HokeyReligions Posted June 28, 2004 Posted June 28, 2004 Some very dear friends of ours are calling it quits after nine years. It's been difficult the past few years because of work. One "M" is a teacher and works ungodly hours--any teachers out there know that their workday doesn't end when class lets out; and the other "K" lost his job nearly two years ago and has not been able to find any decent work since. They have other problems too, but these things seem to be a major contributing factor. "M" is going to a counselor (barely able to afford it) and "K" refuses to even talk about it. They are living in the same house because they can't afford to live apart. But they don't sleep in the same room and "K" is out partying and with friends and is drinking a LOT now. We went to "M"s 40th birthday party last night. It was so sad. Instead of having it at their house (they always threw great parties) they had it at the tiny apartment of a friend of "K"s. There was no cake and a few munchies (we brought several bags of snax and two bottles of wine--thinking there would be a lot of people) and hubby and I ended up sitting at a little table in the corner talking with "M" and his mother. The others sat around on the floor in the living room playing a drinking game. "K"s former lover "B" was there too. "B" and "M" were friends long before "B" and "K" ever hooked up - so "B" was supposedly there for "M". We know "B" too--was part of the crowd and we all used to hang out together. I'm not sure, but "B" and "M" may have been lovers at one time too. "B" used to live with "M" before "K". In fact, "B" and "M" were sharing an apartment and "B" moved with "M" when "M" bought the house. Anyway, we had to leave after a couple of hours and we managed to ask "M" how things were going and the answer was "no change" meaning they are still living under one roof, but totally apart. "M" is heart broken. It's so sad because they were such a terrific couple. We celebrated our anniversaries together and partied together and they were at our place for a party about a month ago. Shortly before that, my husband rushed over to "M"s one night when we got a frantic call and "M" was crying and feeling suicidal. In the midsts of my own divorce - I feel worse for them. My husband and I are not leaving the marriage with broken hearts -- but with hope for our own futures. "K" and "M" are both hurting, but "M" is devastated. All we can do is be there for them. I just hurt for them both and I don't want to see them break up.
Samantha16 Posted June 28, 2004 Posted June 28, 2004 Do you think it will be difficult to maintain a friendship with both of them? It's so hard when there are 'couple' friends. My bf and I have couple friends and when we broke up they were trying to find ways to hang out with us both, without us coming into contact. My bf told them that he and I were still friends, and they shouldn't be trying to hide us from one another. I felt differently, but I appriciated the fact that he wanted to be friends. Our other friends broke up for a while too. They were living together and it was very difficult for the woman. They man was living it up, partying every night. It was very difficult to maintain a friendship with both of them. So many things change and everything feels different. But we were there for them.
Samantha16 Posted June 28, 2004 Posted June 28, 2004 Also, my great Aunt and Uncle split about 8 years ago. She left him for a woman. This weekend was their son's wedding, and they had to see each other. They don't have a relationship. It must have been so hard.
EnigmaXOXO Posted June 28, 2004 Posted June 28, 2004 Going through the same thing with two of our good friends too, Hokey. It's heartbreaking to watch because we are so fond of them both. It's a precarious balancing act on our part. Trying to be sympathetic and understanding as to what each one must be going through, but at the same time not throwing any fuel onto the fire by validating the negative feelings that are growing between them. (Having feuds over how to handle the teenagers and continued interference from the ex-wife.) Instead, all I can do is keep encouraging them to hang onto each other for just a little bit longer. That: "this too, shall pass." I'm going to throw a big party of my own at the end of July and hope that they come together this time. Maybe some laughter and being around good (adult) friends will take their minds off of their teenager troubles for a while. I think the hardest part for me is to watch someone else's marriage end under similar circumstances as my own. Having lived it, you want nothing more than to protect someone you care about from having to go through the same. But I suppose life is about lessons, and we all have to live and learn our own…
Recommended Posts