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Funny online dating messages


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Posted

I just got this one:

 

"You're totally my type. You got a pretty face and a nice body." :laugh:

 

Share your zingers and awesome one-liners here. :D

Posted

they told me they aren't dating. but why are they on there? i've given some out. i told some i was desperate and one woman found that funny but didn't respond to my next message.

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Posted

I told this guy I wasn't going to talk on the phone until we talked over e-mail/chat a bit. And he goes:

 

"What? Life is too short for all that sweetheart. I know once you meet me you are gonna wanna marry me."

 

:lmao:

Posted

I am tempted undisable my okc account to actually quote guys but I rather not deal with my ex seeing me on there. It only gives him reason to poke his ugly head into my life.

 

Well I will try to to remember for accuracy...

 

"You are my highest match, you can not not write back"

 

"Where would you take me on a date?"

(Which was cute but I wanted to reply nowhere)

 

"I have got our date all planned out, all I need is a date and time"

 

"Would you like some milk in your coffee?"

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Posted
I told this guy I wasn't going to talk on the phone until we talked over e-mail/chat a bit. And he goes:

 

"What? Life is too short for all that sweetheart. I know once you meet me you are gonna wanna marry me."

 

:lmao:

 

whoa. what a creep.

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Posted

"I'm looking for black men to **** me senseless while my boyfriend watches, are you interested?"

"Hmmm, I could put you in one of my movies.....I'm an actress - guess what kind :P"

"Ur gawwwjusss bbz, wuu2?"

"I want ur kids"

 

 

:lmao:

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Posted

" I have never dated a black girl"

 

To which I reply... "Me either"

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Posted

"Ride me"

 

(ten characters)

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Posted

ur sexc RU lookng 4 a younger f.. buddy?

 

 

 

(note: he is 32 and I am 33) :eek:

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Posted

I once had a guy offer to clean my shoes with his tongue.

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Posted

"Hi."

 

 

......

Posted
I once had a guy offer to clean my shoes with his tongue.

Too bad you were not Imelda Marcos.:lmao:

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Posted

> Hi, your profile's attracting me. I'm hoping to meet someone with a sense of humor & have some fun. I need to make some new friends, hopefully with benefits. Actually, I'd like to smoke a bowl with you, get you higher than the Star Trek Enterprise, and f*** you til you make funny little noises. If you're interested, please send me a note sometime.

 

To that, I'm thinking: Get in line. :rolleyes:

Posted
> Hi, your profile's attracting me. I'm hoping to meet someone with a sense of humor & have some fun. I need to make some new friends, hopefully with benefits. Actually, I'd like to smoke a bowl with you, get you higher than the Star Trek Enterprise, and f*** you til you make funny little noises. If you're interested, please send me a note sometime.

 

To that, I'm thinking: Get in line. :rolleyes:

 

For some reason I burst out laughing at "til you make funny little noises". There's beer on my screen to prove it. :lmao:

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Posted

I had an okc account for like 2 days. The guys just tried way too hard. They would message me with jokes or riddles and I'm like....really?

Posted
I am tempted undisable my okc account to actually quote guys but I rather not deal with my ex seeing me on there. It only gives him reason to poke his ugly head into my life.

 

Well I will try to to remember for accuracy...

 

"You are my highest match, you can not not write back"

 

"Where would you take me on a date?"

(Which was cute but I wanted to reply nowhere)

 

"I have got our date all planned out, all I need is a date and time"

 

"Would you like some milk in your coffee?"

These don't sound even remotely funny to me :confused:

Posted
These don't sound even remotely funny to me :confused:

 

Thanks for letting that be known.

Posted

On the rare occassion I get messages, they are usually something like:

 

"hi."

"hey."

"waz up." (from a 22 year old Midwestern white boy.)

 

Why the ever living heck would you bother messaging me with this?? It confuses me to no end.

Posted
On the rare occassion I get messages, they are usually something like:

 

"hi."

"hey."

"waz up." (from a 22 year old Midwestern white boy.)

 

Why the ever living heck would you bother messaging me with this?? It confuses me to no end.

When you contact men on dating sites, what do you usually write? Every intro message I've ever gotten from a girl was along the lines of "hey, how are you?" or "hi, do you care to chat?"

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Posted
When you contact men on dating sites, what do you usually write? Every intro message I've ever gotten from a girl was along the lines of "hey, how are you?" or "hi, do you care to chat?"

 

I usually latch onto one thing in their profile, and make some joke about it. I asked one guy what sort of costumes he worked on, and another what sort of volunteer work he did at a local theater.

 

I have had absolutely zero success having them respond, so obviously reading their profile and asking them about their interests is the wrong tactic to take.

Posted
When you contact men on dating sites, what do you usually write? Every intro message I've ever gotten from a girl was along the lines of "hey, how are you?" or "hi, do you care to chat?"

Yeah, for all the comments that women have in their profile saying that they "hate it when guys only say hey how are you", a lot of them often do the very same thing when they message guys :laugh:. I've had some pretty creative ones though so.....

Posted

I usually say this to a cute girl

 

 

"Have you ever been introduced to Safe Adult Fun?:)

Posted

I've never been on a dating site before! I'm married, but now I kinda want to look just to see the terrible chat up lines LOL god !!! Some of them are amazing :D

Posted
I usually latch onto one thing in their profile, and make some joke about it. I asked one guy what sort of costumes he worked on, and another what sort of volunteer work he did at a local theater.

 

I have had absolutely zero success having them respond, so obviously reading their profile and asking them about their interests is the wrong tactic to take.

Yeah, but you are just making small talk, right? It's not like you really care what sort of costumes he works on. So what if you like the guy's pics and his profile in general, but don't see anything that you can easily "latch on" to? Are you just going to ignore him, simply because you couldn't think of anything clever to say? That seems silly. Personally, I don't think there is anything wrong with a simple "hi, how are you?'

Posted
"Hi."

 

 

......

 

girls crack up all the time, when i open with that.

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