lucifer2019 Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 Okay, this is kind of long but I really appreciate anyone reading it though and giving me honest feedback. If you don't want to read the whole thing, you can just skip to the end where I wrote a couple of my main questions thank you so much in advance! :smile: Okay, so my ex-girlfriend broke up with me almost a month ago, and since then I've been a mess. I love this girl with all of my heart and I've never felt such a special connection with anyone else in my life, so I really want to get her back. She means the world to me, and I can't stand the thought of losing her, or worse, of her being with another guy. Here's my story: My ex-girlfriend and I had been in a strong and dedicated relationship since November of last year, and I honestly tried to give her everything as a boyfriend. I wrote and sang her a song on Christmas, and I sent her a plate of homemade cookies and a long, mushy card for Valentine's Day. We never argued, I almost always agreed with her, and I always tried to be there for her. We got along very well and there was definitely chemistry from the get-go. She was just so easy to be around and talk to, and we enjoyed our fair share of intimate moments together as well. One day in early May she told me we needed to talk. She said she felt like we had been growing apart as of late, mainly because we were very busy performing in our school's musical together. She said she felt like we didn't have as much time for each other as we normally did. She told me she was grateful that I gave her her space to make new friends during this performance, but at the same time she said she would've liked me to interact with her more. What's that supposed to mean? In addition to the stress placed on our relationship from the musical, she said that a serious boyfriend just wasn't what she needed right now, and that she really cared about me, but she thought we should take a break. She said she wasn't going after other guys any time soon (I don't know how much of this is true though, with summer just around the corner), and she said she still really wanted to be friends because we had got to know each other very well. Like I said, this was almost a month ago. Since then I've gone through just about every human emotion possible, from shock, to extreme sadness, to anger and resentment. I tried getting over her, but she was just so special to me, and I have never met another girl quite like her. I felt like we really had something, a kind of special connection that I hadn't felt with past ex-girlfriends. Anyways, she ignored me almost entirely for the first two weeks, and I did the same, mainly because I simply couldn't look at her without remembering just how much I loved and cared about her, and how those feelings were no longer mutual. I expressed those exact feelings to her over text a couple days after the breakup, and she responded with something alone the lines of "I know you're hurt, and I'm sorry, but i hope we can still be friends." She started smiling at me a couple days ago, just in a polite, friendly way, and I returned it. So I feel like we're back on a somewhat friendly level, no face to face conversations yet. Friends of hers have told me she's not mad at me or anything, and that she doesn't really know what to feel, just like me. Right now I'm wondering whether or not I should call her or if she'll call me. Besides those texts a couple days after the breakup, we've been in "limited contact," mainly because I read online that it was essential to getting your ex to miss you, and I'm forced to see her every day in school - is this wise? I'm also wondering how I should act around her if I'm trying to get her back without being clingy, desperate, or obvious. She wants to be friends, but is that something I should really do if I want to get her back? I've trying to act like the split didn't really bother me in hopes of gaining back her attention, while I've disclosed my true feelings to a few close friends. I've been trying to focus on myself, improving my physical appearance, reflecting on my own personals flaws that led to the breakup, and getting my scattered emotions under control, but all the while I just can't stop thinking about her and how much I miss her. She was truly such an amazing part of my life that I just can't let go of, no matter how hard I try. Above all, I would really like to know whether or not she misses me/wants me back, and how I can get her back and keep her this time. One of my admitte shortcomings in our relationship was my hesitation to initiate, whether it was simply holding her hand or kissing, and being more dominant or "in control." I think I acted this way because I just really cared about this girl, was always very respectful towards her, and I never wanted to offend her. But after thinking it over for a very long time, I came to the conclusion that I am willing to change my ways in order to get her back. An iimportant note: I'm in high school, and we get out for the summer in about three weeks. When we were dating, we discussed how we'd be in camps and therefore not able to see much of each other over the summer. So I've got a lot of time to work on getting her back, right? Next year we'll still be seeing a fair amount of each other, so I really hope by then she still remembers what we used to have and want me back. In other words, I'm looking to get back together with her in four months, at the beginning of the new school year. So here are the top questions I have as I'm trying to get my girl back: - About how long should "no contact" or "limited contact" last, and which one of us should break it first? - Should I make a conscious effort to remain friends with my ex-girlfriend if I want to get her back? Or should I just ignore her to get her attention and allow her to miss me? - What should I do over the summer to gain back her interest in me and make her want me again? Is texting/calling a good idea? - Once she's interested in me again, how can I re-attract her and get that "spark" we once had back? And how can I keep her this time around? I really appreciate anyone taking the time to help me out. Thank you so much!
Philosoraptor Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 Everything you asked is summed up by this: She needs to come back and prove to you that she can sustain this relationship. There is zero you can do to make her come back as if she comes back for any reason outside of her own personal choice (none of these manipulative games) she will eventually question things again as she did not find the answers she needed before she returned. What you should do right now is limit anything that can cause you pain and start to live for yourself. Foster your own personal growth and interests and work to make your own dreams come true.
London Girl 8 Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 Honestly, I can tell you want her back but you can't force her to want you back. I think you need some space and try to accept the friend thing because if you can't then you will always be hoping and will not be able to move on. Tell her you hope you can be friends in the near future and try to do this that you enjoyed before you were with her, even it's it's something simple like reading a book to get your mind off things. Constantly trying to get her back will not get her back because from the sound of it she needs to realize what she let go of. In a way I am talking from experience as the last 6 months of my 6 1/2 year relationship I did everything and we still ended up breaking up, just goes to show that I should have given him space versus trying to make things better.
Shakira1904 Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 I'm going to be harsh and tell you that you are trying too hard. Another thing, you can't really change who you are. If you are an undominating and soft person that is who you truly are. No amount of trying can mask the true you. If you weren't able to read the signs that she felt you weren't affectionate enough etc then maybe you two lack compatibility. Please don't try too hard, I'm sure that you will find someone else who will love you for who you are. Let this girl move on too and the last thing you want to do is play games. Don't ignore her so that she will come back to you - deal with your emotions and accept that it's over. Be honest to yourself and don't tie yourself in knots. Mind games are incredibly dangerous to any relationship and particularly when you are trying to win someone back. Be strong, be brave and most of all be honest to yourself - don't change yourself just to win someone back - relationships aren't a game. I hope this helps.
Recommended Posts