funnykitty28 Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 What a rollercoaster i am on right now! I guess it started during the pregnancy of our second son. I started to feel a distance between us. He would never come to bed with me, we would never have intercourse (even though we hardly did anyways) and he just shut me out. So when our son was born i felt it more, he was depressed and just couldnt stand to be around me anymore. He told me his feelings have changed and he just cant get close to me anymore. All the fighting and bickering we have had through out the years (10 years together 6 years married) has gotten to him and he doesnt want that life for the kids and he will go crazy. So we tried counselling but it never worked, he just cant see how it will ever get better. I don't believe in this stuff, i always believe if you love someone you will always work it out. but now my biggest fault, my yelling and screaming has gotten to him and he just cant look past that. I love him with all my heart and want him back. We have a 3 years old and a 9 month old. It's so hard alone and he is just sad because he cant see the kids as much. I don't know how to move on and accept this. Everyone in our lives still has hope that he will come back and change his mind. But i know him and he is stubborn person. If his mind is made up its made up. Hes not cheating on me thats for sure, but he did admit he reached out to someone online for advice that he has never met, and admits he had weird feelings for them. I bet this person made him feel better then i ever did. There is no way i can show him i can change now, so what do I do?
Snowflower Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 What a rollercoaster i am on right now! I guess it started during the pregnancy of our second son. I started to feel a distance between us. He would never come to bed with me, we would never have intercourse (even though we hardly did anyways) and he just shut me out. So when our son was born i felt it more, he was depressed and just couldnt stand to be around me anymore. He told me his feelings have changed and he just cant get close to me anymore. All the fighting and bickering we have had through out the years (10 years together 6 years married) has gotten to him and he doesnt want that life for the kids and he will go crazy. So we tried counselling but it never worked, he just cant see how it will ever get better. I don't believe in this stuff, i always believe if you love someone you will always work it out. but now my biggest fault, my yelling and screaming has gotten to him and he just cant look past that. I love him with all my heart and want him back. We have a 3 years old and a 9 month old. Did he move out? I know that has to be hard with two little kids. Unfortunately, your husband has made his choice. It's so hard alone and he is just sad because he cant see the kids as much. I don't know how to move on and accept this. Everyone in our lives still has hope that he will come back and change his mind. But i know him and he is stubborn person. If his mind is made up its made up. Hes not cheating on me thats for sure, but he did admit he reached out to someone online for advice that he has never met, and admits he had weird feelings for them. I bet this person made him feel better then i ever did. There is no way i can show him i can change now, so what do I do? Umm yes, in a way he IS cheating on you. Maybe it is not sexual and cheating is not always sexual...but he is reaching out to someone else and admits "weird feelings" for them. Yep, that is a lot of the problem right there. All you can do is work to improve yourself...and his decision to involve a third party in your problems is all ON HIM not you! Take good care of yourself and your babies and go forward without him. And think about it, do you really want to be with someone like him right now anyway? A man who leaves his children behind? And leaves you to take care of them all by yourself while he talks with people online and develops "weird" feelings? He needs to get his priorities in order. Try to talk to a counselor...and soon! Taking care of a 9 month old and a 3 year old can be exhausting and overwhelming so you might find the support you receive in counseling to be very helpful. Rely on your friends and family to help also.
Author funnykitty28 Posted June 6, 2012 Author Posted June 6, 2012 Thanks, this is what everyone who knows is telling me. Its hard cause we have family functions we have to attend and then it will be out to everyone if one of us doesnt go. He has moved out since Saturday night. His parents will do everything for him, eventhough they dont believe in what he is doing. But at this point no one can tell him how to feel, he feels it's bad and its not going to work and that i am driving him nuts. I know I have to concentrate on me and the kids now, and find a way to make it work, but on top of everything i am also grieving the loss of my husband cause i love him more then anything. thank you for your reply
marriageontherocks Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 Your situation sounds a lot like mine. I agree that you need to focus on yourself, and not beg him to stay...but I don't think you have to give up. That choice is yours, but you will find others who have come through this stuff.
Author funnykitty28 Posted June 7, 2012 Author Posted June 7, 2012 everyone thinks he will still come back, i dropped off the kids at his mothers today before he arrived, i started breaking down she said nothing. This is hard to leave my kids against my will. Then when picking them up he hid behind the door. I noticed he bought car seats for his car. Not a big deal since he needed them, but it hurt cause he bought them without me he is being independent and this means he doesnt need me even more. I am slowly starting to tell close friends. I don't know why, they cant tell me anything i dont already know. No one can change how he feels right now. But I am curious, has this happened to anyone and did their relationship come and become better then it ever was? I just don;t see how he will wake up one day and realize "yes I do love her"
marriageontherocks Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 What I have come to realize in reading a lot and talking to a lot of people is that he may never come back, but if he is going to you need to focus on being the best you that you can be. Go to IC, get new hobbies, reorganize your stuff and your mind, go to the gym, spend time with your friends, try to have a sense of humor about the situation if you can. He may miss you and realize through your behavior what he loved about you. Crying and being miserable will not make this show through. I learned this the hard way, and may never have my relationship back, but I am working to do what I can now. It will get easier in time, and this way if it doesn't work out you will be a stronger person for your new life. If you care about your marriage, don't give up hope, just do the best thing for you and the relationship no matter how hard it seems at first. 1
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