Boyfriend dumped me out of nowhere.. so hurt.

[Char12]

My first love came back into my life after 2 years after i asked if he'd like to catch up. He broke up with me out of nowhere the first time. When we met it was like we'd never been apart. He kissed me and i asked whether this was a one off or he wanted a relationship, knowing he'd be going back to uni for a while soon. He said he wanted to try, i said i needed to think.

 

We continued to meet up, and i talked through issues we might face if we were to try again. He seemed all for it, he said he'd never really got over me and seeing me again made him realise what he was missing. A week later i decided i wanted a relationship too.

 

For the next couple of months we saw each other almost everyday, and had an amazing time. He told me he loved me and after having sex he said he wanted to have kids with me one day. Nothing changed when he went to uni, he even mentioned getting a flat together when we left.

 

Everything was perfect until i'd had a bad day (flunked an exam) and said i wished he was here and it was hard seeing other couples together, and that the long distance was hard. It was like a switch turned in him and it ended up with him breaking up with me, saying i was right, it was too difficult but he still loved me and was hoping we could try again one day. I hadn't wanted to break up with him, i wanted his reassurance more than anything. I left it until the following day, and wrote a message telling him i didn't want to break up and had had a bad day, and that he was going to see me in less than 2 weeks.

 

He replied with excuses i'd never heard of.. saying it wasn't the same.. like "part time girlfriend, part time pen pal", he "was clouded by the sex and chemistry", he wasn't used to having a girlfriend again, and i'd "kept too much locked away" and he'd "only do this with someone he was 100% about.".. which seemed strange after everything he had been saying to me, and hurt because i was 100% committed to him. He also brought up some of the issues we'd talked about before the relationship, which then weren't a problem to him.

 

I haven't replied mainly out of shock. Before that day he'd been making promises of a future and texting me sweet things in the middle of the night. A week later he messaged asking if i was okay and i still haven't said anything to him a week on. I've deleted him from facebook also as he seemed to be having the time of his life and i never existed and it all meant nothing.

 

I'm very confused and hurt about the whole situation to be honest, i'd fallen in love with him all over again and now i feel stupid and left in the aftermath. Can anybody offer any advice?

Thank you x

[Fmrbrknhrt22]

This is interesting. The exact same thing happened with me, but in this case, I was the guy and I dumped her twice so I'll try and give it from his perspective.

 

Basically, he probably got bored. You guys were long distance, you were out of sight out of mind, and he was probably partying with his friends and meeting other girls. Young men, myself included, simply have a hard time wanting to commit because we have an insatiable appetite to meet women and sleep with them. It's not that we don't have the capacity to have deep, committed, meaningful relationships at a young age, it's just a very difficult thing for us to do, particularly if it's long distance or they are going away for several months, as was the case with my ex who will be living in Europe for 3 months.

 

I'm sorry to say girl, but I just don't think he was that into you. Find someone in your area that just wants to go out and have a good time and take it slow.

[babycrapgreen]

I would have to agree with Fmrbrknhrt22, he's already said what he said. It was very cruel in how we went about it though. Everyone has bad days and for him jump on that to use as an excuse to break up with is a cop out.

 

But, he made it clear. I say go out with with your friends and go to a bar or pub because staying home and sulking in it isn't good. You deserve better.

[Char12]

Thanks for the insight, the hurt's been mostly from being blindsided by it.. he was acting completely into me up and talking about a future right up until that day. Thanks again.