Thierro Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 It’s my birthday today and my ex send me a happy birthday e-mail. I never expected to hear from her again. I stared at her name and I felt nothing. My heart didn’t skip a single beat what so ever. It was more surprising to feel so indifferent about it than her actually sending me this: “Happy birthday, enjoy yourself. Are you doing ok? If you rather don’t hear from me, I apologize for this e-mail.” However, I’m not sure how to deal with this. I’m not sure if I can trust my indifference towards her. I think that replying to her is the right thing to do (a matter of etiquette), but is it also the smartest? I don’t want to get burned again. It’s just very odd to feel this way. A little backstory: She broke up with me, because she was young, grass is green syndrome, I was way too controlling of her etc. I tried to stay friends with her for a week, but I couldn’t live with the pain, I didn’t want to be just a friend. After a year of NC she contacted me. It hurt like hell and it was horrible. I was so shaken up about it. I replied to her, telling her that I didn’t want to hear from her again, that I was fine with how things were going. Two weeks later my co-workers let me believe she wanted more from me, so I wrote her how I felt, that I still had feelings for her. She ended it with ‘This is my last e-mail ever’ in the subject-line. 10(?) months later today, she sends me the aforementioned e-mail. Why can’t she let me be?
Pyro Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 Sounds like she genuinely cares for you and just wants to make sure that you are alright, or she may want to see if any feelings are still there between you two. You said that you don't want to get burned again and if that is the case then you shouldn't respond, just my opinion.
Author Thierro Posted June 6, 2012 Author Posted June 6, 2012 You are right. The only thing that I have a hard time with, is that I have always believed that she is "the one". After she broke up with me, I gave up on faith and became an atheist. But her trying to contact me does eat at me and get's the whole 'what if..' going. I've actually met a very nice girl and we seem to get along very well. I guess if it was really meant to be, life would find its way. It's time to get my butt out of this situation and stop letting thoughts get the better of me.
broken-and-lost Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 she may still care about you but it doesn't mean she would want to try again with you that's the danger of thinking her contact is anything more then thinking about someone she cares about still and just wants to see he's ok after the dust has settled maybe a touch of guilt. I don't know if the universe has a plan or if it's just all so random and i know what you men about thinking a certain person is the one i keep getting dragged back to my ex in random ways like being poked with a stick all i can say is go with your own feelings on what is right for you.
Exit Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 I'm sure it's messing with your emotions but you saw what reaction you got from her last time when you expressed your feelings towards her. So many of us like to sound helpless when it comes to these situations about our exes contacting us again, but you do realize we are in control of it and should really blame ourselves, right? You could have blocked her after that last round of email communication blew up in your face. I know it's hard to do that when you feel like someone might be "the one", you keep thinking you better leave those lines of communication open in case one day she wants to send that email that she changed her mind, but the reality is that you are just allowing this avenue to exist through which she can keep messing with your head and hurting you. If the stars ever aligned and she decided she wanted to be together or even just offer you a heart felt apology, if she tried to send you an email and found out it was blocked, if she had something important to say, she'd figure out a way to find you or get the message to you. Blocking her is just to weed out these little meaningless breadcrumbs that mess with your head. Don't give in to that fear that blocking her is going to ruin the day she wants to send you a big long love letter, because if she ever has anything more important to say than "happy birthday hope you're alright", she won't let a blocked email account stop her. I've been around these parts too long to feel sympathy for these types of situations anymore. Once we know that an ex has a history of coming and going at the worst times, we need to take control of the situation and block them. Cell phone, email, whatever form of communication, they all have privacy controls these days. 1
Author Thierro Posted June 7, 2012 Author Posted June 7, 2012 Writing about it, not knowing what to do, thinking about all the what if's. I am fooling myself. I don't want her to think that I am not over her by not replying. I already care too much, i'm too invested. I don't want her to be careful about this. If she still cares about me, she needs to let me know that. "Thanks for your birthday wishes. Maybe we could go for coffee sometime. However, I’m not sure if that’s such a good idea. I am confident in saying that I am over you, but I don’t know if I can trust my indifference to you. It’s not something I want to find out either. I am happy, I am doing all right. In your last letter you wrote you were happy as well. There will never be a turning point in my life that I want to risk how I feel right now by keeping in contact with you. Please, don’t contact me ever again." Am I still doing it wrong? Exit, yeah, she already shot me down multiple times before, so why would this be any different.. It's just so tempting. I need to be in control.
Frank13 Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 Don't reply at all. I don't mean to be cruel but your possible reply sounds pathetic. First you still sound like her puppet, asking to go for coffee. Then there is the part where it looks like you are trying to rub her nose in the fact you are happy. It actually comes across like you aren't but are bending over backwards to try to prove you are. Then you act like you are mad and not over her by telling her not to contact you again. If you want her out of your life and want no contact from her, why are you worried about etiquette and doing the right thing? It doesn't matter. Your silence will speak volumes and should get her to stop contacting you. I say don't reply. 1
Sugarkane Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 I am sorry for your pain. I hate the what ifs probably more than anything. It doesn't sound like she deserves your contact at all. I remember reading on here (or second chances) one woman who begged her ex back and succeeded. I wonder what happened to her. I really think the dumper should be begging us back/ doing the work- unless you were a emotional dumpee. I hope you work on healing
Author Thierro Posted June 7, 2012 Author Posted June 7, 2012 I will let it go. I just hate it how I let her give me all these doubts in my head. "Maybe this is the only chance for the two of you to come back together, but you NEED to reply to her. She opened up to you, so it's your turn now." I'm glad that I asked for your help, or else I would have probably send something already. My story isn't different from the rest of us. I give the 'don't do it advice' all the time, but we think our stories will be different. We are wrong.
Sugarkane Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 I'm an atheist too so I don't find comfort in Religion or anything. I don't know I kind of think well what more can you do? they know how we feel about them anyway. It doesn't help i find when people post successful recons or just second chance forum lol. If only there was a recon formula, but that is wishful thinking.
Phanpooh Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 My ex ignored me and i stuck in NC to respect her and her rebound. last month is her birthday and i didn't wish for her. all i know is, she cried almost 3days and i feel nothing... even i still have feeling for her but my real person told me that, that enough! and im trying to move on. i wished some exes could break NC but when they do, i take my wishes back... just guilty talk!
BetheButterfly Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 (edited) You are right. The only thing that I have a hard time with, is that I have always believed that she is "the one". After she broke up with me, I gave up on faith and became an atheist. But her trying to contact me does eat at me and get's the whole 'what if..' going. I've actually met a very nice girl and we seem to get along very well. I guess if it was really meant to be, life would find its way. It's time to get my butt out of this situation and stop letting thoughts get the better of me. First of all, faith in God shouldn't depend on what other people do or don't do. Faith in God is a personal decision based on personal experiences. About this girl, I personally believe Art Critic's quote... (I really have to memorize it!) applies here... let me go find it so I quote it correctly... Ok, here it is. "~~ One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else.. ~~" I'm going to make this a part of my signature too lol. It didn't work with this girl. Although ideally it would have been wonderful, there are many things not ideal going on in the world. So, I think it's best if you decide to let her go and request she does the same. I do believe that you can someday find a girl who "will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else" and I hope that she will find the same with someone else. There is a song, "I thank God for unanswered prayer", sung by Garth Brooks. People are all different. Sometimes, people who are attracted to others who may not be the best match in all areas for them. Patience is really important. Right now, it is important for you to heal, to concentrate on your goals in life, and to enjoy life in healthy ways. Many times, helping others in some way helps people heal. Right now, I would not advise you to pursue a friendship with this girl, but rather forgive her and focus on what you want to do in this wonderful opportunity called life. Edited July 13, 2012 by BetheButterfly
Stanza Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 If there's part of you that wants her back you could meet one last time to see how much she's changed. She may have changed so much over time that you realize it's really over and get more closure. Maybe it's time to push for closure one way or another? It must be really hard all this, you've handled yourself well though.
Oncehadluv Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 hey its kind to keep intouch with those who are on the backburner just a thought
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