smint Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I just can't come down,it is killing me,it's been a 3 months since my ex left me,and I am still terrible.I posted here so many times... He left me after 7 years just like that with"I don't love you anymore",he started being angry with me,I don't know why,I love him so much,he was my first relationship,I would give my eyes for him!!! I was begging and crying for 5 weeks,because he was totally ignoring me,I haven't got from him right explanation.Two times I came to his door to beg and cry,and he treated me like a crap...Months before he left me,he was telling everybody how happy we are,I am finishing faculty this month,so we had plans to go aboard together to work,to live together and things like that... Then I went on NC for 30 days and have called him on 30th day,and I was stable,I told him that I did all my exams,what is going on by me...and he was reserved,but it was decent conversation.Then few days after that,I heard that he has a new gf,and then I called him to ask,and he said"it's just old friend",I don't know how i have survived that night when I heard,my heart just couldn't stop beating...Then we have met the next day,and he confessed that he had a new gf,but only for one week,because"he wanted to see is everything ok with him"as he said,whatever that means.He said that he wants to hear sometimes from me,to see each other sometimes... Last Friday he sent me a text message asking me how I am,and I answered that I am fine,and casual.Today I sent him text message how he is and does he want to go for a walk,and he just hasn't respond.Then I called him after few hours from public phone and he answered,but when he heard my voice,he hang up!!!Then I sent him txt again "you told me that you want sometimes to hear from me,to have a walk with me,tell me that you don't want then,it is better then making a fool of me",and he has answered"I am on shooting of something,I don't know,I am not about that",what does it mean,that he doesn't want to see me ever??? I am soooooooooooo desperate,the fact the he is with someone else is killing me,I can't handle that any more,it's been almost 3 months since he left me(he left me of 12th March),and I am still crazy,every corner of this city reminds me of him,in every corner I want to run,I remember something we use to do there,there s no place in this town,where we don't have memories,I can't torture myself anymore... How can someone just like that turn off feelings how how how!!!How could he treated me like that after all support and love we were giving to each other all these years!!!
YellowShark Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 You are young. He is your "first." You survived before him and there will be many like him in the future until the right guy finally comes into your life. Don't sweat it. Instead, embrace it. Look at it this way, he may have dumped you, but he dumped you into a HUGE pool of eligible men. (..a few billion at last count!) He isn't the only guy on Earth for you. Really, he's not. 2
Author smint Posted June 9, 2012 Author Posted June 9, 2012 But I can't sleep of madness,I am so explosive to people who don't deserve it,I can't handle the fact that he is with someone else,while I am crying at home and destroying my life.I can't believe whit what kind of person I spent all those years behind us.My heart beats faster then normal,constantly On Monday,first I am going to do when I wake up(even if I sleep),I am calling a therapist... But what I don't understand,he left me on 12th March,and on 4th April,some friends saw him with her,and he told them"it' my friend",so he was waiting for her to see is she interesting,and then got enough strength to tell me it's over?I am in doubts is it rebound relationship...It hurts,so much hurts,I love old him,I love love love,I would never do that to him.So is it a rebound relationship???I am not sure... And this period of my life,I have to remember that I gave someone 7 years of my life,and all the good things that happened,how would I ever be able to think of them like nice memories,when it ended like this???This is hell of life I am living since 12th march... I am thinking how my ex is a happiest person in the world now,while I am loser,he just continued his life,his ego has grown doing me this...
ladyabstrused Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Smint, why don't you continue with your NC? It may have made you feel lonely and heartbroken but if he broke up with you, I think you deserve someone who would want to stay with you. Please don't torture yourself like this. In my 19 days of NC now, I feel that there really is more to love than just really loving someone. So many factors contribute to true love. It may have been a long time you guys been together, I was with my ex for almost 5 years... but we tend to be blinded by "love" and overlook a lot of red flags. I've opened up my eyes and my mind more now being on NC (which I admit, I have broken several times now bah) but I feel that I'm breathing again and starting to live again. Sometimes these phases can help us grow and develop ourselves to see things in a better light. Try NC again, move on with your life, he left you and you tried to see if things would somehow be better by recontact after 30 days but look at how hurt you are now. It didn't make you feel any better. I'd say that this isn't good then and that you should move on, girl. I'm really sorry for what you've been through, smint. Feel like I can somewhat, if not entirely, relate to you. I feel you. 1
ladyabstrused Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 On Monday,first I am going to do when I wake up(even if I sleep),I am calling a therapist... Good. Let's hope that the therapist will help you get through all this. But what I don't understand,he left me on 12th March,and on 4th April,some friends saw him with her,and he told them"it' my friend",so he was waiting for her to see is she interesting,and then got enough strength to tell me it's over?I am in doubts is it rebound relationship...It hurts,so much hurts,I love old him,I love love love,I would never do that to him.So is it a rebound relationship???I am not sure... I don't know what to tell you, but somehow, I feel like he had lost interest for awhile, it seems. Maybe that's why it was easier for him to just end your long relationship and move on. I am thinking how my ex is a happiest person in the world now,while I am loser,he just continued his life,his ego has grown doing me this... I don't think you're the loser here. Nobody is the loser here. Sometimes, two people who fell in love... may not be the best or most suitable together and things just can't work out... no matter how much you love each other. Or no matter how long you try. You just have to learn from this. For your own good, try to work on moving on and occupy yourself with other things in life to distract you. So far, that's what been keeping me going, aside from hope and faith that things will get better and someday, maybe, I will meet the right man. I will hope so for you too. Don't despair too much, smint. We will get through this. Be strong okay? 1
Feelin Frisky Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I'm sorry you're suffering, smint. Therapy is an excellent idea. Don't just think about it--put one foot in front of the other and commit to a course of action that takes you out of all of those intense associations. I've had painful breakups too and I think the most important thing to learn is to be careful what you keep telling yourself--there comes a point where we can be unhealthy with ourselves by repeating and reinforcing messages of hopelessness. You have to just start like I said putting one foot in front of the other or doing lots of little purposeful things to establish a new independence. Your belief in yourself will return though that corridor but it could help to have someone work with you to keep you committed to moving ahead and out of this state of emotional rawness. Good luck and don't give up. 1
Author smint Posted June 9, 2012 Author Posted June 9, 2012 Thank you both of you,I hope that therapist is going to give mi some pills to calm down my nerves,I am destroying myself,I can't wait Monday to call and make appointment.I think that it is really important to confess to ourselves when we need a help. And about him,he is so weak,he had relationship of 2 years before me,and when that girl left him,he got drunk,and jumped in empty swimming pool,and he broke his leg,and later I realized that when we started seeing each other,he was still with that girl,so maybe he is playing the same game right now...I want to say that he doesn't know to be alone. Who knows why is it good,but right now I need a strategy to survive this hell,and to fill this emptyness I feel But I still can't believe what he has done,if someone told me to put my hand in fire for him,I would do that...
ladyabstrused Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 Smint, you will get through this. It won't be easy, but I hope after you get to talk to your therapist, you will realise that it's not worth hurting yourself for someone you love. It's not healthy. That's not love at all honestly. Love is suppose to make you feel good, happy and better for that other person (of course there will always be disagreements here and there). Not hurting yourself. I really wish you all the best with the therapist and do keep us updated on your progress. Hope you will feel much better soon, smint. *hugs* 1
Author smint Posted June 10, 2012 Author Posted June 10, 2012 Thank you ladyabstrused,I hope that I will be better.There is so much memories,that are killing me...I know what you want to say about love,it's true...BUT just over one night I lost person with who I wanted to spend my life I really believed in us...
Tiera D Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 smint let me be harsh "It is Over" read your own thread you saw the signs how he treated you.go to the therapist ask them to help you,mean while i suggest you go a vacation or something to get your mind away the topic TD 1
ladyabstrused Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 Thank you ladyabstrused,I hope that I will be better.There is so much memories,that are killing me...I know what you want to say about love,it's true...BUT just over one night I lost person with who I wanted to spend my life I really believed in us... You will be better, smint. It may seem like there is nothing left is in this world, but you've got to find inspiration in other things. Have faith. Sometimes, in my opinion, when we have tried to take control of things in our lives so much and they're not going to work out but we keep trying so hard, it's like life feels bad for us and does something like this so that we will not experience something worse in the future. I believe things happen for a reason. And maybe you're better off without him. You gotta believe this and only then you will start to feel better. No one can, except yourself. Try it, try to think more positively. It'll be better once you start going for therapy. Things will be okay, really. 2
Stanza Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 smint, i'm heartbroken for you, my relationship just ended was slightly longer but I know how it feels. Somehow it's long enough that you're thinking permanent and long enough that it's a massive shock when it's a one-sided decision from them. Trust me, I do know. The only thing that means I'm doing a tiny bit better than you is that I've been through a painful break up before - well - I think that's it, and I'm probably a bit older. That said I've had days where I'm crying for a long long time and tears fall out of the blue walking around streets where I live, it's pretty awful. Everything reminds me of him also. There's points during your posts where you sound very strong and very much like you will get through this really well, I do mean it. I think you're starting to see the negatives about him too which will help you. I'm not saying that it's not 100% done for you yet, as to be honest he sounds really confused and I'm sure this new girl - if there is one - is really nothing. For both of us it will be a question of if they change their minds before we catch up and move on first because I think with yours and mine they're not dealing with it. Whereas we are. All those tears etc are you dealing with it, I promise. And good for you going to therapy, I think that's a good move for you. 1
Author smint Posted June 10, 2012 Author Posted June 10, 2012 (edited) Probably things happen for a reason,I believe it too,right now I am in PMS so maybe I am getting things worse I see also his negatives,but positive side always makes me cry,and everybody has negative side I also think that my ex doesn't know what he wants,he is not totally with himself,I found something on internet-how to know is your ex in rebound relationship: 1."Their new fling is lot like you" and this is true,when I asked him about that girl,he said-she is just like you,you two are the same! 2."Their new fling was pretty much the first person they met after break up"-I believe that it is also true,although I have never heard for her,she went with him on some course few years ago,and as he says"they accidently met while work(he works sometimes in other town,and she is from there)... 3."People on the rebound are unpredictable,lost and erratic"-this is true,one day he contacts me,next time he doesn't answer,says that he is not about seeing me,he told me that he couldn't be with her because he is not over me,so he wanted to see is everything ok with him,and now I heard that he went to work for few days in town where she lives... 4."They've made sure you know all about their new relationship,and how much happier they are in it"-yes,he made sure me to get known,he invited her to his birthday(his birthday was during my NC,so I haven't even wished him happy birthday ),and told everybody that it is his new gf,and there were people who know me,his best friend is brother of my best friend,so he knew that that guy is going to tell his sister,and she of course to me...Like Latino-Americ serie! 5."If there is stilll intense emotion whether jealously,anger or hatred-there are still underlying feelings of love"-he is still angry on me(even if I haven't done anything )... So I also think that his new one is nothing serious. I don't know,one moment I think,if he would come to my door,I would forgive him everything in just one moment,next moment I am angry like that,that I could break his car,then the next moment I think how nothing could ever be the same,even if we reconcile one day,then I am sad again...and so on... Edited June 10, 2012 by smint
Stanza Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 If he came to your door you can't forgive him - well you can forgive him - but you can't just get back with him, the issues that were there would need solving, you'd need to start over, right from the start, dating again etc. that rebound list - mine qualifies for all except 1, she's pretty much the opposite of me but I've read either similar or very opposite fills that criteria you sound a bit stronger today which is good 1
Author smint Posted June 10, 2012 Author Posted June 10, 2012 Oh I am not stronger,I cried for hours today,but it is that roller coaster of feelings I don't think that he will come to my door,I think that I lost him forever...My computer is full of our pictures,there is thousand of pictures what should I do with pictures and with jewelery? And you said that you cry on the street,I cry on the street every day too like idiot Somehow I wish it is just a rebound,but those relationships also can workout...Stanza,what are you going to do?Do you wish your ex get back to you?Do you have a wish to meet someone new?I sometimes want to meet new person,but honestly,I am not over him,and I know that I just couldn't be with someone...
ladyabstrused Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 I sometimes want to meet new person,but honestly,I am not over him,and I know that I just couldn't be with someone... Let it happen, but let yourself heal too.. before getting into another serious relationship. You don't have to start dating again so soon, be yourself, meet new people, have more friends.. and then see where life leads you. Agree with stanza, you sound better today. Maybe the crying helped you let it all out. Which is good. 1
Stanza Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 Yeah, don't meet someone new yet, you'll screw it up just keep crying and going through it. You are stronger as you sound different, I still cry every day too, that's just our emotions taking over. Nothing we can do about it. At the moment, yes, I want him to come back, there's different reasons for it but I know that given time I will lose that feeling, once I eventually cut off, I will also really cut off. So it will be a question of if he 'does' change his mind - if he will do so before it's too late on my side. So I think anyway. They are rebounds. Yes they can turn into something else but they're built on very rocky ground but that's not our problem. You need a plan for if he does come to your door. You need to know how you will deal with it. You can't just make up on the spot. You need to know what you'll say, so that you can start over but in a good way. And that plan may change down the line when your feelings change but you should be prepared. Or so I think anyway 1
Author smint Posted June 11, 2012 Author Posted June 11, 2012 No,I am sure that he would not come to my door,he erased me,he wants to move to place where she lives,he is shooting for that job there to have it permanently,he wants to run away from this place-probably because of memories,and to start new life,as I can see.But it is not solution,to just run away and jump into new relationship right after. I know I have to suffer some time,it is more healthy,then what he is doing,but sometimes I feel that that pain will never disappear,I still wake up in the morning and want to send him message like before we used to do... I know it is not good idea to be with someone else,it's been only 3 months,I meant when I asked,that sometimes I never want him back,and want someone new for future,and sometimes I want only him...But the thing I don't understand,how the hell she appeared in his life right after the break up???He planed to leave me and made contact with her???It's not coincidence,it can't be!!!
ladyabstrused Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 But the thing I don't understand,how the hell she appeared in his life right after the break up???He planed to leave me and made contact with her???It's not coincidence,it can't be!!! He probably had contacted her for some time before he left you. Probably for quite awhile for him to leave so easily and move on. 1
Author smint Posted June 11, 2012 Author Posted June 11, 2012 Isn't it selfish?To find yourself a cure and to leave person who doesn't even know that something is going on,to leave and stop every contact out of nowhere!!! Today I went to swimming pool,only swimming pool in this place,where we used to go together,and I cried in front of all people...I remembered how he used to swim there,what jokes we were making there...uhhhhh I called one therapist I want to go today,but he is on vacation until 18th June.I have problem,my father is very famous oncologist in this place,my mother was nurse,and this is small place,so they know a lot of doctors.And I am not close with my parents,that's one more problem,I pretend that everything is ok,because they will make mess,I know them,they are good,but they sometimes are exaggerate things,and it was always easier to me to solve my problems alone,my ex was my rock,my everything and I was his,so I am searching for someone to go,someone who doesn't know my parents...
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