irc333 Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Okay, I was in a group of women at a dinner gathering. They were talking about men and dating. Apparently, this one woman stated, that her boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend) had told her....as a general thing, that men tend to cast their nets wide when meeting women....and that's what he did when he met her. Well, she followed up with a statement, "Yeah, and I wasn't too happy when he said that." And I was thinking (So you continued to date him after you found out, that he only dated you, because you were one of MANY women in his elimination process?) Personally, can you fault men for this? I'm sure they broke up due to other reasons, becuase it was amicable.....but, I think most are ALL take the shot gun or "casing net wide" approach. OR, process of elimination approach. BUt, women seem to take real offense at this, IF they should ever find out (bad move on HIS part for even saying anything, but...he had already landed her, so it's moot) Somehow, even though when first getting to know women, the SAID women like to be thought of as "special" ,a nd then get disgruntled when they find out the REAL truth on how they were sought out. Any feedback here? I am a one woman man, once I land a woman, but if I happen to meet more than one woman that seem relatively nice and have some good qualities about them that I like, I see no harm in the beginning stages, right? But why do women take offense otherwise?
Oxy Moronovich Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Women take offense to virtually all male behavior. If it's not illegal or morally harmful, a guy shouldn't worry about it. Women know men have good reasons for casting our nets wide. But complaining about everything men do is something women are programmed to do. 4
DuchessKaye Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 But why do women take offense otherwise? Who knows?
Fondue Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 But why do women take offense otherwise? It's because it tells her that she "isn't special." She isn't that little unique snow-flake. Which is true. No one is special. You are telling her that she was not your end-all, be-all object of desire. It damages her ego. I don't really see why they would be offended though. It seems a little childish to be. I think women are raised (especially in the US), that they were princesses and should be treated as such. When you show them otherwise, it boils their blood. Sad, really. 1
udolipixie Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Some gals take offense otherwise for the same reason some guys take offense of having a 'slut' for a partner seeing it as sloppy seconds, being a chump, or being with the town pump. That reason from my experiences people generally want to be seen as the chosen one not chosen out of many and/or it's a blow to their pride and ego.
mesmerized Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 It's human nature not to like it. Guys are worse than women in this regard, we all want to feel special. 1
Leopard Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I don't know why women take offence. Eventually she becomes special anyway, because you stuck with her and chose her over the others. Women do the same thing too. If there is more than one guy she likes, she will date all of them and see who she likes the most. Isn't that part of the natural mate selection process? People these days take offence to everything and I think it's because everyone is insecure on way or another. 1
Disenchantedly Yours Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Instead of this being about women wanting to be "princesses", I think it has more to do with women wanting to be dated with "intention". Not just randomly selected and settled for because she was the easy choice. I think women like when a man as an "intention" in dating them and sees unique qualities in them. Not so sure what's bad about that.
RedRobin Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I don't take offense. I just dump him when I find out or I put them back in the friend bucket. They aren't someone I want a relationship with, in other words. I don't 'date' multi-daters, comparison shoppers, and wide-cast netters (as most of you know). If they get to my age and don't know what they want, they aren't suitable for me. Most of these guys aren't after a LTR or a commitment anyway. They are just playing the field and getting their egos stroked. So, no loss. As another poster said... Same reason why men don't like women who sleep around, BTW.
Kamille Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 (edited) Women take offense to virtually all male behavior. If it's not illegal or morally harmful, a guy shouldn't worry about it. Women know men have good reasons for casting our nets wide. But complaining about everything men do is something women are programmed to do. How dare you? Your constant negative outlook on women is highly offensive! As to OP, Meh, some guys here don't like to think women multi-date either. To each their own. FYI, when single, I tend to cast a wide net, so wouldn't take offense if I found out I won out among other contenders. If, however, I feel a guy's other involvements are making him neglect me, I will generally bow out, or put him on the back burner. Edited June 9, 2012 by Kamille
RedRobin Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I don't know why women take offence. Eventually she becomes special anyway, because you stuck with her and chose her over the others. Women do the same thing too. If there is more than one guy she likes, she will date all of them and see who she likes the most. Isn't that part of the natural mate selection process? People these days take offence to everything and I think it's because everyone is insecure on way or another. It's just as likely the other women got disgusted with his behavior and dumped him... then you are really nothing more than the booby prize. Of course, men like that will spin it like they made the choice themselves... and no... not all women do the same thing. I don't date multiple men. I'm quite capable of making a decision completely independent of other available choices. Not all of us are desperate to be in a so-called relationship with whatever happens to present itself at the time. 1
Kamille Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Not all of us are desperate to be in a so-called relationship with whatever happens to present itself at the time. Oh but if only we could be, life would be so much more simple for men!
RedRobin Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Oh but if only we could be, life would be so much more simple for men! it seems to be simple enough for most of them. No sense in helping them take the lazy way out. I seriously have better things to do with my time than being a part of any man's 'harem' and competing... crossing my fingers like some idiot school-girl at the County spelling bee or the state lottery hoping I'm the 'winner'. I would never knowingly compete for a man. Don't care how big a hot-shot he thinks he is.... or might actually be.
LittlePrince Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Okay, I was in a group of women at a dinner gathering. They were talking about men and dating. Apparently, this one woman stated, that her boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend) had told her....as a general thing, that men tend to cast their nets wide when meeting women....and that's what he did when he met her. Well, she followed up with a statement, "Yeah, and I wasn't too happy when he said that." And I was thinking (So you continued to date him after you found out, that he only dated you, because you were one of MANY women in his elimination process?) Personally, can you fault men for this? I'm sure they broke up due to other reasons, becuase it was amicable.....but, I think most are ALL take the shot gun or "casing net wide" approach. OR, process of elimination approach. BUt, women seem to take real offense at this, IF they should ever find out (bad move on HIS part for even saying anything, but...he had already landed her, so it's moot) Somehow, even though when first getting to know women, the SAID women like to be thought of as "special" ,a nd then get disgruntled when they find out the REAL truth on how they were sought out. Any feedback here? I am a one woman man, once I land a woman, but if I happen to meet more than one woman that seem relatively nice and have some good qualities about them that I like, I see no harm in the beginning stages, right? But why do women take offense otherwise? I only pursue one at a time but women don't like a man who only pursues them.
Leopard Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 It's just as likely the other women got disgusted with his behavior and dumped him... then you are really nothing more than the booby prize. Of course, men like that will spin it like they made the choice themselves... and no... not all women do the same thing. I don't date multiple men. I'm quite capable of making a decision completely independent of other available choices. Not all of us are desperate to be in a so-called relationship with whatever happens to present itself at the time. Doesn't everyone settle eventually? Even if it's not in the "multi-dating wide net" way, everyone eventually settles. Only this way women get offended, but if a guy dates only the girl exclusively, then she feels more special, but he could still be settling for her anyway. The only difference is in one scenario she knows, and in the other she doesn't.
veggirl Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Uh, so multi-dating? But we're calling it "casting a net" for this thread? Okay. Well, if my BF had been going on other first/second/third dates while we were in the beginning stages...that's okay. I don't see when he'd have had the time as we were dating 3x per week from the beginning and talking every night we weren't together, but hypothetically speaking, if he was that early on going on other dates, no I wouldn't be upset. If we'd gotten to like date 10 or something though and he was still asking other girls on dates, then yeah that'd be a problem and I'd wonder why he was still even bothering with me if he still felt the need to "cast his net". I would stop seeing him. I wouldn't be pissed off or anything, but I'd know we aren't on the same page. Whatever. I've never multi-dated, I've never dated someone who did really. It seems more of a thing that people who OLD do, and I wasn't doing that. 1
RedRobin Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 (edited) Doesn't everyone settle eventually? Even if it's not in the "multi-dating wide net" way, everyone eventually settles. Only this way women get offended, but if a guy dates only the girl exclusively, then she feels more special, but he could still be settling for her anyway. The only difference is in one scenario she knows, and in the other she doesn't. People who tend to date one person exclusively tend to have a different relationship style and goals than those who multi-date. It is comparing apples to oranges. I'm looking to build trust and intimacy with one person. I don't see that happening when the other person's interests are divided... physically or emotionally. Others do it. I don't understand them. I just avoid them. ... to answer your question. No, not all of us 'settle'. I have a very small handful of basic requirements. They are based strictly on lifestyle and character values. Those I will not settle on. Edited June 9, 2012 by RedRobin
Kamille Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I would never knowingly compete for a man. Don't care how big a hot-shot he thinks he is.... or might actually be. I don't see it so much as competing as much as getting to know someone. For me it would depend on how we met. If a complete stranger (OLD, someone I met at a party, etc.), then I would expect that there were other women in his life before I showed up. If, however, it was a "slow build up" to a date type of situation (the most frequent in my life), then I would expect a somewhat exclusive situation from the get go. It's all common sense really.
carhill Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I always thought it to be more women casting the wide net and throwing back the inedible fish
ThaWholigan Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I only pursue one at a time but women don't like a man who only pursues them. This is the point. Sometimes, it is in the man's best interest to cast a wide net with regards to pursuing women. Pursuing one woman at a time can result in you ending up with no-one, as quite a few women seem to think that if you don't have women interested in you, you are somehow unattractive. Therefore casting a wide net assures the man that he at least has more than one interested in him. Think about it. This is where sometimes I don't dismiss the idea that women have more options than men by default .
sid3 Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 This is the point. Sometimes, it is in the man's best interest to cast a wide net with regards to pursuing women. Pursuing one woman at a time can result in you ending up with no-one, as quite a few women seem to think that if you don't have women interested in you, you are somehow unattractive. Therefore casting a wide net assures the man that he at least has more than one interested in him. Think about it. This is where sometimes I don't dismiss the idea that women have more options than men by default . That may be the case, but what about being pursued by women at the same time? Am I guilty of casting a net (multidating) if I asked out a woman last week and the following evening another one asks me out. I'm suppose to choose one over the other, when I am interest in getting to know a little more about both. That's not going to happen, not until I am actually *dating*
LittlePrince Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 This is the point. Sometimes, it is in the man's best interest to cast a wide net with regards to pursuing women. Pursuing one woman at a time can result in you ending up with no-one, as quite a few women seem to think that if you don't have women interested in you, you are somehow unattractive. Therefore casting a wide net assures the man that he at least has more than one interested in him. Think about it. This is where sometimes I don't dismiss the idea that women have more options than men by default . I am still not a believer in multi-dating or any other polyamorous/promiscuous lifestyle.
ThaWholigan Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I am still not a believer in multi-dating or any other polyamorous/promiscuous lifestyle. I hear you. Personally, I would multi-date up to the point where I want to have sex with someone. Once sex is involved, it's highly unlikely I will be having sex with anybody else at that point, therefore I will likely become exclusive. However, saying that, if I have no desire to date anyone but just want sex at that point, I am personally obliged to disclose as such early on anyway.
xxoo Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 Okay, I was in a group of women at a dinner gathering. They were talking about men and dating. Apparently, this one woman stated, that her boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend) had told her....as a general thing, that men tend to cast their nets wide when meeting women....and that's what he did when he met her. Well, she followed up with a statement, "Yeah, and I wasn't too happy when he said that." Was the word "meeting", not "dating"? That's not necessarily multi-dating then, is it? That could be just being very open minded about what kind of woman you might want to date, flirting widely, and seeing where mutual interest develops. I think that sounds like a great idea! 1
Sid6.7 Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 That may be the case, but what about being pursued by women at the same time? Am I guilty of casting a net (multidating) if I asked out a woman last week and the following evening another one asks me out. I'm suppose to choose one over the other, when I am interest in getting to know a little more about both. That's not going to happen, not until I am actually *dating* No one likes to eat at a restaurant with an empty parking lot.
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