Gulf-Delta Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 (edited) I'm literally just wanting to send her something saying I want her back.... The only things keeping me from doing it is I don't want to put her in a negative mindset, don't wanna seem desperate. But I feel like, if I tell her I still love her, and want her back, she'll come back someday. I've seen a lot of stories where the dumpee just puts it all on the line, and the dumper comes back...not right away, but eventually. The way things are now, I have no idea how she feels, or if she thinks I don't wanna hear from her...idk. It's like, I just want an answer on if she still has feelings for me at all. I've gotten so many conflicting answers from her, and I don't know if this NC has disolved anything she DID feel... Edited June 3, 2012 by Gulf-Delta
Solo34 Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 No matter how you feel, no matter what you THINK she wants to hear or know, just keep it all to yourself. She knows you love her, and you don't have to tell her. Understand that if she wants to come back, she will get in contact with you. Just don't push her further away by trying to contact her at all. Try your best to be strong, and doing NC hasn't disolved anything at all. In fact, it's made her think about you and wonder what you're up to. You want it to be that way. You're getting this urge because you care about her a whole lot, and that's natural when you love someone. Just trust me bro, keep the NC...as hard as it might be, just keep the NC going.
Author Gulf-Delta Posted June 3, 2012 Author Posted June 3, 2012 No matter how you feel, no matter what you THINK she wants to hear or know, just keep it all to yourself. She knows you love her, and you don't have to tell her. Understand that if she wants to come back, she will get in contact with you. Just don't push her further away by trying to contact her at all. Try your best to be strong, and doing NC hasn't disolved anything at all. In fact, it's made her think about you and wonder what you're up to. You want it to be that way. You're getting this urge because you care about her a whole lot, and that's natural when you love someone. Just trust me bro, keep the NC...as hard as it might be, just keep the NC going. The thing is, when went NC, I told her to not contact me. When I broke NC shortly after, she said she "didn't know you wanted to talk to me"....I've broken NC a couple times since...and everytime I end it with "I'll contact you someday" or something....I don't want her to finally come to her senses or something like that and think I'm not ready/wanting to hear from her.
Solo34 Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 The thing is, when went NC, I told her to not contact me. When I broke NC shortly after, she said she "didn't know you wanted to talk to me"....I've broken NC a couple times since...and everytime I end it with "I'll contact you someday" or something....I don't want her to finally come to her senses or something like that and think I'm not ready/wanting to hear from her. She was probably being manipulative like one of my Ex's would be when I foolishly broke NC. Just stick to your guns, because in hindsight, you will regret it. I'm going through NC myself right now with a female that was my friend...until I told her how I felt through a love letter that SHE HERSELF requested that I write to her. Talk about F'd up...haven't heard from her since I gave it to her (2 weeks now), and I sent her an email saying I won't bother her anymore. I know how you feel because I'm foolishly thinking "Oh, maybe Solo scared her off...if only I tell her/say this/write that..." but the fact is that she's an adult, as is your girl, and they both will contact us if they have feelings for us. No need to make ourselves look like desperate fools to either of these women. Stay strong, bro...believe me, I know EXACTLY how hard it is, and just how you feel.
Exit Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 You're going through the classic misleading thoughts that we all get. "Maybe she thinks I don't want her, maybe she doesn't know I love her, maybe she's taking my NC the wrong way and could totally change her mind but she'd be too scared to tell me". It's all nonsense and it's all your brain trying to trick you into chasing that addiction of getting some affection from this person. I know I've read your other threads but I can't remember how exactly your relationship ended but pretty sure you were the dumpee right? In which case you have no reason to worry that it looks like you don't love her or anything like that, you didn't want it to end, and she should understand that your NC is about maintaining your sanity and not that you hate her so much and that even if she decides she wants to marry you that you wouldn't want to hear it. I've been there before and you can choose to give in to these tempting thoughts or not. Try to snap yourself back to reality, she's not sitting there thinking about you but telling her "oh he made some comment that he'd contact me eventually, I better just leave him alone and never tell him how I feel". I used to be the type who always thought the open-book approach was best, always spilling my guys, always wanting to clarify one last time that I still care and want them back. Finally after being burned so many times I see the benefits of staying quiet. 3
Author Gulf-Delta Posted June 3, 2012 Author Posted June 3, 2012 She was probably being manipulative like one of my Ex's would be when I foolishly broke NC. Just stick to your guns, because in hindsight, you will regret it. I'm going through NC myself right now with a female that was my friend...until I told her how I felt through a love letter that SHE HERSELF requested that I write to her. Talk about F'd up...haven't heard from her since I gave it to her (2 weeks now), and I sent her an email saying I won't bother her anymore. I know how you feel because I'm foolishly thinking "Oh, maybe Solo scared her off...if only I tell her/say this/write that..." but the fact is that she's an adult, as is your girl, and they both will contact us if they have feelings for us. No need to make ourselves look like desperate fools to either of these women. Stay strong, bro...believe me, I know EXACTLY how hard it is, and just how you feel. I suppose that's true... The tihng is, I know it's sounds naive, or something, but she's not the manipulating type. If anything, she's anti-manipulative, in that she is very easy to manipulate...
Solo34 Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 I suppose that's true... The tihng is, I know it's sounds naive, or something, but she's not the manipulating type. If anything, she's anti-manipulative, in that she is very easy to manipulate... Bro, you got to read me and Exit's Posts above your last one...we're saying the same things to you. Just hang tight for the moment...however long that moment's gonna be. That also applies to me. If they open up to us, it'll be on their time-frame, not ours. If they don't, we don't make a move. We're Snipers...waiting for our precision shots. Let's not give away our positions. Stay quiet. Stay stealthy. Let these b*tches wonder about our whereabouts... 1
Author Gulf-Delta Posted June 3, 2012 Author Posted June 3, 2012 You're going through the classic misleading thoughts that we all get. "Maybe she thinks I don't want her, maybe she doesn't know I love her, maybe she's taking my NC the wrong way and could totally change her mind but she'd be too scared to tell me". It's all nonsense and it's all your brain trying to trick you into chasing that addiction of getting some affection from this person. I know I've read your other threads but I can't remember how exactly your relationship ended but pretty sure you were the dumpee right? In which case you have no reason to worry that it looks like you don't love her or anything like that, you didn't want it to end, and she should understand that your NC is about maintaining your sanity and not that you hate her so much and that even if she decides she wants to marry you that you wouldn't want to hear it. I've been there before and you can choose to give in to these tempting thoughts or not. Try to snap yourself back to reality, she's not sitting there thinking about you but telling her "oh he made some comment that he'd contact me eventually, I better just leave him alone and never tell him how I feel". I used to be the type who always thought the open-book approach was best, always spilling my guys, always wanting to clarify one last time that I still care and want them back. Finally after being burned so many times I see the benefits of staying quiet. Dude, I'm telling you right now, she could very well be thinking that very thought. Trust me, I know from the outside it looks like I'm grasping at straws, making excuses, lying to myself... But because of her personality, it's a very realistic notion that she could have feelings for me (or whatever) and be too scared to tell me. If that wasn't realistic or possible, I wouldn't even be entertaining the thought. The day I told her i liked her, and wanted more (when we first got together that is), she said "Yeah, I know..." and that was it. I thought she rejected me. 2 days later I called her, she came over, and she ended up kissing me. She liked me, and was too scared to say so, even AFTER there was no risk on her end. I don't expect you to "get it", not because of any negative reason, but rather, it's hard to explain how you know someone through type, to strangers.
Jose11 Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 I'm in the same boat as you. We had a talk about 3 weeks ago going on 4 this week. She said she didn't know what she wanted and need time to think. Well she said she need 2-3 weeks tops and she would call me. As of today, nothing. I know i should just accept reality, but we never said it was over. I know by her non actions, she is basically telling me her answer. But i still have the you never know mentality. I want to contact her too, but I also think if she doesn't make time for me then why should i for her. NC is hard as hell. I just wonder if she thinks about me like i do about her? Best thing to do is stick with NC. Cause like everyone says, if she was "the one" she would never leave you like this.
theoris Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 (edited) im going through this is as well and it is a very difficult thing. my ex left me for some greener pastures. i broke my nc after 2 weeeks when she asked me how i was doing. i responded telling her she hurt me and to run off to her better man, and to leave me alone. she, also, is a very passive person and i feel that me telling her to leave me alone has closed the door completely. its now been a week since my renewed nc and am fighting on wether or not to atleast crack the door. though after reading others' takes on this, i dont think we should contact the exes. it shouldnt matter how they percieve us anymore and to me wether im cold for telling her to leave me alone. truth is i dont want to be left alone though. again, she is very timid and will likely step back completly which is tough. she wont fight my barrier. but if she cares enough perhaps will. i hope.you can see this flip flop of emotions even within a single thought stream... we should remain in nc after all, and know that youre not alone in this. Edited June 6, 2012 by theoris
Reddice Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 You focus too much on what you don't know, instead of what you do know. For instance: You don't know what she's feeling, but you do know she chose to leave you. You don't know if she still loves you, but you do know she's not there with you. You don't know if there's someone else involved, but you do know she's not fully invested in your relationship. You don't know if she's afraid to come back, but you do know you're not her priority. As far as I'm concerned, that's all you really need to know. 2
Author Gulf-Delta Posted June 7, 2012 Author Posted June 7, 2012 You focus too much on what you don't know, instead of what you do know. For instance: You don't know what she's feeling, but you do know she chose to leave you. You don't know if she still loves you, but you do know she's not there with you. You don't know if there's someone else involved, but you do know she's not fully invested in your relationship. You don't know if she's afraid to come back, but you do know you're not her priority. As far as I'm concerned, that's all you really need to know. People make mistakes.
Edtheduck Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 Dude, you'll find my story somewhere on the main breaking up stage. After 7 weeks of pretty much begging my ex to come back, I've now realised the grass is greener for me too. So what if she's seeing someone, she's single now. That gives me the license to do the same as far as I'm concerned now. Im not going to lie, I still think of her, and I still have feelings for her, but she's made her choice, and I know she'll regret it in time. She won't come back, I know her too well to know she's too stubborn, and always moves on too quickly. What I'm saying is, don't wait around, don't break NC, live your life, and live it well. If its meant to be, she will always know where you are. If not, you move on and find someone who won't ever leave you. That my friend, is unconditional love
Reddice Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 People make mistakes. But people also make the right choices.
Author Gulf-Delta Posted June 7, 2012 Author Posted June 7, 2012 (edited) But people also make the right choices. Hurting people you care about, and not giving time to yourself after a breakup are not "right choices" Throwing away a good life, security, unconditional love, etc. for no reason are nt "right choices" either. Edited June 7, 2012 by Gulf-Delta
Reddice Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 Hurting people you care about, and not giving time to yourself after a breakup are not "right choices" Throwing away a good life, security, unconditional love, etc. for no reason are nt "right choices" either. But that's just your opinion. Because apparently she disagrees. Don't get me wrong, because you're not alone on this Gulf-Delta. I think my ex made a bad choice as well... But that's because I'm looking at it from my perspective. Her perspective will differ from mine. Just as you ex's perspective will differ from yours. She might be convinced that this is what's best for her. All I want you to understand is that you shouldn't focus on what you don't know, but on what you do know. Her actions speak louder than words.
Author Gulf-Delta Posted June 7, 2012 Author Posted June 7, 2012 But that's just your opinion. Because apparently she disagrees. Don't get me wrong, because you're not alone on this Gulf-Delta. I think my ex made a bad choice as well... But that's because I'm looking at it from my perspective. Her perspective will differ from mine. Just as you ex's perspective will differ from yours. She might be convinced that this is what's best for her. All I want you to understand is that you shouldn't focus on what you don't know, but on what you do know. Her actions speak louder than words. This is where we disagree. I think turning your back on your friends and family who care about and love you, unconditionally, is always a mistake. I'm not the only one affected by this current phase of hers. As for her thinking it's a right decision....as we all know, a person going through GiGs/quarter life crisis is not of the most stable of minds. The GiGs phase is a time of confusion and conflict. Just because she thinks it's right doesn't make it so. She has hurt quite a few people, including myself...that's never a good choice. Just because she thinks she has made a proper decision,
Reddice Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 This is where we disagree. What do we disagree on then exactly? You still believe that she's thinking she made the wrong choice? You still believe she's longing to get back to you? As for her thinking it's a right decision....as we all know, a person going through GiGs/quarter life crisis is not of the most stable of minds. The GiGs phase is a time of confusion and conflict. Just because she thinks it's right doesn't make it so. She has hurt quite a few people, including myself...that's never a good choice. Just because she thinks she has made a proper decision, You do realize that GIGS is just a theory on this forum, right? It's not a diagnosed disease, mental condition or anything like that. Even so, according to the GIGS theory, very few people ever get back with their exes at all! It might take her years to come to her senses, if she ever snaps out of it at all. Also, she might still find someone else who she'd rather spent her life with in the meanwhile. Don't cling too much on the hope of her ever coming back, because it will drive you insane. She most likely wont come back.
Author Gulf-Delta Posted June 7, 2012 Author Posted June 7, 2012 What do we disagree on then exactly? You still believe that she's thinking she made the wrong choice? You still believe she's longing to get back to you? I didn't say that, I said hurting people who care about you for no reason, is a mistake You do realize that GIGS is just a theory on this forum, right? It's not a diagnosed disease, mental condition or anything like that. Even so, according to the GIGS theory, very few people ever get back with their exes at all! It might take her years to come to her senses, if she ever snaps out of it at all. Also, she might still find someone else who she'd rather spent her life with in the meanwhile. Don't cling too much on the hope of her ever coming back, because it will drive you insane. She most likely wont come back. Oh yeah, I get it's a theory, but that doesn't change the fact that she has abandoned her friends and family for "fun". As for her never coming back, then whatever. I still love her and can't stop loving her. It's been 4 months since the breakup, 1.5 months NC (with light breaking of here and there)....if I'm not over her now, I never will be. I love her, there's nothing I can do to stop or control the way I feel about her. People getting back with their exes...there are just as many stories of couples reconciling as not.
Reddice Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 I didn't say that, I said hurting people who care about you for no reason, is a mistake But then we really don't disagree, do we? I believe she's making a mistake as well. But I don't believe that she thinks that! She decided to leave for a reason. She hasn't even looked back. That means she doesn't really care that much. Oh yeah, I get it's a theory, but that doesn't change the fact that she has abandoned her friends and family for "fun". As for her never coming back, then whatever. I still love her and can't stop loving her. It's been 4 months since the breakup, 1.5 months NC (with light breaking of here and there)....if I'm not over her now, I never will be. I love her, there's nothing I can do to stop or control the way I feel about her. People getting back with their exes...there are just as many stories of couples reconciling as not. I guess we broke up more or less around the same time. I broke up in January/February (depends on what you consider the "actual" break up). I went on LC in the first month. Then, we had some contact and it seemed as if we could work things out. But... it didn't work out. Have been on NC ever since. She contacted me last week with some breadcrumbs, to which I did not reply. I love her just as much as you do, but to be honest... It will never be as it was. I might always love her, I don't know. I'm definately not over her. But I don't want to waste my time on someone who thinks I can be replaced as easily as the batteries on my remote control. I want someone who will be there for me "in sickness and in health, untill death do us part". I cannot settle for anything less. An neither should you! You talk about stories of reconciliation, but don't forget the large amount of stories where the reconciliation didn't work out. Which I estimate is about 90%. I don't know about you, but I personally, don't know about anyone who ever got back together with his/her ex and build up a succesfull relationship. Sure, I know many who tried, but none who actually succeeded. But when you're having a hard time, remember my signature: Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it'd be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.
Author Gulf-Delta Posted June 7, 2012 Author Posted June 7, 2012 But then we really don't disagree, do we? I believe she's making a mistake as well. But I don't believe that she thinks that! She decided to leave for a reason. She hasn't even looked back. That means she doesn't really care that much. I guess we broke up more or less around the same time. I broke up in January/February (depends on what you consider the "actual" break up). I went on LC in the first month. Then, we had some contact and it seemed as if we could work things out. But... it didn't work out. Have been on NC ever since. She contacted me last week with some breadcrumbs, to which I did not reply. I love her just as much as you do, but to be honest... It will never be as it was. I might always love her, I don't know. I'm definately not over her. But I don't want to waste my time on someone who thinks I can be replaced as easily as the batteries on my remote control. I want someone who will be there for me "in sickness and in health, untill death do us part". I cannot settle for anything less. An neither should you! You talk about stories of reconciliation, but don't forget the large amount of stories where the reconciliation didn't work out. Which I estimate is about 90%. I don't know about you, but I personally, don't know about anyone who ever got back together with his/her ex and build up a succesfull relationship. Sure, I know many who tried, but none who actually succeeded. But when you're having a hard time, remember my signature: Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it'd be easy, they just promised it would be worth it. I get what you're saying, but it doesn't seem right to me to give up on a relationship that was perfect until the last 2 weeks or so. Why should I not give her the benefit of the doubt that she will realize her mistake, and want to make amends? For what reason should I close the door completely on her? Why should I think she won't come back?
Reddice Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 I get what you're saying, but it doesn't seem right to me to give up on a relationship that was perfect until the last 2 weeks or so. Why should I not give her the benefit of the doubt that she will realize her mistake, and want to make amends? For what reason should I close the door completely on her? Why should I think she won't come back? Let me stop you right there! Because that's where you're wrong. You didn't give up on the relationship, she did! You fought for her, as did I for my relationship. But there comes a time when you have to realize that she decided it's not worth her time and effort. She decided to move on with her life without you. She decided you could not be part of it. There is nothing more you can do. Sometimes you have to give up on people. Not because you don't care, but because they don't. The reason you should close the door is very simple: You will not be able to move on otherwise. The proof of that is all over LoveShack. There are people who spend years waiting for their exes, feeling completely and utterly miserable. Years!!! I have even met people in real life who spend years to get over their ex. In the meanwhile, their exes kept living their happy lives. Sleeping around, getting into serious relationships, marrying and even getting pregnant. Do you think you can handle all of this? Because I certainly can't! I saw my ex walking hand in hand with the new guy just a couple of weeks ago and almost snapped. I don't need any more of that BS. Seeing her move on, while you're waiting around is seriously going to break you. So you see... the relationship will never, ever be what it was. So you need to close the door and keep it shut. If or when she comes knocking, it's up to you to decide if you open it up again and on what terms. Until then, there is no reason to think she will change her mind. 1
Frank13 Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 This is where we disagree. I think turning your back on your friends and family who care about and love you, unconditionally, is always a mistake. When someone loves you but you don't love them back, their love for you means absolutely nothing.
Frank13 Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Sometimes you have to give up on people. Not because you don't care, but because they don't. One of the most intelligent things ever posted here and so very very true. 2
barese1 Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Gotta stick with the NC, i'm there not even two weeks in and sounds a very similar situation to you. She's not ready for anything serious and you ahve to be past your feelings before you can speak to her. I have the same feelings of 'o but if she doesn't hear about me she won't care'...its bollocks she knows what you want, she will be in touch if she changes her mind, but truth is she probably won't and therefore whats the point of speaking to her.
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