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Posted

I’ve been dating this guy for 3.5 months.* Everything seemed to be going great until about 3 weeks ago when he took a trip back home to see his parents for a week.* He really was with his parents and family.* So there is no question about that.* He’s 41, I’m 33.* Both never married with no kids.

*

Up until this trip, everything seemed really great and I thought we were falling for each other.* He called and texted all the time.* Messaged me at work.* (we work at the same company but different buildings)* The days before he left for the trip everything seemed great.* But during the trip he barely called.* When he did, he said he had been really busy and felt bad about not calling.

*

When he returned, in person everything seemed great.* And in person he is still loving, we talk, hang out, nothing seems different.* But for the past three weeks he barely calls or messages me anymore.* He finally opened up and said some things were bothering him.* He says that he hasn’t felt in love feelings for years.* About 15 years he says.* He’s had a lot of 1 year or two year relationships and he wasn’t in love with any of them.* The last one was a year ago for a year and a half and they lived together.* They both never said I love you.* He said he cared for her, but could never say he loved her.* He told me that he feels like he should be having those feelings for me by now and that he has been trying to figure out if I was feelings of lust or love.* And that that is what has been bothering him for the past three weeks.* Then he said that he thought it was really weird that by now we only just now had the conversation about kids.* I tried to explain to him I was just thinking at a slower pace and didn’t want to scare him but he acted as though there was something wrong with “us” for not talking about that already.* To me, I wasn’t ready to say I love you yet.* I felt like 3 months is fast but maybe I’m wrong here?* What does everyone else think?

*

He keeps this extremely busy schedule with work, school and athletics.* He had actually been in championship matches at one point.* I’ve thought that some of this may be that he could be being emotionally unavailable because he’s like a workaholic in a way.* Or he has commitment phobic issues.* Because I feel like he is over analyzing me or being critical about little things.* He says we don’t converse well but every conversation I try to start, he doesn’t participate much.* And I’ve been told I’m a great conversationalist.* So I’m really confused there.

*

He won’t give up any of his commitments in order to spend more time together which has been my whole argument that you can’t bond and connect with someone if you don’t spend time with them.* He’s kind of obsessed with his sports and I understand that, but I feel this is a catch-22.* He’s busy all during the week and basically spends Saturday evening with me and some on Sunday.* (I watch tv while he does homework and talks to me)* He said he’s willing to spend a little time trying to work this out and work on “us”, but I’m not really sure what to do because I feel like he isn’t compromising some of his time so we can try??* I’m wondering if all this workaholic/busyness is masking something.* I know I couldn’t do that much.

*

Has anyone heard of this before?* Someone who hasn’t had in love feelings for years?* What is this???

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Posted

Sorry for the stars. It's a copy paste thing.

 

I've already decided I'm only giving two more weeks to this before giving up. But wanted to know what people think of this situation.

Posted
Someone who hasn’t had in love feelings for years? What is this???

 

I'd prefer someone like that because if he told me he loved me, it would be more believable than coming from a man who "falls in love" at the drop of a hat. However, in your circumstances, his problem has nothing to do with that.

 

It sounds like he got badly hurt many years ago and never got over it. Do you know any details? Was it someone from his hometown that he might have seen when he was recently there? It could have stirred up bad memories.

 

Being busy is a way to avoid getting closer to someone. What if he made more time for you, put in more effort and you rejected him like his ex did? He probably doesn't want to take the risk.

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Posted

He had told me she was bipolar. They were engaged. They did everything together. I remember him saying they decided she should go home to "get well." she had moved from another town to be with him. So I guess that is how she broke up.

 

Funny that they did everything together because he tells me it is very important to him to have separate things we do.

 

She doesn't live in his home town but I have wondered if he saw an ex while he was there and stirred his emotions?

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