SweetLikeCinnamon Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 I don't want to go into full detail about my situation now but let's say I'm in the process of trying to leave an unhealthy situation. A week ago I was over at his and he said some hurtful/heavy things, then I was left to deal with it for a week by myself cause he wouldn't talk about it because he was 'messed up over it', even though he was the one who's been bad to me. Since then I haven't been coping (locked up in my room, won't stop crying, have only left the house once). Then today I try to contact him, saying sorry for my reactions and he ends up shouting and swearing down the phone at me and saying he'll message me back when he wants and me keeping contacting him isn't make him feel happier. The only reason I've been trying to talk to him is so that we don't leave things on a bad note (I've said I want to end what we have but he probably hasn't taken it seriously since it was a midst a few angry texts). Also I have a lot of questions and I know I won't heal properly without answers. So basically I'm waiting for him to calm down so we can talk. But now after what's just happened I feel even worse, which I didn't think was possible. So the question is, how do I cope? I have work tomorrow and I don't know how I can handle it. I broke down last time I was at work and that was when things weren't even that bad. I work in a club and I can't handle that environment right now. The couples, the happy people, the music. It kills me. I'm not the type of person who can even smile and pretend everything's okay. As for friends, I only have 2 close friends who I can talk to about this and 1 of them is now ignoring me and the other is living on the other side of the country. This is hard for so many reasons. This guy is my first love and first everything and right now I'm not even sure how much he even cares about me and I'm finding his behavior abusive (shouting at me when I've done nothing, only caring about his own feelings). I know he has serious personal issues but he doesn't even realise how bad he is, which makes it worse. Any guidance? I really can't live another week inside my room or even inside my head.
CopingGal Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 A week ago I was over at his and he said some hurtful/heavy things, then I was left to deal with it for a week by myself cause he wouldn't talk about it because he was 'messed up over it', even though he was the one who's been bad to me. Since then I haven't been coping (locked up in my room, won't stop crying, have only left the house once). Then today I try to contact him, saying sorry for my reactions and he ends up shouting and swearing down the phone at me and saying he'll message me back when he wants. This guy sounds like a complete moron. I think you should leave him and cut all contact with him. He sounds like he doesn't respect you and he doesn't respect your feelings. If you allow this treatment, he will do it again and again. I used to think that breaking up was the worst thing possible. It isn't. The worse thing is staying with someone that makes you cry a lot and disrespects you. Stay away from him. In time, you will be glad you did.
Author SweetLikeCinnamon Posted June 8, 2012 Author Posted June 8, 2012 This guy sounds like a complete moron. I think you should leave him and cut all contact with him. He sounds like he doesn't respect you and he doesn't respect your feelings. If you allow this treatment, he will do it again and again. I used to think that breaking up was the worst thing possible. It isn't. The worse thing is staying with someone that makes you cry a lot and disrespects you. Stay away from him. In time, you will be glad you did. Thank you for the reply. I do agree with you. He's a lot worse than I have even written down. But obviously it's not easy as there's a strong attachment. But right now I'm just worried about myself and my own feelings. I just want to be okay.
nanbullen Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 i am sorry you are going thru this, I went through something very similar. All you can do is take things one day at a time. Grief and sadness are normal human emotions, there is a reason for them, partly they are necessary for humans to adapt to change. And since they are normal and necessary...the good thing is, they will pass. The bad thing is, right now you feel like your world is over, and there is nothing that will take away the pain. And the pain feels like it's more than you can bear, but it's not. You are stronger than you think you are. I'm not particularly religious but i think it's like that poem about God carrying you when you feel like you can't go on. I think something takes over, our survival instinct maybe, and you manage to make it through, even if your conscious mind is in turmoil. Don't worry about how you'll cope tomorrow. Tomorrow will take care of itself. I only had one friend i could talk to about this and she lives across the country also, but i talked to her anyway. Mostly i just took it day by day, waiting for each day to finally end so i could escape into sleep. it's so hard, i know and i feel for you. Now, you say you want answers but what answer will satisfy you and make you feel better? He'll say whatever he has to say to satisfy his agenda. That's right, HIS agenda. Whether it be guilt, trying to string you along or wanting to date other women. He couldn't care less about your need for answers, closure, or helping you heal. And you may never know the *truth*. You say yourself he has issues. He is broken himself, so he can't fix you and make you feel better. Do yourself a favor and don't contact him. It will always make things worse. If he wants you, he knows where to find you.
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