Miss.Misunderstood Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Yeah, thats true, but there has to be single women who doesnt have crazy exes or children who are like in their mid twenties. Im not getting what makes me so special when their are women out there his age that are bubbly as me and are willing to do stuff with him sexually. That's just it. Maybe he doesn't want a woman "like you", maybe he wants YOU. 2
udolipixie Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Yeah, thats true, but there has to be single women who doesnt have crazy exes or children who are like in their mid twenties. Im not getting what makes me so special when their are women out there his age that are bubbly as me and are willing to do stuff with him sexually. Likely what makes you special is your youth. 2
ladyabstrused Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I was 18 when I got into a relationship with a 36-year old guy. It was good in the beginning. But later on, we realise that we are different on so many levels that we could not get along well. Mindset, thought processes, perceptions, preferences in little things like music or movies - different. I overlooked a lot of that just cos I was in love. Almost 5 years and then we ended. I'm on my 19th day of NC with several breaks. I'd say be careful and think this through if you wanna get into a long term relationship with this guy. If it's just dating, I guess the experience is something you can learn from. Just not easy being in a relationship with a much older guy, especially since you're only 19, trust me.
carhill Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I was just talking with one of my workers about this very subject last night. He's 28 and is dating a 19 yo whom he's known as 'friends' for awhile. He's a single father, has met her parents and gone to church with her. He was worried about the age difference. Hard to gauge his maturity but he does show up on time every day and works all day. Yesterday he taught me how to process the cactus on the property into a Mexican dish and made lunch for us. OP, IMO, if you enjoy his company and he doesn't violate your expressed boundaries, then see how it goes. You're an adult now and part of relationships of any kind involves risk. If you think this risk is worth taking, do it. If it works out, great. If not, it's a life lesson. Life is about living and about lessons. Good luck. 1
RedRobin Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I personally believe the dynamic is not healthy under almost all circumstances. It is practically universal to see the men cheering this kind of crap on.... and the ladies telling you to hold on... especially if they've been on the other end of this trip. There is almost nothing positive I can see about getting involved with a much older man. It is almost always a predator/prey dynamic... with the younger one being grossly unaware of what she is providing the older man... who I honestly feel is little more than a blood-sucking tick.... looking to someone else to maintain a hold on his youth or impress his friends. When women feel 'old' or inadequate, they get plastic surgery. When men feel old or inadequate, they get a young girlfriend. Main difference? plastic surgery is something women do to themselves. Getting a young girlfriend is something men do to others. The fact they feel entitled to it is even more obnoxious. But to the OP... you wanna be a notch on this guy's bedpost? go ahead.
LittlePrince Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Yeah, thats true, but there has to be single women who doesnt have crazy exes or children who are like in their mid twenties. Im not getting what makes me so special when their are women out there his age that are bubbly as me and are willing to do stuff with him sexually. If he is putting time and effort to be with you for more than sex then he has found something about your personality attractive others are missing that you aren't seeing. 1
veggirl Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 You already have reservations on this. I would pass on this guy, given your lack of experience you really should stick with guys closer to your own age. 2
RedRobin Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 If he is putting time and effort to be with you for more than sex then he has found something about your personality attractive others are missing that you aren't seeing. yep... personality traits like the naivete and pliability (as in, able to be easily manipulated) that comes with youth.
LittlePrince Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 yep... personality traits like the naivete and pliability (as in, able to be easily manipulated) that comes with youth. Let's throw reality out the window and choose to believe in widely held myths. 1
RedRobin Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Let's throw reality out the window and choose to believe in widely held myths. yes, I'm sure men with your beliefs would prefer women throw reality out the window and assume the attention of a much older man is somehow 'special'. ...but, it's not. I happen to believe there is much more at stake for the woman in these scenarios than the guy for making a poor choice... so the burden of proof is on the guy. Not to mention, that a 19 year old girl has a bazillion other options more favorable than being with a much older guy who nine times out of ten has an age-fetish. 1
PeineDeCoeur Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 When I volunteered at my mom"s job. He worked in an office next to my mom, so they were pretty close...they still are. He used to always come over till I went to college for fall semester. I always had a crush on him, but he really is in another stage of life.He already found himself, anf if we do date I dont want to bore him with my minor problems Am I the only one a bit disturbed that this guy is a close friend of your Mom's? Is she aware of his interest in you? What does she think? If he's known you since you were 15, he's been watching you for awhile, is possibly aware that you had a crush on him. This is seriously creeping me out. I'm not saying not to date him - but if you do, keep your radar up. Has he had any previous long-term relationships?
Author KaiYA Posted June 9, 2012 Author Posted June 9, 2012 Am I the only one a bit disturbed that this guy is a close friend of your Mom's? Is she aware of his interest in you? What does she think? If he's known you since you were 15, he's been watching you for awhile, is possibly aware that you had a crush on him. This is seriously creeping me out. I'm not saying not to date him - but if you do, keep your radar up. Has he had any previous long-term relationships? Shes been joking around forever saying he is perfect for me or that she is saving me for him. I honesrly dont think she would bat an eye if she found out...my dad heck yea, but not my mom...then again I really cant say. And he does know I had a crush on him. He told me he knew a lil while ago and he said he thought it was cute.I kinda like melted when he said that
PeineDeCoeur Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 You sound like you're interested. Make sure to ask about his past relationships with other women and why they broke up - that should give you some indication about him (like if he only dates younger women). If he answers your questions openly and you feel comfortable, then go ahead. Just... consider the dating to be an interview for whether you want to be more involved with him. Ask a lot of questions. If you feel like you can't ask questions, or if there is a power imbalance between the two of you, or that he's wants you to do something you're not comfortable with, drop him immediately. The concern here is that he's not trying to use you, or groom you for something .
RedRobin Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Shes been joking around forever saying he is perfect for me or that she is saving me for him. I honesrly dont think she would bat an eye if she found out...my dad heck yea, but not my mom...then again I really cant say. And he does know I had a crush on him. He told me he knew a lil while ago and he said he thought it was cute.I kinda like melted when he said that Lovely. Your mom is helping pimp you out to older men. Even creepier. What does your mom do for a living, if I may ask? Where *IS* your dad in all of this anyway? What kind of relationship do you have with him? My observation is that women who seek out much older men are looking for a daddy replacement.
Author KaiYA Posted June 9, 2012 Author Posted June 9, 2012 If he is putting time and effort to be with you for more than sex then he has found something about your personality attractive others are missing that you aren't seeing. Y Hmm thats true
Author KaiYA Posted June 9, 2012 Author Posted June 9, 2012 4044142]It's just a date... It's not like he's asking you to marry him. I say go for it! You'll know pretty quick if he's only wanting a booty call or if he really has some feels for you. It's wrong to judge a guy based on his age and just assume all he wants is sex. Ive never dating before because in my culture its only for long term. Dating someone for a few weeks then splitting is like frown upon n I really dont want to be classified as the slut.
Author KaiYA Posted June 9, 2012 Author Posted June 9, 2012 Lovely. Your mom is helping pimp you out to older men. Even creepier. What does your mom do for a living, if I may ask? Where *IS* your dad in all of this anyway? What kind of relationship do you have with him? My observation is that women who seek out much older men are looking for a daddy replacement. What? No, shes not. My mom doesnt work anymore....shes my mom for a living. I dont have father issues. Me and my dad are cool. This guy is the only older guy Ive ever been interested in
RedRobin Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Ive never dating before because in my culture its only for long term. Dating someone for a few weeks then splitting is like frown upon n I really dont want to be classified as the slut. Where do you live then... because in the US and most developed countries I'm aware of, moms don't tend to 'groom' their teenagers to be with much older men. They do in other cultures for some bizarre reason. Although, these same cultures have other bizarre (and disturbing) cultural rituals where women are concerned that I don't agree with... but I digress. You and your dad are 'cool'. Where is he? Saying this is the first older man you are interested in (at 19) isn't saying much.
Author KaiYA Posted June 9, 2012 Author Posted June 9, 2012 Where do you live then... because in the US and most developed countries I'm aware of, moms don't tend to 'groom' their teenagers to be with much older men. They do in other cultures for some bizarre reason. Although, these same cultures have other bizarre (and disturbing) cultural rituals where women are concerned that I don't agree with... but I digress. You and your dad are 'cool'. Where is he? Saying this is the first older man you are interested in (at 19) isn't saying much. In the States. My mom is not grooming me for him. She thinks he is a great guy, but its surely not how you think.My dad lives with me, my siblings, and mother.There is nothimg wrong with my family that is not out of the norm
RedRobin Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 In the States. My mom is not grooming me for him. She thinks he is a great guy, but its surely not how you think.My dad lives with me, my siblings, and mother.There is nothimg wrong with my family that is not out of the norm I've never met anyone who was born and raised in the US whose parents would allow this. You mention your 'culture'. Don't beat around the bush. Living in the US is not the same as being born and raised here... I can't imagine anyone from a country other than some middle eastern or asian countries that would think this was acceptable in any way. Especially the part where they think it is 'cute' that he knew you as a child and now has romantic intentions.
kaylan Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I personally believe the dynamic is not healthy under almost all circumstances. It is practically universal to see the men cheering this kind of crap on.... and the ladies telling you to hold on... especially if they've been on the other end of this trip. There is almost nothing positive I can see about getting involved with a much older man. It is almost always a predator/prey dynamic... with the younger one being grossly unaware of what she is providing the older man... who I honestly feel is little more than a blood-sucking tick.... looking to someone else to maintain a hold on his youth or impress his friends. When women feel 'old' or inadequate, they get plastic surgery. When men feel old or inadequate, they get a young girlfriend. Main difference? plastic surgery is something women do to themselves. Getting a young girlfriend is something men do to others. The fact they feel entitled to it is even more obnoxious. But to the OP... you wanna be a notch on this guy's bedpost? go ahead. Universal? Nah. Several guys, including myself, have said it doesnt seem like a good idea.
Author KaiYA Posted June 9, 2012 Author Posted June 9, 2012 I've never met anyone who was born and raised in the US whose parents would allow this. You mention your 'culture'. Don't beat around the bush. Living in the US is not the same as being born and raised here... I can't imagine anyone from a country other than some middle eastern or asian countries that would think this was acceptable in any way. Especially the part where they think it is 'cute' that he knew you as a child and now has romantic intentions. Well, you asked where I live and I live here. I was born here too. Middle eastern countries have very valuable perspectives. Some countries go to the extreme, but for the most part it has respectable values.
RedRobin Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Universal? Nah. Several guys, including myself, have said it doesnt seem like a good idea. I did say 'practically'. At best, what you get from alot of guys here is not alot of serious input. More like... oh, if you two are compatible then go for it. No questions asked, no probing for why's... just a blanket pat on the back and shoving her along. To me, that is almost worse. Because it leaves the appearance of objectivity and concern... when all it really does is maintain the status quo. If one has been here long enough to know these particular men's 'tastes', then the lack of hard questions on her behalf is galling, to say the least.
Shaun-Dro Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I'm 19, and this guy I've known since I was 15 asked me out. He is 30, and I told him I would think it over because the age gap is pretty big. We both know it would be awkward to explain our relationship(if we do date) with our family and friends, and I dont want them to get the wrong idea of me or him. I really do like him, but at the same time I feel funny about it. I usually don't date older guys, so I'm apprehensive. Should I give it a chance? Yes you should definitely do it! 19 year old girls are hot these days and he is a smart enough guy to admit this and go for you. I really think you and him should give it a go and have fun. My girlfriend is 18 and I'm 33 and we connect just fine. Age means nothing. If anything, you both are benefiting from each other in various ways. Check for yourself.
RedRobin Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Well, you asked where I live and I live here. I was born here too. Middle eastern countries have very valuable perspectives. Some countries go to the extreme, but for the most part it has respectable values. Thank you for finally answering my question. personally, I would never choose to live in a middle eastern country, especially as a woman. That is partly due to some of the practices that pair up much younger girls with older men. I find it personally repulsive. So do alot of people in the US. It does shed some light on your situation though. I'd argue your question has less to do with age difference then, and more about cultural expectations. If you choose to live in the US, yes, many people outside of your cultural background would have serious issues with the situation you posed. Mothers don't groom their teenagers to have relationships with older men. In healthy, functioning families, both parents take an active role in screening the men who enter their daughter's life. I can't think of one family I know of who would find this acceptable in any way. Unless you plan to stay within the confines of your 'culture' here in the US, I expect you will face some challenges when they discover how you were brought together. I think you know as well as I do that you would need your father's approval as well. The fact that he doesn't approve... care to share why?
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