know, lose it to someone that doesn't come across as mentally unstable.

Veg...just..no

I don't blame you, wholigan. If she was the physical specimen you say she was, I probably would've went for it.

June 9, 2012

So after that long ass post, my question is this: Had everything initially gone to plan and we never changed our minds, would it have been a good idea for me to lose my V this way? Should I look for more opportunities like this, or simply go the more sacred route of in a normal dating/relationship setting?

I lost my v when I was 22 to a coworker in a hotel, it was a planned hookup. Who cares how you lose it. I haven't gotten any since and I'm 30 so at least I'm not in the 30 year old virgin club.

Here's how it went down: Some coworkers were thinking about getting a place and asked me if I was interested so I said I'll see. One of the was a girl who wanted to leave her terrible bf and was talking to another guy we might have moved in with, we have the same name. One day she was joking with me and said when it's time for sex I better call the right xxxxxx and I was like "I'll just e like my turn" and she flat out says "ok" LMAO. I set it up and the rest was history.

June 9, 2012

And that is why you'd be fine either way.

I've never had sex with anyone I wasn't in a committed R with, because that's MY style, but I really don't see any issue with casual encounters as long as you're straight up and know straight up what they are, even if it's for your V-card.

I don't think the 1st time is any more 'special' than any other time, and sex is always as special as you make it, based on how you feel about the person. That's my 2 cents. Sex, to me, isn't a quantity control game or a numbers game --- it can be special even if it's your 1,000,000th time (with the same person or different people) or utterly ordinary even if it's your 1st, though we do tend to remember our 1sts, I suppose. TBH, I remember the 1st BF I had sex with but not the 1st time we had sex --- if it'd been a one-off, I'm not sure I WOULD remember much!

The notion of 'sacred' sex is wrong, IME, as someone wrote above, not because sex CANNOT be sacred, but because what makes it sacred are the people involved believing it so. Whether you want it to be totally serious or totally casual is up to you, and I don't believe there's any better or worse. Just different.

However, if the gal gets around as you say, and honestly whenever you don't know the person, do use extremely good protection!

I'm inclined to agree with this post . I don't think I'm against a casual thing, but it was a little too swift, even for someone as impulsive as me! I have a similar view on sex, but personally I intend to make every time I have sex a great f*cking time :cool:.

Damn Fondue makes sex sound like the most boring thing in the world!

I for one def think sex is "super duper"!!!!! :bunny:

Who, I am glad you didn't do it. That story is, no offense, really squicky sounding. I'd be scared of that chick, someone offering that up within an hour has issues! She coulda had a dude waiting there to tie you up and rape your as$ or something while she filmed it! I am on Team Mum, that's unsafe, don't scare us like that again!

I don't think losing your V card needs to be a big deal, but I mean....I don't know, lose it to someone that doesn't come across as mentally unstable.

I don't think she was unstable, she was just a slag . I've known lots of girls like her, she just happened to be quite a good looking slag who was interested! . I don't look down on them though, a lot of them just really like sex . (on a casual level)

I was quite sure that I wouldn't get raped () when I realized she was staying at a University campus. By the time I got there, it was pretty much daylight, and people were walking around (this was in Central London, about a few minutes away from Big Ben).

I apologized to mum for scaring her though. It was a very impulsive decision to make at 4am .

Veg...just..no

I don't blame you, wholigan. If she was the physical specimen you say she was, I probably would've went for it.

She wasn't like the most perfect, gorgeous girl. She was just quite hot, in a very sexual kind of way. Like, she had a body that made you want to have sex with her basically. And a horny face . .

I've known way hotter, to be honest the girl before her who I nearly did a thing with was hotter too, but she was still hot enough for me to be very attracted to her.

I may even change my mind later......

June 9, 2012

honestly why are people telling you should regret what you chose to do.

i think you should do what ever you feel comfortable with, if it ever feel right and you dont change your mind then great, weather is a serious relationship, or just an encounter.

you dont need to become desperate and jump at any chance. do what ever feels right.

June 9, 2012

I'm gonna catch some fire for this, but here is the absolute honest truth:

Sex isn't anything special. All through grade school, high school, etc., boys/men put it on a pedestal. It's this super glorious thing that we're all dying to attain.

Once you get it, it's more like "meh." It isn't all that it's cracked out to be. You come in thinking the world of the act itself, but once you do it, it doesn't live up to expectations.

The first time I had sex, it was also her first time. She took it more seriously than I have, I just high fived her as soon I as I "entered' and said, "we're not virgins anymore!" *high five*

The first time you do it, it is awkward, you really don't "know" what you're doing, and it just isn't that fun.

So basically what I'm saying is, don't think of sex as some super duper thing. You'll be disappointed. Just get it over with, it's not something that is life changing. Be it a casual encounter, or a gf of x months/years, it's not going to be any different. You're still entering your penis in her vagina and moving it in/out. It's not going to change the sensation.

Just my $0.02.

Must say your post made me smile.

June 9, 2012

I dunno OP. Id be really cautious about sexing some girl I JUST met online. The fact that she hits you up and then quickly tries to get it in, makes me suspicious of her.

Im wondering if shes got some crap going on that youd wanna avoid.

June 9, 2012

You'll learn soon enough, young padawan. Opportunities like this simply don't present themselves every day. You have to learn to take advantage of such limited openings.

What I missed most about London when I was there during a study abroad a few summers ago was all the Indian chicks. Good god, that's my downfall. My love for Indian girls. Your story makes me a little sad on the inside.

I'm with fondue, hot chicks dont fall into your lap all that often. Should have gone for it. You said you had a hard-on on the trip there, don't worry you wouldn't have lost it. Your encounter would have been the stuff of good memories in years to come, a chance encounter with a pretty girl who is not drunk and horny and wants you now! IDK, her comment 'black guys I know normally bring their friends', would have made by eyes go wide. Not the typical demure indian girls I've known. lol. You had a condom though, and if you met this girl in a pub, you would have gone for it. Many of people aren't in love when they lose their virginity, and its still a good memory, unless you come in 10 seconds. lol.

June 9, 2012

I dunno OP. Id be really cautious about sexing some girl I JUST met online. The fact that she hits you up and then quickly tries to get it in, makes me suspicious of her.

Im wondering if shes got some crap going on that youd wanna avoid.

This.

Personally, I'd be suspicious of any girl who wanted to have sex with me (I wouldn't want to be in a club that would have me as a member ). But, this goes double if you just met her online. That sounds really sketchy to me.

June 9, 2012

She was attracted but she said that while she had done a lot of things sexually, she hadn't had an encounter so soon with someone she had never met and only had one short convo with.

This is a lie xD lmao

Im pretty positive shes done this before lol. She seemed a pro at it =P

June 9, 2012

This is a lie xD lmao

Im pretty positive shes done this before lol. She seemed a pro at it =P

I laughed when she said it at first. I initially thought "you've had gangbangs with black dudes and their friends (who presumably you don't know), but this is a step too far?". She felt kinda bad after that, coz she asked if I looked down on her. Honestly I didn't, because up until 1 minute after she asked me, I was going to have sex with her. The moment was gone though, I wasn't feeling it in the end, neither was she.

June 10, 2012

I don't get why everyone is criticizing her when he was more than ready to take her up on her offer. Nothing wrong with that for any of them but the double standards as always is sickening.

June 10, 2012

I don't get why everyone is criticizing her when he was more than ready to take her up on her offer. Nothing wrong with that for any of them but the double standards as always is sickening.

Also it has to be said that I didn't outright turn her down, we came to a mutual agreement not to do it.

Double standards are to be expected, although I'm sure had this been a woman's post and the guy was a serial man-slut, the guy would have got a similar roasting actually. I deal with double standards the way I deal with most other trivial things - not care about them .

June 10, 2012

You don't want to lose your V like that....you want your first time to be with someone you really like

June 10, 2012

I don't get why everyone is criticizing her when he was more than ready to take her up on her offer. Nothing wrong with that for any of them but the double standards as always is sickening.

You're imagining a double standard. In fact, every time someone criticizes a man for having casual sex you usually chime in with thoughts along the lines of "the only guys who are against casual sex are the ones who can't get any".

So I really don't know what you want here.

June 10, 2012

You're imagining a double standard. In fact, every time someone criticizes a man for having casual sex you usually chime in with thoughts along the lines of "the only guys who are against casual sex are the ones who can't get any".

So I really don't know what you want here.

Double standard is against the woman...Nothing wrong with casual sex.

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Nearly had a casual encounter this week - is it the way to go the 1st time??

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