LanaDelRey Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Theres this guy that I dated for a year and he was the one who screwed me over 9 months ago. I can't tell what his problem is. I was trying to get a hold of him to make things clear and not have this weird relationship between us like we do now. Maybe not be friends but friendly around one another. I still care about him obviously and its been hard to let go fully but his reaction to me really got me confused. I was suprised. Here's what happened: He goes out and talks to my friends and gives them this whole bs story about why we ended things. Of course his story makes him look good and forgets the part where he screwed me over. About 9m ago after I found out what he was doing behind my back I left and changed my number. I never told him either. I never cussed him out or did anything to retaliate. I just left. Never looked back till a few weeks ago he talked to my friends. I decided I was going to try to talk to him myself. So I started searching for him because after I changed my # he changed his (funny). So anyways I asked his cousin and his best friend 4 his number. I eneded up giving them my number 2 have him call me and that same night my ex did. At first he was acting real confused about why I was talking 2 people to try to find him and so I told him that I wanted 2 clear things about what he said 2 my friends. He kept trying to dodge that statement and started acting confused on why I hit up his friends. I told him 3 times the same thing. Finally he let that 1 go and I asked if I could meet up with him to talk. He then goes on to say he has no time unless I told him what I needed. So for the fourth time I told him I wanted to talk. He then went on to say he has no time ever. The thing is whenever I brought up what he told my friends he would try 2 change the subject or act confused. He then goes on 2 tell me im assuming things and I said thats the reason I am calling you is so you can say this 2 me not my friends. I asked him y he coud have a heart 2 heart with my friends but then close up on me. I started to bring up how he screwed me over last summer and once again the confusion started. No direct answer. He then went on 2 tell me that he doesnt want 2 bring up the past and that he's not talking to me about it... ever. That I should have talked 2 him about this when it happened and its 2 late. It happened 9 months ago... he kept saying a year and a half ago (which again I didn't understand). Which is funny because before I left him last year I tried talking to him then too. Again, he starts talking in circles acting confused. He wouldn't deny anything or tell me to F off but he just completley closed up on me. I tried to be nice at first but his whole confusion act really started to piss me off. I dont understand his behavior. I don't understand why he didn't yell at my friends the way he did me. He never answered anything really and he wasn't being blunt on anything like telling me to F off or leave him alone just blunt on he is not talkig to me about the past and I missed my time slot to talk about it " a year and a half ago" when really it was not even 9 months ago. BUT hes acting like im the one who screwed him over. Like really it feels like hes mad at me. Because I left him or??? I dont know. When I told him he screwed me over he didnt deny it but he didnt admit he would just keep saying he doesnt want to bring up his past. I just dont understand any of it.. especially why he dodged pratically all my questions or acted confused even when I kept repeating myself. Then being like I have no time to talk or im not going to call you back about this because I don't want to talk about it. Yet he was able to talk to my friends about some bs story but not me...????? Im the one who was in the relationship with him. Can anyone help me here with what hes doing? Or explain his behavior. I dont need the whole "you can do better" talk. But after that convo I sat there kind of stumped. Like WTF??? I thought he cared about me a little more then that. It hurts so badly. I feel like I messed up but I know I didn't. I felt by know we would have been able to be nice to one another being that this happened 9 months ago but instead he was just plain mean and rude.
Philosoraptor Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Well since you already know you can do better I'll just say be the bigger person and let it go. His reasons are his reasons. They may have to do with his ego or he might just be an ass... who cares? Just continue to move on and don't play his childish games.
sweetheart5381 Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Theres this guy that I dated for a year and he was the one who screwed me over 9 months ago. I can't tell what his problem is. I was trying to get a hold of him to make things clear and not have this weird relationship between us like we do now. Maybe not be friends but friendly around one another. I still care about him obviously and its been hard to let go fully but his reaction to me really got me confused. I was suprised. Here's what happened: He goes out and talks to my friends and gives them this whole bs story about why we ended things. Of course his story makes him look good and forgets the part where he screwed me over. About 9m ago after I found out what he was doing behind my back I left and changed my number. I never told him either. I never cussed him out or did anything to retaliate. I just left. Never looked back till a few weeks ago he talked to my friends. I decided I was going to try to talk to him myself. So I started searching for him because after I changed my # he changed his (funny). So anyways I asked his cousin and his best friend 4 his number. I eneded up giving them my number 2 have him call me and that same night my ex did. At first he was acting real confused about why I was talking 2 people to try to find him and so I told him that I wanted 2 clear things about what he said 2 my friends. He kept trying to dodge that statement and started acting confused on why I hit up his friends. I told him 3 times the same thing. Finally he let that 1 go and I asked if I could meet up with him to talk. He then goes on to say he has no time unless I told him what I needed. So for the fourth time I told him I wanted to talk. He then went on to say he has no time ever. The thing is whenever I brought up what he told my friends he would try 2 change the subject or act confused. He then goes on 2 tell me im assuming things and I said thats the reason I am calling you is so you can say this 2 me not my friends. I asked him y he coud have a heart 2 heart with my friends but then close up on me. I started to bring up how he screwed me over last summer and once again the confusion started. No direct answer. He then went on 2 tell me that he doesnt want 2 bring up the past and that he's not talking to me about it... ever. That I should have talked 2 him about this when it happened and its 2 late. It happened 9 months ago... he kept saying a year and a half ago (which again I didn't understand). Which is funny because before I left him last year I tried talking to him then too. Again, he starts talking in circles acting confused. He wouldn't deny anything or tell me to F off but he just completley closed up on me. I tried to be nice at first but his whole confusion act really started to piss me off. I dont understand his behavior. I don't understand why he didn't yell at my friends the way he did me. He never answered anything really and he wasn't being blunt on anything like telling me to F off or leave him alone just blunt on he is not talkig to me about the past and I missed my time slot to talk about it " a year and a half ago" when really it was not even 9 months ago. BUT hes acting like im the one who screwed him over. Like really it feels like hes mad at me. Because I left him or??? I dont know. When I told him he screwed me over he didnt deny it but he didnt admit he would just keep saying he doesnt want to bring up his past. I just dont understand any of it.. especially why he dodged pratically all my questions or acted confused even when I kept repeating myself. Then being like I have no time to talk or im not going to call you back about this because I don't want to talk about it. Yet he was able to talk to my friends about some bs story but not me...????? Im the one who was in the relationship with him. Can anyone help me here with what hes doing? Or explain his behavior. I dont need the whole "you can do better" talk. But after that convo I sat there kind of stumped. Like WTF??? I thought he cared about me a little more then that. It hurts so badly. I feel like I messed up but I know I didn't. I felt by know we would have been able to be nice to one another being that this happened 9 months ago but instead he was just plain mean and rude. I can understand your frustration with this one, OP. Truth is, 2 people can be in the same relationship and experience it completely differently, based on past experiences, values, attitudes, emotions, etc. No two people ever experience the same feelings at the same time... not for even 30 seconds, much less an entire relationship... that's what communication and understanding are for - to bridge the gap. Perhaps he feels as "wronged" in the relationship as you do... and maybe that's why he talked to your friends about it. Just because he cannot talk about emotions (the break-up) with you does not mean that he doesn't care, it simply means that either he cannot communicate emotionally or he has moved on to the point that revisiting the b/u will hurt him and he knows it. In either event, this behaviour will not change and you deserve to have a relationship with another where you can freely communicate honestly and openly about issues. His answer that he "doesnt want to bring up the past" is valid in the event that he was seriously hurt in the b/u and has reached closure. If he was a cold, insensitive bastard most of the time, then I will suggest that he is "emotionally-challenged". However, the fact that he listened to your "questioning" without walking away shows that that he cares... in fact he cares enough to even listen after 9 months. Bottom line - do yourself a favour and stop thinking about what he is thinking and live life for you. We only have a limited number of heartbeats in this life... worrying about a result that is uncertain at best (future) will only serve to impede the present, which is really all we have.
greenz Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 You sound hurt and that's the most important thing. Protect your own feelings. What you've described sounds like a whole bunch of communication break down. If he doesn't want to talk about the past that might be his way of saying he would give things another try if you would just let things go. You're probably not letting go because you feel like you deserve an apology so mention that and see what happens. Ask him outright if he still cares about you or if he feels bad about anything that happened or if he wants to be in a relationship with you? If no, then move on and don't look back. If he does, then tell him he's got to be better and that you deserve an apology and see what happens. 2
Author LanaDelRey Posted June 10, 2012 Author Posted June 10, 2012 I can understand your frustration with this one, OP. Truth is, 2 people can be in the same relationship and experience it completely differently, based on past experiences, values, attitudes, emotions, etc. No two people ever experience the same feelings at the same time... not for even 30 seconds, much less an entire relationship... that's what communication and understanding are for - to bridge the gap. Perhaps he feels as "wronged" in the relationship as you do... and maybe that's why he talked to your friends about it. Just because he cannot talk about emotions (the break-up) with you does not mean that he doesn't care, it simply means that either he cannot communicate emotionally or he has moved on to the point that revisiting the b/u will hurt him and he knows it. In either event, this behaviour will not change and you deserve to have a relationship with another where you can freely communicate honestly and openly about issues. His answer that he "doesnt want to bring up the past" is valid in the event that he was seriously hurt in the b/u and has reached closure. If he was a cold, insensitive bastard most of the time, then I will suggest that he is "emotionally-challenged". However, the fact that he listened to your "questioning" without walking away shows that that he cares... in fact he cares enough to even listen after 9 months. Bottom line - do yourself a favour and stop thinking about what he is thinking and live life for you. We only have a limited number of heartbeats in this life... worrying about a result that is uncertain at best (future) will only serve to impede the present, which is really all we have. You are very correct on all of this. I see what your saying. Somedays if not most I do feel like he cares still but hes never going to put his guard down for me. I thought by now he would have but its been almost a year since we last talked and hes still the same person. The weird part is that he wouldnt tell me to go away. Like he didn't say "Stop calling my friends" or "Leave me alone, its over" or "Your crazy blah blah blah" Scenario. He instead just told me hes not talking about the past with me... blaming it on the time zone of it all. I somewhat see his point it was just how come you didnt say that to my friends then? How come with them you could talk and be nice but with me you get all defensive and shut all my questions down. My friends ask what happen they get an answer.. I ask what happened I get "Im never talking about the past with you, its too late now". I mean really?? The other odd thing is he didn't deny what I was trying to say. He heard it but he just kept answering with I dont want to talk about it. Thats when I agree with you I think bringing it back up hurts him. He may never admit it but running from it for him is better then actually re opening what he caused. I left because of what he did and I know he knows that. He is emotionally challenged. Thats what makes it tough. Thank you for your kind advice. Very much appreciated.
Sugarkane Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 Reminds me of my ex. He screwed me over but turned everything around on me. And made out that I'm a psycho or something and that he's the victim/innocent. They do that or then everyone would know what a jerk they are! If he can't be blunt/honest then what's the point? I can stand head games myself. If he screwed you over why even talk to the jerk?
Recommended Posts