Oxy Moronovich Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 RedRobin went from a strong advocate of platonic friendship between men and women, and wanting to have as many guy friends as possible to bitter, extremely critical of men. Wow.
joystickd Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 RedRobin went from a strong advocate of platonic friendship between men and women, and wanting to have as many guy friends as possible to bitter, extremely critical of men. Wow. Not platonic friendship you mean surrogate boyfriends
xxoo Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 I know I have some insecurities. Most women do its normal, jeez. I dont mean to come off like a brat but I'm really into my boyfriend and I dont wanna lose him. I'm sure he feels the same way but maybe he still needs to be a typical guy and still look at other women. Whatever. As long as he doesn't cheat on me or throw it in my face I can deal with it Do you believe he is looking for the next best thing? Or do you believe he feels the same as you, totally into this and connected, and is just appreciating the view? From your OP, it seemed like the former.... 1
udolipixie Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 You could also call that being shrewd, resourseful, diplomatic. I have mates, like Billy's, who do the 'boys will be boys' stuff, but they faithful & devoted to their wive/gf. A lot of guys have the philosphy with their partners...'tell em what they want to hear'. Why upset them, why get into a ****fight over something that can be avoided and she does not know about. The charm, wild ways, good looks & flirtatious behaviour is very much the essence of what attracted their girl to them, but women want to neuter that once they have the guy in the relationship. For many men, changing to keep the gf happy, is also not the definition of manhood. Shrewd, resourceful, and diplomatic are also the words some gals I know and my gal pals use to describe their behavior when they cheat on their bfs or husbands, flirt with his friends, or have him raise another guy's child under the impression it's his. They see no reason for them to have to deal with confrontation over something easily avoided that he doesn't know about. Her looks and behavior was what attracted the guy to him so they think he's in the wrong with wanting her to change into something different.
udolipixie Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 I like the way you reframe it as an "insecurity", I wonder if this was a guy we were talking about here if you would be so forgiving in your description. Your generalisations about men suggest otherwise. Btw temper, immaturity, control issues and blame-shifting are all part and parcel of "insecurities". I do like how you reframed it as temper, immaturity, control issues, blame-shifting, blaming guys for valuing her looks and such when she didn't blame guys for anything. It is an insecurity to me as she seems to fear being left for younger, only being attractive for her age rather than attractive, and is with a guy who notices younger and is communication with another gal. I'm quite unsure how am I being forgiving by noticing what seems to be a fear and value issue about something and labeling it as an insecurity. If a guy feared he would be left for a guy with more money and thinks his value stems from provider status I'd be equally 'forgiving' and label it an insecurity. The fact that she mentions how she dresses up in order to please him, and to compete with women 10+ years younger, doesn't necessarily mean she dresses like that but it does say a lot about her thought processes. Again this is a 35 yo woman who's talking about nothing else but her appearance and how young she looks. It says her thought process is that her value comes from her youth/beauty. Well I think it's very telling that you made no mention of the generalisation in the OP but felt you had to respond to Woggle's post, as well as making many generalisations of your own. I made several mentions of the generalization in the OP seems this is like when you LOL that I didn't show you that in none of her posts did she blame guys about anything. I think it's very telling that you seemed to jump at she's getting a taste of her own medicine. I didn't make any generalizations I stated my views and thoughts. Nowhere did I state, suggest, or imply they were applicable generalizations or general truths. Really? What does she suggest right from the opening question: "When do men stop looking for the next best thing?". Is there some kind of deep philosophical undertone I'm missing here? She suggests that she's asking a question not blaming him for being attracted to younger. Seems you're missing that the question and she isn't stating it's a fault or wrong nor assign responsibility for it. For me she's not blaming him for being attracted to younger gals she thinks it's a general male behavior and is saddened by it. That's indicative to me of her insecurity and projection issues not hypocrisy. My responses are bolded.
udolipixie Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 Let's not forget the rest of her comment: "Women like me do all we can to sustain their interests but we wound up in lose-lose situations" Sure... there's no blaming or victimhood here whatsoever. I didn't forget the rest of her comment and that's not blaming for me. That is victimhood and nowhere did I state, imply, or suggest that she. Pretty sure that stating she has an insecurity and is projecting her issues would imply a victim mindset.
Woggle Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 Let me say that I would never in a million years cheat on a woman or even flirt with another woman but it is true that many women like to kill everything that first attracted them to a man then complain when they are no longer attracted to him.
udolipixie Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 Let me say that I would never in a million years cheat on a woman or even flirt with another woman but it is true that many women like to kill everything that first attracted them to a man then complain when they are no longer attracted to him. Not an unsurprising behavior as from my experiences many people tend to have some form of it was hot before the relationship but not appropriate during the relationship. Such as a guy liking the way his partner dressed then wanting to change it because they're in a relationship.
RedRobin Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 RedRobin went from a strong advocate of platonic friendship between men and women, and wanting to have as many guy friends as possible to bitter, extremely critical of men. Wow. I'm still a strong advocate of platonic friendship between men and women. I promote having as many friends as possible and don't select based on gender or sexual preference. My views of some men's behavior isn't bitter at all. Just the opposite, in fact. My regard for men is higher than alot of men here hold for themselves. The men I call my friends don't disrespect women.
ascendotum Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 Not an unsurprising behavior as from my experiences many people tend to have some form of it was hot before the relationship but not appropriate during the relationship. Such as a guy liking the way his partner dressed then wanting to change it because they're in a relationship. No, no. you got it the wrong way around. Guys want their wives to dress the same like they used to in the early days of the relationship. They dont want their wives to change, they love what they fell in love with.
ascendotum Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 Shrewd, resourceful, and diplomatic are also the words some gals I know and my gal pals use to describe their behavior when they cheat on their bfs or husbands, flirt with his friends, or have him raise another guy's child under the impression it's his. They see no reason for them to have to deal with confrontation over something easily avoided that he doesn't know about.... There's the term 'apples and oranges' but this here its a case of 'apples and cannon balls'.
udolipixie Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 No, no. you got it the wrong way around. Guys want their wives to dress the same like they used to in the early days of the relationship. They dont want their wives to change, they love what they fell in love with. I may have it the wrong way if I stated that behavior was the general truth. Quite unsure how I've got it the wrong way by providing an example I have seen and known. Seems more like I've got different experiences as I've seen and known plenty of relationships where what she wears is now inappropriate, slutty, seeking male attention, and being used to inflate her ego.
udolipixie Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 There's the term 'apples and oranges' but this here its a case of 'apples and cannon balls'. Not seeing how as the behavior is the same 'telling him what he wants to hear', why upset them, why get into a fight over something that can be avoided and he does not know about, and her looks and behavior is what attracted him and he's trying to change her.
NYC-BigKat Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 Do you believe he is looking for the next best thing? Or do you believe he feels the same as you, totally into this and connected, and is just appreciating the view? From your OP, it seemed like the former.... Yup yup he's gonna cheat, he's gonna cheat. You know he will but u wont accept it 'cause you'r blind & u want him to love u for u but he wont. Its a shame that u wont dump him before its too late. I'm gonna sit here & wait for your next thread about how he finally went rogue on u. Wait . 1
zengirl Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 I know I have some insecurities. Most women do its normal, jeez. I dont mean to come off like a brat but I'm really into my boyfriend and I dont wanna lose him. I'm sure he feels the same way but maybe he still needs to be a typical guy and still look at other women. Whatever. As long as he doesn't cheat on me or throw it in my face I can deal with it I think the flaw in the logic here is the notion that 'typical guys' still look at other women in the manner you described in your OP. I mean, I don't expect any man or woman to be blinded by coupledom----obviously Hubby and I can still SEE other people and even notice that someone is attractive. I don't think he does that any more than I do. And another flaw in the logic is that it's normal to have the insecurities you do. I'm not sure whether it's average, by statistics, to do either of those things, but the notion that it's some kind of inescapable normal/typical is odd to me. There are so many men who'd never consider looking for the next PYT and whose significant others feel secure in their relationships and so many women who don't care if they get less attention in their 30s from men than they did in their 20s, because they're focused on other things by then. Most of the people I know are like this, and I think it's a happier path. That's not to say I've ever thought you didn't have hobbies or a personality or whatever. I do think you fixate too much on your physicality and ability to attract men with that. That said, I hope things work out with your BF, though it sounds like an uncomfortable place to be, to me, to feel like he's still looking for something better.
snug.bunny Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 I really feel I'm being attacked in here and its wrong because I really do care about my boyfriend. We have a great connection other than this age issue thats mostly my hang-up ok? To answer other people's posts in here I do have other things to offer this relationship like love and respect. I enjoy watching sports. Am a big Mets and Yankees fan and a Rangers fan too ok? I also like bowling and tennis and movies like horror and comedies. We do all of these things together with loads of fun. I also am a great cook. I'm a half Irish/Italian girl so its apart of my culture ok but I identify with Italian more because we're most closest to each other ok? I know I have some insecurities. Most women do its normal, jeez. I dont mean to come off like a brat but I'm really into my boyfriend and I dont wanna lose him. I'm sure he feels the same way but maybe he still needs to be a typical guy and still look at other women. Whatever. As long as he doesn't cheat on me or throw it in my face I can deal with it I think you have too. What is so terribly wrong for wanting to be physically attractive for your boyfriend? Has he told you to wear particular outfits, dress a certain way, style your hair a certain way, lose weight, wear specific make-up? No, I don’t see any indication of that based on what you said... What I see here, is that an action prompted insecurity (IE: your boyfriend met a woman on a chat board, exchanged telephone numbers, and it carried over to communicating with her via text). 1
phineas Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 I think you have too. What is so terribly wrong for wanting to be physically attractive for your boyfriend? Has he told you to wear particular outfits, dress a certain way, style your hair a certain way, lose weight, wear specific make-up? No, I don’t see any indication of that based on what you said... What I see here, is that an action prompted insecurity (IE: your boyfriend met a woman on a chat board, exchanged telephone numbers, and it carried over to communicating with her via text). It's blatant disrespect on HIS part. Making this thread instead of dumping him on the spot is the insecurity on her part. I've been around long enough to know when someone does this while their with someone it's the beginning of the end so just end it & move on. I'm secure in the fact that i'll do just fine being alone after I eject a disrespectful woman from my life. OP should evaluate the situation & decide if she wants to put up with this. I wouldn't.
snug.bunny Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 OP should evaluate the situation & decide if she wants to put up with this. I wouldn't. Yup, that's what it pretty much boils down to.
udolipixie Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 Team of Liars! Says a lot about your character covering for women like this Nowhere did I state, suggest, or imply I was covering for them. Quite unsure how stating others actions equates to covering for their actions. Bit telling that you remark on gals behavior yet nothing about guys behavior that my post quotes and is similar to.
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