LovelyLaura Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 Thing are geting better. At first I didnt believe that it would, but yes, it happens. Now, im out of town for my business travel. I visited one of my office branch in another city. Its been 3 weeks im here, and things are amazing. Well, the first couple days, wasnt so easy. I kept think of xMM (now im proudly can use this term). I missed him so much. Everything reminds me of him. Its like i can still smell his cologne everywhere. And gosh, it was so hard. It didnt help when he is still there, trying to contact me, a little chit chat, like nothing happens. I have to try really really hard not to respond to any of it. I want to resume the contact badly. I want to reply his lovely message, to answer his phone call. But i kept telling my self that its over. And if i do any of those things, it would just set me back to a miserable place i was in before. I’ve come this far, and i wouldnt let my self screw that by replying to his text. I hold my self, i even locked my phone away so i wouldnt tempted to reply his text. It was crazy. But i know things would be better. I tried to keep myself busy, introduced my self to new environement at my branch, hanged out with coworker. I do everything to keep myself sane. One day, at the local bar, my coworker introduced me to another coworker. And this man is gorgeous, he is kind, so funny, very mature, all sweet to me, and the most important thing that he is available. VERY VERY AVAILABLE. HE IS DAMN AVAILABLE LADIES. He helped me find a place here, set my water, and even help me clean the floor, paint the wall, ask me to go out, explore the city, the dish, everything. I just know this man for 2 weeks, but we already spend almost everyday together for dinner. Im new to this city, so he offers himself to take care of me while im here. And he did the job amazingly good. He took me to taste all amazing food here, and for the weekend, we went to the beach, saw the sunset together. Its just simply wonderful. I know xMM for 5 months, but never in that time we spend dinner together. U know why? Because he has to be at home with his family to spend dinner with them, not with me. I dont know where it would go with this man. I just want to take this slowly, but i have to admit that it feels good when i can go out and built a relationship properly. Dating without secrecy. No more short phone call when xMM was walking the dog or on his way home. No more secret meeting in a motel. No more lying, no more excuse, no more deceiving act. I just felt so relieved that i can live my life like i used to be. Be a normal young girl, go out with wonderful single young man in a sunny day. No more dark alley, no more tear, no more wondering, expecting, lingering, no more scary thought of being caught, no more guilt.. no more.. The more time i spend with this man, the more i can see xMM clearly. All this time, i made so many excuses for him. He loves me, he wants to be with me, but he just couldnt do it now. He couldnt leave his family, because it will hurt them, he is so unhappy in his marriage but he has to be there for his daughter. But he loves me, so he is trying his best to please everyone. Bla bla bla.. All that excuse for covering his sorry ass. After all that time, i still trying to defend him, to put him in a perfect guy shoes. But now, without that rose tainted glass, when i really see him for what he is, i was shock of how stupid i was. For believing all of his reason, for making excuses for him, for selling my self short. I realize that we are where we want to be. Period. No ‘but’ If he wants me, if he wants to be with me, he will do everything to make it happen. And with this new man, he proves that to be true. He wants to see me, he sees me. Even after spending 2 hours for dinner, he still asks me to go to a coffee shop stright after that. Just for a little chit chat. Because he wants to be there, with me. Dont get me wrong, i didnt try to compare them. It just help me to see the real me. The real me wouldnt take that kind of attitude from xMM. The real me wouldnt try to defend an *******, the real me wouldnt settle. And yes, im happy now. The tought of MM no longer makes me sad. Any text from him now is just like that. A normal text i didnt bother to reply. The text no longer trigger any memory. I guess this is what indifference feels like. I dont know whether i could keep it permanent. I pray it would and i will try my best to make it happen. And this new man, thx God, You send him in a very perfect time. Its still to early to say anything serious about this. But im enjoying my time now. Im living my moment. Im free And i pray for all of us here that still strugling through the pain.. Things will get better dear. Trust me, it will. Sooner or later, you will find you self in a better place than this.. Keep strong and please, dont settle
whichwayisup Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 This guy may be a boyfriend one day or maybe just a good friend but right now he is good for you and has helped you see things in a much healthier light! Good for you LL! Enjoy and just get to know him, don't rush into anything too serious. 1
Author LovelyLaura Posted June 7, 2012 Author Posted June 7, 2012 Thank you whichwayisup You gave me a lot of good advice back when i was still with xMM. And it gave me so much clarity about it. Yes, like you said, i will take things slowly with this guy. I just want to enjoy the freedom now. It slaps me in the face when i see how much the difference between a healthy relationship and the damned one. It really helps me get through the whole break up phase with xMM, now when i could see how toxic it is compare to the normal relationship that anyone of us could get if we just strong enough to walk away from the addiction with MM/MW. I thank all of you here for helping me in my time of need
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