OKC Etiquette

[Igneous]

So, here's my situation.

 

I'm a guy in my late 20s, and I started an Ok Cupid account about three weeks ago. Since that time, I've exchanged messages with 17 different women, and been on dates with 5.

 

All the dates went pretty well, but I only felt a "spark" with the 5th one (who was the only one I asked out on a second date). After our first date, I thought she felt a "spark" too. On that basis, I canceled a date with another woman, who also seemed very promising. I was polite, and almost effusively apologetic to this woman, saying that I thought I was getting "serious" with someone else...after one date! Yes, I'm a fool.

 

Predictably, the woman I felt a "spark" with turned out not to be into me, and let me down gently after our second date. So, feeling like the world's biggest cad, I asked the one I turned down if she would give me a second chance for a first date. I told her that I don't like to date multiple people at once, so I did not reject her before, but rather felt obligated to back out. That was the honest truth, although I can imagine female readers saying "what a weasel" and male readers saying "yeah, right, pal." I just don't like that kind of multi-tasking!

 

She said yes, and I'm excited.

 

Then, as if to compound my caddishness, it took me over 12 hours to get back to her "yes" message, because I was at an all-day event with no internet access.

 

I then sent her two messages with suggestions that we go out some time in the next week, and offered to buy her food and drinks to make up for my backtracking. (I know, big deal, right?) I haven't gotten a confirmation yet, and that was over 24 hours ago. I also know she went to a concert she was looking forward to last night, though, and was visiting with friends. So, I feel like I should leave her alone for a few days. I DON'T want to look like any more of a jerk than I already do...So, if I don't hear back by tomorrow, should I wait until she messages me again, or do you think a third message would scare her off? I'm just afraid she's already had second thoughts.

 

For me, this whole experience illustrates why dating sites make it hard to be graceful with multiple prospective partners in the initial selection process, on both sides. And, no, I'm not a manipulative *******, and I have NEVER cheated on a woman and never will. I just have a hard time being selective without being clumsy as all get-out, as this post suggests.

Edited June 2, 2012 by Igneous

[Ninjainpajamas]

I mean look man, you went on a date with multiple women, the one girl you feel a spark with ends up not feeling the same way with you so you decide that the best idea is to go for essentially the backup girl because you got flaked on?

 

Not sure why you're choosing to go that route, I know a lot of people try and tell themselves "well maybe something will develop" I'll never understand those people when they know damn well the spark wasn't there or they'd be a first choice not a second choice...but for some I guess they'd rather build a relationship by association, developing emotions and caring just by being around someone so much until they feel like they love them. Just seems the easy way to go and pretty desperate.

 

Anyway, IF she doesn't get back to you then you know she thought about it and didn't feel so hot about being second place, and who could blame her? you already told her that you were pursuing someone else you had a strong interest in and now all of a sudden you're not? what do you think that says to her?..the damage is has already been done, now it's up to her and how she feels about herself and what she deserves.

 

I'd let her get back to you If anything...I know there's people that settle, get lonely and desperate so maybe she'll bite after all, but honestly for herself she should move on...and you should learn a lesson about taking more time to get to know someone before you put your eggs in one basket, and maybe It's best for you to date at a slower pace...you're putting too much on your plate in the event you do like a woman, take you're time getting to know them before spending/wasting your time on dates unless part of your plan is to get laid too I can see your motive in that...otherwise take the time to get to know someone a bit more before meeting, see If there is strong chemistry and compatibility just in your personalities and at a conversational level and then make a move. I just think that people who date multiple people are shooting wildly without any real discretion at once and are very susceptible to being "confused".

 

At the very least pace them out over the week(s) so that you have time to consider what your interest level is or you're just looking for the next best thing.

[Lobouspo]

Never put all your eggs in one basket with OLD. Be open to meeting other people until you are exclusive with someone and have deleted your profile......lesson learned