gbadboy Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I was seeing this guy since Feb. We were "seeing each other" (whatever that implies is beyond me? Does that mean we are a couple?) Anyway for the past month I was in cast due to an injury so I didnt see him for a few weeks - 6 weeks..but we kept in touch via text etc. It didnt help that i was staying at my folks place while recovering... I prob put a bit of strain on us, but we still kept in touch and he tried to visit when he could. Ive finally moved in my place and im much more mobile, cast is off....and I wanted to know now what our status was. I haven't been seeing anyone else nor talkin to anyone else. He tells me he is not out there looking, yet he remains on dating web sites and is out giving his number to people who he meets at parties and finds attractive... When I asked him about this, he says he is just looking for friends and that I should trust him. But its hard not to get jealous when u say "Oh i met so and so and he's hot..i got his number but we're just friends". Of course Im going to be paranoid! I admit i tend to be a bit jealous at times. My point in all of this is that, if he wants to go out and see others and meet others - fine - but you should tell me this from as early as you can and refrain from being intimate with me. When i told him before that we should be friends, he refused....saying he wants us to "see each other" ...yet...he doesn't want to commit and use the word "boyfriend". That bugs me. We got into a big fight last weekend. He came over to see me on sat night last and we had a great time. He told me he'd come over Sunday and try to sleep over Monday. Sunday came and he text'd me g'morning...we texted back and forth and then all of a sudden he stopped replying. The entire day went on with no replies from him. Early the next morning (Monday morning) I still hadn't heard back from him so now I got upset..... I began mass texting him - long messages , emails, and phoned him several times........ no answer. I felt he was ignoring me. He eventually contacted me monday morning saying he left his phone in his cousins car on Sunday and he's only now getting his phone back today (monday). I felt kind of stupid, but was cool and said "ok ill text u later". Then at lunch time, I text him to ask if he is still going to come over later.. ...again no reply......... ..I assumed he was busy at work - so I let it be. Hours and Hours pass, and no reply. 5pm passes, 6pm passes, 8pm passes, 10pm passes - still no reply. At this point in time, I obviously know he's not coming over, but im furious now b/c all he had to do was reply back and say he's NOT coming. rather than just ignore me... ..still I did not text or call back..i was waiting to see when he'd reply.... The night went on and no reply still. I couldnt sleep - I was so upset....so at 1am I texted him a lot saying how its not cool to just ignore me...and that if u weren't going to come, all u had to do was reply back to me. I sent a long number of texts...... The next day (Tuesday) still no reply. At 10am Tuesday I send yet another text saying "Why r u ignoring me? How can u be intimate with me sat night and then all of a sudden just vanish like that? I understand you didnt have your phone at first, but now you do - so why aren't u replying?" He eventually replied finally with a really rude comment - he said" "U r an Idiot. I came home last night and fell asleep. Relax. I have other things to worry about than solving your problems. Im at work TTYL" I thought that was pretty insensitive. Would it have hurt to just send me a 2 second text to say you cant make it? I replied back with several texts b/c at this point im really hurt....... he replies, "Listen, Im not avoiding you. Im swamped at work and the last thing on my mind was texting you" ...and that was the last i heard from him (this was Tuesday). I replied with a few texts saying "all u had to do was say u were busy at work rather than ignore me. I dont wanna take u from ur work - but if u cant make it out to see me then just tell me - rather than just ignore me. Even if ur upset at me, why ignore me? We are supppose to be seeing each other and u were in my bed on Saturday previous. Would it kill u to just reply and say u dont wanna come over?" Im not upset that he didnt come over. If ur busy at work - fine. but at least let me know and don't leave me hanging. My final reply was along the lines of "I won't bother you anymore....I care about you a lot and i missed u and all i wanted was for u to keep me in the loop. Even if ur upset at me , how angry can u be that u cant just send me a 2 second text saying u cant make it?". Whenever he gets upset he totally shuts me out...doesn't discuss the problem and instead vanishes and dissappears -and I hate that. B/c i dont know where I stand and i cant express myself. Im left to bottle all these emotions up bc he won't communicate with me. I understand some ppl need to back off if they are upset, but would it hurt to just send me a 1 line text say "im upset right now..ill call u when i can" or something? but no, I get absolutely nothing. No replies ...so im left in the dark wondering if we are still together, if we are not, or if ill even hear from him again. Communication is key and he keeps me in the dark so i dont know where i stand. He is 21 and im 33. yes Its a huge age gap. Is that a problem u think? Am i being childish? Am i wrong?
Eddie Edirol Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 (edited) Youre totally wrong, and youre being childish. You and him are not on the same page. He got what he wanted off you, and you got attached, which is not what he wanted. Then to make it worse, you kept mass texting him, calling, just looking like a stalker. THATS why he didnt want to reply to you. he knew that if he texted you anything you wouldnt leave him alone, so it was better for him to avoid you. Thats why he texted you back angry, you didnt get the hint. You HAD to have an answer instead of leaving it alone, and you got attached too fast. You couldnt relax a lil? Hang back, let him come to you? Of course people will say youre not wrong because he should be able to communicate, but hes 21, he doesnt know better. You should. You should also keep the possibility in your head that if he says he doesnt want the bf label, that he just wants sex from you. He's not going to tell you what you need to hear to stop being intimate with him, he will tell you what he needs to get easy sex. Did you really think you were going to have something meaningful with a 21 year old, that displays all these red flags? Edited June 9, 2012 by Eddie Edirol
Author gbadboy Posted June 9, 2012 Author Posted June 9, 2012 In retrospect, I know the mass texting did push him away....all i can say was when I texted him Monday at lunch time to see if he was coming over still and he didnt reply....it bugged me a lot - yet I left him alone and did not bother him until next day early morning. I haven't contacted him since Tuesday and I'm not going to. It just really sucks because when someone is intimate with you you expect them to keep you in the loop and when they dont, it makes you do things out of character (i.e. mass stalk). I'm not perfect - I meant well -and I suppose after a few days now he would cool off and make contact with me.....he knows my good outweighs my bad. Thank you for the reply - it was harsh but you're right...... He is 21 and I need to remember that most 21yr olds haven't experienced life fully yet..
Seductive Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 Youre totally wrong, and youre being childish. As if you're the pillar of maturity? We all know that mature, charming and attractive men spend all of their time on loveshack throwing their weight around. If you want honest feedback, you're not qualified to give relationship advice. You may have a girlfriend, but it doesn't mean you're happy or that you know what you're talking about. If you're going to run off and complain to the administrator, you need to grow up and accept that some people are just trying to help you by letting you know what you really are.
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