something237 Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Typing on phone so forgive typos please. She's been engaged for 3 months and only known this guy for less than a year. She's mentally scarred and finds it tough coping. Last month i sent the night with my ex, we'd never had sex before this, we had and have an emotional based relationship. On that night, we didn't drink at all and i asked a lot during if she wanted this, she didn't want to stop. We went our own way in the morning but kept talking on the phone a lot as we don't live near each other... ended up having phone sex half a dozen times. She wants us to stop and as I'd still want to be friends I'll respect that. So the main advice i need is what to tell her as a friend. I honestly don't believe she could cope or should keep what we did a secret from her fiance, i think she'll just be swamped by it and it will only damage her, but i can't tell if that's only my thoughts as a friend, or as something more. Am i right to tell her this as a friend or not... Yes the situation is messed up.
Philosoraptor Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 What happened has happened and it's not up to you to disclose it to her partner. I'd stay away from her though as things are not going to be easy for her nor you if this never comes out.
jnj express Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Someone needs to tell the fiance---he doesn't deserve starting a mge, with a partner, who thinks so little of him, as to give herself to another man., for whatever the reason. You might suggest to her, to be honest with him, and let him, decide for himself, whether he wants to continue on with his cheating partner As to you, only you know what you are.
Author something237 Posted June 8, 2012 Author Posted June 8, 2012 I have no intention of telling him, talking to him or knowning more about him other than his name... I'd like to give her real help from people who have been in a relationship like that and don't have any bias opinion like mine could be. I don't want my advice to be from a jealous lover, but from a friend, that's why I'm thinking it over and asking too. Thanks for your replies.
nofool4u Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 So the main advice i need is what to tell her as a friend. I honestly don't believe she could cope or should keep what we did a secret from her fiance No, she needs to tell her fiance the truth before he gets trapped in marriage by her. And there is no way it would be acceptable for you two to stay friends and her to show her fiance any kind of respect. Would you want a gf/wife/fiance of yours being friends with a guy she shagged behind your back?
Author something237 Posted June 8, 2012 Author Posted June 8, 2012 No, she needs to tell her fiance the truth before he gets trapped in marriage by her. And there is no way it would be acceptable for you two to stay friends and her to show her fiance any kind of respect. Would you want a gf/wife/fiance of yours being friends with a guy she shagged behind your back? She already made the choice, that's why I'm conflicted in what i should do. Pretty obvious so far that i need to tell her to tell him.. not looking forward to this convo.. If anyone has a decent reason why i shouldn't tell her to be honest please say, i won't be talking to her till Sunday about this i think. Worst thing is I'm one of those ****ing nice guys, don't feel like that anymore..ww
veggirl Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 She slept with you and is still planning on marrying this guy? Classy girl. What exactly is the appeal here? She sounds like a mess. If you want to suggest something to her--she should dump her fiance, be single, and work on herself without a man. Did you at least wear a condom?
nofool4u Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 If anyone has a decent reason why i shouldn't tell her to be honest please say, i won't be talking to her till Sunday about this i think. There is no decent or good reason to not tell her. Only reasons to not tell are all bad and selfish. This guy is about to walk down the aisle with a cheating huss. Not only that, but she thinks she can still be friends with you and respect him at the same time. Sorry, not possible. They'll be divorced in 5 years, unless her future cheating, and she will cheat again, goes undetected. She hasn't even made it to 7 years and already had the itch and scratched it.
Author something237 Posted June 8, 2012 Author Posted June 8, 2012 She slept with you and is still planning on marrying this guy? Classy girl. What exactly is the appeal here? She sounds like a mess. If you want to suggest something to her--she should dump her fiance, be single, and work on herself without a man. Did you at least wear a condom?[/QUote] You don't choose who you love is the appeal, also the fact that it was me she cheated with makes a difference. She wouldn't with anyone else no matter what. Maybe she should be single, think i will suggest that. There is no decent or good reason to not tell her. Only reasons to not tell are all bad and selfish. This guy is about to walk down the aisle with a cheating huss. Not only that, but she thinks she can still be friends with you and respect him at the same time. Sorry, not possible. They'll be divorced in 5 years, unless her future cheating, and she will cheat again, goes undetected. She hasn't even made it to 7 years and already had the itch and scratched it. I get that first paragraph.. i agree too. I hope for her sake they don't get a divorce, better yet not get married.
nofool4u Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 I get that first paragraph.. i agree too. I hope for her sake they don't get a divorce, better yet not get married. If they get married, I guarantee you they'll be divorced in just a few years after. Again, unless he is totally clueless to her character and what she does when he is out of sight, out of mind.
Author something237 Posted June 9, 2012 Author Posted June 9, 2012 If they get married, I guarantee you they'll be divorced in just a few years after. Again, unless he is totally clueless to her character and what she does when he is out of sight, out of mind. Can i ask why you are so certain, i don't mean to pry but would like to know roughly why you say that.
Author something237 Posted June 9, 2012 Author Posted June 9, 2012 As i mentioned in the first post she's mentally scarred. Basically she might kill herself, what's the harm in me making sure this us the right thing to do rather than just ducking with her head even more. Ye it wasn't the best idea to do it, but it ain't worth making her die over. I don't know her fiance, i have only heard his name from her once. I'm definitely not just telling him.
LittlePrince Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 It is a hot mess and you shouldn't embroil yourself in it anymore than you already have. 1
veggirl Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 She's not going to kill herself. If you truly think she might, then why haven't you contacted her family or something? If she is HONESTLY suicidal then she needs THERAPY not another boyfriend! 1
Author something237 Posted June 9, 2012 Author Posted June 9, 2012 She might, she was suicidal and suffers ptsd, she has had help. I never said she needs another boyfriend, i aslso agreed with someone here that having Boone would help her for a while. To littleprince, the reason I'm still around is because i still want to see her happy. Also not dead..
gaius Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 If you really cared about her fragile mental state you wouldn't have had phone sex with her 6 times in the first place while she was engaged. The urge to get her to tell her fiance is more likely because you want to break them up and don't realize it. It will probably just cause conflict between you two and make her want you even less because she will see it for what it is, jealousy. 2
TaraMaiden Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 Assdf, you're an idiot. If someone says a person is suicidal, they don't say it for a joke. Yes, they do. That is to say, it's an empty threat, cry for help, and attention-getter, but 95% of people who threaten suicide don't carry it through. Of the remaining 5%, 85% of those, don't advertise it, they just do it. Who the hell gives you the right to screw your ex, phu*kk with her already fragile mind, and interfere with her relationship? what the hell do you think you're doing? What do you think her family would say if they knew? What would yours say? What would her fiancé, say? Am I guessing that they'd all land on you like a ton of bricks? You need to keep your dick out of this, because right now, that's what you're thinking with. your "payoff" is that all the while you are 'being her friend and looking out for her interest', you get your rocks off and in the most underhand way, at that. If she's vulnerable and fragile, the last thing she needs is being both mind-and hole-phu*ked by you. You are not the solution, here. You - are the problem.
Darren Steez Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 It seems like you are taking advantage of this girl. You are not her friend if you're having phone sex half a dozen times mate, just get it straight, you want to bang her, simple as..don't get it confused. She's engaged then leave her alone, that's their life and his girl.
WonderKid Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 Dude listen to the last recent posts. Leave her alone. Too much damage is done. You need no advice, no excuses, no talks nothing whatsoever. If "you" can't tell her fiancee then leave her alone.
TaraMaiden Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 I hate you people calling me the bastard of all this, maybe you're hurt individuals, but i was a virgin to this point and only wanted her. She came on to me, carried out the phone sex and stuff, so **** you all, i am not an evil guy who just wants sex, maybe that's not hoe you thought thus would be but i don't care, i was as clear as possible without embarrassing myself. She gas decided not to tell him and I'd wanting to keep it a secret forever. I will nit tell him ever, and will move on. I told her it that's her choice i can't be friends with her and we will slowly be less chatty but she can always count on my promises. Yes i figured her selfishness, with reason, and thought it was too low for my friendship. Again to you who thought there was no semi decent gut out there, **** you. She hasn't beenhappy and thunks she had it and cankerp it. I hope she does but i don't want her if she wants it thus way anyway so I'm fairly happy. Yay for bud, Stella, Beck's, Bacardi, famous grouse ..... ~~~~~ I. Hope you people that are basically against me can see that its not just men that **** up. If you're here from a while I'd love you to give food advice that doesn't hurt rather than the **** you fed immediate whiixj was judst painful. First of all it shows how unstable you're feeling, by all the typos in your posts. You're so emotionally invested and highly-strung, that you're typing at double speed to vent your anger. Either that, or you're blind drunk, which would be further testimony to what a completely unreliable and irresponsible clusterph*ukk you are, right now. Drink de-stabilises every part of you.... Secondly - stop projecting blame onto everyone and everything else, step up to the plate and accept responsibility for your part in this. If 100 people are all telling you something, even if you alone are arguing against it, maybe those 100 people have got a point. (I use the number 100, figuratively - but you are outnumbered here.) Take off those self-righteous spectacles and accept you are in a mess. And it's of your making. You backing out completely will at least remove you from that element.
Professor X Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 I hate you people calling me the bastard of all this, maybe you're hurt individuals, but i was a virgin to this point and only wanted her. She came on to me, carried out the phone sex and stuff, so **** you all, i am not an evil guy who just wants sex, maybe that's not hoe you thought thus would be but i don't care, i was as clear as possible without embarrassing myself. She gas decided not to tell him and I'd wanting to keep it a secret forever. I will nit tell him ever, and will move on. I told her it that's her choice i can't be friends with her and we will slowly be less chatty but she can always count on my promises. Yes i figured her selfishness, with reason, and thought it was too low for my friendship. Again to you who thought there was no semi decent gut out there, **** you. She hasn't beenhappy and thunks she had it and cankerp it. I hope she does but i don't want her if she wants it thus way anyway so I'm fairly happy. Yay for bud, Stella, Beck's, Bacardi, famous grouse ..... Cool story bro. But if you really did care for her, you wouldn't screw her in the first place, even if you realllllllllllllllllllllllly loved her. You knew she's engaged, you knew she's emotionally unstable and you knew this can not end well. While you're not the sole reason for this mess, you are a part of it and you are also one of those that can put an end to it. You blaming everyone else is ridiculous. Take responsibility for your actions. You wanna act like a friend? Walk away.
Radu Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 Typing on phone so forgive typos please. She's been engaged for 3 months and only known this guy for less than a year. She's mentally scarred and finds it tough coping. Last month i sent the night with my ex, we'd never had sex before this, we had and have an emotional based relationship. On that night, we didn't drink at all and i asked a lot during if she wanted this, she didn't want to stop. We went our own way in the morning but kept talking on the phone a lot as we don't live near each other... ended up having phone sex half a dozen times. She wants us to stop and as I'd still want to be friends I'll respect that. So the main advice i need is what to tell her as a friend. I honestly don't believe she could cope or should keep what we did a secret from her fiance, i think she'll just be swamped by it and it will only damage her, but i can't tell if that's only my thoughts as a friend, or as something more. Am i right to tell her this as a friend or not... Yes the situation is messed up. This person is very messed up and poison to others. It is not your job to fix other ppl unless you desire to be sanctified after death. Make no mistake, she is cheating on him ... you both are having an Emotional Affair. There is no friends, just go NC and learn some ****ing boundaries about what is and what is not appropiate behaviour. She's an ex, they are in the past for a reason and it's disrespectfull for your future relationships to remain friends with them unless there's a child involved.
TaraMaiden Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 Make no mistake, she is cheating on him ... you both are having an Emotional Affair. They're having sex, fer chrissakes - how is that "an Emotional Affair"...?! There is no friends, just go NC and learn some ****ing boundaries about what is and what is not appropiate behaviour. She's an ex, they are in the past for a reason and it's disrespectfull for your future relationships to remain friends with them unless there's a child involved. ....Have you read the thread.....?!
Radu Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 I hate you people calling me the bastard of all this, maybe you're hurt individuals, but i was a virgin to this point and only wanted her. She came on to me, carried out the phone sex and stuff, so **** you all, i am not an evil guy who just wants sex, maybe that's not hoe you thought thus would be but i don't care, i was as clear as possible without embarrassing myself. She gas decided not to tell him and I'd wanting to keep it a secret forever. I will nit tell him ever, and will move on. I told her it that's her choice i can't be friends with her and we will slowly be less chatty but she can always count on my promises. Yes i figured her selfishness, with reason, and thought it was too low for my friendship. Again to you who thought there was no semi decent gut out there, **** you. She hasn't beenhappy and thunks she had it and cankerp it. I hope she does but i don't want her if she wants it thus way anyway so I'm fairly happy. Yay for bud, Stella, Beck's, Bacardi, famous grouse ..... If she is truly all of these, then she has a problem and needs help ... professional help. She also has my sympathies. On the other hand, what you did is the lowest of the low and your selfishness is more than evident in your rationalization. I'm not one to wish harm on others but if i found out that her fiance arranged a solid beating after he found out i would pop open a beer and drink to his well being.
Radu Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 ....Have you read the thread.....?! He made the thread, not her ...
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