London Girl 8 Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 My friend recommend coming here because she said it helped her a lot. So my boyfriend of 6 1/2 years broke up with me four months ago. It was a big explosion and was not pretty by any means. Now I just feel anger and resentment. He never gave me a reason just that he's going through stuff, needs to be selfish, etc. Seriously, that's all I get after so long and after several of drinks at 3am!!! At the moment I feel angry because after this 4 months of no contact AT ALL, he does not feel the need to say sorry or contact me. How can he live with himself. His sorry wouldn't mean anything to me but the fact he can go on and sleep at night is beyond me and seriously makes me angry. Also, I feel I have lost all faith in men, you think you know someone and then you really don't. Any advice how I can deal with this?
Jose11 Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 I'm in the same position as you. how do they sleep at night? 8.5 years and all i got was that i need time and space. She said she just needed two weeks to think what she wanted and she would call me. going on four weeks later and not one attempt to contact me. I wonder the same thing how she is able to sleep at night. Best thing for me so far is to just think about myself. Spending all the money i usually spent on her on me. And just trying to make myself feel better.
Author London Girl 8 Posted June 6, 2012 Author Posted June 6, 2012 See I have been trying to do things and go out even do a bit of flirting, but I think I am taking out my anger on other guys, not in a mean way, but I feel I need to use and abuse them. I know it sounds horrible and trust me I don't think of myself as a horrible person. The thing is I don't want to contact him either, why so he has the satisfaction to know he's still affecting me and mostly because I don't think he could tell me any more since he can sleep at night. What are some things your doing to get over the anger though?
Svet74 Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 I just started attending church more. Pray and such. And God has given me peace. The first thing you have to do to get past the anger and resentment is forgive him. That would be the first step. And just surround yourself with family and friends.
xpaperxcutx Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 You need to come to the fact that you're never going to get the closure you want. One it would not help you move on and two subconsciously you'll be using the need for closure for keeping your ex around. I get it it hurts to be the dumped but a break up doesn't happen because of you. You're not at fault.
Jose11 Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 The anger usually comes and goes for me. At times I hate her with my entire being and at others I miss her. There's no closure to get in calling them. If you think about it, there is absolutely nothing they can say that can make you feel better. Their reasons for leaving and not calling you will make you even angry and right back at square one to recovery. I just think to myself, although I do not wish her ill will in the future, I hope one day someday she regrets what she did and how she handled our breakup. And yeah maybe once I'd like for her to feel what I felt from someone she cares about. But that's it's nothing damaging. Also what helps is thinking about my future and getting into new hobbies. I started going to the gym, joined a dance class, starred to learn how to play the guitar. So those things make me happy.
Author London Girl 8 Posted June 6, 2012 Author Posted June 6, 2012 I swear it's like we have almost the same story Jose11, I totally feel that one day he too will regret it but I still feel the need for closure although I know he can not give it to me, I just have to find a way to get over this, restore my faith in men and try to move on. The thing is part of me feels angry because he has scarred me in the sense that I will never 100% fully trust men again.
CopingGal Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 My ex is a compulsive liar, so I had to give myself closure and I did. I don't rely on my ex for anything. I don't need him for anything. If I have any kind of emotional problem, I talk it over with my housemate. My ex is a good for nothing bastard. That's my closure.
Jose11 Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 It's a hard feeling. I too think how will I be able to fully trust someone again. Have that sense of comfort with someone. But from what I've heard and read, if you think about it, someone was able to hang out with you and trust you for this long, obviously your a good person. So it'll happen again one day. youll just know from this experience when to trust someone and when not to.
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