Onlyjonley Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 Has anyone else ever experienced this with a significant other? I have learned recently my boyfriend doesn't really enjoy traveling. He said he'd rather just stay home and spend that money on something else, and that he really has no desire to explore and see new places. I am completely opposite. I love traveling. I love seeing new places ..even if it's just a day trip to a town or city I've never been to. And when I'm more financially able, I would love to travel overseas. He did say he wouldn't have a problem taking a trip here and there, but that there weren't many places he wanted to visit and he didn't see the sense in "wasting money". He is an amazing guy, and has so many great qualities ...so this isn't a deal breaker by any means. And I know there are always going to be incompatibilities in every relationship. It's just that I plan on being with this guy forever, and have always dreamed of traveling all over and making memories with my future family. So I was just a little disappointed to learn this. I just wanted to see if anyone else has dealt with this when it comes to their significant other. What are you experiences? Have you just ended up traveling alone? And are you ok with that?
2sure Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 Travel is a priority to me. It is important to me to have the break from work and home, to see new things, learn, relax ...whatever I want out of a particular trip. Travel is so important to me that I have made sure my daughter also appreciates it & has learned that the world is not so big. But its expensive. Ive have had to give up other things to do it. Less dinners out, fewer hobbies, etc. Ive had to give up a lesser priority to make this one important. Your guy may just be concerned that you understand he wants to be practical, that he would prefer to use money for investments - like a house, savings, etc. I have noticed that if someone comes from a family who never travelled, they claim to not be curious about it or enjoy it. Thing is, they MIGHT - they just havent tried it OR it seems out of reach. But, in marriage - having the same values and priorities is a lot more important than people going in think. His unwillingness to explore the world might be a reflection of a nature that is different than yours. Is he narrow minded? Does he respect the cultures of others? etc.
Author Onlyjonley Posted June 7, 2012 Author Posted June 7, 2012 Travel is a priority to me. It is important to me to have the break from work and home, to see new things, learn, relax ...whatever I want out of a particular trip. Travel is so important to me that I have made sure my daughter also appreciates it & has learned that the world is not so big. But its expensive. Ive have had to give up other things to do it. Less dinners out, fewer hobbies, etc. Ive had to give up a lesser priority to make this one important. Your guy may just be concerned that you understand he wants to be practical, that he would prefer to use money for investments - like a house, savings, etc. I have noticed that if someone comes from a family who never travelled, they claim to not be curious about it or enjoy it. Thing is, they MIGHT - they just havent tried it OR it seems out of reach. But, in marriage - having the same values and priorities is a lot more important than people going in think. His unwillingness to explore the world might be a reflection of a nature that is different than yours. Is he narrow minded? Does he respect the cultures of others? etc. He is very practical. He mentioned that he'd rather spend the money for a trip on something for the house or towards paying off the car, etc. I can understand this, but I also know that life is short and you only live once. Why not get out there and see what all the world has to offer? We do see eye-to-eye in so many other areas. We share many of the same views on morals and values. As far as being narrow-minded --maybe just a little. He is a pretty conservative person, and his response to my asking about traveling overseas was "I've got everything I need right here." I don't want to try and change him, but maybe if I can get him to go on a trip together, he'd be more open to the idea.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 I've been in relationships where the interest to explore was very minimal and they were more happy with the simple things, they'd rather just go home, watch their favorite tv shows and don't have much of a desire to see the world or even a new city...they're fine just where they are and how they are. That was a pretty big incompatibility for me, especially down the road in the relationship where I was much more adventurous and interested in seeing something new or even just out in nature as I appreciate the outdoors to a degree. For them, they lacked the enthusiasm for that, it wasn't as fun or interesting to them...more of a chore, they were like "wow, nature"...they did it for me but In the end I just did those kinds of things with friends or family, which did make me feel pretty sad about it that I couldn't share that experience with them. However their enjoyment was more geared towards experiencing pleasure in dining, trying new exotic foods and things that were yummy...which was ok but tended to make you fat. I didn't see the world as a giant eatery, and I wasn't that interested in trying new foods, I'd do but I also lacked the enthusiasm and appreciation as I'm just a steak/meat eater kind of guy, and I like my food simple. It was a conflict, never did come to a compromise...but that's the other thing, there has to be one. You'd be surprised about the things that become deal breakers in the future that you just let go for now because you'd rather just deal with the incompatibilities or they weren't even an issue just yet. Relationships change and evolve, the first hump should be pretty seamless and easy...otherwise we had compatibilities in a lot of ways and honestly she was a great woman and person, just different, different interest and as time went on more things became noticeable and problems. But then again I'm not the type of person that believes that just because you're with a great person you don't let them go, sometimes you don't match up as well with them as you thought. If something is a big deal, a big passion of who you are and how you see the world it's pretty important to handle it early on and put it out there now rather than just keep it on the back burner....always communicate and try to find a compromise that lets you move forward, otherwise these things will become issues and sneak up on you...unless you want to choose to let your passion for traveling and seeing new things go, just to be with that person which many people choose to live without.
Emilia Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 He is very practical. He mentioned that he'd rather spend the money for a trip on something for the house or towards paying off the car, etc. I can understand this, but I also know that life is short and you only live once. Why not get out there and see what all the world has to offer? We do see eye-to-eye in so many other areas. We share many of the same views on morals and values. As far as being narrow-minded --maybe just a little. He is a pretty conservative person, and his response to my asking about traveling overseas was "I've got everything I need right here." I don't want to try and change him, but maybe if I can get him to go on a trip together, he'd be more open to the idea. I doubt it. You don't think that maybe just maybe he is really... boring?
2sure Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 You know, if it is more of a money thing for him... I didnt really travel (big trips) until I was a bit more comfortable and established. With finances and time off. I was older than you, and my daughter older as well when I started taking her overseas or far. Its really really expensive to travel with kids. But anyway, since he doesnt have much experience with travel...plan a trip. Do research and figure out how to do it cheap yet comfortable & easy. Its a great project. Give something up & start putting money away for it. Then lay it on him.
serial muse Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 (edited) I don't think it has to be a dealbreaker, if you don't want it to be. (And if he doesn't want it to be.) It depends on how you handle it. For example, it's nice that you don't want to change him; is he equally willing to not judge if you want to go off and travel without him? Or will he argue with you about it because he doesn't want you to go, either? Would he make comments about the money you're spending? Would you both be willing to come up with an annual travel budget that feels reasonable to both? Would he be willing to, as 2sure suggested, embark on an inexpensive trip with you - meaning that his reluctance to travel is really about money and not some other internal barrier? If not, are you willing to travel with friends rather than with him? Would he be cool with that? Would you - or do you need him to want to travel? (You might not get that.) I think all of those are reasonable options, assuming you're both willing to bend on your expectations of one another. It really depends on where you're both willing to compromise. Edited June 7, 2012 by serial muse
pandagirl Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 My boyfriend has never traveled, basically because he has no opportunities to, and thus doesn't know what he's missing! I love traveling. He has expressed that he hasn't feel the urge to go anywhere, but that he is open to it. On the other hand, my friend's husband REALLY doesn't like to travel. Not an issue of money, but because he hates being out of his comfort zone. She really loves traveling, and did so extensively before they got married. She went into their relationship knowing this and knowing she would have to make some compromises. He went into their relationship knowing traveling was important to her, and would have to make some compromises also. He is fine with her taking trips without him, so she can still get her fix. Unless you are a HUGE adventurer or travel is a top priority for you in life, I don't think it's a deal breaker.
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 It doesn't have to be a dealbreaker, but compromises are certainly going to have to be made. For example, are you willing to travel without him, and is he accepting of this? If you get married and commingle finances, will your value of traveling be respected and provided for even though he has different priorities for spending money? Will you forego some discretionary spending money in favor of what HE prefers? Will he go someplace with you at least once in a while? My husband is not interested at all in travel and I am in love with it. It's a little sad. On the other hand, I can't have everything all the time, and I have a lifestyle at home that is extremely demanding (a big farm, acreage, animals, gardens, etc.) He loves to work on this and that is a wonderful thing. If I travel without him, that is fine with him. I do intend to drag him on a trip to Scotland asap, and he has promised he will go. My hope is that he will start to love travel. He has never even been anyplace outside of the USA except for Canada.
mtber75 Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 I don't really see how this is a deal breaker? He's a homebody and your not! It could be worst, one partner is into fitness while the other is not (I think that is a deal breaker because its a fundamental different lifestyle). The key is if your guy is willing to try it. Over time he may like it. If he's stubborn and being a cheap skate about it, I think you have to re evaluate your relationship!
Recommended Posts