Would you date someone with student loan debt?

June 2, 2012

Do men avoid dating women who have student loan debt? I'm worried that men in my age group 40-50 will see my financial-aid baggage as a huge strike against dating me.

My married friends in my grad program all say how thankful they are for their husbands income which covers their mortgage and household bills, since their monthly loan repayments are the equivalent of a car payment, or more. But I don't have the luxury of a spouse (yet - I remain optimistic that until my time is up, hey, anything is possible) and am terrified that any mention of my graduate student status will deter men from dating me.

Any insight, feedback, opinions from men?

June 2, 2012

No debt versus some debt versus such vast sum of debt you cannot earn salary to fund the debt. I guess we get to choose which category you fall into?

Grad school can be a Masters or JD or MD. The debt is your's not marital debt. If your target age range is 40+ I'd expect him to be equally educated and statistically earning a higher salary than you. Face it, this is a new economy and social order. Student debt is a fact for many. My concern would generally be did you assume $200,000. In debt to teach kindergarten?

I think you need to give some facts about debt to income ratio for any man here to give a realistic response.

June 2, 2012

My student loan debt with interest will be $100K because I switched programs. If I hadn't switched programs, my student debt would only be $50K. (Please don't beat me up about that stupid move either.) No, not just to teach but to get a masters in education. 2 degrees in one- teaching license and masters.

June 2, 2012

Date men who are very well off, they won't care

It might scare off guys who are struggling themselves

June 2, 2012

Ok thanks. From your details I am guessing you've been teaching or made a career change; completed a transition to teaching masters. Therefore you may choose to enter into a teaching position that expunges education debt after 10 years?

BTW just tell the sum of debt, not what it could have been or why! Stick to the facts. It is what it is. The debt can be managed by a prenup to offset what joint earnings come into play. Why any educated, financially capable guy would balk is beyond me. Building financial wealth can be daunting but you will be making lifestyle decisions jointly so get ready to compromise. One compromise may be number of children and your employment status.

Will you ultimately inherit wealth? Do you have any retirement savings? These factors play heavily into financial planning.

June 3, 2012

I have taught in the past, but not while I've been in grad school. So I've been unemployed throughout save for a lowly grad student job that barely pays. Once I pass my state exams (which I rant about in multiple other threads) then I could potentially get hired by a district that forgives a huge chunk of my student loan debt after 10 years.

Meanwhile, this year, I'd like to start dating again while I'm finishing up my grad program. And I worry that men will balk (although you said clearly they shouldn't if they have well paid jobs and are highly educated) at my debt amount if they want to take things to a serious commitment.

No I won't come into any money, and no I don't have retirement savings. I do have life insurance but not the dividend kind. I hope I can build my own financial wealth considering my student loan debt.

And you're right. I don't need to disclose to the men I date why my student loan debt is so high. I just feel self conscious about it.

Ok thanks. From your details I am guessing you've been teaching or made a career change; completed a transition to teaching masters. Therefore you may choose to enter into a teaching position that expunges education debt after 10 years?

BTW just tell the sum of debt, not what it could have been or why! Stick to the facts. It is what it is. The debt can be managed by a prenup to offset what joint earnings come into play. Why any educated, financially capable guy would balk is beyond me. Building financial wealth can be daunting but you will be making lifestyle decisions jointly so get ready to compromise. One compromise may be number of children and your employment status.

Will you ultimately inherit wealth? Do you have any retirement savings? These factors play heavily into financial planning.

Edited June 3, 2012 by writergal

June 3, 2012

I get worrying about something you can change. The education debt is not going to change.

Start dating and make your own determination about who you wish to reveal this fact to. Most guys won't ask early on.

June 3, 2012

I get worrying about something you can change. The education debt is not going to change.

Start dating and make your own determination about who you wish to reveal this fact to. Most guys won't ask early on.

True on both counts. Best to worry about things I can change - student debt not falling into that category. Sure they won't ask early on. I'll just have to wait and see I guess.

June 3, 2012

Lose that guilty feeling! I get the feeling you are in your thirties. Think of it this way, adults have expenses and debt for a variety of reasons. Illness, divorce&child support, assist elderly parent care, child's education, business start up, business failure, would you view dating a man with such debt/expense to be a deal breaker? Adult life is fraught with financial decisions that don't work out.

Keep an open mind. Mid career men have had reduced compensation, periods of unemployment after getting RIF'd. You'll find many adults feeling sensitive or defensive in this economic cycle. You'll run into situations you cannot imagine but therein lies the joy of meeting people.

June 3, 2012

When I was single.. sure.. in a heartbeat.

To me Student loan debt is the good kind of debt, rather than the bad kind.

It is an investment in your future.

Now if you said you had 120k of credit card debt, that would be a huge red flag

June 3, 2012

Lose that guilty feeling! I get the feeling you are in your thirties. Think of it this way, adults have expenses and debt for a variety of reasons. Illness, divorce&child support, assist elderly parent care, child's education, business start up, business failure, would you view dating a man with such debt/expense to be a deal breaker? Adult life is fraught with financial decisions that don't work out.
Keep an open mind. Mid career men have had reduced compensation, periods of unemployment after getting RIF'd. You'll find many adults feeling sensitive or defensive in this economic cycle. You'll run into situations you cannot imagine but therein lies the joy of meeting people.

Oh what I would give to be in my 30s again. Then I wouldn't make the same mistake of going into my grad program. No, I'm 41.

I would LOVE to lose my feelings of guilt over my stupid financial mistake. That would be one of those "adult financial decisions that doesn't work out" if I can't pass my teaching exams and can't get approved for a license.

I appreciate your optimism. Mind if I borrow it? Yes. I need to keep an open mind. I can't control or predict the type of men I come into contact with in dating scenarios, esp. concerning their feelings about money. Guess I will just have to be patient and cross that bridge when I come to it. (Just that I like to prepare for the bridge in advance. )

June 3, 2012

Look 39 isn't far from 41. You need to get a plan to pass the math exam. Find a math major to help prepare you. Get yourself out of the worry zone and plan to pass. No reason on earth exists to fumble now! The test material is well known.

You made decisions to better yourself. Few have the courage to do what you have. Think of the next 40+ years and smile. Life is a journey. Along the way a man will find you. You've already crossed the bridge, you're on the ferry to new exploration now.

June 3, 2012

When I was single.. sure.. in a heartbeat.
To me Student loan debt is the good kind of debt, rather than the bad kind.
It is an investment in your future.
Now if you said you had 120k of credit card debt, that would be a huge red flag

I don't even have a credit card anymore. Why have a credit card when I'll have those monthly student loan payments to look forward to. I have a debit card that I can use as a credit card, but the money is my own.

June 3, 2012

Look 39 isn't far from 41. You need to get a plan to pass the math exam. Find a math major to help prepare you. Get yourself out of the worry zone and plan to pass. No reason on earth exists to fumble now! The test material is well known.

You made decisions to better yourself. Few have the courage to do what you have. Think of the next 40+ years and smile. Life is a journey. Along the way a man will find you. You've already crossed the bridge, you're on the ferry to new exploration now.

Thanks Balzac!! You know, more impossible things have happened. And if I actually put my worry aside and formulated a realistic timeline-plan to pass this math test, meanwhile continuing to work my odd jobs (hey, pays the bills) I could pass it. My life insurance broker's wife is a math teacher and she also teaches math anxiety classes at the community ed level. How synchronous is that, eh? I met with her yesterday about my math-related anxiety and she said after they get back from their family vacation she would get in touch with me to work with me to clear all that anxiety away. I think then I would have a better chance at passing the college level math. That's really the ONLY test standing between me and a teaching license. I can't forgive myself for letting math veer me off my teaching path - despite my whining in the OTT thread about being stuck and wanting to get back into journalism and PR. I have to try to finish this path first before i go that route. Then at least my conscience would be clear.

June 3, 2012

Do men avoid dating women who have student loan debt? I'm worried that men in my age group 40-50 will see my financial-aid baggage as a huge strike against dating me.

My married friends in my grad program all say how thankful they are for their husbands income which covers their mortgage and household bills, since their monthly loan repayments are the equivalent of a car payment, or more. But I don't have the luxury of a spouse (yet - I remain optimistic that until my time is up, hey, anything is possible) and am terrified that any mention of my graduate student status will deter men from dating me.

Any insight, feedback, opinions from men?

I would not date a man who had significant loan debt. I don't know if it's different for men then woman. But I am definately not interested in aquiring a massive amount of student loans when I have none myself. My husband has very little student loan debt, which was attractive to me.

June 3, 2012

Do men avoid dating women who have student loan debt? I'm worried that men in my age group 40-50 will see my financial-aid baggage as a huge strike against dating me.

My married friends in my grad program all say how thankful they are for their husbands income which covers their mortgage and household bills, since their monthly loan repayments are the equivalent of a car payment, or more. But I don't have the luxury of a spouse (yet - I remain optimistic that until my time is up, hey, anything is possible) and am terrified that any mention of my graduate student status will deter men from dating me.

Any insight, feedback, opinions from men?

Not me; especially if you had a plan and budget for working to pay it off

June 3, 2012

I would not date a man who had significant loan debt. I don't know if it's different for men then woman. But I am definately not interested in aquiring a massive amount of student loans when I have none myself. My husband has very little student loan debt, which was attractive to me.

I guess it depends on the individual. So how did you judge your husband's student loan debt? By the numbers? I mean, were you like, "well I can't marry you if your debt is over $40K?" That sounds facetious and it is a bit, but I'm also serious. What is "very little student loan debt" mean to you?

A good friend of mine acquired close to the same amount of student loan debt as I have from her undergraduate and graduate school work. Her husband makes around 60K and they have two small children and live in a 4 bedroom split level home. She told me that her monthly payments are about $400 and her husband paid for all the house bills including the mortgage so she could just focus on paying down her student loan debt. She still has payments but now they have two children and their budget is really tight. He is 41 and she is 37.

June 3, 2012

Not me; especially if you had a plan and budget for working to pay it off

Which is what I'll be doing shortly after I finish my program. So what you are saying is that if I can show Mr. Potential Boyfriend (future tense) that I can support myself and my loan payments without more financial disaster then I have a good chance of not scaring away Mr. Right?

Question is, will I be lucky enough to find a man who will let me continue to pay off this debt without contributing to the household income like monthly mortgage payments, bills etc. but that's putting the cart waaay before the horse (or house) as I haven't even started actively dating yet. Just procrastinating here by posting my dating fears out loud for feedback.

June 3, 2012

Hey, writergal. The great thing is that if you have mostly federal loans, there are tons of repayment options - income contingent and income based repayment plans among them. My income's so low that I'm essentially paying diddly squat. I have more than $25k in student loans and, had I gone with the 10-year repayment plan, I would have been paying $300 a month. So..I can imagine yours would be more in the ballpark of $1200.

That IS daunting. But I don't think you even need to bring up your student debt. And if, after several months of dating a guy, it DOES come up, I'd mention that after 10 years, a big chunk of it might be forgiven anyway.

June 3, 2012

Which is what I'll be doing shortly after I finish my program. So what you are saying is that if I can show Mr. Potential Boyfriend (future tense) that I can support myself and my loan payments without more financial disaster then I have a good chance of not scaring away Mr. Right?

Question is, will I be lucky enough to find a man who will let me continue to pay off this debt without contributing to the household income like monthly mortgage payments, bills etc. but that's putting the cart waaay before the horse (or house) as I haven't even started actively dating yet. Just procrastinating here by posting my dating fears out loud for feedback.

Here's my thing, and I am by no means representative of the average American male (as this site has shown me time and time again )

Life is short. If you are happy in this new path you have taken, I would support it. If I felt you would be a good partner to marry, I personally would not care about student loan debt, especially if I felt you were a financially sound person going forward. How can you put a price tag on a good wife? Not an easy thing to find, as I have learned.

If I saw you had a lot of debt but were a run of the mill spend thrift, that might be a different story. But if I saw you were conservative and had a plan for working to pay it off, I would be satisfied.

Okay, it's baggage. But we all have baggage later in life; whether it's a divorce or never being married; kids or not having kids by a certain age; debt or not having a job. We all have it. So, it is what it is at this point. What I would care about is if you were happy with your current life and weren't going to be a financial train wreck going forward. I think a budget and demonstrating through regular spending behaviors that you are fiscally conservative you should not have too many problems.

Especially if you had a written plan to pay it off. Maybe see a financial advisor and come up with a realistic game plan.

As far as contributing equally, when two people get married, everything becomes one...at least in my opinion. That includes debt and income. While I agree not many men may approach it from that perspective, I would. But then again, I know the value of education and understand switching careers later in life. So take it with a grain of salt

Edited June 3, 2012 by TheFinalWord

June 3, 2012

Hey, writergal. The great thing is that if you have mostly federal loans, there are tons of repayment options - income contingent and income based repayment plans among them. My income's so low that I'm essentially paying diddly squat. I have more than $25k in student loans and, had I gone with the 10-year repayment plan, I would have been paying $300 a month. So..I can imagine yours would be more in the ballpark of $1200.

That IS daunting. But I don't think you even need to bring up your student debt. And if, after several months of dating a guy, it DOES come up, I'd mention that after 10 years, a big chunk of it might be forgiven anyway.

True. I do have mostly federal loans - however I did take out 3 Grad Plus loans but supposedly those are considered federal now, not private although the lender is Great Lakes. So I need to go visit with my financial aid counselor again to clarify details such as this.

So your payments are less than $300/month on your $25K loan *because* you didn't go on a 10 year repayment plan? I thought a repayment plan lowers the monthly payment. But that's for another thread.

Well I read all these articles about how couples break up over student loan debt because it prevents them from buying a house,going on vacation, having children, saving money. So that freaked me out when I thought of putting myself back out in the dating world. I don't want my romantic partner to think of me as a financial burden.

June 3, 2012

Hey there TheFinalWord.

I wish you were representative of the average American male. Do you have a clone I could date?

I used to be a run-of-the-mill spendthrift prior to grad school because I never learned how to budget money from my parents or other external resources like school or community ed classes - but then I paid the consequences so now I don't have a credit card and just pay cash for everything and write checks for my bills. My grandfather, a former restaurant owner who lived to be 100, filed bankruptcy 3 times (he lived long enough to do so) and my grandmother stood by him throughout, making sure my father and uncle still had food on the table, clothes to wear, etc. They were married for 80 years (she lived to be 98). Talk about devotion despite financial setbacks. They are my role model couple - I hope to find a man like my grandfather (for his character traits, not his bad financial luck) in the man I date and marry.

I guess my dating baggage is my student loan debt, my age (41), being childless (not by choice), with a second career. God I hope I won't be a financial train wreck after the spring semester of next year (when I'll have finished my masters degree). I know that my loans get deferred six months after I complete my program so I have that leeway.

As far as seeing a financial adviser - what would he/she advise me on if I'm barely making ends meet as a teacher (or whatever job I get), due to my student loans? Do financial advisers know how to deal with student loan debt? I would hope so.

I even thought about taking money budgeting seminars after I graduate so I can realistically deal with my large debt. I never plan to get a credit card as that would be just foolish. Student debt is no laughing matter and to add a credit card debt would be inviting major financial disaster because it could invite a vicious cycle of debt - using debt to payoff debt. I don't want to do that.

Here's my thing, and I am by no means representative of the average American male (as this site has shown me time and time again )

Life is short. If you are happy in this new path you have taken, I would support it. If I felt you would be a good partner to marry, I personally would not care about student loan debt, especially if I felt you were a financially sound person going forward. How can you put a price tag on a good wife? Not an easy thing to find, as I have learned.

If I saw you had a lot of debt but were a run of the mill spend thrift, that might be a different story. But if I saw you were conservative and had a plan for working to pay it off, I would be satisfied.

Okay, it's baggage. But we all have baggage later in life; whether it's a divorce or never being married; kids or not having kids by a certain age; debt or not having a job. We all have it. So, it is what it is at this point. What I would care about is if you were happy with your current life and weren't going to be a financial train wreck going forward. I think a budget and demonstrating through regular spending behaviors that you are fiscally conservative you should not have too many problems.

Especially if you had a written plan to pay it off. Maybe see a financial advisor and come up with a realistic game plan.

As far as contributing equally, when two people get married, everything becomes one...at least in my opinion. That includes debt and income. While I agree not many men may approach it from that perspective, I would. But then again, I know the value of education and understand switching careers later in life. So take it with a grain of salt

Edited June 3, 2012 by writergal

June 3, 2012

I can't quite comment yet as I'm an early 20s student still, although that is a considerable amount of money. Is that the normal debt for students in your country?? What country is that? I thought the 17-18k student debt that'd I'd be in after finishing phd was rough but this is ridiculous! What sort of salary do you expect to make after? Postgrad salaries here start in the 60,000s.

June 3, 2012

I thought the 17-18k student debt that'd I'd be in after finishing phd was rough but this is ridiculous! What sort of salary do you expect to make after? Postgrad salaries here start in the 60,000s.

In America, 17k in student loan debt is below average for an undergrad degree. For PhD, you're talking around $100k.

June 3, 2012

I can't quite comment yet as I'm an early 20s student still, although that is a considerable amount of money. Is that the normal debt for students in your country?? What country is that? I thought the 17-18k student debt that'd I'd be in after finishing phd was rough but this is ridiculous! What sort of salary do you expect to make after? Postgrad salaries here start in the 60,000s.

In the US, the average cost of an undergraduate degree is $26K per year, which is about $104K for a bachelor degree. That's if one attends a private university or college. It could be cheaper (but not by much) at a public university.

Your quote of 17-18K for a bachelors degree - which country? Is that per year?

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Would you date someone with student loan debt?

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