woinlove Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 (edited) They may to you, they do not to the English language. Infidelity is to do with loyalty, cheating is to do with honesty. Very different concepts, even if some choose to conflate them. Not sure where your definitions come from, but the one you selected for cheating doesn't even use it in the context it is being used here. Here is the top of a google search for infidelity: The action or state of being unfaithful to a spouse or other sexual partner. Which is essentially the same as Merriam-Webster: marital unfaithfulness or an instance of it If you don't simply google definition of cheating, but put the word "spouse" and/or "informal" into your search, then the definition that comes up on top is To be sexually unfaithful and Marriam Webster's is cheat on [phrasal verb] cheat on (someone) informal : to break a promise made to (someone, such as your wife or husband) by having sex with someone else Or as Wiki explains: Infidelity (colloquially known as cheating) most commonly refers to a breach of the expectation of sexual exclusivity that is expressed or implied in intimate relationships in many cultures. In other words, "cheating" as being used in this thread means nothing more than infidelity. If you look for definitions that do not apply to what we are discussing, unfaithfulness in marriage, then you may find something different. Rad, from what you describe, you were not unfaithful, you were not cheating, you were not lying or deceiving, you were not in what most would call an affair, and there was not an OW. Not sure why you don't call it an open M, since there are many forms of open M, including some where the agreement is that outside Rs are fine and they are not to be discussed. That's not the type I am in, but it is really whatever the two spouses agree to and if you honor that agreement, then you are faithful to that agreement, and that is definitely not cheating or infidelity. As, others have pointed out in the context of this thread, honoring the boundaries of an open M is not cheating and it is really the "unfaithful" or "cheating" part that is wrong with sex or other romantic attachments outside of a committed R. To discuss this topic usefully, it's important to know what it means. Edited June 7, 2012 by woinlove 3
scatterd Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 Why is cheating wrong? When two people make a commitment they promise to be faithful.When a person cheats they are being dishonest, and deceiving. It is also wrong to hurt another person.if it was right a person would not have to sneak around and be secretive.Cheating involves allot of lying which is also wrong. If cheating was exceptable their would be alot more diseases and less love and caring for each other familys would not be the same.
Spark1111 Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 Being lied to and deceived by someone you love and trust is one of the most painful actions a person can experience, especially if you swore fidelity to each other. It kills. Did/do you love your OM? What if you discovered while he was whispering words of love in your ear, he had another OW you knew nothing about? How did he feel about you dating others during the affair? Since he had a wife to go home to, did he allow or encourage you to seek comfort from another man also? If you get married and declare that should one of you grow bored, complacent, and need a new person to spark romantic feelings, then BOTH of you have the right to do so, that's an AGREED to scenario. But to lie about it is not only hurtful, it is soooooo controlling. It allows the cheater to have a lover and a spouse; a fun, exciting, because it's new relationship while maintaining the security and stability of family life. It's bad, because it is so selfish and self-entitled. 2
MissBee Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 (edited) Hello. Ive made this post months ago in the OW/M category. The title is on purpose, to attract your attention, although it still is my main concern. Why is cheating bad? Are we a monogamous lspecies, or did we just follow some sort of rules that led us here? Before i go deeper, i have to admit that i was "the other woman", a status that many of you hate, logically, yet do not know the pain that follows that "Status". edit: No, im not making this post to make me feel better, i feel awful.I know what i did was wrong even if i loved him to the deepest. Despite that, i understand that cheating is going on every where. Anyways. Why is cheating bad? Should we re-define human relationships? cause i only see cheating, wherever i go. Is it only me?Am i posting on the wrong category? Dunno. I think im not. Please do consider thinking about this harsh question. Imagine a world where cheating wasnt a deal breaker. As i read from another thread: Fire away! It is a pet peeve of mine when people conflate monogamy and cheating. Cheating is about deception, lying and a breach of trust. It is more than just sleeping with someone else. You can sleep with someone else without it being cheating. Cheating encompasses a host of bad qualities that people generally dislike. One can have a polygamous relationship and still cheat by going outside of that arrangement. If you have 3 wives and everyone agrees on certain things about the relationship and outside of that agreement you sneak around with a 4th person, you're cheating. I therefore don't think monogamy or not being monogamous has anything to do with cheating. I do believe that some people are not naturally monogamous and instead of speaking this truth or arranging their relationships to accommodate this fact, they play along as if they are, then cheat....that is problematic, and still comes down to not communicating your needs and wants and not being authentic. There is also a lot of gender inequality in this scenario, as many men would love to not be monogamous and have their wives/gfs agree, but would abhor the idea of their wives/gfs/OW doing the same. Most men I've spoken to feel this way. I like this definition of cheating: Cheating refers to an immoral way of achieving a goal. It is generally used for the breaking of rules to gain advantage in a competitive situation. This defines all kinds of cheating, not just infidelity, people usually dislike cheaters because they usually step on others to achieve their own ends. Edited June 8, 2012 by MissBee 7
CopingGal Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Hello. Ive made this post months ago in the OW/M category. The title is on purpose, to attract your attention, although it still is my main concern. Why is cheating bad? Are we a monogamous lspecies, or did we just follow some sort of rules that led us here? Before i go deeper, i have to admit that i was "the other woman", a status that many of you hate, logically, yet do not know the pain that follows that "Status". edit: No, im not making this post to make me feel better, i feel awful.I know what i did was wrong even if i loved him to the deepest. Despite that, i understand that cheating is going on every where. Anyways. Why is cheating bad? Should we re-define human relationships? cause i only see cheating, wherever i go. Is it only me?Am i posting on the wrong category? Dunno. I think im not. Please do consider thinking about this harsh question. Imagine a world where cheating wasnt a deal breaker. As i read from another thread: Fire away! With cheating comes lying, manipulation, using, and making a fool out of the person who trusts the cheater to be true. Also, with cheating sometimes comes STDs. Enough said. 1
HHC Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Cheating is bad because it's a betrayal of a promise you have made. If you're not breaking someone's trust then it's not 'cheating'
Fugu Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Hello. Ive made this post months ago in the OW/M category. The title is on purpose, to attract your attention, although it still is my main concern. Why is cheating bad? Are we a monogamous lspecies, or did we just follow some sort of rules that led us here? Before i go deeper, i have to admit that i was "the other woman", a status that many of you hate, logically, yet do not know the pain that follows that "Status". edit: No, im not making this post to make me feel better, i feel awful.I know what i did was wrong even if i loved him to the deepest. Despite that, i understand that cheating is going on every where. Anyways. Why is cheating bad? Should we re-define human relationships? cause i only see cheating, wherever i go. Is it only me?Am i posting on the wrong category? Dunno. I think im not. Please do consider thinking about this harsh question. Imagine a world where cheating wasnt a deal breaker. As i read from another thread: Fire away! It's not about promises made or broken, or lying or whatever. I mean, it is about those things, but what it really gets down to is that it's bad because feelings get hurt. It's just that simple. I don't think I could ever cheat on my wife. She's a gem. I think if you really love someone, and if you really respect what you have, you just channel your energies into your relationship and find ways to not cheat.
Spark1111 Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Cheating is not going on everywhere. Where did you come up with that judgement? Stories of cheating are going on everywhere in the media, books, films and tabloids. But it's the same cheaters or old ones being revisited. Or celebrities. We all know how stable the famous folk are... Are you another poster who lives in a country where cheating is ok? Because where I live, and amongst the people I know, it is NOT common and it is judged harshly as a sign of poor character.
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