Sid6.7 Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 How about this part "From my experiences guys have no to low interest in connecting with gals other than sexually and your emotions are regarded as unnecessary drama unless it involves adoring and praising him. " That sounds selfish to me. It sure does. Full disclosure here, you are talking to a Man that does not want a girlfriend or even a relationship. Doesn't mean I have never had these things, it just means I have made a lifestyle choice to avoid either. I am probably not the norm here because I am not a pussy, I do not fear the words I write or speak. The moral authority's can come along and delete things as they deem immoral. With that being said, my self interest is to get laid, much like any Man. Some Men will put up with a situation such as yours because maybe they think it will somehow tether themselves to a greater benefit by listening to your issues, and think they can put on a fix it hat. I think otherwise, I won't hear of it because I am an ******* and get what I want. There may be some truth to what you quoted but that does not mean it is the norm and equal to everyone. I still stand by my earlier responses to you regardless of how you may judge me.
Sid6.7 Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Yeah I'm sorry but sharing things about your personal life, even the more difficult less pretty stuff, doesn't mean you are turning your partner into your "therapist". Correct, it turns them into, WTF have I gotten myself into. It's only been three months, what is the big damn hurry?
udolipixie Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I am probably not the norm here because I am not a pussy, I do not fear the words I write or speak. Always amusing to see female genitals being used as an insult and indication of being weak, less than, and cowardly. Dicks used as an insult as well though it may be taken as a compliment of being a rebel, unafraid, manly, and such while pussy it seems rarely can be viewed as a compliment. 2
Sid6.7 Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Always amusing to see female genitals being used as an insult and indication of being weak, less than, and cowardly. Dicks used as an insult as well though it may be taken as a compliment of being a rebel, unafraid, manly, and such while pussy it seems rarely can be viewed as a compliment. Jesus lady, please put me on ignore.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Correct, it turns them into, WTF have I gotten myself into. It's only been three months, what is the big damn hurry? How many relationships have you been in where you were sleeping with a girl way before 3 months? If you are f*cking someone, you better be able to handle the other stuff too. None of this, "f*cking is okay but how dare that woman have the nerve to be open about the stuff she is going through!". 4
udolipixie Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Jesus lady, please put me on ignore. Not seeing any reason for me to. It seems you'd rather not see my posts so why not put me on ignore?
udolipixie Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 How many relationships have you been in where you were sleeping with a girl way before 3 months? If you are f*cking someone, you better be able to handle the other stuff too. None of this, "f*cking is okay but how dare that woman have the nerve to be open about the stuff she is going through!". That mindset which seems quite common in guys is why to me it's bs that guys generally 'express' their feelings through sex or sex is how guys 'love'.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 That mindset which seems quite common in guys is why to me it's bs that guys generally 'express' their feelings through sex or sex is how guys 'love'. Well, I do think guys can express their feelings through sex when a man is actually in love with a woman. Not just when he is dating her though. I just don't understand why f*cking is okay within 3 months (most guys will think it is) but somehow sharing other intimate things, such as family struggles, all the sudden isn't. Shouldn't sex be the most intimate of acts anyway? And if you are already sharing such an intimate act, surely her talking about family issues isn't the same thing as exchanging bodily fluids.
veggirl Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I am actually really shocked by the suggestions that you keep your feelings / problems to yourself OP. It's not like it's the first few dates, you have been exclusive for 3 months. If he is asking how you are feeling, you should tell him. You don't have to sob on his shoulder or anything, but "I'm not feeling too good, going through some family stuff" is fine. If he asks "what family stuff" (which he SHOULD), then you should tell him. There is a way to tell someone "bad" things about your life without coming across as needy or whatever. Unless he lives in la-la land, he has problems too. Would you judge him or think badly of him for confiding those in you or sharing them with you? I doubt it. If he can't handle who you are (your family is part of who you are) then it's best to find out early on. Honestly, if he is going to be a part of your life, he SHOULD know your family dynamic. If he doesn't want to deal with it, fine, he can GO. If a BOYFRIEND told me "go talk to your therapist or girlfriends" when I shared with him something that was affecting me....well wow, I'd be DONE with that loser. If he asks, tell. Sid has stated he has no desire for any type of serious relationship with a woman--take that into account when listening to his advice.
Sid6.7 Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 How many relationships have you been in where you were sleeping with a girl way before 3 months? If you are f*cking someone, you better be able to handle the other stuff too. None of this, "f*cking is okay but how dare that woman have the nerve to be open about the stuff she is going through!". If she want's to keep ****ing me at only three months in she should understand her dysfunctional family is not my problem. It's hers and her family's. Does not have a damn thing to do with me handling anything. I can walk any time I please, so can he. At three months he has absolutely no obligation to stick around. And she could consider the fact that he may choose that avenue at any given time if she were to disclose this information.
veggirl Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 If she want's to keep ****ing me at only three months in she should understand her dysfunctional family is not my problem. It's hers and her family's. Does not have a damn thing to do with me handling anything. I can walk any time I please, so can he. At three months he has absolutely no obligation to stick around. And she could consider the fact that he may choose that avenue at any given time if she were to disclose this information. Yep you can walk, he can walk, she can walk too. Isn't choice a beautiful thing? She can say whatever she wants. If he wants to walk, he can. If he responds in a way she doesn't appreciate, she can walk too. What's your point? That she should be so desperate to keep a man that she hides things about herself to keep him feeling perfectly comfortable?
udolipixie Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 (edited) Well, I do think guys can express their feelings through sex when a man is actually in love with a woman. Not just when he is dating her though. I just don't understand why f*cking is okay within 3 months (most guys will think it is) but somehow sharing other intimate things, such as family struggles, all the sudden isn't. Shouldn't sex be the most intimate of acts anyway? And if you are already sharing such an intimate act, surely her talking about family issues isn't the same thing as exchanging bodily fluids. I think some people express feelings through sex when they are in love with the person however I don't think sex is how guys express feelings or it's something uniquely male that is special. Different views you may see sex as the most intimate of acts and another may see it as an activity to get off so s/he may not want to hear about their partner's issues. Some may be more comfortable about exchanging bodily fluids as they see sex as a given in a relationship yet see talking of issues as having some set appropriate time period. Edited June 9, 2012 by udolipixie
wordrock Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 If she want's to keep ****ing me at only three months in she should understand her dysfunctional family is not my problem. It's hers and her family's. Does not have a damn thing to do with me handling anything. I can walk any time I please, so can he. At three months he has absolutely no obligation to stick around. And she could consider the fact that he may choose that avenue at any given time if she were to disclose this information. There doesn't seem to be a lot of agreement with your attitude. You might want to consider that people are so against your lack of compassion for other reasons.
Sid6.7 Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Yep you can walk, he can walk, she can walk too. Isn't choice a beautiful thing? She can say whatever she wants. If he wants to walk, he can. If he responds in a way she doesn't appreciate, she can walk too. What's your point? That she should be so desperate to keep a man that she hides things about herself to keep him feeling perfectly comfortable? I already made my point earlier in this thread. If she wants to offload undue burden on some guy after only three months, knock yourself out. It's a high risk situation for her to consider. It seems you'd rather not see my posts so why not put me on ignore? Fair enough. Done!
veggirl Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I already made my point earlier in this thread. If she wants to offload undue burden on some guy after only three months, knock yourself out. It's a high risk situation for her to consider. Right...and my point is, if he can't handle her being HONEST about her freaking life then she is better off without him. FFS she isn't proposing lying on his couch, head in his lap, tissues in hand while "confessing" this stuff. It's called being like "I'm upset because of my family" when he says "How are you?" You propose she lies. Healthy! When, exactly, WOULD it be okay to actually tell your boyfriend what is going on in your life?
Author lifeasiknowit Posted June 9, 2012 Author Posted June 9, 2012 Right...and my point is, if he can't handle her being HONEST about her freaking life then she is better off without him. FFS she isn't proposing lying on his couch, head in his lap, tissues in hand while "confessing" this stuff. It's called being like "I'm upset because of my family" when he says "How are you?" You propose she lies. Healthy! When, exactly, WOULD it be okay to actually tell your boyfriend what is going on in your life? Thank you veggirl. This is exactly my question. I don't think I will tell him much of anything now, but I wonder when I should. I guess only I can answer that question. Even today, when he called, I felt a bit down, but instead I said I was just tired, and acted like everything was okay. We are serious, we've been together a little over 3 months, stayed over at each other's apartments a few times every week, are taking a trip together, and I've seen him cry. But to be safe, I think I will just let things progress naturally, and if I feel the need to tell him anything I will. I think I'm just over thinking this.
wordrock Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 We are serious, we've been together a little over 3 months, stayed over at each other's apartments a few times every week, are taking a trip together, and I've seen him cry. But to be safe, I think I will just let things progress naturally, and if I feel the need to tell him anything I will. This guy adores you. Open up to him. He'll appreciate it and will want to be there for you. 1
Sid6.7 Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 You propose she lies. Healthy! I never said this whatsoever. Please quote me on this, produce my words written here in this forum where I said that she should lie. Until that time your credibility should be questioned on these forums from others. As of now, you have none as far as I am concerned after a fallacious post such as that. 1
veggirl Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Thank you veggirl. This is exactly my question. I don't think I will tell him much of anything now, but I wonder when I should. I guess only I can answer that question. Even today, when he called, I felt a bit down, but instead I said I was just tired, and acted like everything was okay. We are serious, we've been together a little over 3 months, stayed over at each other's apartments a few times every week, are taking a trip together, and I've seen him cry. But to be safe, I think I will just let things progress naturally, and if I feel the need to tell him anything I will. I think I'm just over thinking this. Hey, this all sounds really good! It sounds like you guys are on a really good track! I say go with what you feel comfortable with. Is it really even his reaction you are nervous about? Or just opening up in general? Given that he has been comfortable enough to cry in front of you, I don't think you need to worry about how he will react if you open up as well! If you aren't comfortable telling him personal things yet (I get that, I am slow to open up as well) then don't, but just don't hold back for HIS benefit. If he asks how you are, he wants to know. if you don't feel comfortable sharing, then okay (at this point). If you don't want to share because you think he'll bail, then it's a bad sign. Otherwise, do you. TBH yeah I think you're overthinking it. You have created a dramatic "reveal" in your mind, it doesn't have to be that! I never said this whatsoever. Please quote me on this, produce my words written here in this forum where I said that she should lie. Until that time your credibility should be questioned on these forums from others. As of now, you have none as far as I am concerned after a fallacious post such as that. I literally loled. 2
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