Do you obsessively think about your other half?

[sportsloving]

Those of you in LDR'rs or in relationships where you aren't able to see your S/O for periods of time, do you find yourself obsessively thinking about the other? If so, how do you deal with it?

 

For instance, it has been a week since I last heard from my S/O, I know there are a lot of factors into it, but I can't help but feel like I am on a rollercoaster ride. I may be up with feeling this too shall pass and soon we will be back to talking every day as we were (he has some medical things going on and suffering through depression so it isn't easy for him to be in contact right now) ... and then I feel down and sad because I think "he could take the time to pop off a hello".

 

I do pretty ok for the most part, although he is on my mind 99% of the time, I only send him messages or leave voicemails when I am "up" so as to not burden him any further. I have been unemployed for the past few months so that gives me even more time to sit and stew about things, but thankfully I start a new job next week

 

Just wondered if anyone else goes through this and how they handle it. Thanks in advance for your replies

[suzeze]

Hello again Sportsloving,

 

I still haven't heard either but trying to be really positive. Hope our s/o's are ok, that's another worry we have to take on board.

 

As for your question, yes I think about him all the time, no matter what I'm doing. I'm hoping for a job and that will help.

 

Hope you hear soon.

[sportsloving]

Hey Suzeze:

 

Thanks for your reply. Anywhos, I hope you hear from your guy soon. Good luck to you, and if you need someone to listen, I am here (LOL too much some times)

[MickieJ]

Hey,

 

So far I am just over three weeks into my 24-month LDR. Yes, thoughts of him occupy most of my day. Of course work helps, but I still have those times during the day that my thoughts return. And the nights are a real chore to get through. We try not to use the phone alot, just once or twice a week. For right now, we are good. I have seen him a couple of times for a week-end, and we hope to keep that up during the next two years. And he is estatic with his job, so it doesn't give me much to worry about.

 

I think my worst ally is myself at this time. In the evenings, when I am just relaxing, the mind starts to wander and the worries begin. I know I am only at the beginning of a long road, and I just want to get through it. So I have started to try and find things to do to fill those times. I have joined a bowling team. I stay in touch with friends and try to do things with them once or twice a week. And I have my two teen daughters at home, so they can keep me busy (sometimes too busy!). I spend time rearranging rooms, cleaning up closets and cabinets - all those things I put off before, and now have time to do.

 

For me, its just the beginning, but I am trying to remind positive and keep things fresh! I keep remind myself "enjoy the quality of times together rather than the quantity for now. It will get better."

 

I am sure it is difficult for you, since you know he is dealing with some tough things - that always makes the thoughts bear heavier on your mind! I hope things get better for you too, once you get into that new job! Keep the spirit up!

[sportsloving]

MickieJ ~

 

Thanks for sharing your story . I didn't ever think to be in an LDR, it just kind of happened that way and has been a great wonderful time of two years. We have had our shares of the great vs not so great ... but I really wouldn't trade him for anyone.

 

My S/O and I were able to talk on the phone everyday, and then on IM every night. We had some of the most amazing talks, and we always knew what was going on with the other. That is part of what makes this so hard, it feels like you get shut out (sigh) even though you know it isn't you or anything about you.

 

I wish you the best with your LDR. They can be trying, but most definitely rewarding ... especially when you see them again after not being able to see them for some time.

 

Best wishes for you both!

[suzeze]

Good morning Sportsloving,

 

They say 'no news is good news' don't know if I believe it! For me it has been over 4 weeks, never gone this long before. My mind is all over the place! One minute I'm thinking, 'that's it' another thinking, 'he wouldn't do that.' There's nothing I can do, can't even phone him.

 

These LDR's are wonderful aren't they?!!!!

 

Still hoping you hear from your loved one very soon. I'm wishing you the very best of luck.

[sportsloving]

Howdy Suzeze!

 

If you look at the right hand corner of my posts, it show a little button for PM. Yours seems to be missing-in-action.

 

I know your guy has to go through lots of hurdles to call or write an email, but still doesn't seem very fair does it? What is the longest he has gone with not contacting you? Is there a friend or a family member you can contact just to see if he is ok? Have you written him a letter? Have you looked into cell phones?

 

Having gone through this before (not as long as yours though ) I am positive your guy will contact you and either apologize to the moon or say something silly like "you know I love you, why are/were you so worried"? Dirty buggars.

 

I hope today is the day for you .

[suzeze]

Hi Sportsloving,

 

The longest time that I haven't heard from him was 3 weeks. When he did write, he told me one of his brothers was involved in a car accident and had to stay in hospital. He stayed with him while he was recovering.

 

I don't know any of his friends or family and he doesn't have a cell phone. I do but in his country it is too expensive for them to have mobiles. I have written him messages but until he goes to where they have computers, he won't receive them.

 

My mind tells me if he wanted us to end, what would be easier than telling me in a message? Then he could either block me or just delete any messages I might send to him. It isn't as though I will bump into him down the road! After a 2 year relationship and with us living together for 6 months, it seems strange that he would just stop. My mind boggles!!!!

 

All I can do is wait. What's the betting that as soon as I've told myself 'that's it,' he will write?!!!

 

Are you really worried too? Hope your wait is short.

 

Take care.

[suzeze]

Not to worry Sportsloving, our excuse - our minds aren't clear!!!!! smilies don't work! either!

[sportsloving]

The longest time that I haven't heard from him was 3 weeks. When he did write, he told me one of his brothers was involved in a car accident and had to stay in hospital. He stayed with him while he was recovering.

 

Wow, how terrible.

 

I don't know any of his friends or family and he doesn't have a cell phone. I do but in his country it is too expensive for them to have mobiles. I have written him messages but until he goes to where they have computers, he won't receive them.

 

Where does he live? He has met your family but you don't know his? Can you get a cell phone here, mail it to him? My cell phone has free long distance (covers Canada, parts of Mexico and of course Alaska) and loads of minutes, perhaps you can find a plan to work?

 

 

After a 2 year relationship and with us living together for 6 months, it seems strange that he would just stop.

 

Mine is two years also... although I can't tell you the date it started I am really bad at dates, lol. What happened that he lived with you for six months and now he doesn't? Had you plans to live together again? How sad And no, I don't think most would spend so much time in a relationship just to simply end it by no contact. Now if you had only been together for a month or two, perhaps.

 

I had a message from my S/O. Short sweet and to the point, he is on pain killers, antibotics and on bed rest again ... so I probably won't be able to talk to him til all that is over . But at least he isn't missing in action (for now) LOL. I hope you hear from yours soon :)

[Shasta]

I think about him every single day. I am unemployed too, and I have tons of time to think of things. I was going to go see him at the end of this month, but I'm not sure I'll be able to. He might get fired from his job, and if so, I won't be able to go to Sonoma to see him. He said he would look into coming here for a vacation, but I doubt it will happen. If it does, I will be very suprised. /sigh I just wish I knew where things stood with the two of us.

[sportsloving]

Wow Shasta ... he might lose his job? That would be terrible! I hope he still able to visit, and that you are able to go see him in Sonoma.

 

You aren't sure where the two of you stand? do you get to talk often? Awww I feel awful for you, I hope things work out for you:)

 

Good luck to you both~ and I hope he keeps his job

[whispering_willoww]

Forget not being able to see them, i don't like going a day without talking to him at least.

[RollerCoaster]

It was encouraging to find this messageboard.

 

I've been in an LDR for about 6 months now. The circumstances basically are:

 

My girlfriend and I had been together for about 5 1/2 years. We got together when she was really young and there's an age difference (she was 18 and I was 26 when we met). I knew at the time that getting involved with someone so young was probably a bad idea, but she was such a great person, incredibly mature, intelligent, funny as hell, and great to be around. We actually went back and forth about the age issue for the first couple of years as I was hesitant to truly commit. But eventually she won me over, body and soul, and we set about to make a life together.

 

Or so I thought.

 

Last year she came to me and said that she was feeling confused, like she needed time on her own, that she wanted to feel independent, but that she didn't want to break up. She insisted it had nothing to do with me and that she didn't want to break up. After much back and forth as to our options, she decided to go back to the East coast to finish school and thus get some time on her own. But she asked if we could stay together and have a long-distance relationship. She was so adamant about knowing that I was the one she wanted and that I was the person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. So she asked me to "wait" for her.

 

So I agreed because I too felt that she was the one for me.

 

So our LDR began in January of this year. And it's been bumpy to say the least. She's always had issues with expressing her emotions, but now without the reassurance of face to face, I am often left feeling ridden with doubt as to the success of our endeavor.

 

We do get to see each other often - every 3 weeks. But the expense is completely on my side which also makes me feel weary. However, I feel guilty and like a terrible person for thinking about that. But it just feels like the brunt of making this relationship work is on my shoulders. I have to figure out how we can see each other, come up with the money and time, organize everything and so on. And it often feels like she's over there having a carefree time secure in the knowledge that I'll figure everything out. (But then maybe this is just resentment on my part for her having left at all. Who knows.)

 

I have aptly chosen RollerCoaster as my handle because that is literally how I feel. I have a great job that keeps me busy for most of the week, but I know I haven't been giving 100% since this all started. I find it hard to focus or concentrate. Even my social skills feel impaired! Which is agonizing as I have always been an outgoing person who made friends easily. But I find myself stuttering and nervous when meeting new people, because I know that the conversation will inevitably turn to s/o's and it's such a wierd, difficult thing to explain. Even when I say that she left just to finish school, people's eyebrows raise suspiciously as if they know I'm holding something back.

 

I guess because my personal life feels like it's in a complete limbo, the rest of me feels that way too -- uncertain, cautious, and doubtful. And I seem to exude that when in social situations now.

 

She's assured me that we'll live together again once she's graduated, which is in about a year or so. But that was only after I felt like I had to beg it out of her as I looked for some kind of goal. So, in other words, it didn't feel like she wanted to reassure me.

 

I don't know if I can hang that long with everything so up in the air, and I've seriously begun to consider ending the relationship. But man, I would miss her SO much. She's my best friend and the funnest person I've ever met, to say nothing of how wonderful our intimate life was.

 

What to do.

[sportsloving]

LDR's are tough, but if you both are willing to put the time and effort into them, they do work out . And i know it feels like you are the one carrying the relationship, but remember that there are always times when one partner is going to be more the doer than the other.

 

I do wish you the best of luck, and for sure spend some time really thinking about what you would like to happen and how to do that. There are always going to be bumps, but sometimes the bumps make the good times even sweeter.

 

good luck Rollercoaster, I hope you are able to work things out, together