Andruw91 Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I see a lot of stories on here and mine is similar to the others. At worst I figured this might help for therapy. I was with my girlfriend for about 1 1/2 years. Things were good for the most part up until Christmas of 2011. After that (to keep it short) we would have arguments, break up for about a day and get back together without too much changing. We are both 26 and she is looking to settle down. She tends to have a timeline where I feel as I want it when it's the right time. I own a home, she rents, which also causes some problems because she has been talking about moving in when her lease was up in August 2012 since around Christmas of 2011. I was nervous about because I've never lived with a gf before where she has lived with her ex bf before. I would say yeah we'll talk about it more when it gets closer. Other then saying she could moving in back in January I didn't know what else to say to her. Skipping ahead now, we went on a trip to Niagara Falls in the middle of April for 3 days. 2 weeks later we mutually broke it off. The "I love you's" became less and less, and each became more distant. One night I was supposed to see her and to make a long story short, she didn't think it was a good idea, and I agreed. We both came to the agreement it wasn't working out on ended it. I went through the stages of being mad ("Fine if that's what you want") although nothing negative or mean was said, to being desperate ("Is this what you really want?"), to taking the last few weeks and thinking what I want in my life. These stages happened in about a month period which brings me to where I am now. I was good friends with her father and spoke with him a few weeks back about her and he said she hasn't mentioned me and thinks she is moving on. Of course I am wonder if this is true or she is just trying to be strong since I know she was stubborn. I haven't spoken with her family/friends in about 2-3 weeks other then sending her father a happy retirement card in the mail. When I was reflecting on what I want out of life and her I started to think of the things I know I have issues with. The big one is communication. I would just hold stuff in that bothered me and as I put it "show weakness" and just overcome. I realize this is a VERY bad way to go about things especially when you love someone. I decided to go to a relationship counselor to work on myself. She asked me to go back when we were together and I dug my heels in and said no chance in hell. I got to the point where I needed to stop being stupid and go, not just for her and to save my relationship with her, but a future one if it doesn't work out. I also want to be more open to her interests as we don't share a lot in common (different tastes in music, desire to travel, etc). Also in the reflection stage I thought about marriage and kids, which she wanted. I can see myself doing that with her as I feel she is strong in areas I am weak, and vise verse. I've also been going to the gym and trying to do things to get her off my mind, but not much has helped. I think about her and miss her a lot and it's killing me not to talk to her. I know she has some stuff I would have to address with her, but I am open to it now. One big thing is having my words twisted around on me (i.e. She said she enjoyed going to the gym for the first time since she hasn't gone in a long time, and I encouraged her to go again the next day. Her response was "why you don't want to see me?" A lot of stuff like that). So I guess the advice I am looking for is I want to contact her after a month of no contact that she asked for. The thing that makes it hard is I work for a police department and work 2nd shift, she works as a psychologist in a school system (regular 8-4). So I go in right before she comes out, which was another issue. I want to try and call her and try the "How have you been? Let's to get lunch or a drink sometime?", but like I mentioned she is stubborn and I feel I'll get her voice mail and no reply back or a negative one. I feel it might be best to call while she is at work so I know she won't pick up in hopes to lower my anxiety with it, and to let he think about it. If we do met up or speak I want let her know somehow I am working on improving myself in hopes to get the ball rolling again. I am trying to approach this as not "trying again" with her but "starting over". I feel like I can swallow my pride and be better for it. I do love her and of course realized it since I haven't spoken with her in a month, and made me feel like I want her in my life. I know I left a lot out in here, but for the sake of trying to keep it short I feel like I put out the big issues in my mind, so any help/advice is greatly appreciated.
Author Andruw91 Posted June 11, 2012 Author Posted June 11, 2012 Not sure if anyone has any advice, but just to give an update. I plan on calling my ex today while she is at work so I know I'll get her voicemail and just say, "Hey how are you? It's been some time now, let's meet up for lunch or a drink. Nothing big." Something along those lines. Trying to keep it short and little pressure. Anyone have any suggestions before I do this?
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