Shaun-Dro Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I think I'd be very wary of a 30-year-old guy asking a 19-year-old out. Why doesn't he ask women his own age out? Why should he? So they can annoy him and be difficult? You notice that this young girl isn't even thinking along those lines. She'll make one great girlfriend if he can get her. I speak from experience. 1
RedRobin Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Why should he? So they can annoy him and be difficult? You notice that this young girl isn't even thinking along those lines. She'll make one great girlfriend if he can get her. I speak from experience. OP... take a long, hard look at posts like the above and see if you think it is a wise decision for you. Guys like this do not have your best interests at heart. It's all about what they can take from younger women.
irin Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 i live in the middle for about 3 years, and in different countries, and im young girl. i had absolutely no issues. i dont think this is a cultural issue. it exists everywhere, the amount of threads we've had about western men going after young girls. it happens everywhere. 4
Author KaiYA Posted June 9, 2012 Author Posted June 9, 2012 Yes you should definitely do it! 19 year old girls are hot these days and he is a smart enough guy to admit this and go for you. I really think you and him should give it a go and have fun. My girlfriend is 18 and I'm 33 and we connect just fine. Age means nothing. If anything, you both are benefiting from each other in various ways. Check for yourself. Oh my gosh. I don't want him to date me because I'm hot...that is disgusting. :/ I don't want to be anybody's trophy or just to have fun with. Your gf maybe cool with that, but I'm not.
Author KaiYA Posted June 9, 2012 Author Posted June 9, 2012 Thank you for finally answering my question. personally, I would never choose to live in a middle eastern country, especially as a woman. That is partly due to some of the practices that pair up much younger girls with older men. I find it personally repulsive. So do alot of people in the US. It does shed some light on your situation though. I'd argue your question has less to do with age difference then, and more about cultural expectations. If you choose to live in the US, yes, many people outside of your cultural background would have serious issues with the situation you posed. Mothers don't groom their teenagers to have relationships with older men. In healthy, functioning families, both parents take an active role in screening the men who enter their daughter's life. I can't think of one family I know of who would find this acceptable in any way. Unless you plan to stay within the confines of your 'culture' here in the US, I expect you will face some challenges when they discover how you were brought together. I think you know as well as I do that you would need your father's approval as well. The fact that he doesn't approve... care to share why? You obviously know nothing about the Middle East. Some parts of it is very safe and ideal for raising children. My father would rather me not date an American. He wanted me to go to college over seas. 2
Shaun-Dro Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Oh my gosh. I don't want him to date me because I'm hot...that is disgusting. :/ I don't want to be anybody's trophy or just to have fun with. Your gf maybe cool with that, but I'm not. My remark about being hot was just a quip. Don't take it so literally. I like my girlfriend and am very fortunate to have met her. She's not perfect but she's good enough for me. I'm sure this guy isn't looking for a trophy girl. I think he likes you for you and that's good reason to give him a shot. You don't have to do anything with him other than kiss and make-out. It's where me and my girlfriend is right now, however since guys her age try to hit on her, I made sure to mark my territory on her like a vampire, but I don't expect him to follow my path. Just go on some dates and set some boundaries. If he respects them, then's he good for you.
RedRobin Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 (edited) You obviously know nothing about the Middle East. Some parts of it is very safe and ideal for raising children. My father would rather me not date an American. He wanted me to go to college over seas. Perhaps not... In the US though, I expect you won't find many girl children forced into marriage, or subjected to genital mutilation, or being stoned for adultery after being raped, or aborted because they weren't a boy... *shrug* Your father is probably correct about most American men though. Alot of them do not have serious intentions. The earlier poster is more what they have in mind... Unlike the prior poster though, I see no reason to believe any 30 yr old man would like a 19 yr old for 'her'. Men with these preferences go for younger women because they are younger. Nothing more to it. They see it as a trophy in and of itself. They can't get validation for their character in other ways, but having a much younger girlfriend makes them feel special. So it has nothing to do with you. Edited June 9, 2012 by RedRobin
Author KaiYA Posted June 9, 2012 Author Posted June 9, 2012 Perhaps not... In the US though, I expect you won't find many girl children forced into marriage, or subjected to genital mutilation, or being stoned for adultery after being raped, or aborted because they weren't a boy... *shrug* Your father is probably correct about most American men though. Alot of them do not have serious intentions. The earlier poster is more what they have in mind... LOL you've been watching wayy too much Fox News. My mother and grandmother lived in the middle east and did not experience any of this. They felt very safe. In fact, my mother wanted to stay over there instead of moving here to the States. She had more problems here with American men trying to try her at her job than Middle Eastern men where you would be severely punished for sexual harassment of a woman. 1
Author KaiYA Posted June 9, 2012 Author Posted June 9, 2012 My remark about being hot was just a quip. Don't take it so literally. I like my girlfriend and am very fortunate to have met her. She's not perfect but she's good enough for me. I'm sure this guy isn't looking for a trophy girl. I think he likes you for you and that's good reason to give him a shot. You don't have to do anything with him other than kiss and make-out. It's where me and my girlfriend is right now, however since guys her age try to hit on her, I made sure to mark my territory on her like a vampire, but I don't expect him to follow my path. Just go on some dates and set some boundaries. If he respects them, then's he good for you. Oh okay, I am sorry for misunderstanding you. That's good that your relationship is working for you. I know he likes me, but naturally I am apprehensive about his intentions.
irin Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 people have such unrealistic views on the middle east. i honestly cant wait to finish my education so i can go and live there. 3
RedRobin Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 LOL you've been watching wayy too much Fox News. My mother and grandmother lived in the middle east and did not experience any of this. They felt very safe. In fact, my mother wanted to stay over there instead of moving here to the States. She had more problems here with American men trying to try her at her job than Middle Eastern men where you would be severely punished for sexual harassment of a woman. I do not watch Fox News, never have. I mostly get my news from NPR, BBC, the Economist. yes, I realize the examples I gave exist in pockets in the Middle East... but they exist. And the governments where these practices exist look the other way. Oh wait. Can't drive a car in Saudi Arabia.... all these things that supposedly protect women do more to keep them like children than actually protect them. On the other hand, if you as a woman want to wait until marriage before sex, yes, those countries are more accepting and appreciative of that. On the other hand, if you marry a man who beats you... good luck trying to get a divorce or getting remarried. You are pretty much screwed for life if you make a bad choice of husband there.
Author KaiYA Posted June 9, 2012 Author Posted June 9, 2012 people have such unrealistic views on the middle east. i honestly cant wait to finish my education so i can go and live there. Me too! My dad is looking into jobs in the UAE, so I'm hoping he takes it, so I can stay here for school, and in the summers I can go over there. 1
RedRobin Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I hadn't meant to go so far off track from your OP. I really don't believe this has anything to do with age... more about cultural expectations. There is alot working behind the scenes on this I suspect... I mean no disrespect for your culture. Just like there are many things I don't like about American culture (and we can't judge all Americans), there are things I like and don't like about others. In my prior job, I worked around people from all around the world. TBH, I find the marriage/dating habits of Asians and Middle Easterners to be very respectful and deliberate. I'd actually prefer it myself. Except for the age difference and hard core adherence to gender roles. That I wouldn't like so much. I do like that they are commitment minded. I wish we were more like that here in the US.
Author KaiYA Posted June 9, 2012 Author Posted June 9, 2012 I do not watch Fox News, never have. I mostly get my news from NPR, BBC, the Economist. yes, I realize the examples I gave exist in pockets in the Middle East... but they exist. And the governments where these practices exist look the other way. Oh wait. Can't drive a car in Saudi Arabia.... all these things that supposedly protect women do more to keep them like children than actually protect them. On the other hand, if you as a woman want to wait until marriage before sex, yes, those countries are more accepting and appreciative of that. On the other hand, if you marry a man who beats you... good luck trying to get a divorce or getting remarried. You are pretty much screwed for life if you make a bad choice of husband there. Actually these countries are slowly changing for the better. They are making changing. And when you refer to the Mid East its like me referring to America as North America, Canada, central america, and south America. 4 totally different regions with 4 totally different laws and regulations. North America is totally different from Canada which is totally different from South America...its almost impossible to compare these countries. 2
irin Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Me too! My dad is looking into jobs in the UAE, so I'm hoping he takes it, so I can stay here for school, and in the summers I can go over there. yup ive even learned arabic. :bunny: 1
kaylan Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 (edited) ^lmao @ you naive girls. The UAE is flooded with so many Western and Indian foreigners that I hardly consider that the middle east. Its like the Western worlds Utopia within the middle east. I mean hell, Emirati people only make up 17% of the population in their own country. Think about that....when does that EVER happen anywhere else? Other places like Libya, Egypt, and Iran are far different. A friend of mine is Iranian, and will tell you how much better life is in the West in comparison to most Middle Eastern countries...if only because of personal freedoms and human rights issues in certain areas. Again, the UAE isnt at all indicative of what the Middle East is like. Edited June 9, 2012 by kaylan
irin Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 ^lmao @ you naive girls. The UAE is flooded with so many Western and Indian foreigners that I hardly consider that the middle east. Its like the Western worlds Utopia within the middle east. Other places like Libya and Iran are far different. A friend of mine is Iranian, and will tell you how much better life is in the West in comparison to most Middle Eastern countries...if only because of personal freedoms and human rights issues in certain areas. Again, the UAE isnt at all indicative of what the Middle East is like. we are not naive just familiar with the middle east and understand that each region is different. libya is a very unstable at right now. iran is a theocracy, and i would consider it a dictatorship, the constitution is based on religious laws. thats the reason why its not the best place to live right now. yes the uae and Dubai is full of immigrants. but countries like Lebanon, turkey, Oman, Jordan, Egypt, Yemen, Tunisia. and so many other are perfect to live in. also right now the region is going through transaction period, and there are a few war zones i went to syria once it was great but right now is a hell whole. 1
Author KaiYA Posted June 10, 2012 Author Posted June 10, 2012 ^lmao @ you naive girls. The UAE is flooded with so many Western and Indian foreigners that I hardly consider that the middle east. Its like the Western worlds Utopia within the middle east. I mean hell, Emirati people only make up 17% of the population in their own country. Think about that....when does that EVER happen anywhere else? Other places like Libya, Egypt, and Iran are far different. A friend of mine is Iranian, and will tell you how much better life is in the West in comparison to most Middle Eastern countries...if only because of personal freedoms and human rights issues in certain areas. Again, the UAE isnt at all indicative of what the Middle East is like. .I find it beautiful over there, its a matter of aesthetics and the culture is still booming. The population is half Indian because they are usually working on new or old buildings or other manual work. I just said the UAE because my father is looking into jobs over there.....sooo....I'm not sure what you are getting at. There are several other places I would love to "settle down" in .
LittlePrince Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 yes, I'm sure men with your beliefs would prefer women throw reality out the window and assume the attention of a much older man is somehow 'special'. ...but, it's not. I happen to believe there is much more at stake for the woman in these scenarios than the guy for making a poor choice... so the burden of proof is on the guy. Not to mention, that a 19 year old girl has a bazillion other options more favorable than being with a much older guy who nine times out of ten has an age-fetish. At the end of the day relationships are mostly about having children and raising them. To properly financially support a child a man can expect at least an 18 year investment. Probably it will take longer for the child to really get on his or her feet perhaps 22, their mid-twenties, or even their thirties. That's just money. That doesn't take into account moral support and other kinds of support. All the while as he stays in his child's life he will need to interact with the mother whether they are together or not so a poor choice can really screw you. The idea that there isn't much at stake for a man is silly. 1
ladyabstrused Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 Yes you should definitely do it! 19 year old girls are hot these days and he is a smart enough guy to admit this and go for you. I really think you and him should give it a go and have fun. My girlfriend is 18 and I'm 33 and we connect just fine. Age means nothing. If anything, you both are benefiting from each other in various ways. Check for yourself. Age does mean something even if it means nothing to both of the people in a relationship. I'm quite curious as to how long you and your girlfriend have been together? Why should he? So they can annoy him and be difficult? You notice that this young girl isn't even thinking along those lines. She'll make one great girlfriend if he can get her. I speak from experience. She'll make one great girlfriend in the long run yes, and then what happens when she can't meet the needs of this much older guy and he can't lower his expectations? Not saying that this is going to happen, but the OP sure has to really think this through because she does not want a short term relationship and so she has to know that there are so many factors that will come into this relationship that may either make it or break it for her. She has to think for herself first (as I've been advised to do for myself because I was not in a healthy relationship with a much older guy). OP, you have to be honest with yourself. Just being interested or having a crush on this guy doesn't make it a valid reason to go into a serious relationship with him. You're still so young. You've got so many options. I'm not saying you shouldn't date him, honestly I think you should and get the experience but not to make it into something too serious so soon. But then because you said you don't want a short term relationship, then "just dating him" won't really work. So what do you want to do?
RedRobin Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 At the end of the day relationships are mostly about having children and raising them. To properly financially support a child a man can expect at least an 18 year investment. Probably it will take longer for the child to really get on his or her feet perhaps 22, their mid-twenties, or even their thirties. That's just money. That doesn't take into account moral support and other kinds of support. All the while as he stays in his child's life he will need to interact with the mother whether they are together or not so a poor choice can really screw you. The idea that there isn't much at stake for a man is silly. .... which is why it is important that women choose a man who can be a real partner and vice versa... Not a daddy figure who she squeezes kids out for and who treats her like one of the children. Men who choose much younger women do so because they don't want to manage the needs of a mature adult or have a real partnership. Younger women are easier to manipulate and that is the attraction... along with the superficial, of course. Then there is the lure of 'molding' a youngster to suit oneself... like going to the car show room and picking out all of the features you'd like in your ride. That too is probably another element of some men's attraction to younger women. That way, they don't have to work on their own issues. Fortunately, the world is changing and women aren't obliged to tolerate that anymore in order to support themselves.
LittlePrince Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 .... which is why it is important that women choose a man who can be a real partner and vice versa... Not a daddy figure who she squeezes kids out for and who treats her like one of the children. Men who choose much younger women do so because they don't want to manage the needs of a mature adult or have a real partnership. Younger women are easier to manipulate and that is the attraction... along with the superficial, of course. Then there is the lure of 'molding' a youngster to suit oneself... like going to the car show room and picking out all of the features you'd like in your ride. That too is probably another element of some men's attraction to younger women. That way, they don't have to work on their own issues. Fortunately, the world is changing and women aren't obliged to tolerate that anymore in order to support themselves. So basically young men who aren't interested in cougars are as faulty as older men going for the same younger woman. No man isn't debilitatingly flawed.
RedRobin Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 So basically young men who aren't interested in cougars are as faulty as older men going for the same younger woman. No man isn't debilitatingly flawed. I'm perfectly fine with young men being attracted to women their own age. I've turned away much younger men who wanted a relationship with me. Some very nice sincere young men, to be honest. I've said it many times that the healthiest relationships I've observed are between people close to their own age.
LittlePrince Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 I'm perfectly fine with young men being attracted to women their own age. I've turned away much younger men who wanted a relationship with me. Some very nice sincere young men, to be honest. I've said it many times that the healthiest relationships I've observed are between people close to their own age. I've never observed healthy relationships regardless what the ages are of those involved. People are too insane for sanity. Sanity would be a key component to a healthy relationship. 1
FitChick Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 The older you get, the smaller the age gap becomes. For example, in your twenties, a gap of ten years is "bigger" (more relevant) than it is in your fifties. So wait until he is 50.
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