LostGirl11 Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 I've always been the same, I hate leaving things on a bad note when I've had an argument or a break up, wheather its me thats in the wrong or not. Its like I always need to leave a door open for that person to come back into my life if they choose to without feeling like they can't because of the way things were left, and if I don't leave it on a good not or a reasonable note, I feel depressed and guitly (like I said, even if I'm not the one in the wrong) So I was wondering if I should just email or send my ex a text to basically say be happy ect (this is not a game into tricking him into replying) I do it with everyone! So shall I send him something or not? Its more for my own sanity, though I can understand some people may think of me as a push over. I don't know . Suggestions please.
mattr89 Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 I know exactly what your saying. I agree with you and think you should ONLY if your soul intention is just to leave it on a good not and not in hopes that they will realize something, or come back, or reply in a certain way. If you feel it will make you feel better than i say do it. As nasty and mean as my ex was with me after our breakup, i simply let her be that way and told her in a polite way I wish her the best with her new guy and i hope she finds happiness and so on. Its up to her if she wants to reconcile later on.
caligirl23 Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 I've always been the same, I hate leaving things on a bad note when I've had an argument or a break up, wheather its me thats in the wrong or not. Its like I always need to leave a door open for that person to come back into my life if they choose to without feeling like they can't because of the way things were left, and if I don't leave it on a good not or a reasonable note, I feel depressed and guitly (like I said, even if I'm not the one in the wrong) So I was wondering if I should just email or send my ex a text to basically say be happy ect (this is not a game into tricking him into replying) I do it with everyone! So shall I send him something or not? Its more for my own sanity, though I can understand some people may think of me as a push over. I don't know . Suggestions please. Some people feel the need to leave things on a good note because they cannot handle the idea of someone out there who is hurt or not a "fan" of the person who dumped them. It sounds like you might have some issues with how people view you. You don't have to please anyone but yourself, so leaving a door open for people only works if you really want that person to come back in the future. You say you would send a text, not really expecting a reply, so then why do it? So that in the future this person can have nice things to say about you and how it ended? No, I say leave it alone and shut the door.
Author LostGirl11 Posted June 2, 2012 Author Posted June 2, 2012 Some people feel the need to leave things on a good note because they cannot handle the idea of someone out there who is hurt or not a "fan" of the person who dumped them. It sounds like you might have some issues with how people view you. You don't have to please anyone but yourself, so leaving a door open for people only works if you really want that person to come back in the future. You say you would send a text, not really expecting a reply, so then why do it? So that in the future this person can have nice things to say about you and how it ended? No, I say leave it alone and shut the door. Erm no, I wouldn't say I'm a people pleaser. Nobody is liked by everyone. I can promise you that I won't be waiting for a reply, if anything I'd prefer it if he doesn't! As I said, its more for my own sanity.
caligirl23 Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 Erm no, I wouldn't say I'm a people pleaser. Nobody is liked by everyone. I can promise you that I won't be waiting for a reply, if anything I'd prefer it if he doesn't! As I said, its more for my own sanity. Well, then...go right ahead. As long as you feel better and you aren't hurting anyone or coming off crazy, then do it! Keep us posted if he replies. You're better than me because I would always be looking at the phone wondering why he isn't responding. Sometimes you just need to say something, so good luck.
Author LostGirl11 Posted June 6, 2012 Author Posted June 6, 2012 Well, then...go right ahead. As long as you feel better and you aren't hurting anyone or coming off crazy, then do it! Keep us posted if he replies. You're better than me because I would always be looking at the phone wondering why he isn't responding. Sometimes you just need to say something, so good luck. Not sure how wishing someone the best would come off as crazy. Well I text him and he did text back. He just said thank you and wished me the best too. So no, nobody was hurt or seen as a nut nut lol.
Exit Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 You can disagree with what caligirl said all you want but I think she was right, you are trying to be a people pleaser, or maybe that's not the right term, I'd almost say codependent but no that isn't the right fit for this either. There's a word for this but I just can't think of it right now lol. When you admittedly talk about needing to make amends and make sure things are on good terms, even in a situation where you aren't the one who F'd things up in the first place, the fact that you always feel like you need to be the one to make things okay again hints that something is going on at a deeper level. You already sent your ex a text and got your reply so if that's that and we're done with the situation then fine. But I think you might have something worth figuring out here about why you have this tendency to need to be the fixer every time...
TaintedHeart Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 You can disagree with what caligirl said all you want but I think she was right, you are trying to be a people pleaser, or maybe that's not the right term, I'd almost say codependent but no that isn't the right fit for this either. There's a word for this but I just can't think of it right now lol. When you admittedly talk about needing to make amends and make sure things are on good terms, even in a situation where you aren't the one who F'd things up in the first place, the fact that you always feel like you need to be the one to make things okay again hints that something is going on at a deeper level. You already sent your ex a text and got your reply so if that's that and we're done with the situation then fine. But I think you might have something worth figuring out here about why you have this tendency to need to be the fixer every time... Just don't contact him again.
Author LostGirl11 Posted June 6, 2012 Author Posted June 6, 2012 You can disagree with what caligirl said all you want but I think she was right, you are trying to be a people pleaser, or maybe that's not the right term, I'd almost say codependent but no that isn't the right fit for this either. There's a word for this but I just can't think of it right now lol. When you admittedly talk about needing to make amends and make sure things are on good terms, even in a situation where you aren't the one who F'd things up in the first place, the fact that you always feel like you need to be the one to make things okay again hints that something is going on at a deeper level. You already sent your ex a text and got your reply so if that's that and we're done with the situation then fine. But I think you might have something worth figuring out here about why you have this tendency to need to be the fixer every time... No, I'm in no way a people pleaser but I do agree with what you said about something going on at a deeper level. If someone doesn't like me thats absolutely fine so I don't think thats the case either. I feel so sad when things are left a bad note, like really sad! I tell myself to leave things alone and tell myself things like 'Well he/she doesnt give a **** so why should I' But nope, it doesn't work Maybe I don't like the fact of how people can walk in and out of eachothers lives? I know theres nothing I can do about that. I'm just trying to work it out what it could be and why it bothers me so much. Very frustrating.
Recommended Posts