Laylah Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Hi, now I'm going to try my hardest to make this short, but I've always had such a problem making a short story long. So please bare with me? Ok I'm now 36yrs of age. My birth mother gave up all her rights to me n dropped me off by my dads when I was just turning two years old. He than took me back to our state. They got a divorce and he remarried another woman, which became my step mother. But they married when I was four yrs old, and she than had my sister when I was almost 6. She raised me as her own, but I've always had that envy....she treated my sister so much different than me. I mean I knew I wasn't her blood, but she always said I was crazy like my birth mother. My sister knew when she got older that she was moms favorite. And she knew it bothered me a lot! So for an example my sister would get into my stuff and we'd start yelling at each other. Mom would call from the other room and ask what's going on, than every single time my sister would start crying, and I mean she'd always make real tears, and say I hit or pushed or hurt her in some way, than I'd get grounded to my room. Which made me stay in my room A LOT. And I still like my bedroom more than my own front room. Anyways, so the only way I could actually get her attention was to act up. And I guess...I mean I was young and it got me attention. Sure not quit the attention I wanted. But it satisfied me somewhat. Than as a teenager I started to skip classes in school. And I'd cut myself, I'd listen to music and cried a lot. I have asthma, and my mom never believed me, but every time I'd take a hot bath, when I'd get out I'd have the worst attacks. She'd hear I couldn't get a breath for nothing. So she finally bought me some tablets that are suppose to help. But I asked for an inhaler and she refused. Idk if y'all know how it feels to have an attack but to be young and still to this day they honestly feel like the biggest elephant is sitting on your chest and you keep gasping for air, and the faster I try to breather the harder it gets, and the fact that she wouldn't get it confirmed for herself with a doctor, she said if I really have it than the tablets will do. *But those would take up to an hour to kick in and she just let me suffer until than. That hour or so felt like a lifetime every time. And my sister would just stare at me. Finally a friend of mine would get her sisters for me, and her sister gave me one. And mom found it grounded me and threw it away. Anyways, back to my teenage years, my friends and I skipped the rally for homecoming and they came to my house. So I could grab ten or twenty dollars from my moms stash. Now I never started to steal until I found out that she used some (I still don't know how many) of my bonds that I'd get from the birth mother. And that day I wasn't expecting the whole group of my friends to come with. But I couldn't find the key to the fire safety box. So I couldn't get in. Than my so called friends sent me n my other friend to run across the street to get some sodas. Not thinking they'd do anything....but the boys grabbed the box, my girl friend told em where the box was I guess. And I didn't even know. Than everyone's gone but one of my guy friends and my mom got home early, and said attendance lady called again, so I'm grounded. And I told her it was homecoming weekend. Nutshell didn't care, so I said to her that I have to run out to tell my friend to leave. N as soon as I got outside I ran n didn't look back. I actually ran away for almost two months that time. I was 15. And bouncing from house to house. I didn't know that they took that box, but it made me look guilty, and mom had called the police on me, said I'm a runaway and I stole that. Inside that box was I'm not sure how much cash. I think 300something. As well as a bag of rare coins that to her were priceless and i guess were really expensive, her sapphire and other diamond rings, wedding, n engagement rings, some other stuff and the bug ring that I got for her when I was younger. When my neighborhood best friend told me that my mom thought I took it. I knew I couldn't just go back. I asked all my other friends and they all said they didn't know. But later I found a few of the coins I recognized that fell out of my guy friends clothes when he picked em up. That's when I knew. And that mad the end of my running. I called home ask my dad to please come get me. I never ate much those two months and I was down to 90lbs. Which was a lot. So as soon as dad picked me up he warmed me and I told him I didn't take the box. But I knew I was in deep ****. When my mom punished me it started with "over my knee" with a hand, so hard to where the hand print was puffy and stayed for two full days, than to wooden spoons till they were all broken, than to the wooden back scratcher until that snapped, than came the leather belt. I was 15 already at the leather belt stage. I got home ate showered and my mom told my dad to take me to the police station, which questioned me, and gave me a court date. I got home and I jumped onto the top bunk, n my door bursts open. Mom screamed at me saying I thought you didn't have anything to do with it being stolen. And I thought you didn't know where it was n or who took it. I tried to talk but the belt was stinging. She went buck wild on me. Literally. She hit me so hard with the belt an so many times, I was bleeding, n had welts for weeks.* She kicked me out and I stayed at my grandparents house. I was at that time talking to my birth mother, which I will call my C. Anyway I had court n C came up north to take me and she talked to the judge and the judge agreed that she could take me to live with her, which was down south. But that it had to be a full year. So it literally was like I was kicked out of my state. Cuz the judge said and if I return before the year is up, I'd have to serve the remainder as well as extra for not obeying him.* So here I am in C's van watching her with her friend, acting crazy happy and wild. Now when I remember first meeting her she was flat chested, but when she picked me up, she must have gotten those picked up n blown up as well. They'd take turns driving and flashing truckers. The trip to her house was exciting.* But I missed my dad. Him and his father, my gpa were and always will be my heart. A few weeks after being there my dad called, and I got on the phone he started talking but than stopped and handed my mom the phone and she told me my gpa had a stoke and passed away. Now there's a thing about my gpa. See when I was born, he was sick and the doctors gave him 6 months tops to live, but he lived till I left. And I just had turned 16 years old. * Ok I hope I'm not boring you too much and if you still are reading this, than bless your heart, family, and life.~<3 Most people hate it when I tell a story out loud. ** So I'm living with C, and her three kids. My half brother and two sisters. But what confused me was my brother was 3 years older than me. And she was just saying how she had a miscarriage before him. Which means she was cheating on my dad and pregnant when she dumped me off. Moving on...while I was there I went to school on weekdays and weekends, C would take me to a bar to help her bartend, and bought me packs of cigs. She even showed me how to get money from a guy that's had a Lil to drink and a Lil flirting. Than the weekdays come back, I am not allowed to smoke or even buy myself a pack, one night she found couple cigs in my coat and she sent me to my room after crushing the cigs. The next few days go by and she finds out I have pink eye. C than knocks and she enters screaming I planned getting pink eye and I did it to myself *and attacks me with her crazy cat nails and kept catching me and threw me into my closet. Than she takes all my furniture out f my room, everything but the top mattress, my breathing machine and my blanket and pillow.I got meds for my pink eye. But I guess I was allergic to it, because I woke up with a white clear but thick coating over that entire eye, it was nasty. Ok so a week or so passes, and I get told that she's sending me to mercy ministries, C puts me on a bus and it took a couple hours to get there. I find out its a religious place where parents would send their pregnant teens to get big and have their baby's so no one in the neighborhood knows or something. They checked all my bags my pockets, they even took stuff saying I can't have it in there, so they'd throw away what I couldn't have, even my Mariah Carey's tape. *Lol I'm getting old. Anywho they say they cannot keep there if I don't wanna be. So I give it a try. We wake cook for each other clean and have bible study, than we watch a video of a service, and preachers. Than we get a break make lunches eat than bible study, and than they all started speaking in tongue super loud, common I was 16, and I wasn't expecting that. It scared me at first. Than to find out I'd have to be doing so as well. I called it off after a week or so. They put me on a bus, n back to C's house I went. Than I have my brother chasing me around with a bee bee gun, scared me to death, he kept saying that I'm trying to steal his mom away and wouldn't listen to anything I had to say. Moving on I wake the next morning, make a cheese n bread sandwich. (Now my friend lives across the street and we went to school together, oh did I mention he was a sheriff?) so he shows up at the door, I let him in and he tells me to get dressed. *?!?!?! Now seriously I didn't do anything honestly. So we get down to the police station n he finally starts to question me, and asking why would I do that? And that stealing isn't right blah blah blah. No duh,! So I ask him why again why I'm here. He said I'll be going to juvenile detention center. I say for what? Leaving that place? I just could get it. I guess C told him that I had stolen her jewelry, barred it in the yard and the in walls of the house??!?!??????? *Back up here, for one she said I could wear her jewelry as long as I asked. And put em back n I did. But honestly think about this. I'm in the absolutely in the boondocks where her back yard is a field of crops like but nothing there.. And even if someone was to do something like that how would you know this?? Impossible!!!* So no **** I spent the next 6 months in detention. Over this time I've gotten to really know her. She's was messing around with my friends daddy the sheriff. And with the bar owner where I bar-tended. Than while in detention I'd see her every once in awhile , but not to see me, she'd go into the big bosses office. Than she started randomly taking me out here n there, she would take me to lunch, home to shower, than hang out for awhile n she'd bring me back. It happened a few times. Than I finally get out for real I'm now 17years old, she than puts me on a bus back up north but made arrangements for me to stay with a guy n his moms house. I guess she was having conversations with him and his family those 6months. I find out she told them I was pregnant with his baby and I had a baby girl and he was the father. She gave me a bunch of photos of some baby and told me to say I left the baby with her. As God is my witness I had no clue why she did this, why she said these things, and make me say it was true. I failed though. Guess I finally grew a conscience. I told the truth and I couldn't apologize enough. Ok now I'm back in my home town. Missed home, missed my mom and dad and even my sister. But they wouldn't let me come back. So my ex's family the ones she lied to let me stay with them. I ended up pregnant, twice with him. Two daughters. Those girls literally saved my life. I stayed with their father for almost 5yrs. One night my sister spent the night. And my oldest fell asleep on her little mattress on the floor. And my sister slept over plenty times. She even had sex with a friend of my bbdaddies friend. Gross anyways, I wake up for work, and I wake her up for school. She got up and left we both said goodbye and love you. Well that was a thursday night she stayed *I believe. And Sunday comes, I'm in the bathtub and I hear a knock my sister comes in the bathroom and is staring down, she wouldn't look at me. But she kept repeating herself saying she was sorry over and over. I ask sorry for what? And she said that she was raped. I was shocked, I ask by who, and she's still repeating the I'm sorry. She says my bbdady's name and I asked bbdaddy who? She said your bbdaddy. I just stared for a min while she continued with the sorries. Than I asked when? She says the last night she stayed over. I jumped up told her to go so I can get up. She went into my kitchen with a few of her friends. I walked out of the bathroom to my room got dressed and grabbed a knife, n pointed it at my bbdaddy. I snapped on him asked how he could do that to my sister, he kept asking what? I didn't do anything over and over. I told him to get the flip out of my house. I asked my sister if she told my parents and she said no. So he's gone. I call my parents and I told em. We told me to send my sister home. And she was in the kitchen laughing with her friends. Than one of her guy friends sits on my couch next to me, put his hand on my leg saying the first step is denial. And I looked at this boy n said wtf? N who Tf are you? And my sister explained how it happened to me. My parents called the cops. And my bbdaddy's mom called me asking what's going on? Cuz my bbdaddy is throwing up and freaking out. So I tell her what I knew. And I tried calling my parents but my mom said we can't talk to you, that they were advised by the da or some chit. So I had sat on my couch for two full days. I didn't eat, although I did take care of my girls. But I couldn't get my bbdaddy's mom to bbsit cuz I paid her to bbsit while I was working. And my family wouldn't talk to me they'd just hang up. The da or detective showed up at my house and questioned me. But my sisters story changed according to her, and she said that she was a virgin, my sister was 16 at that time and I knew of three people. So anyways I lost my job, my car and my house and my family all within a couple months.* So it's gets jury trial, and I still to this day dunno the the truth, I do although honestly believe in my heart that they did have sex but it was consensual on both parties. He was found not guilty due to lack of evidence.* Now I get back kinda with him, cuz of how her story constantly changed and she told the da she was a virgin and all this. So all I had was my bbdaddy's family. I did finally leave my bbdaddy when I found out that he slept with every single friend I had, and he was also physically n mentally abusing me. The last straw was when he grabbed my daughter by her neck. He tried kicking me down the stairs when I was pregnant with number two. And he'd always think I was cheating on him, well that was his guilty conscience, because I never ever cheated on him. Or anyone else for that matter. So it's been years and my family actually answers the phone. My mom saying that she kicked my dad out. He has had alcohol problems as far back as I can remember, and very passive, as so am I. But I don't drink. I finally get ahold of him. From what my Gma said n my mom is that he's been sleeping in his truck. Now it's winter time freezing, and he won't take me up on helping him, or letting him spend the night, I tried giving him money. He couldn't swallow his pride I guess. A couple years before hand he had a pacemaker placed inside his chest.he said when it goes off it feels like a donkey kicking you in the chest. Well he ended up getting really really sick, and ended up in the hospital, he wasn't able to take his meds, due to they wouldn't give them to him. I don't like saying this. But I know my dad isn't perfect, but he doesn't n never deserved being treated so poorly by both my mother and my sister. My sister would kick him off the tv n out of the front room make him go watch tv in the cold basement just so she can watch what she wants. She as well doesn't like reheated food. So when she'd get home she demand him to defrost something and make it fresh. He's washes, dries and folds her laundry. She even skipped school stole my dads truck and crashed it. N got away with murder at home. She still to this day lives at home. I've heard them call my dad all kinds of nastiness things. So after his heart transplant, thank god. Which happened 15 years ago.* And my sister would keep saying that a heart transplant life span is 13yrs. And they both said right in front of me that they cannot wait until my dad dies that way the house will be pd for, than they can move down south. But he still puts up with it.* Now I've been with someone on n off for the last 11+years. And I've been out of the house since 16yrs old.* About almost five years ago, my sister did me a favor which is rare to begin with. She added a line for me on her phone bill. And I got a regular phone, I pd my bill always. Than time goes by, ive been paying 50-60$ a month, than as soon as she gets the iPhone my bill went up and I asked her she made excuses or said I'm sick of at&t. Than time goes by I've now been on her line over my two years, she gets the newest iPhone. And I've been paying 110. - 130$ a month. I was in an AT&T store and I ask them about it and they laughed at me saying that I've been paying her bill, the data plan and insurance for both. So I asked again she than started to threaten me saying if you have a problem paying for it than I'll just shut yours off. So I gave her a notice. Because I've been dealing with it and I even showed up at the house and again asked to see it, than she claims she threw it away, I told her its not hard to just pull it up on the computer. But she says you can't do that. Ugh I'm not stupid. Ok stupid for paying her bill for almost two full years. I wanted to see, at least my number part of the bill, so I called AT&T and asked them to send my sister a copy of n gave em my number for the past charges as far back as they cam go. And she said that that's ok cuz it'll go to her address in her name but it'll just be my charges. So I told my parents and her that it'll be coming in the mail. She flipped out saying how did you get my ssn. I told her I didn't ask about anything and they aren't telling me anything and to relax. I showed up one day to say hi, n see if it came. And it did. I ask my dad to put it aside and when she's home pull it out n give it to her so she can show me. And he says he don't wanna be part of this or in the middle. So I asked her later when she was home, but she says nothing came from AT&T . Last year end of January I was raped and attacked by my bbdaddy's older brother. I was just suppose to give him a ride and he pulls out a gun. Hits me on the head, I woke up in someone's attic, and it took me four+ hours of fighting hi, off and getting down the steps out that door that to the front door. But I finally did it. Had no flue where I was. Than last year as well but on valentines night I went to get gas, didn't know I was being followed, and I two dudes grabbed me n threw me in the car. I didn't get raped that time, but I fought him off the best I could. I tried. He threatened. I needed to pee n he wouldn't let me close the door, I ran to the door to leave but the other dude that grabbed me pushed me back in and guarded the door. He said how he was gonna kill me, and that I'f I didn't let him he will just continue to punch me in the face over and over until I passed out, so which ever way he's gonna get what he wants. I can't believe I made it out of that one. I was so emotionally f#cked. My head was all crazy. I had to get my daughter from school towards the end of February. And he was in the passenger side of a red car, he pulled right next to me blocking me in. I was on the phone with my friend and I instantly was balling n shaking so bad. I kept my head down. He's banging on the window. Than I see the red in corner of my eye move I slowly pick my head up audi didn't see him, but than its him again messing with me pulling up even closer to my car hitting mirrors. Banging again on my window. I see the red again move. I looked all around me. He's gone n I ran into that gas station, hiding n I told the guy working if he see's a red car n if he does ima lock myself in the bathroom n call the cops. He didn't show tho thank god. And I sold my car and haven't drivin since. I can't take a city bus, I can be in public places, I can't walk outside even to the front of my house by myself. I've been seeing a head dr as well and I literally have no life. So now my I showed up at my moms. I told her what happened. I asked her if she heard about the phone thing with my sister, and she said she doesn't wanna pick sides or be in the middle. I asked if she could at least just listen to my side and she said no. I asked her if she knows my sisters side. And she says yes. I say see all I'm asking is for you to listen. You don't have to say a word. She finally agreed. I told her the story and she said is that it n changed the subject. From than on the girls and I weren't invited over for any holidays, because my sister will be there. And for last thanksgiving I asked what they were doing, and they said my sister and her boyfriend are gonna be there. So if we'd like we could have left over dropped off the following day. Than on thanksgiving they call me at 4 or 5ish saying that my sister is leaving so if we would like left overs my dad could drop em off now? * * FT Finally then December I find out my mom just had surgery on removing some of her intestines. Than that she was home for a week than right back into the ER. And she was out of it for day's. The dr walks in says you have lung cancer, n leaves. Than my mom wants a family meeting. We go she says the lung cancer is at stage four and spread to her brain. That there's an appointment to ask questions and see her MRI'S and I saw large medium and small tumors,more than 7 in her brain, a large on her lungs right behind her heart which is why her lung collapsed n she didn't know to seeing the tumors everywhere throughout her entire body. She had a little radiation some chemo. And they cut her insurance. Disability everything. A friend of my moms got a doctor to come by as well,as a nurse to check on her, and free pain meds. All probono thank God again!!! But last week Monday her legs gave out in the shower and she fell she lost soo much weight. They got her into a bed that elevated, so she wasn't flat on her back. She couldn't stand at all.* Three weeks to a month before this she pulled my daughters off to the said and asked them a favor for when she does go. And she did the same to me. I promised. My sister text me about the fall n it's getting worse Wednesday and they picked me up, to see her. Me and my youngest went, and mom looked at me, I told her that my sister offered to drive the four hours to get my oldest from school and my mom said ok with her lips. The next day June 2nd 2012 my mom passed away at 1:50pm. At the age of 54years young. In my arms and my sisters. I was washing her when she took her last breath. I'm still numb, n I've cried everyday so far sense. But I'm not to happy where I'm living at the moment and I have three options. And with my sister hating my dad so much I thought that my youngest and i could stay there for a short time. Plus due to my lack if transportation and the fact I cannot work. Although I'd love to, I really miss that. But my sister heard. And threatened my dad saying she will move out if my daughter and I stay there. *Dad was fine with it. Than after dropping my oldest at the greyhound back to school, she did something that changed his mind. He even asked me on the ride back. Why don't you and your friend get a place together, or ask your sister if you can. *That broke my heart. Than later that night just thus last Thursday. I text her asking what the heck her problem is? And I asked her to answer me honestly. She usually never answers me back. But she sent a text back saying you honestly think I wanted to be around you all this time, and she said in bold letters. Remember what the last thing I text you last year in march? I said for you to **** off and leave me the **** alone.* So I really don't get it;(,,,, I miss my mom. Se even told me that mom never believe me when I got attracted. Because I guess my mom ran up stairs to tell my sister and they both just talked chit about me???
wow04 Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 First I am so sorry you have had such a rough life. The only thing I can suggest is for you to get counseling.
Professor X Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Hey, I just finished reading your story. I am not sure what you wanted from us here? I am also not sure if we can even help you in some way, it seems you are being stomped on wherever you may go. Maybe a fresh start in a place no-one knows you is what you need and definitely some counseling.
turnera Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 You will never find peace without the help of a psychologist. You just won't. Find one today.
Author Laylah Posted June 9, 2012 Author Posted June 9, 2012 I actually have been getting counciling for over two years now. And like I said I suck at making long stories short, as well as get to the point. But I guess I'm asking advise reguarding my sister. She had both my parents wrapped around her finger, and now that my mom is gone, she doesn't want me to move in and help my father out. And threatened me that she will fight me all the way. She as well has been treating my dad worse than ever the past four days because of me. And I feel like idk do I back off a little and let things cool down? Or do I do what I promised? And let her throw her tantrum. I just don't need to be causing my dad anymore stress?
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