Is there a chance?

[Meemop]

Hi all. I am at wits end. Just when I thought I had hit rock bottom, I realized there is fiery molten lava just waiting to burn through whatever had not been torn up.

Is there a chance for reconciliation?

My husband and I have been married 9 years, together 11. We have one child. A little back story..

I have been battling depression for quite some time. About two years ago, I was at my lowest and said something I will regret for the rest of my life. It broke his heart and we have been on a roller coaster since. A little over a year ago, he decided he needed to leave. Of course I was absolutely heart broken, I begged and pleaded. 3 months into the separation I started to live my life and get on with things. He then decided he wanted to come back and it took me a few days to agree as I was enjoying myself away from him. Fast forward to 3 weeks ago.. He woke me up at the crack of dawn and said he wanted out. He told me to assume this time it is over and he won't come back because he didn't want me to linger and be in pain wondering if he would come back.

I feel like I am dying inside. I love this man to my core and I desperately want him back. He has told someone close to me that he feels this was his only chance to bring about change for both of us. He said he tried to bring change while he was here but nothing did. He tells this person that he gave it a shot for those 12 months and I didn't live up to my promises. I know there are certain aspects that he wants me to change. He still kisses me, hugs me and once or twice he has told me he loves me, but not in love with me. It really depends what day he is having as to the responses I get.

I know he is clinically depressed, but I would do ANYTHING to have him with me again.

I can't stop thinking if this is the end of if there is a chance. My friends and family tell me that it is clear he still loves me and they have told him he is making a big mistake, but at the end of the day he isn't here.

He has said that (to someone close) he loves me and that I'm a great person but he felt like he had no other option, is he trying to give me a wake up call or is this really over?

He has said every now and again we may have to get divorced, but he has no answers for me. He is not wearing his ring because I told him while I was crying he had no right. He still wears in on a chain around his neck.

I love this man so entirely and I can't see myself in a life without him. I want him to tell me if he will come back or if it is over. Some days he does tell me it is over and we aren't good together and some days he tells me that there are so many shades of grey.

When he comes to see me, he will show off parts of him he knows I find incredibly sexy. He tells me he finds me very attractive. Why would he do any of that if in his heart of hearts it was completely over? Part of him tells me he loves me and part of him tells me he doesn't. He will call me over stupid things or to give me a laugh.

I'm told he is deeply conflicted, but I want him to see he loves me! He just says the whole "I love you but I'm not in love with you." I can still see he loves me when he looks at me.

 

What do I do? How do I show him that he is making a mistake and he does in fact love me????

 

I feel like I am in a cliff and the ground around me is crumbling away.

 

We have been through so much and there are a lot of outside factors that have contributed to our fall. He lost his father to cancer 4 years ago, he works a very high stress job, his weight bothers him. I come from a divorced family and so brought with me many emotions I never dealt with. I have been very unwell and diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, my weight ballooned from having a child and treatment. I am not currently working which bothers him a great deal, but am currently trying to find full time work.

 

He was here to pick up our child and he said to me, "I don't have answers for you and you are pushing for them. I don't enjoy hurting you so please stop asking me. We are over." but then he will kiss me lovingly on the neck and tell me how beautiful I am.

 

I feel like my life is slipping out of my hands.

 

Hope someone can see through this mess and tell me is there a chance?.?

[Meemop]

I know I have rambled almost incoherently but I am looking for any help someone could give me.

[robf1971]

3 months into the separation I started to live my life and get on with things. He then decided he wanted to come back and it took me a few days to agree as I was enjoying myself away from him.

 

I think here is your answer, only thing next time don't be o quick to take him back.

[Meemop]

Thanks for your response. He says he came back because he believed that things might change but things didn't and we are now back to square one. My mum believes that he still loves me but he believes he did all he could and promises weren't kept so he feels he did what he had to do.

I think we both love each other very much but we are both unhappy with ourselves. I just want to believe that if I keep going with my life and pick myself up, he may come back...Or is it all too little too late.

 

I hate this. I hate that I was this super independent person with so much ahead of me, to be someone who is gripping at straws and trying desperately to win back this man. Clearly I have lost me along the way.

[robf1971]

Thanks for your response. He says he came back because he believed that things might change but things didn't and we are now back to square one. My mum believes that he still loves me but he believes he did all he could and promises weren't kept so he feels he did what he had to do.

I think we both love each other very much but we are both unhappy with ourselves. I just want to believe that if I keep going with my life and pick myself up, he may come back...Or is it all too little too late.

 

I hate this. I hate that I was this super independent person with so much ahead of me, to be someone who is gripping at straws and trying desperately to win back this man. Clearly I have lost me along the way.

 

You are telling yourself that this is all your fault, this can't be true. For example you said your husband just upped at 4o clock in the morning and told you he wanted out. I'd call that p*ss poor communication on his part, wouldn't you.

 

In fact I think the depression, weight gain etc is zero excuse, I think you need to look at the possibility there is someone else in the picture. By that I don't mean confronting him, as he will just deny. I mean checking his mobile bills, bank accounts, or keylogging his pc if possible. If this is the case you will need to take a very different course of action.

 

I'll tell you again, last time he left, he couldn't handle seeing you doing well without him, I wouldn't be surprised if he was cheating then too. Maybe he came back because his GF dumped him, whatever the case you let him back way too easily. All this 'conflicted' and ' I love you but I'm not in love with you cr*p' is classic infidelity script. I hope I'm wrong but I don't think so!!