xxoo Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 Most men seem to be this way after they get what they want then wanna go on the hunt for something better. Women like me do all we can to sustain their interests but we wound up in lose-lose situations If this is consistently your experience, you are probably attracted to this type of guy. What else are you offering him that makes him want to not be with other women. If it is simply physical attraction and sex, you are fighting a losing battle. That's a good point. A strong relationship is not built on physical attraction and sex alone. When the connection is strong, and love develops, most people stop looking for a better deal.
RiverRunning Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 OP, does your boyfriend mention 'your age' because you bring it up - or is this something he does on his own? If it's the latter, I think you need to dump the chump. "She looks good...for her age" is something you whisper to your buddies. It's not something you tell the subject herself. At 35, you are hardly old. But especially in your generation, there's still a strong preference for having a younger woman. You've been dating this guy, what - 6 or 7 months? I remember you posting back in February or so that you had been together for a few months. And he's already done so much crap that's eating away at your self-esteem. Making comments like he has, praying your body won't change (lol...what a terrible, critical and DUMB thing to say), etc. Your post bothers me, OP. Because it is so focused on looking good, staying hot, etc. - I can't tell if these are concerns you had so greatly before you met him, or if being with him has brought out the worst in you in regards to feeling insecure about yourself physically and sexually. If he is at all the cause - and I wouldn't be shocked - I really think you need to find another man. You are 35. You are not 'old.' It will be a little more difficult for your age, but NOT impossible to find other suitors. But you have to get rid of the one in your bed if you have hopes of finding someone who deserves you. 1
Negative Nancy Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 when we pass these younger looking women and I can tell he's interested. Dont ask me how I know. I just do. Most men seem to be this way after they get what they want then wanna go on the hunt for something better. Women like me do all we can to sustain their interests but we wound up in lose-lose situations unfortunately that is how all men are, one woman is never good enough for them and younger women will always be more interesting to them. since we all get older, every one of us one day is going to witness and experience the things you're going through. that's why my advice would be, do not ever get seriously involved with men, you'll end up having your heart broken in the end. 1
ascendotum Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 Can being told "you look hot or sexy or great for your age", never be seen as a compliment? 35 is not old, but if she looks 29/30, is it not a positive thing to compliment someone on looking younger/sexier than people their age. She could be told 'you look great' by a 40 yr old dude or she could be told 'you looks great for your age' by a 32 yr old guy. Do the women here find the first scenario preferable?
threebyfate Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 Can being told "you look hot or sexy or great for your age", never be seen as a compliment? 35 is not old, but if she looks 29/30, is it not a positive thing to compliment someone on looking younger/sexier than people their age. She could be told 'you look great' by a 40 yr old dude or she could be told 'you looks great for your age' by a 32 yr old guy. Do the women here find the first scenario preferable?How often do women tell men they "look good for their age"? The mentality behind a compliment like this is pretty revolting. 2
sally4sara Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 When it comes to appearances there will always be someone who looks better. Maybe today you look the best to one person but tomorrow someone else will look the best. Its an honor not worth having. Putting all your effort and value into your appearance will bring you nothing but torment because the people it draws to you don't see any other value in you. Its like having a job where the more experience you have at doing it the worse you get paid. When it comes to love and people who are able to really love someone, the way you look is just gravy. You won't even wonder if they think someone else looks better because they make sure you know ALL the reasons why they stick around year after year telling you and, more importantly, SHOWING YOU that they love you. If you're constantly concerned with whether or not your partner is satisfied with your appearance you're not with someone who loves you. 3
KathyM Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 unfortunately that is how all men are, one woman is never good enough for them and younger women will always be more interesting to them. since we all get older, every one of us one day is going to witness and experience the things you're going through. that's why my advice would be, do not ever get seriously involved with men, you'll end up having your heart broken in the end. Not all men are like this. Believe it or not, there are actually many men out there that are happy in their relationships and marriages, and would not want someone else. To never allow yourself to be in love with a man or serious about a man is to cheat yourself out of one of the best experiences in life--spending it with a man you truly love and who is totally committed to you. 2
snug.bunny Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 Not all men are like this. Believe it or not, there are actually many men out there that are happy in their relationships and marriages, and would not want someone else. To never allow yourself to be in love with a man or serious about a man is to cheat yourself out of one of the best experiences in life--spending it with a man you truly love and who is totally committed to you. Exactly. You have to be committed to finding a man you truly love and who is totally committed to you, as you are to him. 1
xxoo Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 Exactly. You have to be committed to finding a man you truly love and who is totally committed to you, as you are to him. And he may not be the richest, or the best looking....but then neither are you.....and neither of you care
Art_Critic Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 Most of the people there are fake liars! I just dont get what his problem is I'm going to point out the obvious... your BF is one of those people.. 4
Author Febreze Posted June 8, 2012 Author Posted June 8, 2012 OP, the answer to your question is simple: when he runs out of better options. Your bf is looking for better options for the same reason you did not settle in your 20's for the first guy that came along and why you are dating a 32 year old instead of a 42 year old now. I've commented on some of your previous threads and those comments got mixed into the omnipresent gender wars here. You may look good for 35, but what happens when he meets someone that looks good for 25? What else are you offering him that makes him want to not be with other women. If it is simply physical attraction and sex, you are fighting a losing battle. A man his age can easily attract women 10 years younger than you and do so for at least another 3 years if he looks good. I remember you being jealous of the 28 year old doctor that passed you by for the 19 year old nursing student. Most of us are in it get the best 'deal' for ourselves, but that is a zero sum game. There will always be losers when the game is played that way. Get rid of this guy and work on what you look for in a partner or be doomed to repeat this cycle until the male callers stop coming. I was in my 20s then and didn't know any better so forget that stuff. My boyfriend is over 30 so he should be ready to at least think about the settling thing. I hate to have to fight with younger women. I get alot of attention but so do many of them. I dont get the same amount of attention I used to get after hitting 30. I dont know why. Its not like guys could really tell I was 30 right? Anyway I'm gonna have a talk with him if he repeats this thing because its so darn annoying and I'm tired of feeling like I gotta keep up.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 I was in my 20s then and didn't know any better so forget that stuff. My boyfriend is over 30 so he should be ready to at least think about the settling thing. I hate to have to fight with younger women. I get alot of attention but so do many of them. I dont get the same amount of attention I used to get after hitting 30. I dont know why. Its not like guys could really tell I was 30 right? Anyway I'm gonna have a talk with him if he repeats this thing because its so darn annoying and I'm tired of feeling like I gotta keep up. Still not planning on breaking it off eh? Cant be alone canya? Just because you want to settle down, doesnt mean he has to. And since you want to work so hard to keep him, its not your world, its his, and he wins every time. Its obvious he can get younger women, and THATS who he wants to settle down with, not the older broad thats in a hurry to lasso him. If he can still get a younger woman, and wait a few years to marry her when he's ready, and REALLY attracted to her, whats the point of him getting serious with you now? You wont have to fight for younger women if you go for older men. If you keep going for younger men, this is what you are going to get. They will likely never be on the same page with you. 1
udolipixie Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 I think most guys stop looking for the next best thing in their 40s as that seems to be the age where they're done fooling around and looking to settle down and interested in long-term commitment leading to something permanent. Probably best suited to consider guys in their 50s-60s going by your age. Probably better suited if you're not into guys of that age range for your present and possibly future boyfriends to not take them as serious fixtures in your life but placeholders.
USMCHokie Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 I hate to have to fight with younger women. I get alot of attention but so do many of them. I dont get the same amount of attention I used to get after hitting 30. I dont know why. Its not like guys could really tell I was 30 right? This is very telling...I'll just leave it at that... But to answer the question in your topic in general terms, the quality guys stop looking for the next best thing when the girl's personality backs up her looks. Physical attraction gets you in the door, but it's the personality that keeps you in the house. 2
Shaun-Dro Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 I was in my 20s then and didn't know any better so forget that stuff. My boyfriend is over 30 so he should be ready to at least think about the settling thing. I hate to have to fight with younger women. I get alot of attention but so do many of them. I dont get the same amount of attention I used to get after hitting 30. I dont know why. Its not like guys could really tell I was 30 right? Anyway I'm gonna have a talk with him if he repeats this thing because its so darn annoying and I'm tired of feeling like I gotta keep up. Go ahead and try to talk with him. I doubt it'll make any difference since he'll probably just shut down or deny he's even after a younger dame. I'm with a young babe right now for the exact same reasons a poster on here pointed out: I'm 33 and can still attract them so why bother with any of the older women? Good luck with your mission Febreze. 1
xxoo Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 I was in my 20s then and didn't know any better so forget that stuff. My boyfriend is over 30 so he should be ready to at least think about the settling thing. I hate to have to fight with younger women. I get alot of attention but so do many of them. I dont get the same amount of attention I used to get after hitting 30. I dont know why. Its not like guys could really tell I was 30 right? Anyway I'm gonna have a talk with him if he repeats this thing because its so darn annoying and I'm tired of feeling like I gotta keep up. You didn't know any better? Lots of women (most?) settle into a LTR somewhere in their 20s. You may have been an immature 20 something, and are now an immature 30 something. The great thing about being in my 30s was letting go of the need to be the hottest woman in the room. A woman who reaches 35 while still competing in the looks department is setting herself up for a lot of unhappiness. Why do you put up with this guy? Show him you are the bomb, and he'd better get with the program and realize it, or you're gone. Be worth more than a PYT, and look for a guy who values you--not the next PYT. 4
zengirl Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 You didn't know any better? Lots of women (most?) settle into a LTR somewhere in their 20s. You may have been an immature 20 something, and are now an immature 30 something. The great thing about being in my 30s was letting go of the need to be the hottest woman in the room. A woman who reaches 35 while still competing in the looks department is setting herself up for a lot of unhappiness. Why do you put up with this guy? Show him you are the bomb, and he'd better get with the program and realize it, or you're gone. Be worth more than a PYT, and look for a guy who values you--not the next PYT. Absolutely. Marriage-minded guys aren't out there, looking for the hottest gal in the room, typically, IME. And that's in my 20s. I'm still a PYT, I'd say, but I never dated any guy who would value me for THAT. Hell, in my early 20s, I gave up caring if I was the hottest/thinnest/whatever girl in the room. My Mom has always been beautiful, and I saw how hard it was for her to start to lose that (she's still hot, but she's in her 50s now). Why put any stock into something that fades with time, when there are so many parts of you that get BETTER with age to invest your self-esteem in? 2
RedRobin Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Just because you want to settle down, doesnt mean he has to. And since you want to work so hard to keep him, its not your world, its his, and he wins every time. Its obvious he can get younger women, and THATS who he wants to settle down with, not the older broad thats in a hurry to lasso him. If he can still get a younger woman, and wait a few years to marry her when he's ready, and REALLY attracted to her, whats the point of him getting serious with you now? You wont have to fight for younger women if you go for older men. If you keep going for younger men, this is what you are going to get. They will likely never be on the same page with you. OP, I'm going to agree on some of the above... but disagree on the bolded. I've never had a problem attracting younger (even much younger men) for relationships and I'm older than you. Men who are on an age kick never get their 'fix'. They are always going for the younger model because it isn't about intimacy and connection with them. It's about their ego. Those men are always poor choices, no matter what age they end up. Anyway... I want to get around this age thing for women. Women need to stop believing that men of a certain age are anything. Men over 30 are not necessarily ready to settle down. Older men are not necessarily more mature. They are not more faithful, better off financially, or anything else. So, put all that sh*t away that gives 'older men' the idea they are all that and a bag of chips. They aren't. Don't let the guys here 'scare' you into dating older men, is what I'm saying... especially if their scare tactics are designed to make you do so out of insecurity. These guys love that feeling that the world is gonna be their f-ing oyster someday when it comes to women. All I gotta say is keep dreaming. OP, pick someone who you are genuinely compatible with and treats you well. There is no other choice. This guy you are with sounds like a loser. It has nothing to do with his age. Also, if you feel insecure about your age, dirtbags like him will be happy to hone in on that. It's always something with those types. If you were insecure about something else, he'd be gnawing away on that right now... whatever it takes to keep you off-balance. That's how those types operate. Ditch em. Ditch em quick. 3
mortensorchid Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 This is a tricky subject to talk about. I used to be 45 lbs heavier than I am now, and I am here to tell you that people treat you differently when you are overweight. It's something rather subtle, or something that people won't say to your face. If you get fat, people don't take you seriously. It's a rather sad fact, so I say keep on maintaining that body. As for the "looking for something better" aspect that people seem to have, it's a combination of things. I had one bf past who broke my heart, he had never been in a long term relationship before and said he wanted to get another gf. He said to me that since he met someone as wonderful as me, now he knew he could do even better. I was devistated that someone could say something so mean and condescending. But he didn't, he sat on his ass and didn't go out to get another gf. But when I found a new bf he was horrified. Immature is what he was. And my next serious bf was worse. He said he also was going to get another gf, did and married her barely a year later. He too said he could do even better than me. He married a woman with two children, one from each previous marriage, he supported her and her kids and even paid for her daughter's education even though he said he didn't want kids but he was so eager to have someone in his life that he agreed to this. That was 5 years ago. About 3 years later, she ran off, divorced him, married husband #4, and divorced husband #4. He's really alone now. He didn't do better, but he jumped into a situation far too quickly. Consider who it is that you are with here. We do not like to admit that we are shallow and don't think ahead about things, but we make terrible decissions like this out of our fear of taking a risk.
Woggle Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 This is very telling...I'll just leave it at that... But to answer the question in your topic in general terms, the quality guys stop looking for the next best thing when the girl's personality backs up her looks. Physical attraction gets you in the door, but it's the personality that keeps you in the house. Very true. When a man finds an attractive woman who has a personality that is just as attractive plus when she gives no signs that ten years down the road he will be paying alimony and only be allowed to see the kids on weekends because she needs to find herself then he will settle down with her. If a woman truly is marriage material there are some men who will settle down in their early 20s. If a woman can't get a man to settle down at any age then she might not be what he is looking for in a wife.
ThingsAreComplicated Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Looks and sex...the old concept...it'll only get you so far
O'Malley Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Men over 30 are not necessarily ready to settle down. Older men are not necessarily more mature. They are not more faithful, better off financially, or anything else. So, put all that sh*t away that gives 'older men' the idea they are all that and a bag of chips. They aren't. Don't let the guys here 'scare' you into dating older men, is what I'm saying... especially if their scare tactics are designed to make you do so out of insecurity. These guys love that feeling that the world is gonna be their f-ing oyster someday when it comes to women. All I gotta say is keep dreaming. OP, pick someone who you are genuinely compatible with and treats you well. There is no other choice. This guy you are with sounds like a loser. It has nothing to do with his age. Also, if you feel insecure about your age, dirtbags like him will be happy to hone in on that. It's always something with those types. If you were insecure about something else, he'd be gnawing away on that right now... whatever it takes to keep you off-balance. That's how those types operate. Ditch em. Ditch em quick. The above nails it. It has little to do with your ages, and everything to do with his attitude. This guy would pick up on the insecurities of any woman he was involved with and use it against them, regardless if the woman in question was older or younger than him. With you it's age, with others it would be weight, their children, or some other 'flaw' that he uses as an excuse for why he won't commit or be monogamous. This is the type of individual that, unless he feels that it benefits him to change his behavior, will continue to be critical of partners and seek out orbiters. He probably has done this before and will continue to do so when you've moved on from him.
CarboniteCammy Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 (edited) is 35 considered old?? I'm 31 and I don't feel old or even that there's a huge difference between us. OP- maybe it's the guys you're going for? I mean, I realize I'm not spring chicken at 31, but I don't look my age, either (I look about 26 at most), but when I was dating my husband even at thirty I didn't feel that there was a HUGE difference between me and a 25 year old. In more practical advice, If you go tanning, you should stop immediately and invest in some kind of skin care system for your whole body. The more you tan, the older you'll look. Also, stop eating crappy food. If you go on a diet similar to the glycemic index diet and you stop eating processed flour and sugar, your body will start to rejuvenate. Edited June 8, 2012 by CarboniteCammy
thatone Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 (edited) The above nails it. It has little to do with your ages, and everything to do with his attitude. This guy would pick up on the insecurities of any woman he was involved with and use it against them, regardless if the woman in question was older or younger than him. With you it's age, with others it would be weight, their children, or some other 'flaw' that he uses as an excuse for why he won't commit or be monogamous. This is the type of individual that, unless he feels that it benefits him to change his behavior, will continue to be critical of partners and seek out orbiters. He probably has done this before and will continue to do so when you've moved on from him. actually it doesn't. she's no different than all of the women hating men on here, she deals with her own loneliness by sitting around thinking that all men are part of some grand conspiracy against women. the fact is no one is owed happiness. some people get it some people don't. there is nothing right or wrong in any of this, hence the saying "all's fair". yes, a lot of women are entirely motivated by insecurity, and those women will be taken advantage of by men who can find out what it is they're insecure about and prey on it. the fault doesn't lie with the men, however. the fault lies with the inability of those women to control their emotions and insecurity. everyone is responsible for their own situation. Edited June 8, 2012 by thatone 2
MrNate 2.0 Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Men stop looking for the next to best thing, when they strike an emotional chord with a particular woman. This is so much more rare than anyone thinks.
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