udolipixie Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Here: Her posts are all about how young she looks and about the attention she gets from men based on her looks. Different perceptions as I only see one post about her talking about the male attention she gets though post #2 may be considered as well despite talking about people not just guys. Post #1 was about how she keeps in shape, dressed in nice little outfits, and wears makeup for him and to not disappoint him. In a post of how she perceives him as wanting younger and how he communicates with another gal. Post #2 was about how she is told she doesn't look her age. In a statement implying she knows guys want younger but she doesn't look 'old'. Post #3 was about acknowledging her decreasing male attention. In a post lamenting younger gals as competition. Post #4 was about how she feels tired of what she perceives as having to keep up aka bust her butt to stay in shape, dress this way, and wear makeup that way. The trend I'm seeing is what seems to be an insecurity of her aging and being left for younger gals.
udolipixie Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 (edited) Here:She says she's 35 but instead of acting like a 35yo she's acting like a 20something and thinks younger women are her competition. Well if all she has is her looks then yes, younger women are her competition. Now that she's facing her declining social value rather than waking up to the fact that there's more to relationships than looks and attention she's blaming men for valuing her on her looks. Him saying "she looks good for her age" is not really a compliment but it's not surprising either given that that's how she projects herself. Bit curious as how to you is she acting like a 20something? In my opinion regardless of whether or not she had more than her looks younger gals would be her competition. From my experiences when a 30s+ guy considers a relationship or settling down it's with someone younger than him. On the off chances he seeks a gal his age she usually doesn't look it. I highly doubt that she isn't aware that there's more to relationships than looks and attention. I don't doubt she thinks her value in a relationship is her looks and perceived youth. I don't see her blaming guys for valuing her on her looks rather her seeing her value is based on her looks and youth. The only thing I see remotely to blaming guys is her stating ' Most men seem to be this way after they get what they want then wanna go on the hunt for something better'. Though I see this as a negative generalization not blaming. How is him stating 'she looks good for her age' not surprising based on how she projects herself when she states she doesn't look her age? Edited June 9, 2012 by udolipixie 1
NXS Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 The trend I'm seeing is what seems to be an insecurity of her aging and being left for younger gals. It's not the trend that's the issue here it's the conclusions to be drawn from it. She hasn't faced up to the fact that her looks are declining because she hasn't developed other characteristics to attract relationships. She's probably still chasing the same players that she has been chasing throughout her teens/20s and is now trying to compete with younger women for the same men. The irony is that she's now blaming all men for being superficial yet it's that superficiality that she's been playing on all along. Now, rather than pulling her aside and telling her to grow up and be graceful in her older age you seem to want to use her as an example of how superficial men are. 1
udolipixie Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 (edited) It's not the trend that's the issue here it's the conclusions to be drawn from it. She hasn't faced up to the fact that her looks are declining because she hasn't developed other characteristics to attract relationships. She's probably still chasing the same players that she has been chasing throughout her teens/20s and is now trying to compete with younger women for the same men. The irony is that she's now blaming all men for being superficial yet it's that superficiality that she's been playing on all along. Now, rather than pulling her aside and telling her to grow up and be graceful in her older age you seem to want to use her as an example of how superficial men are. That's the conclusions you've drawn on based on it seems assuming that the fact is she doesn't have other characteristics to attract relationships. The conclusions I've drawn is that she's insecure about how she will stack up with young gals, realizing her options are likely to drastically decrease and continue to do so, and wants to be seen as 'attractive' not 'attractive for her age'. Conclusions based on what she's stated. Again I don't see her blaming guys for being superficial much less blaming guys for anything. The only thing I see remotely to blaming guys is her stating ' Most men seem to be this way after they get what they want then wanna go on the hunt for something better'. Though I see this as a negative generalization not blaming. Bit interesting your use of 'graceful in her older age' exactly what does that entail for you? How am I using her as an example of how superficial guys are? Seems if anyone's using her as an example you're using her as an example of a gal skating by on and controlling guys with her looks then get a taste of her own medicine. Edited June 9, 2012 by udolipixie
Negative Nancy Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 you seem to want to use her as an example of how superficial men are. that's because, well, they are.
xxoo Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I think 90% of the confusion in this thread is caused by posters having different understandings of what "attractive" means. Right. Physical attractiveness is important, but not the whole picture. A mature man (or woman) will not choose the most physically attractive person for a relationship--unless that person also happens to have all the other qualities that make them a great partner. You need attraction, yes. But if the attraction is strong, that should be enough in that department. You don't need to be the hottest woman he can get. It's ok if other women are younger and hotter, as long as he is attracted to you, and you have all the other qualities that keep him strongly attached. Physical attraction alone does get you very far, and that may be why this relationship is not strong. Adequate physical attraction plus a strong connection will keep a mature man focused on you. 2
Negative Nancy Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Seems if anyone's using her as an example you're using her as an example of a gal skating by on and controlling guys with her looks then get a taste of her own medicine. that is my impression as well. he's probably one of those guys who eats out the palm of a good-looking young woman, then later when she is older turns around and gleefully points at her telling her that she finally is "getting her's".
zengirl Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 The OP is clearly fishing with the wrong bait to catch men who settle down, don't get GIGS, don't care about the next PYT, etc. There is bait you can fish with, whether you're attractive physically or not, that catches the sort of man who stops looking for the next PYT pretty darn early or never even starts, but using your physical appearance as the main 'catch' for a man is going to catch the kind of man she describes. it goes both ways. men get taken advantage of by women too. and guess what? that's also the fault of the 'victim' for lack of a better word. should've paid attention. it's honestly very difficult to completely mislead an intelligent person for any length of time in a relationship. an intelligent person will pick up hints and clues of red flags and act accordingly. an ignorant person will not, but that's life. no one is rewarded for ignoring stop signs, they give you a ticket for that. I agree that both men and women can behave badly and said that. I also agree that it is often easy to avoid users, etc, but not always, even if you're not stupid --- a lot of it is age and experience that allows us to figure this stuff out, and someone who's locked in a bad pattern of picking the wrong people may SEEM stupid to someone outside the pattern, but really they're just not seeing something others might see. We all have blind spots in life. Taking advantage of someone else's blind spot is still wrong. I'm not suggesting people aren't responsible for making healthy choices, but I am suggesting that people are ALSO responsible for not preying on others just because they can. Even if the person IS ignorant or stupid, it's still wrong to treat them badly. It's wrong to treat anyone badly. Both people are complicit, and it's hardly a gender issue. Men and women both treat each other badly, though male and female GIGS may look slightly different from each other. Maybe, maybe not. Some men are character flawed and they will continue looking forever because they can't bond with a woman or they have some screwed up notions that commitment means they are p*ssy-whipped. In those cases, it has nothing to do with the woman. The man is just flawed. I'm not sure if I'm comfortable saying commitment-phobic people are flawed. Bad relationship partners, absolutely. But there is no law saying you need to be marriage-minded. If someone wants to be a serial monogamist or even not monogamous at all, as long as they aren't lying or using, I don't honestly see the flaw or problem. Perhaps we should stop trying to set "coupledom" as a societal norm and then people who don't make good partners because that's not their thing won't try to couple up and give us problems and we can be left with everyone feeling comfortable as they are. As far as "when the woman is worth it," I think that's absolutely when a man stops looking. For some men, no woman is worth it. For some, it may seem that way until they meet just the right one. And some are quite marriage-minded. There's a large range out there, but "worth it" is only going to be a value each individual man puts on it --- no woman is generally "worth" settling down for, in terms of every man on Earth thinking so. 1
NXS Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 That's the conclusions you've drawn on based on it seems assuming that the fact is she doesn't have other characteristics to attract relationships. My conclusions are based on what she's written here, she hasn't mentioned anything other than looks/youth. Obviously she has other characteristics but her primary one comes across as this. The conclusions I've drawn is that she's insecure about how she will stack up with young gals, realizing her options are likely to drastically decrease and continue to do so, and wants to be seen as 'attractive' not 'attractive for her age'. Conclusions based on what she's stated. How is this different to what I said? The only thing I added was that she had some part in this remark because of what she's written here. Again I don't see her blaming guys for being superficial much less blaming guys for anything. The only thing I see remotely to blaming guys is her stating ' Most men seem to be this way after they get what they want then wanna go on the hunt for something better'. Though I see this as a negative generalization not blaming. Semantics, she's not taking any responsibility for herself in this. Bit interesting your use of 'graceful in her older age' exactly what does that entail for you? For me it's women who don't dress/act like they're 10/20 etc years younger than they are i.e. they carry themselves with self-respect and self-responsibility. How am I using her as an example of how superficial guys are? Seems if anyone's using her as an example you're using her as an example of a gal skating by on and controlling guys with her looks then get a taste of her own medicine. The underlying theme of your posts here are how superficial men are, nothing about the OP's part in this. If I'm wrong then tell me what exactly you're trying to say here? Yes she does come across as a woman who got by on her looks and it's finally coming to an end. Nothing wrong with that except she's now being hypocritical about it and blame-shifting.
udolipixie Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 My conclusions are based on what she's written here, she hasn't mentioned anything other than looks/youth. Obviously she has other characteristics but her primary one comes across as this. Your conclusions seem to be based on your assumptions. Her not mentioning anything other than looks/youth out of insecurity to me based on her partner's behavior doesn't equate to she used her looks to control guys, she doesn't know there's more to relationships than looks, and she hasn't developed other traits to attract relationships. Now it's obviously she has other characteristics when before it was 'she hasn't faced up to the fact that her looks are declining because she hasn't developed other characteristics to attract relationships.' Semantics, she's not taking any responsibility for herself in this. That's not semantics to me as you stated she blame-shifting, blaming all men, and blaming guys for valuing her for her looks and I showed that she hasn't blamed guys for anything. For me it's women who don't dress/act like they're 10/20 etc years younger than they are i.e. they carry themselves with self-respect and self-responsibility. How do you know she's dressing and acting like she's 10-20 years younger than she is? The actions she listed was busting her butt to stay in shape, dressing in nice little outfits, and wearing makeup. I guess nice little outfits to you means mean outfits for gals 10-20 years younger than her (?). The underlying theme of your posts here are how superficial men are, nothing about the OP's part in this. If I'm wrong then tell me what exactly you're trying to say here? That's the underlying theme you got and I did post about the OP. I already stated what I was saying perhaps try reading it without having what seems to be a victim mindset and a view of the OP as that hot gal who is aging and finally getting a taste of her medicine. Yes she does come across as a woman who got by on her looks and it's finally coming to an end. Nothing wrong with that except she's now being hypocritical about it and blame-shifting. Quite unsure how she's being hypocritical as I don't see her stating a preference for younger guys or leaving a guy when something better comes along. Really unsure how she's blame-shifting as she hasn't placed blame on anything though it's semantics to show someone isn't blaming anyone for anything when another states they are blame-shifting.
udolipixie Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 How is this different to what I said? The only thing I added was that she had some part in this remark because of what she's written here. It's very different from what you stated and her part in this remark wasn't the only thing you added. Unlike you I didn't state she's blame-shifting, used her looks to control guys, doesn't know that there's more to relationships than looks, and didn't develop other characteristics to attract relationships.
Oxy Moronovich Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 It's very different from what you stated and her part in this remark wasn't the only thing you added. Unlike you I didn't state she's blame-shifting, used her looks to control guys, doesn't know that there's more to relationships than looks, and didn't develop other characteristics to attract relationships. I've read her other posts in other threads. I agree with NXS. It definitely seems as if her looks are the only thing she's ever used to get men.
udolipixie Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 (edited) I've read her other posts in other threads. I agree with NXS. It definitely seems as if her looks are the only thing she's ever used to get men. I've also read her other posts in other threads and it doesn't definitely seems as if her looks are the only thing she's ever used to get men. Her posts in others threads have been advising not to make out with someone until you know them, not considering a guy because she perceived him to be a flirt, and how it's all about sharing equality in a relationships. When the subjective is about looks while she stated there's no such thing as ugly on the outside just the inside it definitely seems she bases her value and worth to guys on her age. Perhaps seeing it as a negative and disadvantage that she'll always be 'attractive for her age' rather than 'attractive'. Edited June 9, 2012 by udolipixie
joystickd Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I'm getting really worried now because I caught my boyfriend texting some girl and its got my panties in a knot as it has the right to be. He tried to deny it by telling me she's just some girl he met from the chat and she means nothing to him but why is he even in there? Most of the people there are fake liars! I just dont get what his problem is We've been dating for more than several months so things are still new to us. I've been busting my butt to stay in shape for him. Wearing nice little outfits that he likes so it shows my figure and wearing makeup whenever we're out so I dont dissapoint him. I dont know what else to do here because I really care about him and I know he feels the same but its hard when we pass these younger looking women and I can tell he's interested. Dont ask me how I know. I just do. He compliments me on how beautiful I am and how I look good for my age but I hate the fact of him even saying that kind of comment about age I keep feeling that he's starting to get bored of me. Most men seem to be this way after they get what they want then wanna go on the hunt for something better. Women like me do all we can to sustain their interests but we wound up in lose-lose situations I look at this and think this woman is so insecure. Women like this can complain about men but the reality is she has some issues she needs to deal with and until she does she will be in this same situation over and over. If you are a woman just focused on your looks then someone younger will bother you. When you focus on something that much you totally neglect other aspects of yourself that make you attractive. It creates a impression that all you have to offer is your looks. It would be like me having a 12 inch d**k and doing everything to let women know that. The question becomes for these women what else do I have to offer. This guy is probably looking because he is just tired of your insecurity. Some of the female fringe can complain about men liking younger women but people like what they like and its as simple as that. There are men that like you but the focus gets to be on the BS people. I bet she saw this months ago but hated to do anything. Men and women when the opposite sex does something you don't like you can't be afraid to show them the door 1
udolipixie Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I look at this and think this woman is so insecure Men and women when the opposite sex does something you don't like you can't be afraid to show them the door The bits I agree on with my addition of on the show the door bit to me if you're a gal over 30 probably best suited to 'grin and bear it' depending on what he did and if you're willing to be alone for your life.
xxoo Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 The bits I agree on with my addition of on the show the door bit to me if you're a gal over 30 probably best suited to 'grin and bear it' depending on what he did and if you're willing to be alone for your life. It doesn't matter how old you are, you are better off being alone than being in a relationship that tears you down. There is no reason that women over 30 should have lower expectations for love and respect. Expectations about superficial things may lower as we mature, but expectations for love and respect should rise with maturity. IMO, the op's bf's behavior is neither loving nor respectful, and at 35 she should expect more. 1
Disenchantedly Yours Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I'm far from fringe lmao! No put down just an observation. If I actually really did a put down you definitely would know. I just speak on what I see. If you don't like it then IGNORE!!!! It actually works try it sometime. Yes it was a put down. You are rather famous for them. You tip toe around the board making little insidious comments here and there without any real ownership of them ever. You start complete threads regarding other posters getting your little jabs in. If you are going to take cheap shots, at least own it. Don't try to play it off like you were just making "observations". Further, you could have responded just fine to the thread with your opinion without that one comment. finally, take your own advice, "if you don't like it then IGNORE!!!!".
NXS Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Your conclusions seem to be based on your assumptions. Her not mentioning anything other than looks/youth out of insecurity to me based on her partner's behavior doesn't equate to she used her looks to control guys, she doesn't know there's more to relationships than looks, and she hasn't developed other traits to attract relationships. Now it's obviously she has other characteristics when before it was 'she hasn't faced up to the fact that her looks are declining because she hasn't developed other characteristics to attract relationships.' The key word was "developed", she is a human being with other characteristics and not a robot. However she hasn't shown anything other than her pre-occupation with her looks/youth and what she thinks men want, hence my conclusions based on what she's posted here. Furthermore you stated: The conclusions I've drawn is that she's insecure about how she will stack up with young gals, realizing her options are likely to drastically decrease and continue to do so, and wants to be seen as 'attractive' not 'attractive for her age'. Conclusions based on what she's stated. Which backs up my point about her pre-occupation. That's not semantics to me as you stated she blame-shifting, blaming all men, and blaming guys for valuing her for her looks and I showed that she hasn't blamed guys for anything. LOL you did no such thing. If she's not blame-shifting there should be some indication of her part in all of this however it's nowhere to be seen. How do you know she's dressing and acting like she's 10-20 years younger than she is? The actions she listed was busting her butt to stay in shape, dressing in nice little outfits, and wearing makeup. I guess nice little outfits to you means mean outfits for gals 10-20 years younger than her (?). It means a preoccupation with her looks and youth, that's all she mentioned about what she was doing to keep him attracted. That's the underlying theme you got and I did post about the OP. I already stated what I was saying perhaps try reading it without having what seems to be a victim mindset and a view of the OP as that hot gal who is aging and finally getting a taste of her medicine. Again, what exactly are you saying here? What does this have to do with the OP: Very different experiences as I have yet to see gals refer to guys their age as 'past prime', 'aging like milk', and 'used up'. My experiences have been that gals generally find age attractive, don't consider it a default negative, or can find age attractive without him having to look younger than his age. What's your agenda in this thread? Quite unsure how she's being hypocritical as I don't see her stating a preference for younger guys or leaving a guy when something better comes along. I've already pointed out the hypocrisy, she's blaming him for his superficial nature of being attracted to younger, hotter women while she's pre-occupied with her appearance and attention from men.
zengirl Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 It doesn't matter how old you are, you are better off being alone than being in a relationship that tears you down. There is no reason that women over 30 should have lower expectations for love and respect. Expectations about superficial things may lower as we mature, but expectations for love and respect should rise with maturity. Absolutely! I'm not even sure why 30s is THAT big of a deal. My mother was in her 30s when she met my step-father, a far better catch than my father ever was, who still treats her with love and respect as she ages. She dated plenty of other men, some nice and some jerks, and found love with my stepfather, a respectable wonderful man, because she was looking for the RIGHT things and thus found a marriage-minded man who loved and respected her. I have known women who got married or re-married in their 40s and 50s. There are men who don't do this sort of thing and you don't need to "grin and bear it" unless you too value PYT. I have a feeling the problem with the OP is that her values are similar to the men she dates --- she misses her lost youth, values external beauty over these important qualities, etc, etc. 1
udolipixie Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 It doesn't matter how old you are, you are better off being alone than being in a relationship that tears you down. There is no reason that women over 30 should have lower expectations for love and respect. Expectations about superficial things may lower as we mature, but expectations for love and respect should rise with maturity. IMO, the op's bf's behavior is neither loving nor respectful, and at 35 she should expect more. Different opinions as to me 'grin it and bear it' may not be a relationship that tears her down depending on his actions and if she doesn't want to be alone. Different views as you don't see a reason while I see many reasons many reasons gals over 30 would be best suited to have lower expectations for love and gals of any age would be suited to have lower expectations for respect. It's not a matter of should expect more to me rather the OP can expect more however whether she can get more is a toss up to me.
zengirl Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Different views as you don't see a reason while I see many reasons many reasons gals over 30 would be best suited to have lower expectations for love and gals of any age would be suited to have lower expectations for respect. What are these many reasons? 2
Disenchantedly Yours Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 You don't dump any man for checking out other women. It's in the man's nature to look at beautiful women. I was watching one tonight really good as she walked home from wherever she came from. She was gorgeous and I couldn't take my eyes off of her. But it doesn't mean my current sweetie should dump me. I didn't cheat now did I? I got a few things to say on this. Every man and women can "justify" any type of behavior under the umbrella of pop-science "biology". (Thank goodness though that people are so much more than pop-science biology.) Sometimes when this is done in message board land, it's done to explain and over-justify ultimately selfish or self gratifying behavior. Please stop using the whole "it's in a man's nature" to do x,y and z. When we over simplify human behavior to the already over simplified pop-science biology, we do a huge disservice to men and women alike. Not one person here doesn't understand men like pretty women. Not one man here is incapable of seeing why that also biologically, causes issues and concerns for his woman. You see your man noticing other women? You're going to have some biological reactions to that in return. I dislike how you, and men in general often do this (not just you), justify male behavior under a vacuum of "biology" but never feel the need to understand the female biological side of it. Not only do you not attempt to understand the female side of it, you demand and ask women to practice self control and understanding toward men when they are being driven by their sexual biological whims but you give no such grace to women in return .If you are going to use the whole biology argument, then be genuine enough to understand female biology and why a man signing interest (looking, lusting, ogling, fantasizing) over other women is a primitive sign of his possible interest and discrediting to the partner he already has. Please try to understand the message a man is sending by looking and lusting after other women, especially if they are younger since we culturally already tell women how worthless they are with age. You especially enjoy and relish in telling women how worthless they are. While you tout your own horn about how men "need" this and should "do" that and how women should understand. Why don't you for a change attempt to understand and care about women instead of always looking for a reason to put them down. Secondly, lets talk about female biology for a moment. It's in women's nature to look for the best provider. Does that mean it's fair or correct or right when women exploit men financially? No. We all have a choice about how we behave. Is it fair for me to lust and over fantasize men that make more money then my hypothetical boyfriend while I expect my hypothetica boyfriend to be pleased with the crumbs I throw his way? No. Is if fair or right that just because I am a woman and have estrogen and hormones that might be more strong at times that I take advantage of that and expect my boyfriend to take any behavior I dish out under the guise of "female biology"? No. I have a choice to treat my partner with respect. If I choose to be in a relationship, then I choose to take on someone else's needs, not just my own. It is no longer, "all about me". No matter what biological excuse I may want to give for my own behavior. Lastly, we aren't talking about a man in this case that simply sees a pretty lady once-in-awhile. We are talking about a man that is reguarly ogling women under the age of 25 when he has a 34 year old girlfriend and makes back-handed compliments like, "you look good for your age." This woman isn't asking for all the men in the world to find her hot. This woman isn't putting pictures of herself naked on the internet trying to gain tons of attention from other men. All she wants is for her boyfriend to find her more valuable and beautiful then other women. I don't think that's asking for too much. Now if she was asking for every man in the world, yeah that would be too much. We aren't talking about some 25 year old guy dating a 34 year old. We are talking about a 32 year old guy. They probably look the same age. He isn't any spring chicken. He isn't better then her. Lets stop with the bull crap. lets stop telling someone to be with someone that clearly isn't meeting their needs and sometimes is even talking down to them about their age and looks vs younger people. Lets actually care about the OP instead of your own personal agenda to attempt to assert whatever power you wish you had over women. 2
LittlePrince Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 When they find febreeze because febreeze is the tops. It can be a deodorizer, breath freshener, air freshener, and so much more. I love you febreeze. 1
Disenchantedly Yours Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 IMO, this is a very immature view of relationships, for either a man or woman past age 30. Attraction is important, and must be there at any age, but appearance is not the most important thing in a mature, loving relationship. How come that line only works when used to defend your partner ogling other people? If looks aren't the most important thing, and you are in a loving relationship with someone, then it seems pretty silly to spend time looking at other people. Sure, I can understand sometimes noticing other people. But how much "looking" is going on and how much "lusting" is in that look? 1
udolipixie Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 LOL you did no such thing. If she's not blame-shifting there should be some indication of her part in all of this however it's nowhere to be seen. I did so twice and it seems you're rather focused on placing blame particularly on her: #1 I don't see her blaming guys for valuing her on her looks rather her seeing her value is based on her looks and youth. The only thing I see remotely to blaming guys is her stating ' Most men seem to be this way after they get what they want then wanna go on the hunt for something better'. Though I see this as a negative generalization not blaming. No response from you. #2 Again I don't see her blaming guys for being superficial much less blaming guys for anything. The only thing I see remotely to blaming guys is her stating ' Most men seem to be this way after they get what they want then wanna go on the hunt for something better'. Though I see this as a negative generalization not blaming. Semantics, she's not taking any responsibility for herself in this.
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