Johnny85 Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 First off, I met a wonderful girl a few weeks ago. We have a mutual friend in common and essentially started off as friends. Last Friday, we were out with some friends when we decided to go home to her house. We started kissing. Key information: Friday: I couldn't get it up so we don't have sex. Saturday: same problem. Sunday: sleep over. Tuesday: sleep over and massage and kissing. Wednesday: She is on her period so no sex. We kissed and touched for one hr and she asked me if I wanted a bj and I explained to her that I had already come three times that day. So I feel really bad because she is pretty and has an amazing personality and wonderful qualities and I don't want her to think it is her. I told her. She is foreign, kind, considerate, gentle, sound values, instinctive, and we just really click. My issue: On Wednesday night she started saying things like: "we are just friends" only to kiss me 5 minutes later. Then she says, "do you want to be my boyfriend" and I believe I responded "I would like for you to be my girlfriend." so sometimes she says things like "are you intimidated by me?" or "we can only be friends cause this will end in a disaster". She has to go back to her home country in 6 months. So she jokes about moving with me to my country (we are both foreigners). This has really been going on since we first started dating. So I feel like I was perhaps not as assertive as I should have been in key moments. But I believe in moving slow. At the same time I don't want to fall madly in love with her only to be rejected or make it weird. So final questions: On Thursday morning she told me that her work was showing a foreign film later in the evening. I asked her questions and she was unsure. So I asked her to text me later. When she left she said "ok so I'll text you" AND SHE NEVER did. I didn't contact her cause I feel like she should have contacted me (she said she would). So now I feel like it has perhaps become an ego thing; I simply don't wanna be the first to text because she may be ignoring me due to her being unsure about us. I have chased women in the past and I don't like giving off the perception that I am that guy who doesn't get it and keeps chasing. It sucks. Also, to reiterate, she said she was gonna text me and never did. the fact that I had a hard time getting it up sucked too. So am I overreacting? Do you think I should just let her call me? I should note that she cooked me dinner Sunday night, I returned the favor on Wednesday night. She contacted me both on Monday (to talk) and Tuesday (to meet up). What do you think? Am I overreacting? I feel like she wouldn't say things like "let's just be friends" if she didnt mean it (even though she changes her mind every 2 minutes). Thanks for reading:-)
Quiet Storm Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 First, why do you have so much trouble getting it up? My husband has been having sex with the same woman (me) for 21 years and has never had that problem, and we've probably had sex more than 3000 times. That's not normal, dude. Maybe you should see a doctor. Second, why would you tell her that you already came three times that day? I'm sure that comment made her feel wonderful. Of course she is unsure about you. She probably feels as though you are not attracted to her and don't make her a priority. That is probably why she has accepted "just being friends" because that is what people that hang out and don't have sex are. Women love to feel wanted and desired. It's a huge part of our sexuality. If a man can't get it up, I think it can be hard for women not to take that personally (unless it's a medical issue, aging or drugs/alcohol).
Author Johnny85 Posted June 8, 2012 Author Posted June 8, 2012 So I should text her even though she said she was gonna text me? Wouldn't that be like saying, "hey you didn't text me as you said you would but that's ok, I don't care." lol I just believe that we show ppl how to treat us. What do u think?
Quiet Storm Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 I think not texting her will just confirm what she probably already thinks, that you are not interested in her, that you are not physically attracted to her and that you probably would rather jerk off than try to please her. You are playing hard to get and acting like you are some big prize when you can't even get it up for her. I think you should feel grateful that she was patient enough to put up with all that, and if you are interested in her, I would definitely text her.
Author Johnny85 Posted June 8, 2012 Author Posted June 8, 2012 I don't play hard to get or games. I am very direct but I just don't wanna get hurt again. I dated a girl for 4 months last year and she completely strung me along. Of course it made me sad and a bit cautious with revealing my true feelings. I followed your advice and texted her.
veggirl Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Umm how weird. All of it. If you have such trouble getting it up why are you jacking off 3x per day? Geez. Maybe she doesn't want to committ cause she is worried about whether or not you'll be able to fk her. Anyway she sounds weird. "Wanna be my bf" "we are just friends" and all that crap. Drama. And yeah, that stuff is normal for an immature drama queen. Plus you guys are spending too much time together, how well do you even know her. If she's leaving in 6 mos why bother?
Quiet Storm Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 It is smart to be guarded in the initial stages of a relationship. However, texting and regular contact can be done without getting too emotionally involved. From what you described, she was ready to have sex with you multiple times, so you should read that as a sign of interest. Her "just be friends" comment was more likely a response to what she perceives as a lack of interest on your part (not being able to get it up). That was probably disappointing for her, so I think the ball is in your court now. You need to work out your bedroom issues so that she knows that you desire her sexually. Not getting it up is understandable once in awhile after drinking or exhaustion, but most men are very visibly excited when they are with a new partner. This may be the first time she has ever been faced with a limp penis, and she may be confused. You showed your interest by desiring her companionship, but sex is often what bonds us to a man. Feeling the raw desire that our man has for us is a very powerful thing. Don't underestimate it.
Author Johnny85 Posted June 8, 2012 Author Posted June 8, 2012 Well I think that we really click; and have heaps in common. I may be moving to my country to and you never know what will happen. So I basically told her that I missed her (in a funny way) and asked how she was doing. I think she was truly hesitating about us; that's why she is so much back and forth all the time (friends, boyfriends, etc). Lastly, she was on her period all week so I wasn't expecting us to be intimate. And so it caught me by surprise. I feel bad about not getting it up. I want to be intimate with her and find her very attractive. I am gonna start eating healthier, no masturbating and lifting very heavy weights. And take some ginkgo. Haha I like her but if she says, "Let's just be friends" I'll leave it at that and find another cool chick. :-)
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