Normal to open car doors, pump gas, etc for your date or girlfriend in the UK?

June 6, 2012

Yeah, I was watching a Youtube video, where an American was talking about how you're supposed to open the car door and hold it open for your date or girlfriend to get in, let her order first when having a meal, walk ahead, open and hold the door open to a building for her and let her through first, pumping gas for her, etc.

And I've read about Americans expecting/doing this kind of stuff on forums as well.

To me, these things are completely alien, and aren't instinctive to me, at least in the areas where I've lived, I've never seen guys behave like this.

To me, and I'm sure to a lot of other people where I live, this kind of stuff seems very OTT, unessesary, and old fashioned.

So I'm wondering, is this stuff NOT a part of the UK culture, or is it just not a part of the culture in the areas that I've grown up in and lived in?

June 6, 2012

really, where do you live?

i live in the uk, ive had completely strange guys holding door for me, let me through first. and i hold the door for strangers too. you know the phrase Ladies first!

June 6, 2012

Holding a door of to a building open yes, but opening a car door or filling her car with petrol (let's not call it 'gas' in a UK thread) is a bit weird. I can't remember the last time I saw either of those done.

Oh, and more importantly, the vast majority of girls are expecting to split the bill on a first date

June 6, 2012

I don't know about the UK, but none of this stuff is EXPECTED.

However, it is APPRECIATED, and if you can learn to do this stuff well, it will make you stand out.

June 6, 2012

Holding a door of to a building open yes, but opening a car door or filling her car with petrol (let's not call it 'gas' in a UK thread) is a bit weird. I can't remember the last time I saw either of those done.

Oh, and more importantly, the vast majority of girls are expecting to split the bill on a first date

Sorry, I've got no idea why I said gas instead of petrol, lol. Sometimes I take on American words, I guess it's because of being on the Internet, and watching so many American TV shows.

June 6, 2012

My thoughts...

you're supposed to open the car door and hold it open for your date or girlfriend to get in,

Not a big deal generally - unless it is getting in a taxi then she definitely gets in first and you go round the other side

let her order first when having a meal,

Either this or you order for her (as in her choice but you say it for her if she wants you too).

walk ahead, open and hold the door open to a building for her and let her through first,

Absolutely - but not walk ahead as that sounds too distant. You just step ahead as you get to the door

pumping gas for her, etc.

Actually this one is probably more so when the relationship is more established. Probably best to ask in the early days if she is filling up her car

To me, these things are completely alien, and aren't instinctive to me, at least in the areas where I've lived, I've never seen guys behave like this.

Maybe some of this stuff is just not obvious but I can guarantee that several of these things happened just a few miles down the road from you tonight when Wuggle took me out

To me, and I'm sure to a lot of other people where I live, this kind of stuff seems very OTT, unessesary, and old fashioned.

Think traditional rather than old fashioned

So I'm wondering, is this stuff NOT a part of the UK culture, or is it just not a part of the culture in the areas that I've grown up in and lived in?

It is very much part of UK culture. I used to go out with someone who would never let me walk on the outside of the pavement (sidewalk) - he was a down to earth, nothing flash guy but had been brought up to do such things for women. All my exes have done such things and Wuggle definitely does these things. It works a treat

June 6, 2012

really, where do you live?

i live in the uk, ive had completely strange guys holding door for me, let me through first. and i hold the door for strangers too. you know the phrase Ladies first!

Don't get me wrong, if someone is behind me and I walk through a door, I will hold it open for them, but I don't let them go through first, I just wait until they get ahold of the door, and then I'll continue, this is what everyone does.

There was even one time when I was walking towards a door, and there was a woman with a pram on the other side of the door. I just opened the door and held it to let her though first, otherwise she would've really struggled.

But really I mean, if i'm with a woman, and she's in front of me and we're heading towards a door, it does seem quite unusual and unnecessary, for me to quicky get ahead of her to open and hold the door open to let her go through first. Kinda reminds me of those guys in the old days, who would throw down their coats over muddy puddles so the woman can walk over it without getting her feet dirty.

I mean, I see women as equals, not frail creatures who aren't capable of opening doors or pumping petrol themselves.

Edited June 6, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

June 6, 2012

Naughty cerridwen liking Anne's post.

June 6, 2012

My thoughts...

Not a big deal generally - unless it is getting in a taxi then she definitely gets in first and you go round the other side

Either this or you order for her (as in her choice but you say it for her if she wants you too).

Absolutely - but not walk ahead as that sounds too distant. You just step ahead as you get to the door

Actually this one is probably more so when the relationship is more established. Probably best to ask in the early days if she is filling up her car

Maybe some of this stuff is just not obvious but I can guarantee that several of these things happened just a few miles down the road from you tonight when Wuggle took me out

Think traditional rather than old fashioned

It is very much part of UK culture. I used to go out with someone who would never let me walk on the outside of the pavement (sidewalk) - he was a down to earth, nothing flash guy but had been brought up to do such things for women. All my exes have done such things and Wuggle definitely does these things. It works a treat

I dunno Anne. I guess I could imagine this being common in middle class areas in the UK, but not working class ones, not that I'm saying you're from a working class area or anything.

June 6, 2012

I mean, I see women as equals, not frail creatures who aren't capable of opening doors or pumping petrol themselves.

And this is good.

BUT - under the independent exterior of even the most confident and self-sufficient business woman, there is a woman who wants to just fall into her man's arms and let him protect her. It's part of our biology.

You don't open doors and pump gas because she is incapable of doing it herself. You do it because you are the man, taking care of her, showing her respect, and showing that you think about her.

I'm telling you - doing this stuff makes a guy stand out.

June 6, 2012

I dunno Anne. I guess I could imagine this being common in middle class areas in the UK, but not working class ones, not that I'm saying you're from a working class area or anything.

My roots are working class, my life now is middle class () but I have seen this behaviour amongst working class just as much as... (if not more so)

June 6, 2012

Yeah, another thing that I've heard, is that in America, if you're a guy and you're sat at a table in a resturant, and your date walks over to the table, you're supposed to 'stand up', let her sit down, and then sit down yourself. What next, stand up and give her a salute?

I've also heard that it's not THAT necessary, but women in America like it if the guy pulls out the chair for them to sit on!

I can't imagine any of these two things happening in the UK.

June 6, 2012

And this is good.

BUT - under the independent exterior of even the most confident and self-sufficient business woman, there is a woman who wants to just fall into her man's arms and let him protect her. It's part of our biology.

You don't open doors and pump gas because she is incapable of doing it herself. You do it because you are the man, taking care of her, showing her respect, and showing that you think about her.

I'm telling you - doing this stuff makes a guy stand out.

I dunno, I mean, I can see it in a lot of ways.

1. The way you see it, being the man, making the woman melt.

2. Treating a woman as though she's helpless and can't do anything herself.

3. Total 'nice guy' behaviour.

4. Very old fashioned, reserved, and silly.

June 6, 2012

I dunno, I mean, I can see it in a lot of ways.

1. The way you see it, being the man, making the woman melt.
2. Treating a woman as though she's helpless and can't do anything herself.
3. Total 'nice guy' behaviour.
4. Very old fashioned, reserved, and silly.

I see it firmly as #1. It's also #3, but I am not one who views "nice guy" as a bad thing.

June 6, 2012

I see it firmly as #1. It's also #3, but I am not one who views "nice guy" as a bad thing.

I mean nice guy as in acting as though you're not worthy, and the woman is some Princess/on a pedestal.

June 6, 2012

I mean nice guy as in acting as though you're not worthy, and the woman is some Princess/on a pedestal.

That's not a "nice guy"; that's a doormat. Nobody likes a doormat.

June 6, 2012

That's not a "nice guy"; that's a doormat. Nobody likes a doormat.

That's what I'm talking about.

June 6, 2012

That's not a "nice guy"; that's a doormat. Nobody likes a doormat.

That's what I'm talking about.

It depends on how you do it Ross.

I know someone who is absolutely insistent that I as a woman MUST go through the door before him to the point where it is irritating. In the end it boils down to his insecurities and a desperate need to please/fit in.

However most men I know are far more relaxed and don't make a big deal of holding a door open for a woman - i.e. it is a natural thing to do - and therefore is far more effective. They are not expecting gratitude and therefore the gesture is appreciated even more.

June 6, 2012

The door thing seems to be fairly worldwide, so far as I can tell. I've dated Brits (in the UK and in Asia) before, and they always opened doors. Could be because they knew I was a "Yank" (hate that term since I'm technically a Southerner), but I didn't get that impression, and with some things that was clearly their motivation. I think the door thing is just a natural thing -- it's not necessarily every single time forever, but if you're going through the door with someone, a lady, and on a date, I think many men will do it instinctively. I do know Brits typically seem to go dutch more naturally (where I'm from, a man never even thinks of that, it seems) and so forth, but I'd not noticed the door thing being any different with any fellow on a date. fwiw, all the Brits I've dated were educated and middle or perhaps even upper, in some cases, class.

I've never had a man, even in America, offer to pump my gas or petrol. I mean, I'm sure Hubby would, but it seems silly. Perhaps another reason that's never happened is I've hardly ever driven on dates --- men seem to offer to do the driving.

Is that also common in the UK? I never stayed anywhere there but London and the folks I hung with didn't really drive, nor did I have a car. So I'm curious if men typically do the driving. They sure seem to in UK films/TV shows.

June 6, 2012

The door thing seems to be fairly worldwide, so far as I can tell. I've dated Brits (in the UK and in Asia) before, and they always opened doors. Could be because they knew I was a "Yank" (hate that term since I'm technically a Southerner), but I didn't get that impression, and with some things that was clearly their motivation. I think the door thing is just a natural thing -- it's not necessarily every single time forever, but if you're going through the door with someone, a lady, and on a date, I think many men will do it instinctively.

Nothing to do with you being American. Men here do typically open doors for women (even late out on a drunken Friday night).

I do know Brits typically seem to go dutch more naturally (where I'm from, a man never even thinks of that, it seems) and so forth, but I'd not noticed the door thing being any different with any fellow on a date.

My experience of dating here (admittedly a while ago) is that going dutch might be more accepted however generally men will prefer/expect to pay early on

fwiw, all the Brits I've dated were educated and middle or perhaps even upper, in some cases, class.

When talking of class, I do suspect that many refer to "upper class" that really would be considered "middle class". The class system in the UK is such that upper class really does pretty much apply to those with a title (or of that level in terms of family history). Money/education may make a comparable lifestyle but will still be considered middle class (or lower if your name is Beckham ).

Is that also common in the UK? I never stayed anywhere there but London and the folks I hung with didn't really drive, nor did I have a car. So I'm curious if men typically do the driving. They sure seem to in UK films/TV shows.

Ha! If we're going somewhere new, my husband drives... because he is absolutely useless at something men are supposed to be able to do and women can't, i.e. read maps.

June 6, 2012

Yes, not wanting to navigate is often the reason men don't drive here too. I'm not that fond of driving honestly, but Hubby hates navigating too. Not that it takes maps these days!

When talking of class, I do suspect that many refer to "upper class" that really would be considered "middle class". The class system in the UK is such that upper class really does pretty much apply to those with a title (or of that level in terms of family history). Money/education may make a comparable lifestyle but will still be considered middle class (or lower if your name is Beckham ).

Well, one of the Brits I dated did have a myriad of titles in his family history theoretically. I know Brits get into all that stuff -- that is one way I definitely have a Yank mentality, because I can't give two figs. Anyway, that's why I said maybe upper. He was pretty far removed from it, from what I understand, but had titles (not like seriously in line for the throne or anything) in his family or whatever. ETA: Of course, I dated him in Thailand and briefly, so who knows?

Edited June 6, 2012 by zengirl

June 6, 2012

Yeah, I was watching a Youtube video, where an American was talking about how you're supposed to open the car door and hold it open for your date or girlfriend to get in, let her order first when having a meal, walk ahead, open and hold the door open to a building for her and let her through first, pumping gas for her, etc.

And I've read about Americans expecting/doing this kind of stuff on forums as well.

To me, these things are completely alien, and aren't instinctive to me, at least in the areas where I've lived, I've never seen guys behave like this.

To me, and I'm sure to a lot of other people where I live, this kind of stuff seems very OTT, unessesary, and old fashioned.

So I'm wondering, is this stuff NOT a part of the UK culture, or is it just not a part of the culture in the areas that I've grown up in and lived in?

I'm in the UK. I find some of that patronising! I've been driving since 17. Loved filling my car, oil changes, changing spark plugs etc. As if I can't use a petrol pump!!!

I often hold doors open for other PEOPLE (couldn't care less what gender they are), I split all date costs (or do it turn and turn about) and I notice that many waiting staff don't observe the traditional rules of serving women first etc and that's all cool by me.

I appreciate a kind and thoughtful PERSON but have no expectations of what that entails based on gender. It might be because I married my best friend many years ago so when we set up home everything was equal and fair and I loved it that way, perhaps it's stuck with me.

June 6, 2012

I think being a gentleman and having nice manners is always appreciated. It's nice when a man pulls your chair out, or walks behind you up the stairs, or offers his hand to help you. It shows that he cares enough to look after you.

Of course, even though I'm a woman I always extend the same courtesy to anyone who needs it. I open doors for people of both genders, I always walk behind my elderly mother when she goes up stairs, and I offer my hand to help her get out of the car etc. The general rule seems to be that the physically stronger person offers the courtesy to the other person.

June 7, 2012

The door thing seems to be fairly worldwide, so far as I can tell. I've dated Brits (in the UK and in Asia) before, and they always opened doors. Could be because they knew I was a "Yank" (hate that term since I'm technically a Southerner), but I didn't get that impression, and with some things that was clearly their motivation. I think the door thing is just a natural thing -- it's not necessarily every single time forever, but if you're going through the door with someone, a lady, and on a date, I think many men will do it instinctively. I do know Brits typically seem to go dutch more naturally (where I'm from, a man never even thinks of that, it seems) and so forth, but I'd not noticed the door thing being any different with any fellow on a date. fwiw, all the Brits I've dated were educated and middle or perhaps even upper, in some cases, class.

I've never had a man, even in America, offer to pump my gas or petrol. I mean, I'm sure Hubby would, but it seems silly. Perhaps another reason that's never happened is I've hardly ever driven on dates --- men seem to offer to do the driving.

Is that also common in the UK? I never stayed anywhere there but London and the folks I hung with didn't really drive, nor did I have a car. So I'm curious if men typically do the driving. They sure seem to in UK films/TV shows.

I think there are probably more male drivers than female drivers in the UK, but I don't think it's that much more.

June 7, 2012

If we have come to our destination in a car, I will open the door and get out. If it's raining, my date should grab the umbrella (if I don't have one) and walk around to my side of the car and open the door so I don't get wet. Common courtesy.

If we are returning to the car afterward, he will generally unlock my door, then walk around to the driver's side. I will have already reached over and unlocked the door for him. Common courtesy.

Yes, grabbing the building door ahead of me and holding it open is nice. It's funny to see how some men can't quite grasp this concept and kind of stand on the wrong side and expect you to walk underneath their arm or something. Funny.

What a woman should always do is to thank the man for being courteous. He will be more likely to repeat his behavior.

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Normal to open car doors, pump gas, etc for your date or girlfriend in the UK?

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