lucifer2019 Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 Okay, this is kind of long but I really appreciate anyone reading it though and giving me honest feedback. If you don't want to read the whole thing, you can just skip to the end where I wrote a couple of my main questions thank you so much in advance! :smile: Okay, so my ex-girlfriend broke up with me almost a month ago, and since then I've been a mess. I love this girl with all of my heart and I've never felt such a special connection with anyone else in my life, so I really want to get her back. She means the world to me, and I can't stand the thought of losing her, or worse, of her being with another guy. Here's my story: My ex-girlfriend and I had been in a strong and dedicated relationship since November of last year, and I honestly tried to give her everything as a boyfriend. I wrote and sang her a song on Christmas, and I sent her a plate of homemade cookies and a long, mushy card for Valentine's Day. We never argued, I almost always agreed with her, and I always tried to be there for her. We got along very well and there was definitely chemistry from the get-go. She was just so easy to be around and talk to, and we enjoyed our fair share of intimate moments together as well. One day in early May she told me we needed to talk. She said she felt like we had been growing apart as of late, mainly because we were very busy performing in our school's musical together. She said she felt like we didn't have as much time for each other as we normally did. She told me she was grateful that I gave her her space to make new friends during this performance, but at the same time she said she would've liked me to interact with her more. What's that supposed to mean? In addition to the stress placed on our relationship from the musical, she said that a serious boyfriend just wasn't what she needed right now, and that she really cared about me, but she thought we should take a break. She said she wasn't going after other guys any time soon (I don't know how much of this is true though, with summer just around the corner), and she said she still really wanted to be friends because we had got to know each other very well. Like I said, this was almost a month ago. Since then I've gone through just about every human emotion possible, from shock, to extreme sadness, to anger and resentment. I tried getting over her, but she was just so special to me, and I have never met another girl quite like her. I felt like we really had something, a kind of special connection that I hadn't felt with past ex-girlfriends. Anyways, she ignored me almost entirely for the first two weeks, and I did the same, mainly because I simply couldn't look at her without remembering just how much I loved and cared about her, and how those feelings were no longer mutual. I expressed those exact feelings to her over text a couple days after the breakup, and she responded with something alone the lines of "I know you're hurt, and I'm sorry, but i hope we can still be friends." She started smiling at me a couple days ago, just in a polite, friendly way, and I returned it. So I feel like we're back on a somewhat friendly level, no face to face conversations yet. Friends of hers have told me she's not mad at me or anything, and that she doesn't really know what to feel, just like me. Right now I'm wondering whether or not I should call her or if she'll call me. Besides those texts a couple days after the breakup, we've been in "limited contact," mainly because I read online that it was essential to getting your ex to miss you, and I'm forced to see her every day in school - is this wise? I'm also wondering how I should act around her if I'm trying to get her back without being clingy, desperate, or obvious. She wants to be friends, but is that something I should really do if I want to get her back? I've trying to act like the split didn't really bother me in hopes of gaining back her attention, while I've disclosed my true feelings to a few close friends. I've been trying to focus on myself, improving my physical appearance, reflecting on my own personals flaws that led to the breakup, and getting my scattered emotions under control, but all the while I just can't stop thinking about her and how much I miss her. She was truly such an amazing part of my life that I just can't let go of, no matter how hard I try. Above all, I would really like to know whether or not she misses me/wants me back, and how I can get her back and keep her this time. One of my admitte shortcomings in our relationship was my hesitation to initiate, whether it was simply holding her hand or kissing, and being more dominant or "in control." I think I acted this way because I just really cared about this girl, was always very respectful towards her, and I never wanted to offend her. But after thinking it over for a very long time, I came to the conclusion that I am willing to change my ways in order to get her back. An iimportant note: I'm in high school, and we get out for the summer in about three weeks. When we were dating, we discussed how we'd be in camps and therefore not able to see much of each other over the summer. So I've got a lot of time to work on getting her back, right? Next year we'll still be seeing a fair amount of each other, so I really hope by then she still remembers what we used to have and want me back. In other words, I'm looking to get back together with her in four months, at the beginning of the new school year. So here are the top questions I have as I'm trying to get my girl back: - About how long should "no contact" or "limited contact" last, and which one of us should break it first? - Should I make a conscious effort to remain friends with my ex-girlfriend if I want to get her back? Or should I just ignore her to get her attention and allow her to miss me? - What should I do over the summer to gain back her interest in me and make her want me again? Is texting/calling a good idea? - Once she's interested in me again, how can I re-attract her and get that "spark" we once had back? And how can I keep her this time around? I really appreciate anyone taking the time to help me out. Thank you so much!
Pistol pete Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 (edited) Hey, thought I'd reply in here because it sucks when no-one replies to a thread. My honest advice, if you really want to try and get her back, is to just go total NC. I realise that's hard because you see eachother in school etc, but if you do just keep contact relaxed and civil. Do not ever initiate contact, if she texts you, calls you etc.. again just keep it relaxed, as if you are moving on which may end up as your goal. While you're doing NC, go out with friends, go for runs, hit the gym, do whatever you want to make yourself look/feel better... and generally when you least expect it is when she'll start getting in contact with you etc. Don't agree to be friends with her, it shows weakness and it's better to not know what she's up to. Make it clear that you won't always be there for her, a shoulder to cry on. Show some tough love. From experience, NC does sometimes work in getting an ex back. It worked me for.. my relationship got became stagnant and she left me, to which I decided to go out and improve myself.. sure enough, once she saw these changes I was making, she became attracted to me again and we got back together.. However, I slipped back into the same old routines after 8 months and the same thing happened again. So if it does ever happen to you, just remember to stay focussed on what it is you want.. and never take anything/anyone for granted. Edited June 9, 2012 by Pistol pete
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