Jingle14 Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 I had a very bitter break up last June but then had another 'week' in September where he considered getting back together - it didn't happen, instead he started seeing someone else who I understand he is still with. For reasons I won't go into, we met tonight (should have been a brief 5 minute thing while he gave me back an item of mine) and ended up having a friendly chat, at the end of which we stood an hugged - for over an hour! Just standing there, holding each other tightly, snuggled into each other's necks. Would anyone else do this? Is this usual? We were madly attracted to each other and the chemistry was unlike anything else, certainly nothing we had known before with anyone else. I just didn't expect what happened tonight.
babycrapgreen Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 Only if I still cared for them but, I'm a girl. I don't know how guys would react but, I think just the same. An hour of hugging? I can see why you're on here. Very confusing. I wouldn't give up hope.
Seneca Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 Dumpers - would you hug your ex for an hour? Oh yeah, I was wearing a velcro suit at the time.
CopingGal Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 No way. I already wish I could shower my ex away. He is disgusting and the thought of being with him makes me feel dirty. I don't want him to ever, EVER touch me again. He's nasty and thinks it's fun to lie, use women, cheat on women, and sleep with strangers. He's the lowest form of life that I have ever known.
Author Jingle14 Posted June 7, 2012 Author Posted June 7, 2012 (edited) Only if I still cared for them but, I'm a girl. I don't know how guys would react but, I think just the same. An hour of hugging? I can see why you're on here. Very confusing. I wouldn't give up hope. i had/have completely given up hope, he had refused point blank since September to return any texts or emails (I sent several) but replied to one, which surprised me, a couple of weeks back when it was about something he bought me breaking and he offered to fix it (which he could because of the business he's in but I was still very shocked as I had only asked about warranty documents). And this was 6pm, both completely sober and a quick pick up of the repaired item turned into a chat over a cup of tea and then this hug. Considering he thought I was a 'nightmare' (I wasn't but I did have my moments because of the pressure I was under, but he saw me as my usual calm and reasonable self yesterday) I am very surprised this happened. I know I certainly wouldn't do that with an ex (and I still care for my ex husband but that would never happen with him), or anyone actually, and it still felt very comfortable and comforting. I am shocked though when he has been 100% against any contact whatsoever. I don't get it (although am stopping myself reading anything into it), and am incredibly confused - I wonder if he is. Have had 4 hours sleep, am shattered. I would not be at all happy if I thought my fella had been in the arms of his ex as comfortably as he was with me for an hour, if I was this woman he's with now. Edited June 7, 2012 by Jingle14
flitzanu Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 holding an ex tightly doesn't mean anything. it means you crave human touch or attention. if there's no words being spoken about feelings, then it really doesn't matter.
Author Jingle14 Posted June 8, 2012 Author Posted June 8, 2012 holding an ex tightly doesn't mean anything. it means you crave human touch or attention. if there's no words being spoken about feelings, then it really doesn't matter. That's interesting. He is a complete control freak though, does nothing spontaneously. He tells me he is happy, i doubt my replacement would be happy knowing he spent 2 hours with me, an hour of those holding me and stroking my hair.
flitzanu Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 That's interesting. He is a complete control freak though, does nothing spontaneously. He tells me he is happy, i doubt my replacement would be happy knowing he spent 2 hours with me, an hour of those holding me and stroking my hair. sounds like he's really good with monogamy and commitment. 2
Author Jingle14 Posted June 14, 2012 Author Posted June 14, 2012 sounds like he's really good with monogamy and commitment. You got that right. He also tells lies and was very cowardly, so i never know what to believe. He also 'suppressed his strong feelings' for me when we first met because at that time we were still married to other people. Only when his marriage failed did he confess his feelings, which was a massive surprise/shock to me as I had no idea he felt the same as I did (he didn't know I felt that way either). He can be very robotic in compartmentalising his feelings. All i know is I am very confused by his actions. If he is happy with someone else, why even see me at all, let alone stand holding me tightly for over an hour. I am so tempted to get in touch again (I won't though). I bumped into him 2 days after the hug, when he was with a friend and I was out with some people, I did say hello (and was thankful I was looking good and happy). Don't know how to play this at all.
flitzanu Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 i hope you know i was being sarcastic. he sounds like a complete tool, and you should hope have better standards for someone you date.
geegirl Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 He tells lies. He is cowardly. He is playing two women. Yes, you should get in touch if you want a man that has these qualities. Trust me he is going home and giving his new woman much more than an hour hug. I'm sorry to be harsh but you need to seriously stop holding on to scraps and remind yourself of who he really is. 1
Author Jingle14 Posted June 15, 2012 Author Posted June 15, 2012 i hope you know i was being sarcastic. he sounds like a complete tool, and you should hope have better standards for someone you date. Oh yes, I completely got the sarcasm, I'm English so sarcasm is my second nature . You wouldn't be the first to say that but he also has lots of very good qualities too and it was those that drew me to him. But I do take your point, and thanks. 1
Radu Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 I had a very bitter break up last June but then had another 'week' in September where he considered getting back together - it didn't happen, instead he started seeing someone else who I understand he is still with. For reasons I won't go into, we met tonight (should have been a brief 5 minute thing while he gave me back an item of mine) and ended up having a friendly chat, at the end of which we stood an hugged - for over an hour! Just standing there, holding each other tightly, snuggled into each other's necks. Would anyone else do this? Is this usual? We were madly attracted to each other and the chemistry was unlike anything else, certainly nothing we had known before with anyone else. I just didn't expect what happened tonight. Only if they payed extraordinaly well. Outside of this scenario, why hug the person that hurt me ... why make it easier for her ? OP, all the work you did to forget this guy from September ... you just erased it. Does it feel good to let someone make your time worthless ? 1
TaraMaiden Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 No way. I already wish I could shower my ex away. He is disgusting and the thought of being with him makes me feel dirty. I don't want him to ever, EVER touch me again. He's nasty and thinks it's fun to lie, use women, cheat on women, and sleep with strangers. He's the lowest form of life that I have ever known. Well, in a way, you're still "hugging" him. When we hold enough emotion in our hearts to have hatred for another being, it is as much of a deliberate input of emotion if our hearts held love for them. In other words, any emotion we have, binds someone to us. This is why, as they say, the opposite to Love, is NOT Hate. The opposite to Love - is Indifference. 2
Author Jingle14 Posted June 15, 2012 Author Posted June 15, 2012 (edited) Only if they payed extraordinaly well. Outside of this scenario, why hug the person that hurt me ... why make it easier for her ? OP, all the work you did to forget this guy from September ... you just erased it. thlDoes it feel good to let someone make your time worthless ?[/QUOTE] Thanks for that . No it doesn't. As he, and his parents, live and work in my neighbourhood, its been impossible to forget anyway as within a minute of leaving my house the reminders are all there. When we hugged, I honestly thought it would be a quick 'farewell and goodbye' one - I could never have envisaged standing there over an hour later with the person who has erased me from their life for months. I also agree with the last poster who said indifference is what you need to feel. I am desperate to feel indifferent but it's difficult when he and his family are in my face constantly in my neighbourhood. I vary from pure hatred for him - and my replacement, whoever she is! - to desperately missing him and wanting him back, this hasn't changed since the day he dumped me. I almost feel slightly better now, this hug hasn't made me feel worse at all as he does seem to have at least some affection for me and of the fond memories we spoke about. This fella was my 'one' - I've been in break ups before, had a long marriage but never felt like this about anyone. He's a similar age to me and also had a long marriage but that was his only relationship experience so he's pretty immature, 43 going on 18. Edited June 15, 2012 by Jingle14
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