LoveAshley Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 (edited) About 2 months ago, I got out of a relationship. The guy was controlling and I told him I needed space. I'll call him C. About a month ago, I started flirting and talking with this other guy, D who I had met like a year ago but never got the chance to really talk to. I contacted him on facebook and we started talking and flirting and he was definitely interested in me because he kept telling me he wanted me to come visit him at work, he kept wanting to hang out and stuff. He said he hasn't seen anyone in quite a while and he wanted someone to be with. I didn't realize it would happen to rapidly so I hesitated to hang out with him each time he invited me to. Finally I told him that before him and I hang out, I needed to sort things out with C. In other words, I wanted to make sure him and I were done before I started a new thing. D said that he completely understood and that he had been there too, so I thought all was good. A couple days later, I texted D just wanting to talk and I could tell he was blowing me off because he stopped returning my texts and messages and basically just stopped contact me all together and when I tried to send him a message, it would take half the day for him to reply with "ok" or something. So I'm thinking I screwed it up somehow. Did I turn him off when I told him I needed to sort thing out with the other guy? It's been about a week since I told him that and since then he hasn't initiated any contact with me. I wrote about this on another site and the only advice I got was "Move on, he just wants a piece of ass." Could that be true? I mean, he was so into me and then all of a sudden, bam, he turns cold on me. Wtf? I haven't talked to him at all in 3 days because I didn't want to keep contacting him and look clingy. Edited June 6, 2012 by LoveAshley
Philosoraptor Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 Eh if he just wanted to hit it and quit it he wouldn't have given up, rather taken your vulnerable state and played it to his advantage. I would say that he sees you as not over your ex and is discouraged by it. You saying you needed to know that you and the ex were through says you would still take him back and he might have to deal with the drama if your ex did come around. Not much you can do at this point. Just be patient and let him make the first move if any move is made at all.
Author LoveAshley Posted June 6, 2012 Author Posted June 6, 2012 Eh if he just wanted to hit it and quit it he wouldn't have given up, rather taken your vulnerable state and played it to his advantage. I would say that he sees you as not over your ex and is discouraged by it. You saying you needed to know that you and the ex were through says you would still take him back and he might have to deal with the drama if your ex did come around. Not much you can do at this point. Just be patient and let him make the first move if any move is made at all. That's what I was thinking is likely the deal with him. I just needed an outsider's perspective.
Casablanca Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 Eh if he just wanted to hit it and quit it he wouldn't have given up, rather taken your vulnerable state and played it to his advantage. I would say that he sees you as not over your ex and is discouraged by it. You saying you needed to know that you and the ex were through says you would still take him back and he might have to deal with the drama if your ex did come around. Not much you can do at this point. Just be patient and let him make the first move if any move is made at all. I agree with this. Also why did you have to talk with your ex? It had been two months, you knew it was over, there wouldnt have been anything to sort out at that point
Author LoveAshley Posted June 6, 2012 Author Posted June 6, 2012 Because when I said I needed space, I wasn't sure if I just needed a break or a break up so I was unclear on exactly what it meant for us and I did that on purpose in case I wanted to get back together with him. I didn't expect things with the new guy to progress like they did. I actually thought the new guy would have either been taken or he'd be one of those guys that didn't care for a relationship (like 90% of the guys I have ever tried to pursue myself) so when I started flirting with him, I figured that if he was single it would progress slowly be a casual thing for a while...but to my surprise he was more needy of my attention than expected.
InJest Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 You are a stupid, attention seeking bitch, first of all. Guy D is not needy for your attention, as he clearly wants nothing to do with you anymore. You were intentionally unclear with your ex, in case you changed your mind?? What a dumb bitch. You deserve every bit of this. Die slow, Ashley.
Author LoveAshley Posted June 6, 2012 Author Posted June 6, 2012 (edited) :You are a stupid, attention seeking bitch, first of all. Guy D is not needy for your attention, as he clearly wants nothing to do with you anymore. You were intentionally unclear with your ex, in case you changed your mind?? What a dumb bitch. You deserve every bit of this. Die slow, Ashley. For what it's worth, I told my ex I wasn't sure what I wanted to do and he was ok with this. The new guy WAS needy for my attention in the beginning. I was trying to take it slow and he messaged me every day going "I wish I could have seen you visit me at work." Then he's message me again going "Want to go with me to ___" It was all his moves. Damn, at least I was honest with both of them. I could have just lead the ex on and started dating new guy without making sure the break up was final. But I didn't want to do that because I would feel that to be dishonest. Edited June 6, 2012 by LoveAshley
InJest Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 Have you tried telling the new guy that you're done with the ex? If the new guy was that 'needy' but then dropped off, he actually may have been just trying to bang you. If I don't really give a **** about a girl, I'll shamelessly throw everything I got at her, because I don't really care what she thinks of me. I didn't think that was the case here at first, but now it seems like more of a possibility. If he was really that needy, then he'd be jumping at the chance to talk to you some more.
Author LoveAshley Posted June 6, 2012 Author Posted June 6, 2012 (edited) No I haven't told him things are done with the ex. I was thinking maybe he would get the hint after I asked him to hang out the other day but I guess that's stupid of me to think he would just pick up on that on his own. So I might wait a few days and then contact him again and tell him that me and the guy are over and if he wants to hang out, just let me know when. If he doesn't respond or still seems distant then I am just going to forget about him. On the note of the banging, I wouldn't mind if we were a fwb kind of thing. I actually kind of expected that from the beginning because I it's what I presume that most guys want anyway and since I was just out of a relationship, I went into flirting with him with the thought that he might just be a hooking up kinda thing, and I'm at a point in my sexuality where I can take either a relationship or just a physical one, either is fine with me. I'm not the kind of girl who hooks up with a bunch of guys, but with this guy and for some reason at this point in time, I would be ok with it being just screwing around. I don't fee like I "need" a relationship. If that's the case with him, I wish he would just be straight up with me because he might be surprised by my reaction...but if he's just going to puss out on being honest about wanting to bang and use the "I'll blow her off and hopefully she'll go away" tactic, then I guess that's on him. Edited June 6, 2012 by LoveAshley
veggirl Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 Yeah if a guy was like "I need to see what's going on with my ex before we continue" I'd bounce. Of course that's what he did. Anyone with self-respect would, not to mention it clearly shows you are still rebounding/not over the ex.
Author LoveAshley Posted June 6, 2012 Author Posted June 6, 2012 Yeah if a guy was like "I need to see what's going on with my ex before we continue" I'd bounce. Of course that's what he did. Anyone with self-respect would, not to mention it clearly shows you are still rebounding/not over the ex. Yeah I understand. I just wonder if he has bounced for good or if he has just backed off for the time being.
Author LoveAshley Posted June 8, 2012 Author Posted June 8, 2012 Ugh I don't know what to do at this point. Should I tell him I'm done with my ex or just not even bother?
veggirl Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Ugh I don't know what to do at this point. Should I tell him I'm done with my ex or just not even bother? You can try and tell him that, as long as you are prepared for the possibility he will not be interested. If you do talk to him, I would be BRIEF about the ex, unless he asks for details. The more you talk about the ex, the more it will look like you are not over him and the more this new guy will back off. So go for it, but be okay with him not reciprocating your sentiments and be prepared with how you want to approach this. No blabbing on about how you are over your ex and whatnot, just keep it short and simple. No lengthy explanations unless asked for them.
no_radar Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 (edited) I think he likes you, but as previously mentioned you put him off by mentioning your ex......big mistake in my opinion! It comes across as if you are not over him yet. I would wait just a lil while before contacting him again and ask if he would like to do something, do not mention the ex again! Just say you would like the chance to get to know him more and spend a bit of time in his company! The last girl i hooked up with was just out of a relationship and still on the rebound, big mistake by me!! Since your a girl, maybe you could give me some input on my post as well http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/329683-i-seem-have-no-radar-grateful-your-input Edited June 8, 2012 by no_radar
mortensorchid Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 If I were you (or anyone else), I would not bring up the past to the currant people in your life. It would be foolish if not downright neive of anyone to think that those we encounter have not had some kind of past. It is ok to say to that person after a while "I went to (place) months ago with an old boyfriend" or something like that. I would not have let it drop that you were in such close contact with the former boyfriend, he would think that you have not exactly ended things with him. But now that you have made said mistake, all you can do is learn from it and move on.
Author LoveAshley Posted June 8, 2012 Author Posted June 8, 2012 I think he likes you, but as previously mentioned you put him off by mentioning your ex......big mistake in my opinion! It comes across as if you are not over him yet. I would wait just a lil while before contacting him again and ask if he would like to do something, do not mention the ex again! Just say you would like the chance to get to know him more and spend a bit of time in his company! The last girl i hooked up with was just out of a relationship and still on the rebound, big mistake by me!! Since your a girl, maybe you could give me some input on my post as well http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/329683-i-seem-have-no-radar-grateful-your-input Thank you
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