RedRobin Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 That's all cute and stuff, but really. Really, do you think for a moment he would be preoccupied if she were getting things done? You know what I mean. His behavior is his own responsibility. If he feels the need to keep looking while in a relationship, he's a dirtbag with no character. It has nothing to do with her at all. 3
Sid6.7 Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 His behavior is his own responsibility. If he feels the need to keep looking while in a relationship, he's a dirtbag with no character. It has nothing to do with her at all. This is what some women like to tell themselves. Ok, carry on.
RedRobin Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 This is what some women like to tell themselves. Ok, carry on. There is no excuse for lying, cheating, and stringing someone along. People who do that have endless reasons why someone else is to blame for their behavior. Lots of men would love for women to feel responsible for their poor behavior. They aren't. Like I love to say... that d*ck is attached to his body and noone elses. So are his eyes, and his hot, little texty fingers.
thatone Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 There is no excuse for lying, cheating, and stringing someone along. People who do that have endless reasons why someone else is to blame for their behavior. Lots of men would love for women to feel responsible for their poor behavior. They aren't. Like I love to say... that d*ck is attached to his body and noone elses. So are his eyes, and his hot, little texty fingers. actually projecting blame is a stereotypical female trait. women think it's the job of men to entertain them, and if they don't feel good about themselves it's their man's (or lack of man's) fault. nice straw man, though. 2
joystickd Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Maybe, maybe not. Some men are character flawed and they will continue looking forever because they can't bond with a woman or they have some screwed up notions that commitment means they are p*ssy-whipped. In those cases, it has nothing to do with the woman. The man is just flawed. This is why I advise women to seek objective proof in the very early stages whether the man is interested in and capable of a LTR before getting emotionally invested in him.. and especially before having sex. If he has no history of being able to and doesn't demonstrate actions to show he is interested in a loving, committed relationship, then anything a woman does is a waste of time. It is throwing pearls before swine. Of course, if all she cares about is killing time and having fun, then go ahead. But a woman sincerely interested in a LTR doesn't waste her time with fun-time boys. I'll avoid the use of the term man-whore because it is overdone. Same way men need to find out if the women that want LTR is a slut
udolipixie Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 actually projecting blame is a stereotypical female trait. women think it's the job of men to entertain them, and if they don't feel good about themselves it's their man's (or lack of man's) fault. nice straw man, though. In my opinion projecting blame is a stereotypical human trait and I have yet to see any research stating it was a female trait. I'm not seeing how RedRobin's post is a straw man as there are likely many guys who would love for gals to feel responsible for his poor behavior. As well the poster she was responding to did imply the gal is responsible for his behavior. Nice straw man, though that it's a stereotypical female trait and what gals in general think. 2
Sid6.7 Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 As well the poster she was responding to did imply the gal is responsible for his behavior. I am assuming you are referring to me. No, I never implied she was responsible for his behavior. I implied she was responsible for her own behavior.
udolipixie Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 (edited) I am assuming you are referring to me. No, I never implied she was responsible for his behavior. I implied she was responsible for her own behavior. I didn't get that implication from what seemed like 'he wouldn't be doing X if she had done Y' that seemed to imply she's responsible for his actions that you labeled as preoccupied. Except, bad habits die hard. I don't happen to believe his behavior has anything to do with her. He's just being a jerk and seeing what he can get away with. That will follow to the next, then the next, then the next... Until he is old and wondering what the f*ck happened to his life... all that roving eye and texting is a sad replacement for a real human being who could have cared for him. Not for her to worry about. All she has to worry about is finding someone with integrity. That's all cute and stuff, but really. Really, do you think for a moment he would be preoccupied if she were getting things done? You know what I mean. His behavior is his own responsibility. If he feels the need to keep looking while in a relationship, he's a dirtbag with no character. It has nothing to do with her at all. This is what some women like to tell themselves. Ok, carry on. Edited June 9, 2012 by udolipixie
Disenchantedly Yours Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I notice pretty women. I think some women out there are great for the eyes. So does my wife. This is normal. This is ok. That being said. What I have with my wife could never be matched by any of those women. She's a man lover. A diamond in the rough. No one said noticing other people wasn't normal. 1
Disenchantedly Yours Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Women have much better things to do with their time than be babysitters for men with a roving eye or one who cuts her down. Yes, I think he is a dirtbag. A common dirtbag. Yep. Not worth wasting any more time on. Why should she be his back up booty while he's doing his BBD'ing? Nah... I say, make him available to the dating pool if he thinks he's so hot. Then maybe he'll learn some manners. Or not. Either way, he won't be her problem to deal with anymore and she can keep her self-respect. RedRobin, this is good advice. It seems like he wants to be available, she should give him the oppurtunity to be available. This way he gets what he wants, and she doesn't get hurt in the process anymore. 1
SJC2008 Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 There are plenty of men who want to get married. If there weren't, nobody would be married because it's the men who do the asking. You know right now for a fact if your bf is husband material so if he's not which most of us posters believe then dump his arse and stop wasting what's left of your clock. At your age although not old, it will be hard to date equal or less age wise beause men have it that way where we date down in age as woman have it that they date up in looks.
udolipixie Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 At your age although not old, it will be hard to date equal or less age wise beause men have it that way where we date down in age as woman have it that they date up in looks. Where has that occurred in your experiences as mine have been guys date down in age & up in looks while gals date up in finances.
Shaun-Dro Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 OP, your boyfriend is not a good man. He makes you feel like crap about yourself and is oggling younger women. Dump him. He doesn't care about you and he doesn't even make you feel good. You don't dump any man for checking out other women. It's in the man's nature to look at beautiful women. I was watching one tonight really good as she walked home from wherever she came from. She was gorgeous and I couldn't take my eyes off of her. But it doesn't mean my current sweetie should dump me. I didn't cheat now did I?
udolipixie Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 You don't dump any man for checking out other women. It's in the man's nature to look at beautiful women. I was watching one tonight really good as she walked home from wherever she came from. She was gorgeous and I couldn't take my eyes off of her. But it doesn't mean my current sweetie should dump me. I didn't cheat now did I? The post you responded to stated "He makes you feel like crap about yourself and is oggling younger women. Dump him." Perhaps you're overlooking the part of him making her feel like crap in what seems to be an agenda of defending checking out other gals as a male's nature. (?) As well as overlooking that the OP's boyfriend isn't just checking out the gals he's also in communication with one and is texting her. 1
kaylan Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I hate to have to fight with younger women. I get alot of attention but so do many of them. I dont get the same amount of attention I used to get after hitting 30. I dont know why. Its not like guys could really tell I was 30 right? An attractive man or woman will get a good amount of attention well into their 30s and 40s...and people in their 20s will give it to them too if they find them to be sexy. The problem is that most people dont take care of themselves as they get older. Hence why comments like "looking good for your age" exist.
NXS Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 The post you responded to stated "He makes you feel like crap about yourself and is oggling younger women. Dump him." Perhaps you're overlooking the part of him making her feel like crap in what seems to be an agenda of defending checking out other gals as a male's nature. (?) As well as overlooking that the OP's boyfriend isn't just checking out the gals he's also in communication with one and is texting her. The OP comes across as one of those women who has gotton by solely on her looks and very little else. Now that she's getting a bit older, not getting the same amount of attention and starting to fret about not being able to control men based on her looks she's now blaming men for the very thing she has been using all along. Rather than looking at herself and her shallow nature she's blame-shifting. 2
udolipixie Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 (edited) The OP comes across as one of those women who has gotton by solely on her looks and very little else. Now that she's getting a bit older, not getting the same amount of attention and starting to fret about not being able to control men based on her looks she's now blaming men for the very thing she has been using all along. Rather than looking at herself and her shallow nature she's blame-shifting. Different perceptions. For me the OP comes across as a gal realizing that it seems guys judge and value gals based on youth/beauty. I'm not seeing blame-shifting rather realizing likely guys her age range prefer younger and much younger and that guys want to settle down much later at some point in their life and by that point it's usually with a younger gal. How did she come across to you as getting by solely on her looks or that she controls guys based on her looks? I haven't seen any posts by her implying that. Her mention of her looks I've seen is acknowledging that she's getting less attention. Edited June 9, 2012 by udolipixie 1
sally4sara Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Well.....she does seem confounded that wearing "cute little outfits" and doing up her make up isn't holding her relationship together. I'm sure it gets her more looks from guys but that doesn't amount to anything a relationship can be built on. Pretty can be pretty forgettable without something more substantial to back it up. I too wondered why the only thing she said she was doing to keep he BF happy was the outer fluff stuff - nothing about personal investment or goals they were working towards together, activities they shared, the kind of rapport they had etc. It doesn't mean she does nothing else worthwhile in the relationship, but she didn't give anyone anything else to go on for giving advise. This is LS and you have to spell it out for folks letter by letter or it can lend the wrong impression to the catty LS man bitches who want to poke fun at anyone without a Y chromosome. 1
udolipixie Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Well.....she does seem confounded that wearing "cute little outfits" and doing up her make up isn't holding her relationship together. I'm sure it gets her more looks from guys but that doesn't amount to anything a relationship can be built on. Pretty can be pretty forgettable without something more substantial to back it up. I too wondered why the only thing she said she was doing to keep he BF happy was the outer fluff stuff - nothing about personal investment or goals they were working towards together, activities they shared, the kind of rapport they had etc. It doesn't mean she does nothing else worthwhile in the relationship, but she didn't give anyone anything else to go on for giving advise. This is LS and you have to spell it out for folks letter by letter or it can lend the wrong impression to the catty LS man bitches who want to poke fun at anyone without a Y chromosome. For me she seemed confounded that she perceives him as being interested in younger gals and communicating with other gals despite busting her butt to stay in shape for him, wearing nice little outfits that he likes, and wearing makeup whenever they're out so she doesn't disappoint him. * I don't wonder as to her focus on the outer fluff stuff as it seems to be her insecurity of being left for younger and only viewed as 'looking good for her age' rather than looking good. Perhaps she perceives her age as a negative and that his assessment of her looks begins and ends the relationship which to me is the best suited perception to have as a heterosexual gal. *"We've been dating for more than several months so things are still new to us. I've been busting my butt to stay in shape for him. Wearing nice little outfits that he likes so it shows my figure and wearing makeup whenever we're out so I dont dissapoint him."
sally4sara Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Perhaps she perceives her age as a negative and that his assessment of her looks begins and ends the relationship which to me is the best suited perception to have as a heterosexual gal. Really? I'm a heterosexual gal. I think that perception is a dumb one because it will have you settling for the bottom of the barrel guys in life. You gravitate to people who do what you expect and if you expect your looks to be the beginning and end of your relationships to guys - it will be. Self fulfilling prophecy and all that. 1
xxoo Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Perhaps she perceives her age as a negative and that his assessment of her looks begins and ends the relationship which to me is the best suited perception to have as a heterosexual gal. IMO, this is a very immature view of relationships, for either a man or woman past age 30. Attraction is important, and must be there at any age, but appearance is not the most important thing in a mature, loving relationship. 1
NXS Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 How did she come across to you as getting by solely on her looks or that she controls guys based on her looks? I haven't seen any posts by her implying that. Her mention of her looks I've seen is acknowledging that she's getting less attention. Here: I've been busting my butt to stay in shape for him. Wearing nice little outfits that he likes so it shows my figure and wearing makeup whenever we're out so I dont dissapoint him. [...] He compliments me on how beautiful I am and how I look good for my age but I hate the fact of him even saying that kind of comment about age @Shaun-dro I know men prefer younger women but I dont look my age at all ok? I've been told this by numerous people including him so I believe it. I hate to have to fight with younger women. I get alot of attention but so do many of them. I dont get the same amount of attention I used to get after hitting 30. I dont know why. Its not like guys could really tell I was 30 right? Anyway I'm gonna have a talk with him if he repeats this thing because its so darn annoying and I'm tired of feeling like I gotta keep up. Her posts are all about how young she looks and about the attention she gets from men based on her looks. She says she's 35 but instead of acting like a 35yo she's acting like a 20something and thinks younger women are her competition. Well if all she has is her looks then yes, younger women are her competition. Now that she's facing her declining social value rather than waking up to the fact that there's more to relationships than looks and attention she's blaming men for valuing her on her looks. Him saying "she looks good for her age" is not really a compliment but it's not surprising either given that that's how she projects herself. 1
udolipixie Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Really? I'm a heterosexual gal. I think that perception is a dumb one because it will have you settling for the bottom of the barrel guys in life. You gravitate to people who do what you expect and if you expect your looks to be the beginning and end of your relationships to guys - it will be. Self fulfilling prophecy and all that. The keywords in the bit you underlined are to me. Thinking a relationship begins based on attraction isn't a dumb perception to me as likely guys approach based on attraction and wouldn't have gotten to know a gal if he wasn't attracted to her. Thinking a relationship ends based on attraction isn't a dumb perception to me as likely guys wouldn't remain with someone they found unattractive nor would not getting fat, maintaining her appearance seem to be such a common requirement guys for a relationship. In my opinion attraction generally is the beginning and ending of relationships and I highly doubt people generally begin or remain in relationships with a person they're not attracted to. 1
udolipixie Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 IMO, this is a very immature view of relationships, for either a man or woman past age 30. Attraction is important, and must be there at any age, but appearance is not the most important thing in a mature, loving relationship. Whether it's immature depends on the person. I don't find it immature as attraction is important and likely without attraction the person wouldn't have even considered having a relationship with them much less bother to get to know them.
d'Arthez Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I think 90% of the confusion in this thread is caused by posters having different understandings of what "attractive" means. 1
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