Don't know what to do about girlfriend's past relationship with much older man

[dyinginside]

I just found out the other day that my girlfriend dated a man 10 years older than her last summer. She was only 19 and he was 28. I like my girlfriend a lot, but thinking about that relationship really upsets me. I think it is totally wrong for a young girl in college to date a 28 year old. How could a self respecting 28 year old man date a young college girl? It makes me sick to think about it. It seems like a guy like that would only be taking advantage of the younger girl. I also don't understand why my girlfriend would have done something like that. I think it is creepy that an older man would try to pick up college girls. She should have known better. A guy like that is only looking for sex with someone much younger, or a trophy girlfriend he could brag about.

 

Not only is the relationship disgusting, but thinking about how many other girls this guy has done this to makes me sick. It worrys me very much that he may have had an STD. I don't know if my girlfriend had sex with him, but if she did I would be very concerned.

 

I like my girlfriend very much, we get along great and spend lots of time together. I'm afraid, however, that I won't be able to stop thinking about this past relationship. I'm sure if this is the case it will have devastating consequences in our relationship. I don't know what to do about it. I'm very concerned it might ruin our relationship.

 

Please send me your thoughts,

dyinginside

[dudesomewhere]

dude....dude...you'll have to learn to live with it.

 

You'll also learn that as you get older, 10-20 years isn't such a big deal. Look at me for example, I'm 31 but I get approached by 19 year olds all the time. My youthful appearance is kind of annoying, depressing but also good...hmm you say? Well it's annoying because I really want a relationship but 19 yo females generally want flings. It's depressing cuz I look much younger while women my age look older...and I'm saying if they say they're 30, they look 35 while I look generally 22-25. It's good for me because I have a built in fountain of youth...good for my partner if I can find one in my age range (meaning someone who'll accept me for my age, no matter the difference ).

 

Damn it why do so many people have to look so old! hehe

 

Your concerns are valid though, but it has less to do with age and more to do with jerks in general. I am never into it for sex and I know I'm an oddball but . If he was like me you could rest your mind...put it at ease...I'm like a monk. But chances are 99% that he is not like me, lol. I've only had 4 women man.

 

My fear, which sucks, when I see someone and I get the vibe she likes me...I always hope she's within 5 years of my age. Damn it really sucks looking young. Women...you need to take better care of yourselves so you don't look like my mom when you are the same age as me

[Matilda]

I think you may be over reacting. Maybe he was only interested in her for sex, or maybe they got to know each other, and thought they had some common interests, despite the age difference.

 

Does it really change who your girlfriend is now?

 

Did you find out about this relationship from your girlfriend or from someone else? If you haven't talked to your girlfriend about it, and it is bothering you this much, then ask her about it.

 

Maybe she was taken advantage of, maybe she learned a valuable lesson, and would never get in a situation like that again. Who knows?

 

It seems to me you are making a lot of assumptions, without really knowing what went on.

[moimeme]

What you'll find out as you get older is that your feelings don't change. You fall in love exactly the same way. You have the same hopes. And, if you meet someone who's younger but quite mature, you can as easily fall for that person as for someone your own age. You'll see. When you're 28 you won't feel differently from now. What happens is that you learn to moderate your behaviour better. Maybe you learn to not fly off the handle as easily or how to approach situations better, but you don't get older in spirit.

 

Maturity is not at all about age, after all.

[YellowLioness]

In my opinion, and it is just that, I think you are WAY too judgmental over something that your girl cannot change. I dated a 38 year old man when I was 21. Whoa! Good learning experience for me. He went way too fast, and did some pretty screwed up things to try to control me. I learned my lesson well. My boyfriend doesn't care that I dated someone that old. He's just glad to have me now. Focusing on the present may help you.

moimeme is very right: love doesn't know age. My two best friends are dating, one is 19, the other is 27. I've never thought anything of it. They go well together, and are extremely happy.

I'm very thankful that my bf now is a sweet, understanding person. We actually share laugh stories of the people we've dated. Not to be rude, but everyone is allowed mistakes, if she even considers the 28 year old that.

I would hate to see you let someone go who makes you happy because you can't get over the past. Just enjoy eachother, and the moment, it's what life is all about. :-)

 

Yellow