kat2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 i don't know what to do. i was with my boyfriend for 4 years then we broke up for 2years and are now back together. We broke up for numerous reasons but mainly cos he turned into a dick and was acting horrible. During the time we separated i was alone for a year and then dated someone else. This guy had fancied me for years even when i was with my boyfriend. The thing is this guy is the older brother of a mutual friend of ours. We were together for nearly 10 months , then me and the brother broke up because he cheated, i stopped talking to the sister(friend) cos she knew about everything. My boyfriend lost contact with our mutual friend so didn't know me and her brother hooked up and when he found out was pissed at the mutual friend as she did play a part in getting me and her brother together. But i did correct my boyfriend and said it was my decision. I have only been back with my boyfriend for about 2months. We said we would take it slow but because he had some personal problems he came to stay with me for a week or so and we got into an full blown intense relationship again. I got back in contact with my boyfriend because i heard he was doing badly and was worried about him, then some how ended back together. Me and the friends brother had only been broken up for a month,i now realise it was too soon to get into a new/old relationship. But i love my boyfriends company, we laugh and have fun, we were with each other for 4 years, know each other inside out, he has apologised non stop for how he treated me before we broke up, he has matured, he is there for me and generally cares for me. I feel the same. We are best friends. But i realise now i love him but not in love with him anymore. I would have never dragged him along if i knew that, I hate the situation i have got myself in now. It is so confusing when you love someone but not in love with them. I would do anything for my boyfriend. he is like family, i love him to bits. i love his company and our closeness. At first i generally thought it was because we just got back together after so long apart it would take a while to get the spark back. I also thought perhaps it was a different stage of love, after the honeymoon stage and was because we know each other inside out it was a mature the of love. I'm am 24 btw. He asked me straight away when we got back together if i was sure i didn't want to be with the friends brother and i said no and i meant it at the time. But now i really miss him. He contacted about 3 weeks ago telling me he loved me, that he is going crazy without me and that he is sorry he messed up (he has no clue i am back with my ex) I told him where to go. But i can honestly say i think part of me wanted him to contact me, i had changed my number and he emailed me. It took all of me to tell him to piss off, And i think it was mainly out of loyalty to my boyfriend that i did. I think had i been single i would have still given him a hard time as he cheated but i now realise i am in love with him. The thing is he is a cheat and I don't know if he would do it again and he does dodgy things sometimes/petty crime which put me off but i am in love with him and whenever i think about him it puts a knot in my stomach and makes me sad. Its like i can't breathe. Our relationship had its ups and downs but was very passionate. It kills me because i don't want to hurt anyone. My boyfriend helped me so much in my last month of uni( literally just finished) helped with my coursework, i am an art student/photography and he was my model, went out his way to help on so many other levels, calmed me down when i have been stressed. I love him sooo much, but more like a brother. I know i have to break up but every time i try he says something soo sweet or does something to show me he cares which just confuses me more as he seems so good for me. and the brother guy isn't. i wish there was a switch i could just turn on and off. I don't want to lose my boyfriend, i want him in my life . he means so much to me. I know it will hurt him that I'm not in love with him and he will think i deceived him. but i didn't lie on purpose and i do love him but just not like that. plus if he finds out my feelings for the brother he will hate me. This is really depressing me. i thought i could drag it out as my boyfriend is planning to move back to Jamaica, (where is family is from) but needs to get the money as he was made redundant. He has been saying how he hates England and as he has had problems with his close family(mum, dad brothers) he needs to leave for his own sanity which i understand as i hate to say but he has not been blessed with a nice family. That is also making me sad as he has been singing my praises how i am the only one there for him. I hate how i feel. I feel like a horrible person. i wish i could just switch my feelings off. advice please
Eddie Edirol Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 You cant control whether or not your bf hates you. If you dont do the right thing and break it off with him now, you WILL be a horrible person. Youre already carrying it on too long because you dont want to face your own guilt. Break it off, explain what you said here to him. Youre not in love with him, and youre not over your other ex. Doing the right thing is youre only option, and you will have to deal with the fallout whether you want to or not. Also, you cant control if he doesnt want you in his life. Ifhe hates you and is too heartbroken to talk to you, thats a cross that you will have to bear, and its his decision, not yours. The longer you drag this out, the worse it will get. If you dont want to hurt anyone, dont get involved with anyone. Thats all there is to it.
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