Learn_To_Fly Posted June 29, 2004 Posted June 29, 2004 Hooked up with a girl that was my sisters friend for the last 20 years. She has been overseas for many years and soon after her return back we got together. I had two serious previous relationships and as a result have 3 children, two of which live with me. She had no children and I believe her priority was to have a child before it got too late. She had already bought a house near me before we got together and by chance it was only a couple of minutes from my house. We decided to buy another house together in the area and rent ours out. She was initially happy to be a part of my family, me, her and my 2 children. Within six months she started to complain about me to everybody, my sister, my friends, her friends, etc. She also had things to say about my children who are fond of her. I never bitch to anyone. I believe she was advised to move out if she wasnt happy and she did but rang me up daily to check what I was up too while at the same time I was told she was still bitching about me. She ended up coming back to our house, got of the pill, got pregnant and within a month moved out to her mothers house. During the 8 months of pregnacy she came and stayed at the house about 3 days a week, mainly weekends, till the baby was born. During a stage in her pregnacy she was telling people including my sister that she did not want me to be at the birth of our baby and said things which were not nice to the point where her and my sister do not talk anymore after not having a argument during 20 years of friendship. I was at the birth in the delivery room while her mum waited outside and everything was great. I have 2 girls and a boy from previous relationships. We had a beautiful boy. She never discussed a name with me and named him without asking for my approval. Unknown to her she named him by a name which I told my other children that if I had another boy I would name him the same name. She would not have known this, purely accidental. She arranged for her mum to pick her up from hospital and take her back to her mums where they set up the nursery for him. I decided enough is enough and I would avoid all contact with her. I knew she would bitch that I dont contact her, asking how our son is, I dont care etc, which is far from the truth but who could be bothered. She still continued to ring me daily and I only answered her questions and never asked her anything. Our son is around seven weeks old now. Couple of weeks ago she got upset on the phone and said she has been ringing me, coming and staying at the house before the baby was born and that I never ring and I dont care. I explained that it didnt feel like he was my son as he was living with her and her mother and it was easier for me not to. She has not called me now for 8 days, but rings my daughter every couple of days. She rings one of my female friends she met through me daily and they visit each other to the point I had to stop seeing my friend as I felt uncomfortabe not knowing what is been said. CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON?
supermom Posted June 29, 2004 Posted June 29, 2004 You should make an effort to see your son, as the father, you know you have the right! Talk to her, ask her wtf is she bitching about all the time. Demand respect as you are her sons father and you need to try to work something out, even to be civil so you can have time with your new son. It's not worth it, not spending time with your new son because of her. Good luck with it all!
CurlyIam Posted June 29, 2004 Posted June 29, 2004 YOu are taking it oout on the kid when you should be taking it on the mom. You do not have the freedome of space or choice,really, but remember, when the little creature isolder and you shall want tobe part of his life, she'll always, always have this and throw it in your face: that you didn't love you child enough to see him dring his first 7 weeks. And kids don't understand grown up fights. But they do feel unloved, unappreciated, unsecure... Be wise, and think long term!
Author Learn_To_Fly Posted June 29, 2004 Author Posted June 29, 2004 Thanks supermom, I know I can see him if I want. The trouble is I feel uncomfortable seeing him at her mums because I feel like I am been watched and therefore am unable to be myself. The other thing is if I accept that than she will not have to make a decision as to what her long term plan is. She has been to our house 8 days ago for my other son's birthday and I spent time with my new son than. There is never any arguments between us but at the same time we dont discuss our relationship. I thought if I make no contact she will be forced to make a decision one way or another, so we can both move on from here. What I would like to know is why she is at her mum's and wont make a decision to either let go of any future together or try and resolve things between us. She still has all her furniture as well as other items at our house.
Author Learn_To_Fly Posted June 29, 2004 Author Posted June 29, 2004 Thanks CurlyIam, My children will never suffer as I have never not taken responsibilty for them. The other 3 remaining children all asked if they could come and live with me to which the answer was always yes. My eldest daughter is with her man and 2 children now. My other daughter and son are with me and are lucky to spend a night in a year at their mothers. The same will apply for my son. To see him now means to see my ex and I am not ready for that until I know what her intentions are.
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