Itiger Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 Im currently going through "working out" phase of relationship after fiancee's infidelity. To make it short, he had issues with being alone while on business trip, and made many women friends that he hid from me. Once I found out, it's been a long road.. Many new discoveries about him. He swore multiple times he had never slept with any one of them. After several months apart, we both decided we want to work it out.. So here I am now, trying to make it work. But every infidelity comes with a lot more than just reestablishinlg the relationship. I started having serious issues with low self esteem, low motivation. I had never suffered from depression and don't know what it is like; however, I'm seriously thinking I might be having one now. He still goes on business trips. It's 3 weeks away, 2 weeks home. It should be ending in August. For now, the only times I feel somewhat happy and satisfied is when he is at home. As soon as he leaves, I have crazy thoughts going thru my mind.. I lose all interest in life, constantly complain about everything.. I am happy one minute, an hour later I'm crying. I feel like I'm not worth anything good, I'm not deserving to be in the relationship with. I am fairly attractive, fit 26 year old female. I get compliments all the time. I feel ok in public when I'm alone, but not with him. I feel judged by him. Since he had made friendships with good looking women, he wants them, and not me, I'm not good enough, or I dont have something they do. He constantly tells me otherwise, he says he regrets his mistakes deeply, and I am everything he wants. He tells me this every day, but I still don't believe. He has planned a trip to Europe this summer where both of our families live. He has been understanding and supporting of how I feel, he has changed his behavior in a positive way and stopped all contacts with them, but it's not enough for me.. At this point, I don't think it's about him.. It's about me. I have to become that strong, independent, smiling girl I was. But I wake up every day with negative thoughts. I'm scared of being rejected, being alone, or something similar. Please any advise on how to start to feel better about myself and where to get motivation from.
Kae2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 I really wish you the best. Please understand that it is not YOU that is the problem. You are fine just as you are. Your fiance needs to work through whatever issues he had that made him wander from the relationship. While he is working on himself you can try reading self help books maybe?. If you are not into books maybe try some audio cassettes on postive thinnking. Josephy Murphy has written some excellent self help books. There is a lesson to be learned in the drama you are going through now. In the meantime, be well and know that a rainbow always comes after the rain.
Author Itiger Posted June 8, 2012 Author Posted June 8, 2012 Kae2012, thank you so much for the reply... I used to believe exactly what you said that I am fine the way I am and he was the one who made a mistake and needs to fix himself, earn the trust and my positive attitude towards him back. But recently I have lost all believe in myself it is sad because I am known to friends and family to be an optimist, a fighter, and strong individual.. Whenever something used to happened, I found ways out and never looked back. But now I do not see tomorrow as bright, I am exhausted of thinking about him, I am still hurt by what he has done to us after years of happiness. I am stuck in the past and not seeing the present or future. But I want to change my thinking, I want to start getting out of the darkness and regain my individuality and strength.. I like reading and have been looking into self help books, but not sure what is good. I do not want to read about recovering from infidelity since its too painful. Would you recommend something for personal growth, low self esteem, or even depression may be? Thanks again...
preetim22 Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Dont Worry it is the same situation for all the people in all over the world. As you see your self perfectly ok when you are with other or in public, so you just need to be busy while you are alone. you too go and make good friends in your circle, go out, keep busy yourself. Watch your fav movies etc. Best Of Luck
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