jorainbow Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 Been with my fella 3 yrs - he is 50 me 43 - I have two grown up boys one flown the nest the other still at home but self sufficient. He has a son 15 who lives with him. First 6 months felt fab (always does) at it like rabbits, felt like he was my brother we got on that well. However I was ignoring a few facts from behind rose tinted glasses - daily drinking being one - mistake 1. I moved to be nearer him within this 6 month period (mistake 2). I began to realise this man was actually quite lazy, wasn't working and didnt make much of an effort unless prodded. He had converted a beautiful mill but it was looking more and more like a bachelor pad. I moved in thinking this would help and immediately became a surrogate mum to both him and his son. Fortunately I kept my own home,but I didnt like it or the area and wanted to get back to my original house (i had done a swap). I started to feel quite low and anxious and whilst he was supportive it was only on his terms. At this point my ex contacted me - he is a doer, a sorter and he wanted to make all OK so one thing led to another - it wasnt even about a physical relationship but more support and being made to feel special. but he is an ex for a reason and I became very confused at to what was happening. My chap found out and so I ended the 'fling' to concentrate on getting back what I thought we had and we agreed to draw a line. By the time a year had gone past I was regretting this. In a stroke of luck the lady I had swapped houses with hadn't settled and I got my old home back. I moved home and because I wasn't on tap my chap wasn't happy. I subsequently found out for the better part of 4 months he had been talking to the mother of his son's friend, often when I was in bed - this he refuses to this day to see as a form of cheating. We split up only to bounce back together in 2011. Since then I have felt my confidence come back - I have just secured a brilliant job, my home is decorated and I have just joined a gym. I thought again this may help us but instead of my chap coming to see me he just complains I have abandoned him and must be seeing someone else. I have contended with his ex of 8 years ago ringing him at all hours for chats when she isnt feeling well, his inability to make any sort of plans so often what I have organised for family time has to be put off as he hasnt sorted his son out for the weekend or the plans I thought were made change at the last minute. He is happy to put people down for playing the system yet hasnt paid tax for years as all the work he now does is cash. After a year of pain and me saying go to the Dr he listened to another male friend went to the Dr and has gout. Anything i advise he just ignores and will often say I know you are sometimes right but I wont be told. He can be selfish, arrogant and ignorant so why on earth do I not just walk away. I have spoken to him today about selling a car I asked him to sell months ago. By the end of the conversation i just wanted to cry the knot in my stomach hurt so much. I think I may be confusing this feeling of anger and frustration with a sense of duty to this man. He clearly thinks I am seeing someone else which is not the case yet makes no effort to visit me, take me out, help make my life a little easier in any way. He is constantly tired as he works so hard - so do I but I don't have someone to sort my bills, mess, shopping etc I do it myself and until recently I did his. And now I dont I am cheating. can anyone make any sense of this please - I had it in my mind to walk but it feels like I have to somehow get him to see how injust he is being. Which is mad!!!! Help!!
Philosoraptor Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 can anyone make any sense of this please He's just not the guy for you. Don't worry about proving a point to him. If he hasn't seen it in all this time nothing is going to make him see it anyways. Get far away and start finding happiness again.
InJest Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 (edited) Dump him. Tell him he's a loser and that's why you cheated on him and that's why you're dumping him. Tell him to grow up too. Edited June 6, 2012 by InJest
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