Tom43 Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 This is an email I wrote to my sister. She hasn't had a lot of luck dating despite being a beautiful and fun girl. Maybe other women could use it too: "Whaaaats up. This is a really random email but for some reason today I was thinking about how youve kindve gotten screwed with the last few guys youve been talking to and I just wanted to give you my two cents on it since I'm bored. From what I've heard, a few of these guys kindve play the same games that i do with girls so I figured it couldnt hurt to get a guy's perspective. You probably know all the **** I'm gunna say but just in case I figured maybe it could be useful. So most confident guys want a girl who wants them, but not a girl that needs them. Neediness is a huge turn off for most of us. Like we want a girl who has the option of choosing other guys, but for some reason chooses us (pretty much an ego thing I guess). There are some guys who like a girl who they feel like needs them but these guys are usually either losers who are just happy to get attention from any girl or *******s who want a girl that they can control and treat like ****. So I think the hard part for a lot of girls is to figure out how to let a guy know that they are interested without coming off as needy and there are a few ways to do this. Once youve first started actually dating after the initial meeting is the most important part . At that point you really want to make him feel like you enjoy spending time with him and there is a good connection (if there is) but you could readily replace him if it didn't work out. The reason for that is because he wants to know that you want him and that you guys are getting somewhere, but he doesn't want to feel like he is overcommitted yet and he doesnt want a girl that is so quick to fall for him. This basically means you should let him do the majority of the work in terms of initiating dates and stuff. If you do want to ask him out, a good way to do it is to invite him to an event where there will be other men and women that you know present. This will show him that you like him (because you invited him) but still keep him wondering about what your intentions are. Another thing you can do is to talk about your male friends once in a while. This shows him that he is not the only man in your life and also it makes him curious about what your situation is with these other guys (although he will never admit it). Another thing you could do is ignore him (briefly). For example, if I text a girl and every time she responds immediately with an awesome response it kindve seems like she is desperate and has nothing else going on. But if once in a while she keeps me waiting, it shows me that she actually has a life and that I am not the center of it (which at this point ,I dont want to be). So there are obviously more ways but basically the point is to show interest but keep him guessing for a while on whether or not you find him interesting enough to develop something significant with him. The other thing is, I dont want to have figured out a girl within 2 days of meeting her. If I'm curious, I'm interested. So this means that being spontaneous and unpredictable are really attractive traits. This could be like a silly text message or even something ridiculous. Like one time I was out to dinner with a girl for one of the first times and she randomly put chocolate sauce on my nose. Ridiculous! But it was completely out of the blue and kept me thinking about it for days after that night." There was more but that's all I'm going to post. Basically my point to all you single woman out there is play it cool, be mysterious and keep us guessing! Make us think we've found something worth keeping! All guys CAN be *******s but we really do want the same thing as you once we find it.
mesmerized Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 lol so much game playing. Another reason I'm giving up on men. So many stupid games to make and keep them interested. 3
verhrzn Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 Yeah I'm gonna go with Mesmerized on this one. Also, I had a guy friend who pulled the male version of this on me... Kind of ignored me, would talk about girls throwing themselves at him, was rather unpredictable, and it actually turned me off. I'm weird in that if a guy acts uninterested, I assume he's uninterested. The constant messages that women should both pursue men and yet then also manipulate the men into pursuing us are just exhausting. Could someone just set the record straight, huh? 1
dasein Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 I think the letter is great advice, don't see it as gamey, but rather as common sense. OP's advice in essence is, "don't need someone to complete your life, but add to it. Don't set aside your existing full life for anyone until they earn it." That's healthy advice, not gamey. Games would be "always wait at least 4 hours to return his call, borderline flirt with other guys in front of him, go hot and cold on purpose to make him chase you" and other such. Rules of thumb people use in trying to build healthy relationships aren't necessarily games. 1
SJC2008 Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 The best way to know if a man is truly interested is to not call him first after a dates. Let him call first after dates and let him initiate most of the contact but initiate enough for him to know you're interested and that he has a chance. Basically don't play games but don't hand yourself to him on a silver platter! And most importantly keep the skirt on for at least a couple of months and if he's still around the chances are higher that he's a keeper. 2
carhill Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 I kinda liked the skirts because only lifting was required I can't speak to the younger generations but a woman who can satiate my palate generally can satiate my libido, so perfect one dish and serve it up in a skirt 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 This is an email I wrote to my sister. She hasn't had a lot of luck dating despite being a beautiful and fun girl. Maybe other women could use it too: "Whaaaats up. This is a really random email but for some reason today I was thinking about how youve kindve gotten screwed with the last few guys youve been talking to and I just wanted to give you my two cents on it since I'm bored. From what I've heard, a few of these guys kindve play the same games that i do with girls so I figured it couldnt hurt to get a guy's perspective. You probably know all the **** I'm gunna say but just in case I figured maybe it could be useful. So most confident guys want a girl who wants them, but not a girl that needs them. Neediness is a huge turn off for most of us. Like we want a girl who has the option of choosing other guys, but for some reason chooses us (pretty much an ego thing I guess). There are some guys who like a girl who they feel like needs them but these guys are usually either losers who are just happy to get attention from any girl or *******s who want a girl that they can control and treat like ****. So I think the hard part for a lot of girls is to figure out how to let a guy know that they are interested without coming off as needy and there are a few ways to do this. Once youve first started actually dating after the initial meeting is the most important part . At that point you really want to make him feel like you enjoy spending time with him and there is a good connection (if there is) but you could readily replace him if it didn't work out. The reason for that is because he wants to know that you want him and that you guys are getting somewhere, but he doesn't want to feel like he is overcommitted yet and he doesnt want a girl that is so quick to fall for him. This basically means you should let him do the majority of the work in terms of initiating dates and stuff. If you do want to ask him out, a good way to do it is to invite him to an event where there will be other men and women that you know present. This will show him that you like him (because you invited him) but still keep him wondering about what your intentions are. Another thing you can do is to talk about your male friends once in a while. This shows him that he is not the only man in your life and also it makes him curious about what your situation is with these other guys (although he will never admit it). Another thing you could do is ignore him (briefly). For example, if I text a girl and every time she responds immediately with an awesome response it kindve seems like she is desperate and has nothing else going on. But if once in a while she keeps me waiting, it shows me that she actually has a life and that I am not the center of it (which at this point ,I dont want to be). So there are obviously more ways but basically the point is to show interest but keep him guessing for a while on whether or not you find him interesting enough to develop something significant with him. The other thing is, I dont want to have figured out a girl within 2 days of meeting her. If I'm curious, I'm interested. So this means that being spontaneous and unpredictable are really attractive traits. This could be like a silly text message or even something ridiculous. Like one time I was out to dinner with a girl for one of the first times and she randomly put chocolate sauce on my nose. Ridiculous! But it was completely out of the blue and kept me thinking about it for days after that night." There was more but that's all I'm going to post. Basically my point to all you single woman out there is play it cool, be mysterious and keep us guessing! Make us think we've found something worth keeping! All guys CAN be *******s but we really do want the same thing as you once we find it. I like this advice and agree with most of it. The trick is, right now I feel exactly like this OP described, and I am not playing games. I genuinely have options and am not quick to invest or commit. Basically, you should get your life to a point where it truly isn't revolving around men - just re-prioritize and re-focus. Then it will all be natural. 1
threebyfate Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 My advice to single women is the same advice to single men. Be yourself and never fear loss.
Razzle Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 My advice for any single girl would be act yourself, don't try to be over the top. If you like the look of a guy and want to get to know him ask to buy him a drink if your out. I've always said that any girl that offers to buy me a drink I will actively engage in a conversion and not just be blanked like has happened a few times to me that's just rude. 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 This is an email I wrote to my sister. She hasn't had a lot of luck dating despite being a beautiful and fun girl. Maybe other women could use it too: "Whaaaats up. This is a really random email but for some reason today I was thinking about how youve kindve gotten screwed with the last few guys youve been talking to and I just wanted to give you my two cents on it since I'm bored. From what I've heard, a few of these guys kindve play the same games that i do with girls so I figured it couldnt hurt to get a guy's perspective. You probably know all the **** I'm gunna say but just in case I figured maybe it could be useful. So most confident guys want a girl who wants them, but not a girl that needs them. Neediness is a huge turn off for most of us. Like we want a girl who has the option of choosing other guys, but for some reason chooses us (pretty much an ego thing I guess). There are some guys who like a girl who they feel like needs them but these guys are usually either losers who are just happy to get attention from any girl or *******s who want a girl that they can control and treat like ****. So I think the hard part for a lot of girls is to figure out how to let a guy know that they are interested without coming off as needy and there are a few ways to do this. Once youve first started actually dating after the initial meeting is the most important part . At that point you really want to make him feel like you enjoy spending time with him and there is a good connection (if there is) but you could readily replace him if it didn't work out. The reason for that is because he wants to know that you want him and that you guys are getting somewhere, but he doesn't want to feel like he is overcommitted yet and he doesnt want a girl that is so quick to fall for him. This basically means you should let him do the majority of the work in terms of initiating dates and stuff. If you do want to ask him out, a good way to do it is to invite him to an event where there will be other men and women that you know present. This will show him that you like him (because you invited him) but still keep him wondering about what your intentions are. Another thing you can do is to talk about your male friends once in a while. This shows him that he is not the only man in your life and also it makes him curious about what your situation is with these other guys (although he will never admit it). Another thing you could do is ignore him (briefly). For example, if I text a girl and every time she responds immediately with an awesome response it kindve seems like she is desperate and has nothing else going on. But if once in a while she keeps me waiting, it shows me that she actually has a life and that I am not the center of it (which at this point ,I dont want to be). So there are obviously more ways but basically the point is to show interest but keep him guessing for a while on whether or not you find him interesting enough to develop something significant with him. The other thing is, I dont want to have figured out a girl within 2 days of meeting her. If I'm curious, I'm interested. So this means that being spontaneous and unpredictable are really attractive traits. This could be like a silly text message or even something ridiculous. Like one time I was out to dinner with a girl for one of the first times and she randomly put chocolate sauce on my nose. Ridiculous! But it was completely out of the blue and kept me thinking about it for days after that night." There was more but that's all I'm going to post. Basically my point to all you single woman out there is play it cool, be mysterious and keep us guessing! Make us think we've found something worth keeping! All guys CAN be *******s but we really do want the same thing as you once we find it. Absolutely the worst advice I have ever heard for women. If you play games with guys, they'll bail. They're used to pursuing and rejection, so they'll take your games as lack of interest. On the other hand, if you are straightforwards with a man, he'll apprecitate you for it. 2
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Yeah I'm gonna go with Mesmerized on this one. Also, I had a guy friend who pulled the male version of this on me... Kind of ignored me, would talk about girls throwing themselves at him, was rather unpredictable, and it actually turned me off. I'm weird in that if a guy acts uninterested, I assume he's uninterested. The constant messages that women should both pursue men and yet then also manipulate the men into pursuing us are just exhausting. Could someone just set the record straight, huh? I agree with you. But you see, for a lot of people, dating is a game. They feed off the energy, excitement and mystery instead of getting to actually know a person. For them, the back and forth gets them hot.
somedude81 Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Uh, it's pretty much, don't date players. The stuff in the letter is about nothing more then how to play games. 2
unsqueegees Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 I'm a female and I agree with this post. He's saying 'I am a male + this is how males think.' If a female had posted 'what women want' the men would call BS and say how its all a game. Of course its a game! That's why some girls remain single because they weren't paying attention early on. While fantasizing over 'teen pop' magazine boys, the smart ones were out there getting hands on learning (no pun intended). I've played both sides of what the OP emailed his sister. I've done the 'text right away' - 'like/comment every facebook post' and I find that the play it cool route works far better... Haven't you girls noticed guys acting this very same way? This post describes my boyfriend almost completely but I wouldn't go as far as to openly flirt / talk about other men. If a man made some comment about something I'd give my signature laugh to show my bf that men talk to me and I'm not a nun just because he's getting with me. Balance and self-security are key. 1
somedude81 Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 I'm a female and I agree with this post. He's saying 'I am a male + this is how males think.' If a female had posted 'what women want' the men would call BS and say how its all a game. Of course its a game! That's why some girls remain single because they weren't paying attention early on. While fantasizing over 'teen pop' magazine boys, the smart ones were out there getting hands on learning (no pun intended). I've played both sides of what the OP emailed his sister. I've done the 'text right away' - 'like/comment every facebook post' and I find that the play it cool route works far better... Haven't you girls noticed guys acting this very same way? This post describes my boyfriend almost completely but I wouldn't go as far as to openly flirt / talk about other men. If a man made some comment about something I'd give my signature laugh to show my bf that men talk to me and I'm not a nun just because he's getting with me. Balance and self-security are key. There is a difference between being needy, normal, and "playing it cool"
threebyfate Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 This entire concept is a twist on "Get a life"! 1
Oxy Moronovich Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 The best way to know if a man is truly interested is to not call him first after a dates. Let him call first after dates and let him initiate most of the contact but initiate enough for him to know you're interested and that he has a chance. Basically don't play games but don't hand yourself to him on a silver platter! And most importantly keep the skirt on for at least a couple of months and if he's still around the chances are higher that he's a keeper. Deliberately choosing not to call someone you're interested in is playing a game. Just because a guy initiates that does not mean he wants to stick around for long term. 2
mesmerized Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Deliberately choosing not to call someone you're interested in is playing a game. Just because a guy initiates that does not mean he wants to stick around for long term. Exactly. I feel like as a woman my job is not to scare a man off I'm afraid anything I say or do would be interpreted as "she likes me too much" and he runs for the hills.
Sid6.7 Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Ya know, here is what I have found on this site so far from many women responders in regards to providing "advice" from their perspective They are either in a relationship, married, want a marriage, or just plain can't get it and want it. Instead we have females that spend time here because they are in a relationship, married or want a marriage or just can't get it. But somehow they have incredible dating advice. Summarily put, they are not dating. At all. So, we get armchair women that think they know what is best and what will work for others when they themselves are in no position to provide anything valuable to the discussion. Other than anecdotal self congratulatory pats on the back and high-fives among each other on a message board. These are females that think Men are to come to them, woo them, flock to them and lavish them with accolades and compliments as if they have a magic vagina. The women that don't post here are out having fun! Getting laid, living life to the fullest without watching a minute of the kardashians. Want a very simple tip from a Man for you females out there dating? Whatever it is you did to initially attract that man in your life. Never stop doing it. Ever. 1
threebyfate Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 They are either in a .....married,Golly gee, wonder how that happened without going through the dating/relationship process? YES, emaculate marriage!
Sid6.7 Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Golly gee, wonder how that happened without going through the dating/relationship process? YES, emaculate marriage! Married and giving females dating advice. Logic would dictate otherwise.
threebyfate Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Married and giving females dating advice. Logic would dictate otherwise.Oh? How so? How did married women get married?
Sid6.7 Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Oh? How so? How did married women get married? Because some guy figured this is the best he can ever do and spent hard earned money on a ring to prevent her from sleeping with someone else
Pyro Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Because some guy figured this is the best he can ever do and spent hard earned money on a ring to prevent her from sleeping with someone else wow insecure much? That thought never occurred to me when I decided to marry my wife. 1
mesmerized Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 wow insecure much? That thought never occurred to me when I decided to marry my wife. He looks at women like walking vaginas and nothing else. Well I hope he thinks of his mother differently at least lol
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