PoppyK Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Hello, I had some really great advice from LS a few months ago, so hoping for some more! I had quite an upsetting break up around 6 months ago and wondering if anyone in my position has any advice on how to move forward. A brief history - my ex boyfriend told me about 6 months into our relationship that he wasn't able to feel emotion or passion for me (or anyone) and about 6 months after that he told me he didn't love me, but would never love anyone but I was everything he wanted and wanted to stay together. I tried for a few months after that but it really messed my head up - he rarely showed any physical affection either. However, he was a decent, genuine and kind person though who I loved (and love still) very much so it was a difficult decision I made to walk away. I have been getting back on my feet slowly - I have been disciplined enough not to ask about what he is doing, we have had no contact since the break up (apart from once bumping into each other, which was a but unsettling) and I took myself off facebook so I have no idea where he is/what he is doing. I have maintained my friendships, carried on with my sports clubs, holidays etc to try and get on with things. My problem is that I would like to date again at some point but I feel like I am now emotionally numb (ironically, like my ex). I gain no pleasure from doing the things I used to which is a terrifying feeling. I have no interest in going near another man, let alone any type of relationship. I have been for a few drinks with people and I spend the entire time hoping that they will just go away (they are lovely people - it's just me). Nothing interests me at all - I am very lucky in that I have a job which enables me to travel but this one thing that has been my passion - travel - now does not interest me at all. I do not feel depressed - I have had depression when I was a teenager and this feels very different. I do not feel sad, I am doing my usual work, play etc etc. I am seeing a cognitive behavioural therapist who is fantastic but I guess if anyone has been through what I am experiencing at the moment it may give me hope that at some point I will be able to feel something (for anyone, friend/boyfriend) and be able to contemplate a relationship in the future. Thanks.
d'Arthez Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 If you don't feel ready to date, don't date. Spend the time to work on yourself, so you can be happy with who you are. After that it will be much easier to pick up your life and pursue your dreams. It does sound like you suffer from a mood disorder. There are a few of those around. Definitely bring it up with your counselor.
no_radar Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Hi, from a male perspective I had the same kind of feelings as your ex, i felt i was unable to love anyone and totally lost physical attraction and the desire for sex for about 5 years. In the end I realised it was because I was not happy in my way of life and needed something new, so i packed in my job, moved house, started uni and picked up new hobbies and have now found someone I like and am starting to feel attraction again. What i suppose im trying to get at is don't blame yourself for you ex not having that attraction, he clearly has problems of his own, and dont fall onto the same path as him of myself. Try to step outside your comfort zones each day, or do something that scares the hell out of you, it reminds you your alive and you have other emotions than sadness or depression. Its always good to shake your life up completely every now and then to disconnect yourself with the old and discover the new. Good luck and keep smiling
marsha80 Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 I'm bored with the guys I've been meeting... maybe I should move, or something. People here become this weird gelatinously homogenous mass of ego-driven, pretentious, sex crazed, shallow PULP of a city. How difficult is it to meet someone who is not affected by the BS that runs rampant? Ok, well... that settles it.... OP and I are kinda in the same boat but rowing with different oars..
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