Frost 177 Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 Ok...this is hard for me but I am trying anything...I am 22 years old, married, and have a 2 year old son. I have always...ALWAYS been faithful to my wife and family, I don't even watch porn! I'm not kidding! I don't like the way it feels! I see the big picture...I don't care to leave this world any other way than my family as my accomplishment. Which is what makes this next part hard to talk about. I caught my wife sex texting some one...again. She hasn't physically cheated on me that I know of. This is the forth time I have caught this...and every time it was different...the first time she was sending pics and saying very dirty things to who she said was "A random guy who just messaged her by mistake."...the second time she had a secret phone and was texting an old work friend...the third time she says that it was just talking to a guy friend and that was it...and the forth...she was flirting with a guy in D.C all the way across the country and that it wasn't flirting until recently and they exchanged email a long time ago... Just thinking about it while I type it makes me just want to kill each of them...I took vows when I married her and I meant them. I would have never married her if I thought for even a second that I would be married to her for the rest of my life. I know that I can't type everything because it would be crazy to type that much...but I admit my faults..after the first time I tried controlling her and being needy, and manipulative. But then she said that she may divorce and I need to show her somethings that we discussed. But the point is...why!? I have been faithful, I don't drink, smoke, she is the only woman in the room ever, i don't watch porn, i don't even think about other women...so why!? If she tries to divorce me...I will kill myself...I'm not saying this for attention or for any other reasons other than the following...I used to live in Georgia but I moved to Utah to raise my family, so if she divorces me...I can't be away from my child...and I can't stay up here because I can't bare to see the woman that I love and want but doesn't want me, I have no money..I put everything into our marriage and dept. I sold my stocks and shares and put all of my savings into us because I believe in us. I have no job, I have been a stay at home dad for almost 3 years. So If she divorces me...I have no job, no money, no wife, no son, and nowhere to live. I'm not insane for seeing it...it's insane to knowingly go to bed sad...knowing that your wife is not there...your son is not there...knowing that tomorrow will not be better...that...is insane...I guess i'm just typing because...it's good to talk...and get perspective...
BetrayedH Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 The pain of betrayal is devastating. I'm still dealing with it. There's a phrase her that once a cheater, not always a cheater, twice a cheater, always a cheater. You are 22 and this is the fourth time? I'm afraid you have to accept reality. But you must know that there is life after divorce. You are certainly young enough to have a second life. Life is not over; it just feels like it is. I am 42 and starting over after my wife had a 13-month affair and is now divorcing me. But things are improving. You NEED counseling to help you cope. I don't knoe the laws of your state but you may well deserve alimony and support for you to have shared custody of your son. You need an attorney. Get a therapist and an attorney and keep posting. You will find support here but not the kind that will suggest you stay with this broken woman.
darkmoon Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 But then she said that she may divorce and I need to show her somethings that we discussed. But the point is...why!? jus do it, drop the ...why!? you won't lose her then
Owl Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 You need to seek counseling. Honestly...reach out to a counselor, your doctor, your pastor/priest, whomever can provide you some serious, professional counseling. This is outside the scope of anything that LS can offer you help with. Your comment about your actions if she leaves pretty much takes this out of the realm of "peer counseling", and into the need for professional assistance. 5
carhill Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 Where will your child end up if you kill yourself? I agree with Owl. Make an appointment with a professional psychologist skilled in marital recovery from infidelity today. 2
Author Frost 177 Posted June 6, 2012 Author Posted June 6, 2012 My son is 2...he will be with his mom...she will move on and all will be ok with just them...it's all she wants anyway...I don't think I need help...You know that saying..." You're only 22, you have your whole life ahead of you."...that is my point...I have to live with this the rest of my life...I have nothing...money...place to stay...the woman I love..my son...it is just better, I'm not afraid of it, it is just the better option...
skywriter Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 How can your son growing up, knowing, that his dad decided to take his own life be better? My ex-H's father was being forced to leave the home by the sheriff. He took his life instead. That destroyed all the children. They were very emotionally scarred because of that. By the way, consider the fact ,that none of us, is promised tommorow. Let's just say, what if, your W, should pass away unexexpectidly. You've taken your life , so where's that leave your son?
frozensprouts Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 My son is 2...he will be with his mom...she will move on and all will be ok with just them...it's all she wants anyway...I don't think I need help...You know that saying..." You're only 22, you have your whole life ahead of you."...that is my point...I have to live with this the rest of my life...I have nothing...money...place to stay...the woman I love..my son...it is just better, I'm not afraid of it, it is just the better option... OP, i know you have been crushed by the weight of all of this, but help is out there. The way things seem right now is not the way they will always be for you. They will get better, and it's okay to ask for help from someone who can navigate through this whole mess with you...I know you may not believe me right now, but you can get through his and come out on the other side and find happiness again. Right now is not the rest of your life. please don't consider ending your life... if you won't listen to me for yourself, listen to me for your son. I've seen first hand what it can do to a person when their parents life ends at their own hand...My dad lost his father that way, and after almost 50 years, he still won't talk about his dad, and I have a grandfather I never knew, not even through my fathers memories . Your son needs you...be there for him...he's just a little boy and you are his dad... he needs you to be there for him while he grows up whether you're with his mom or not please, get some help now, don't wait
Author Frost 177 Posted June 6, 2012 Author Posted June 6, 2012 I was faithful, loyal, and sexual, I am in GREAT shape, I am handsome, I never looked at other women, I am a great father, I would take a bullet for them, I took care of her after she gave birth when she could walk or wipe her self...I f I loose this...then I can't win. It doesn't add up in my head! It just doesn't! I know I can get other women! I know it! But I don't want to...I'm not superficial! She weighs 285 pounds, has stretch marks, discoloration, I could go on...but i still love her and am attracted to her...I followed the rules...was always nice, and always tried to be a good person...and it screws me over...
frozensprouts Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 I was faithful, loyal, and sexual, I am in GREAT shape, I am handsome, I never looked at other women, I am a great father, I would take a bullet for them, I took care of her after she gave birth when she could walk or wipe her self...I f I loose this...then I can't win. It doesn't add up in my head! It just doesn't! I know I can get other women! I know it! But I don't want to...I'm not superficial! She weighs 285 pounds, has stretch marks, discoloration, I could go on...but i still love her and am attracted to her...I followed the rules...was always nice, and always tried to be a good person...and it screws me over... your heart is broken right now...you've been betrayed and nothing makes any sense...the person your loved and trusted has let you down...many of us have been where you are, and it's an awful, awful place. But this isn't about you or anything you did/ didn't do... it's about your wife and something inside her thought process that has allowed this to happen. that doesn't mean she's a terrible person, but it does mean that she has some issues. I know things seem really bad right now, but just try to get through it one day at a time. Find a close friend, family member, counselor, pastor /minister, someone/anyone that you can call on to talk with and help you through this? I know you may feel totally isolated, but know that you are not alone...many of us have been through similar experinces, and we've made it through to" the other side"...you can too...just take things one day at a time, and find someone who can be there for you to help you through this...if you feel like you have no one, call your local helpline...there's always someone who will be happy to be there for you and listen to you... you are not alone, there are people who really do care...remember that
pink_sugar Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 I agree with the other posters. What she is doing is emotional cheating. You can try and resolve this or if it continues, divorce is the ultimate option. You are 22 with a lot on your plate I can imagine. When did you marry? I am 23, married at 19, but thankfully no children. When I was younger, I felt the same way you did about divorce because I'd have nowhere to go. But now, I have a somewhat decent paying job almost full time and will be graduating college next year, I feel more independent now than I did before. Since we also have no kids, that's one less issue. I hope it never comes to that point though, but I am emotionally more mature than I was when we first moved in together. Seek counseling. I did, took me a few years to get past my familial and childhood issues. There is still plenty of life to live for both of us, it's not the end of the world. Think positive! I was in your shoes at one point!
Author Frost 177 Posted June 6, 2012 Author Posted June 6, 2012 and if i needed to get a lawyer...I have no money or job...
2sunny Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 Try to take good care of you. You CAN control THAT! You can't control her or what she may or may not do... Stop handing her ALL your power! You deserve to live!!!! No matter what she is or isn't doing - YOUR LIFE has value and meaning!!! Set a solid, healthy boundary! One that doesn't hand her all YOUR power! Do something nice for YOURSELF today! Hugs - keep posting. We do care - and I care that you get busy LIVING! Seek counseling to help with a healthy boundary... Our happiness should not be dependent upon what someone else is or isn't doing! 1
Author Frost 177 Posted June 6, 2012 Author Posted June 6, 2012 I agree with the other posters. What she is doing is emotional cheating. You can try and resolve this or if it continues, divorce is the ultimate option. You are 22 with a lot on your plate I can imagine. When did you marry? I am 23, married at 19, but thankfully no children. When I was younger, I felt the same way you did about divorce because I'd have nowhere to go. But now, I have a somewhat decent paying job almost full time and will be graduating college next year, I feel more independent now than I did before. Since we also have no kids, that's one less issue. I hope it never comes to that point though, but I am emotionally more mature than I was when we first moved in together. Seek counseling. I did, took me a few years to get past my familial and childhood issues. There is still plenty of life to live for both of us, it's not the end of the world. Think positive! I was in your shoes at one point! I got married at 19 and my son was born a month before I turned 20, I have been responsible and am working on me, but it doesn't matter if I find oil, win the lottery, and become the president...if i am not happy or can share it with my family... 1
frozensprouts Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 and if i needed to get a lawyer...I have no money or job... don't know where you are from, but there may be legal services, especially family law services, available at little or no cost... after my husband cheated ( and left, for a little while before waffling back and forth), I was kind of where you are. I was ( and still am) a stay at home mom with three kids and two of them have serious developmental/health issues. We live far away from any of my family and I didn't know what to do or who to turn to... But there is help out there...is there any kind of family resource center in your local area? if so, try contacting them. They can help put you in touch with lots of free/low cost supports and services to help you ( and your wife and son too) get through all of this. There may be free/low cost counseling, legal services, etc. in your area... Try getting on the net and seeing what services are in your area to hep you navigate your way through this. Sometimes, just being proactive and feeling like you are doing something to make things better can really help... like i said before, there are people out there who want to help you...even on here a bunch of strangers in cyberspace have reached out to you...there really are people out there who care
Quiet Storm Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 If you kill yourself, your son will grow up knowing that your own personal pain trumped your love for him. That's not the legacy that you want to leave behind. As parents, the way we handle hardships can teach our children strength and perserverance, or it can show them our weakness. You have more power than you think you do. No matter what roadblocks your wife puts in your way, don't give up on your son. He needs you. No other man will love him, care for him, teach him and protect him like you will. Many people are out there with no job, no money, no family, etc. and they get through each day, as tough as it may be. You are so young. You are only in the first chapters of your life. You are only starting the journey, and there will be many hardships and obstacles. Everyone has their own pain, and their own path to walk. This is what you said: I see the big picture You don't see the big picture, because you can't see outside of your own pain. I encourage you to see the big picture from your son's perspective.
pink_sugar Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 The goal to working on yourself should be realize your happiness is important as well and it's essential to have interests outside of your home life. I know people who make their kids everything to the point of smothering them to death. It's important you have other friends and family there for you and other things you enjoy living for. Divorce isn't the end of the world. It's a sad part of life that things may not work for the first time and that is OK. What I've learned is that when you marry young, you may grow together, or grow apart. I hope this isn't too personal, but may I ask if you married because of the baby?
evansdale Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 I don't mean to come off in a harsh manner but you better give your head a shake, and fast. You have a 2 year old boy. That is the best gift in the world. You talk about killing yourself?????? WTF man!!! WAKE UP!!! For a 285 pound DITCH PIG!!! You are 22 years old. 22 *%$&in years old! You have NOT even BEGUN to experience life yet. Handsome, in good shape, smart? uhhhhh, but you are going to kill yourself? The problem is your mental immaturity. Your wife suffers from "Cranial Obesity" Which is a build up of fat cells around the brain stem that inhibits her from thinking clearly. Usually caused by too many deep fried fruits and vegetables. Forget therapy and all that other garbage. Talk to your parents or friends and use that knowledge to create as new doorway to something better. Forget the wife, forget the lies, forget the memories. Remember your SON and remember yourself. Your future will be great if you just open your eyes and think. THINK for 60 seconds every hour on the hour for 1 week. I PROMISE YOU things will become clear in time. It ALWAYS does. Ask any betrayed spouse. TIME HEALS ALL. Your baby boy will make that transition to acceptance and peace MUCH, MUCH EASIER. LIVE & PROSPER with your little man. - As far as no job, go to your local education branch. Find out your options. GO BACK TO SCHOOL AND EXCEL. Learn something new and create something better. DON'T KILL YOURSELF. WAKE UP BRO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
pink_sugar Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 I was faithful, loyal, and sexual, I am in GREAT shape, I am handsome, I never looked at other women, I am a great father, I would take a bullet for them, I took care of her after she gave birth when she could walk or wipe her self...I f I loose this...then I can't win. It doesn't add up in my head! It just doesn't! I know I can get other women! I know it! But I don't want to...I'm not superficial! She weighs 285 pounds, has stretch marks, discoloration, I could go on...but i still love her and am attracted to her...I followed the rules...was always nice, and always tried to be a good person...and it screws me over... She's cheating on you...and she's grossly overweight. You sound like a very attractive young man, great husband and father. She has no clue how lucky she is to have you. You really do deserve a lot better than that.
firemanq Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 My girlfriends daughter (ours now) found her father, after he used a shotgun. 42 years later that still bothers her. When I was going through the break-up with my x wife, I called a friend and had her go into my house and take my guns. When that friend was going through a divorce, I went to her house and removed her guns. The first step is to remove the temptation, then contact a professional. I did, many of us did and it does help. Remeber the boy, you do not want to leave a legacy of death.
96nole Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 I was faithful, loyal, and sexual, I am in GREAT shape, I am handsome, I never looked at other women, I am a great father, I would take a bullet for them, I took care of her after she gave birth when she could walk or wipe her self...I f I loose this...then I can't win. It doesn't add up in my head! It just doesn't! I know I can get other women! I know it! But I don't want to...I'm not superficial! She weighs 285 pounds, has stretch marks, discoloration, I could go on...but i still love her and am attracted to her...I followed the rules...was always nice, and always tried to be a good person...and it screws me over... FROST, SLOW DOWN!!!!!! I know how you feel. My now ex had health issues that I helped her with. Then I found out she was cheating on me with a dirtbag. I know how bad it feels. I know the feeling of betrayal. BUT LISTEN TO ME!!!!!! IT WILL GET BETTER. NO WOMAN IS WORTH TAKING YOUR LIFE!!!!! 14 weeks ago if there was a gun in my house, my may have used it. Luckily there wasn't a gun and I'm still here. Take a few minutes to breath and calm down!!! You're letting your thoughts take over. You're dreaming up a reality that hasn't happened. 22 years old is so young. Your child needs you as a father no matter what. Be that father. You are correct. You did follow the rules. You are a stand up guy, but what does it say about her? This is not your fault. This is a problem with her. It's all on her. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. STAY STRONG!
Author Frost 177 Posted June 7, 2012 Author Posted June 7, 2012 The goal to working on yourself should be realize your happiness is important as well and it's essential to have interests outside of your home life. I know people who make their kids everything to the point of smothering them to death. It's important you have other friends and family there for you and other things you enjoy living for. Divorce isn't the end of the world. It's a sad part of life that things may not work for the first time and that is OK. What I've learned is that when you marry young, you may grow together, or grow apart. I hope this isn't too personal, but may I ask if you married because of the baby? No, we didn't know about the baby until a few weeks after the we got married.
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